u/Outrageous-Stage-156

Im a 38 year old female, and have bipolar 1. I’m back on zyprexa after a month of hell on Latuda. I feel a lot better but I also feel flat, empty, and like my personality is gone. I barely talk now, even around people I’m comfortable with. It might be because I’m recovering from psychosis but I just feel… nothing. I’m definitely never stopping zyprexa again but I wish there was a better balance. Could this feeling just be because I’m recovering from psychosis and finally back to normal again?

I’m back on zyprexa after a month of hell on the wrong antipsychotic. I feel a lot better but I also feel flat, empty, and like my personality is gone. I barely talk now, even around people I’m comfortable with. It might be because I’m recovering from psychosis but I just feel… nothing. I’m definitely never stopping zyprexa again but I wish there was a better balance.

I have had some form of an ED since I was 18 and I’m 38 now. It went from anorexia to bulimia to binge eating disorder then back to atypical anorexia with purging on occasion but my actual diagnosis now is OSFED. I had to get all my top teeth extracted except for 2 molars due to all the purging and I’m so depressed and haven’t been the same since. I’m so angry at what I’ve done to myself and if I could go back in time and get help a long time ago I would have. I feel so ugly and disgusting and I’m so embarrassed. This has caused so much depression that it led to me restricting over the past 15 months and almost dying and having to go to residential but nothing is going to bring my teeth back. I will never be the same again. I don’t even care about eating anymore because a lot of stuff I can’t even chew so what’s the point in eating. I eat just enough to survive but I don’t know how I’m supposed to recover when a whole part of me is gone forever due to my own actions.

I suspect I may have POTS as I have a lot of the symptoms, well, all of them, and I already have lupus. I have also had mono and covid more than once. I am seeing a cardiologist in September at Rochester regional health but I’m wondering if there are better options elsewhere like UR. What do I even say at my initial appointment? I have had some negative experiences with doctors not really listening to me because I’m overweight so I feel like they just attribute it all to that.

I had 7 months sober from alcohol then a cascade of events happened. I was on an antipsychotic for my bipolar that made me much worse and then I ended up smoking weed for the first time in like 4 years and developed mild psychosis and extreme anxiety. I’m still dealing with it right now but 3 days ago I couldn’t handle how bad I was feeling and got drunk then used Benadryl the next day. Not a whole lot of Benadryl to necessarily “trip” but more than you’re supposed to take in a day. I had asked my dad for Xanax at their house before I drank hoping I could take that instead of drinking but honestly I probably would have drank after taking the Xanax too like I used to all the time. I’m just so fucking mad at myself because I was doing so good and so proud of myself and hadn’t done any substances then I go and do all this shit.

I was in the hospital recently and begged to go off zyprexa because of the hunger side effect even though it was the only med that has consistently worked for me for 12 years and they put me on Latuda and it’s been a month of hell on the Latuda and off the zyprexa. I just stopped my Latuda abruptly for 5 days because I couldn’t handle the side effects anymore and I’ve never felt so bad. I know that was dumb but I couldn’t get in touch with my psychiatrist. I finally had an appointment today and she put me back on my regular dose of zyprexa and I’m so relieved. I don’t give a shit how hungry it makes me I’m never going off a med that works so good for me again. I’m so mad at myself. I can’t wait to feel better again. This was horrific.

So I was recently in the hospital and they switched me from zyprexa to Latuda to see if it would help my depression more and I was absolutely obsessed with getting off of it because I was sick of starving myself just to not gain. Well that was a massive mistake. Latuda for me is far less effective, I can’t sleep, I have horrible anxiety, I have extreme nausea, and akathisia. I hate this medication. I felt so much better on zyprexa I should have never went off it. I’ve been on zyprexa for 13 years and it’s the only antipsychotic that’s ever worked for me. Now I have to beg my psych np to put me back on it and she’s going to be so irritated with me.

I’m in a semi relapse and having a ton of nausea and vomiting. Every time I eat now I get nauseous unless it’s something like broth or crackers. I now have to go off my Latuda because it makes me so sick when I try to drink an Ensure then take it I end up vomiting repeatedly. I can’t tell if I’m subconsciously “making” myself vomit or if I really have to. I have atypical AN not bulimia but in the past I’ve had bulimia. I can’t tell if it’s coming back now. It’s like I don’t eat much at all but if I do eat I want to throw up or I do throw up. I’m eating less now than before I went into residential in January. And the weird part is I don’t even feel that bad physically. But I know that won’t last forever.

Has anyone had imaging done at UR marketplace mall at miracle mile drive? I had imaging done there a few days ago and the results aren’t in my portal yet which seems odd because UR is usually really fast with test results, even radiology reports.

I don’t want to do this shit anymore. It’s exhausting. Php referred me to residential again but I’m not going to do that again. I know what to expect when starting to recover now since going to residential before. I decided I’m going to do this shit on my own. I’m medically okay right now just having nausea. But I know that happens when you start eating normally again. I just want my life back. I don’t want to be back in that place I was in January. Who cares if I’m “overweight” (I have atypical anorexia), who cares what people think, who cares about the comments about my weight. I can’t fucking make everyone happy and not everyone is going to like me and they can kiss my ass. I deserve to recover, to love myself and to not destroy my body anymore.

Does anyone who is still active in their ED have constant nausea especially when you actually try to eat a little more than usual? I think I ruined my digestive system. It makes it really hard to want to recover when eating makes me feel so sick.

I was in residential earlier this year and didn’t fully recover then recently went to the psych hospital and made a real attempt to recover there and normalized my eating and felt better. Now I’m home and I keep getting comments about my weight from certain people and it’s making me want to relapse. My period is also back very heavily when for over a year it was extremely light and irregular. Just another reminder that I’m gaining. I’m already overweight and I feel so disgusting by all my bodily functions that happen when you eat normally. I hate being bloated, I hate feeling hungry again, I hate having a heavy period, I hate having to use the bathroom every day now it’s all disgusting. As of today I’m already back in a relapse because I miss the control, the emptiness, the numbness. I miss feeling dizzy and tired. I miss all of it. I felt like I was actually accomplishing something.

I was recently in the hospital again and after 15 months of a depressive episode I’m finally not depressed anymore due to a new antipsychotic. I actually have hope for once and I finally don’t feel like the world is ending every day.

38f, bipolar. How many calories does Latuda need to work? Is it truly 350? What is the bare minimum?

I’m sort of trying recovery but the hard part is I tend to have a ton of anxiety when I eat and it seems more than just because of my thoughts. It seems like an actual physical reaction to eating because of all the restricting I’ve done over the past 15 months. I feel a lot less anxiety and calmness when I’m restricting and it makes it very hard to want to recover because I already deal with severe anxiety as it is. What does anxiety look like for you when restricting vs eating regularly?

Well I had 6 months clean and sober and I blew it by smoking weed the past 2 days even though that was never my problem. I know a lot of people are cali sober but for me personally it starts over my clean time. I decided today after intense anxiety from the sativa the past 2 days mixed with too much nicotine and caffeine I’m going full on clean from all substances except my psych meds. I have fucked myself over way too much with my bipolar and caffeine and nicotine. Plus they both interact with meds I take. So here’s to a brand new start as of 20 minutes ago.

Is it normal to get really bad anxiety and panic like feelings in the first like half hour you smoke weed then you feel fine? Mind you yesterday and today was the first time I smoked in 4 years. It was a sativa. I have an issue with alcohol and various substances but never marijuana. I’ve been sober for 6 months.

Hi I see my rheumatologist next week and I’m going back on Plaquenil finally but I’m wondering if anyone here specifically takes Latuda with it? I recently got off zyprexa and couldn’t take Plaquenil due to a drug interaction but now am on Latuda. The reason before was a prolonged QT interval but I don’t believe Latuda has that problem. Of course I’ll talk to my doctor but I just wondered if others took both at the same time.

Hi I just wanted to share I had 6 months sober on the 25th! It’s been a tough road. I’ve had longer periods before but I will get there again.

I’m 6 months clean and sober. Would you think that recreational Benadryl use would count as a relapse and start over my clean date? Or is that a question I can only answer for myself? I have been in and out of NA for years so I know what they would say. Thoughts?