u/Perfect_Sink_6542

My family live abroad, and it’s only me and my husband who will be in the delivery room when I have my baby (end of September). Because maternity care is generally not great in the UK, I’m considering hiring a doula. Has anyone done this during their pregnancy or birth, and if so, was it worth it for you? Interested in recommendations of any local to MK.

My family live abroad, and it’s only me and my husband who will be in the delivery room when I have my baby (end of September). I’m UK based, and because maternity care is generally not great here, I’m considering hiring a doula. Has anyone done this during their pregnancy or birth, and if so, was it worth it for you?

Haven’t slept properly all night due to the heat. Woke up at 4 then 7am with a plan.

Went to Lidl and arrived at 8.01 knowing they open at 8.00 after seeing all the marketing about selling air conditioning units. As I was walking in, I saw a woman walk out with two AC units and had a flicker of hope. I went in by 8.02 and they were all sold out.

I felt so stupid. The manager said there had been a queue stretching to the back of the shop. He suggested I go to another shop 12 minutes away, but I couldn’t handle any more disappointment. I went home. My husband just checked online and the other shop has stock. Now I feel even more stupid. Just had an ugly cry and feeling very stupid for not thinking to queue up.

Being pregnant in the summer is not it. 3 more months of this to go.

Haven’t slept properly all night due to the heat. Woke up at 4 then 7am with a plan.

Went to Lidl at 8.01 knowing they open at 8.00 after seeing all the marketing about selling air conditioning units. As I was walking in, I saw a woman walk out with two AC units and had a flicker of hope. I went in by 8.03 and they were all sold out.

I felt so stupid. The manager said there had been a queue stretching to the back of the shop. He suggested I go to another shop 12 minutes away, but I couldn’t handle any more disappointment. I went home. My husband just checked online and the other shop has stock. Now I feel even more stupid. Just had an ugly cry and feeling very stupid for not thinking to queue up.

Being pregnant in the summer is not it. 3 more months of this to go.

Just wanted to share an observation that has helped me understand and be aware of my MILs slightly problematic behaviour. I have many examples, but here are two:

1. Forced a relative to participate in secret Santa, by putting their name in the online draw. The relative ignored this / didn’t know about it. She ended up having to buy a gift for the person that they ‘drew’ and then bought a gift for said relative also. It was so confusing watching her blatantly ignore a boundary that was very clearly and firmly set, and make the relative feel so uncomfortable. She learned her lesson because the relative not only didn’t participate, but didn’t turn up on the day making an excuse that she had to see her side of the family (they are her husbands side of the family).

2. Got annoyed that her brother took his family on holiday to a country she had been wanting to go to, and didn’t invite her. She had previously asked him to let her know if he ever decided to visit x place. It was pretty clear that he just wanted to go with his family. I wondered why he didn’t speak to her and say “hey, I am going but I just want to spend time with my family on this trip”, and then I realised that she would most likely try to pressure him by saying he could take them on a different holiday, but to please invite her on this trip because she really wanted to go and had asked him before xyz. I don’t know why she can’t just.. go with her daughter (who is an adult and also wants to go)

I’m still trying to figure her out as a person. I don’t always know why she behaves the way she does (a bit jealous, very controlling, judgemental, opinionated and self righteous), but watching her with others has been eye opening.

Steeling myself for future attempts to cross boundaries now.

Particularly keen to hear from anyone with any experience in the field, but generally wondering what this costs in MK?

I just paid £96 for an air con regas and I have a 2011 Hyundai i20. No leaks or issues. They did a vacuum and put in 450g of gas and 13g of oil. The gas was R134A. They charged £55 for labour, £24.80 for parts and then 20% VAT.

Does this sound right? My husband thinks I’ve been ripped off.

I have a lot of anxiety and guilt around not exercising during this pregnancy.

I’ve been working too much and not making myself a priority at all. I started pregnancy yoga at 20 weeks, but nothing else.

Since I started driving 4 years ago I’ve been mostly sedentary. I am a healthy weight and generally physically well - just not used to much exercise.

I have signed up to start a prenatal Pilates class next week, along with the pregnancy yoga weekly. If I walk daily along with these, and do daily stretches / strength exercises at home, is this enough? Any recommendations for types of exercises or videos / courses / programmes I can follow?

More importantly, how much can I reasonably start right now? Can’t help feeling like it’s too late to start and everyone else is ahead 😩😬

I should note here that I have pelvic pain that eases when I’m not sitting for too long / standing for too long.

I have a lot of anxiety and guilt around not exercising during this pregnancy.

I’ve been working too much and not making myself a priority at all. I started pregnancy yoga at 20 weeks, but nothing else.

Since I started driving 4 years ago I’ve been mostly sedentary. I am a healthy weight and generally physically well - just not used to much exercise.

I have signed up to start a prenatal Pilates class next week, along with the pregnancy yoga weekly. If I walk daily along with these, and do daily stretches / strength exercises at home, is this enough? Any recommendations for types of exercises or videos / courses / programmes I can follow?

More importantly, how much can I reasonably start right now? Can’t help feeling like it’s too late to start and everyone else is ahead 😩😬

My husband and I used to visit my MIL every other weekend (she lives an hour and a half away). We’ve dropped this to once every 3-4 weeks as we’re busy and it’s not practical to make this trip every other weekend.

Early on in our marriage, I tried calling her a few times just to catch up / say hello, and she always sounded a bit caught off guard / uncomfortable. I noticed that she didn’t seem to enjoy phone calls in general, so I stopped this.

My husband calls her every 2-3 days just to check in and say hello. She doesn’t say much, but I know she appreciates the check in.

Every so often if I’m in the same room, I gesture and wave to tell him to say hello from me, and he does. She doesn’t ask to speak to me and I’m not sure if she asks about me.

Recently, I told my husband to call her as we were going to the airport to go on holiday and it’s customary for us to call parents / siblings to say goodbye before flying somewhere.

On the call (which was on speaker as my husband was driving), she was talking to my husband, then at the end said “Hello PerfectSink” even though I hadn’t said a word and didn’t even know she knew the call was on speaker. It was weird and made me feel a bit like she felt I was lurking in the background. I just said hello, and then she added “have you forgotten me? I don’t hear from you at all”

I was confused. We have a WhatsApp group chat which I message regularly and I know she reads the messages. She never calls me. I just said “of course I haven’t forgotten you. I just thought you don’t like calls, so.. I don’t call. And I message in the group.” She replied that she hates reading through her WhatsApp messages and doesn’t mind calls. I just said oh, okay. Didn’t have any idea what to say really. Not sure why we have a group chat if she hates WhatsApp so much.

Just a few days prior, I asked my husband whether he thinks he should include me in the phone calls he makes at least once in the week - because I knew we had gone from seeing MIL every other week to once a month, and apart from that we never seemed to speak. He said okay, and then this happened a couple of days later. I can’t help feeling a bit annoyed at two things:

1. Why can’t SHE call?

2. That my husband calls every 2-3 days but hasn’t thought to include me although I try to include him almost every time I call my parents if he’s in the same room

Mildlyno MILs always have to find a way to make us uncomfortable, and it sucks. Surely there was a nicer way of saying she wanted to speak to me? Surely she could have said “I’ve missed you. How have you been?”

Ugh.

My MIL told me she doesn’t think I should have a baby shower because it’s “not a part of our culture” and she just doesn’t believe in them(??). She said she is just totally against it and if I throw one, I am disrespecting her. My best friend is the one throwing / organising it, and I thought my MIL might enjoy attending, hence this conversation.

She also threw in a “do you just not respect me because I’m a woman? If I was your Dad, you’d respect my wishes not to have a baby shower, right?” I was confused and explained that I didn’t understand how I was disrespecting her by.. having a party that had nothing to do with her? I agreed not to invite anyone from her side of the family, and gave her the impression that it’s not happening at all.

Now I feel a bit weird because I’m just pretending to her and my sister in law that it’s not happening, but I’m quietly helping my best friend plan one in my city (we live over an hour from my in laws).

I feel annoyed that because we are hiding it from her, we can’t invite any of the in laws (sister, cousins), but at the same time I’m secretly happy that she can’t stomp all over this or try to take control like she did when she stole my pregnancy announcement.

She’s definitely a mildlyno and very manageable, I’m just not sure if hiding this is the way forward. I’d much rather calmly assert that it’s happening and if she doesn’t want to come, that’s fine. And then watch her fume. But I’m not sure if perhaps information diet and just quietly doing my own thing is actually better. I don’t want her to think she can just order me around and I’ll quietly cancel my plans because she said so.

In future I have decided to just calmly state that I am doing xyz. I even told my husband that if he doesn’t speak to her, I may just snap one day and say “please don’t compare yourself to my father. He’s my parent and he raised me. You can treat me like a daughter, but I’m not your actual daughter and neither am I child seeking permission. If my husband is okay with what I’m doing, what’s the issue?”

Thoughts?

I’ll go first: mine is judgemental, opinionated and doesn’t respect boundaries BUT if you’re firm with her and she sees consequences, she can stop. She also apologises and doesn’t seem malicious or crazy / toxic although she has some very backwards ands stubborn beliefs. She also laughs at herself and admits that she can be difficult, and I’ve seen her go out of her way to help or do something nice or thoughtful for me.

What makes your mil mildlyno and not a justno?

A vent

I wanted to announce my pregnancy to the extended family on my husband’s side, at a little weekend barbecue when I knew everyone would be together. I consulted MIL and SIL about this months in advance. Initially they liked / were okay with the idea (my MIL later forgot this and said she never liked the idea), but they advised against it a few weeks before, saying that some people in the family had been trying to have kids for a long time and maybe it’s best I had one on one conversations and reveal it privately as and when I caught up with people either on the day or around the day / after.

I was a bit disappointed but I kind of understood / agreed and felt this is just the way their family does things, and that they know their family better (it’s a cultural thing and nobody has ever announced a pregnancy before).

On the day, my MIL loudly announces that she won’t be going on the family trip in October and when people asked why, she says “ask PerfectSink”. I realised maybe she was trying to give me a cue and hand me the moment, but she was so against it for weeks beforehand that I was thrown off and had no idea she was going to do that! I was not mentally prepared and had actually been telling myself I have to make sure I don’t accidentally say anything too loudly or too obvious. So I just mumbled “erm, she’ll be busy in October” and was frantically trying to think of what to say when she jumped in and said “they’re going to have a little one” after which everyone gasped and congratulated me and everything else is a blur

I feel like she was trying to do a nice thing by essentially creating an opportunity for me to do what I had wanted to in the first place, but I’m frustrated and upset that despite knowing I’m a planner and knowing I had been thinking about it months in advance, she couldn’t have given me any sort of heads up to at least be mentally prepared with a line I could use to have that moment.

I want to clarify that I do NOT think this was malicious. She often realises too late that xyz was a good idea and then tries to rescue it /arrange something at the last minute. I’m just extremely frustrated that I often have to find out about these things as she’s doing them, with zero control or ability to prepare myself.

I did say to her later “Mum! I thought we agreed NOT to announce today!! I wasn’t mentally prepared for that!” And she just laughed and hugged me and walked off.

I have been thinking about ways to avoid this kind of situation in the future, but every way I think about it, I can’t fully avoid it. I feel like I just have to accept and be used to the fact that she’s well meaning but does rash and unpredictable things at times, often contrary to what she’s said she will do. It genuinely does come from a place of excitement and love, often because she gets anxious about something in advance and then changes her mind or has a realisation when she’s actually faced with the situation at hand. She’s just bad at communicating it, and has a tendency to want to be in control

I might try to talk to her about it properly the next time I see her, but a part of me has had so many midllyno moments with her that I don’t even know if there’s a point. Rather than asking for her advice or asking if it’s a good idea, I should just give her a heads up that I’m going to do xyz and just do what I want as long as my husband is happy with it. And maybe give her less notice rather than discuss it weeks or months in advance, giving her a chance to overthink and get involved

Just needed a space to vent, as I told my husband it’s not a big deal and I’m over it / I understand she was just excited, but I’ve realised I’m not over it and I’m not okay with it.

Hi all,

I want to start cooking in proper stainless steel frying pans. I already own stainless steel saucepans and use these religiously.

However, the cheap IKEA stainless steel pans I bought are proving to be hit or miss / finicky. I’ve had 80% success and 20% mess and things getting stuck. I feel like it’s not just me and the pans are genuinely a bit thin / rubbish.

Which stainless steel pans are a good starter set / affordable set? I usually use a 20cm and 24cm I think

I was contemplating some pro cook pans, but unfortunately I’ve missed out on the bank holiday discount :(

Hi there, does anyone know or can recommend a community centre or small venue to hire that can accommodate 25-30 people for a private party? I am looking for somewhere that is private so people passing by can’t look in etc, so that guests can relax and enjoy themselves

Where can I get really soft bedding that will wash and last well? Sainsbury’s used to have a good collection but it seems limited now. Dunelm is hit or miss, and dusk doesn’t feel that great. IKEA seems to wash well, but not sure if it’s as soft as I’d like. Any ideas?

Budget is ideally £50 max for a good quality king size set

Hi,

I’ve had persistent thrush in the past, which went away a few years ago with a 6 month course of oral antifungals(!). But I suspect maybe there was something else going on as I also had chronic acid reflux (maybe fungal environment?)

Anyway, it’s back with pregnancy and it’s mild and mostly asymptomatic except slight discharge and discomfort with sex. Has anyone had this and treated it successfully?

I’m wondering if it’s worth leaving it alone and just cutting down on sugar, hot washing underwear and avoiding tight clothing and baths as I don’t want to throw lots of treatments at it if it’s just a hormonal thing. Any advice?

Just wanted to vent.

My husband and I are expecting our first baby after infertility and a difficult year. We are so excited and couldn’t wait to announce to the wider family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc).

My family already know as I’ve been telling the ones I’m in touch with as and when I get a chance to speak to them face to face or over the phone /video call. I started sharing the news around 18-19 weeks.

MIL expressed that in their family, nobody announces or makes a big deal of pregnancy and that she doesn’t think we should make any sort of announcement. We explained that we wanted to, and wanted it to be cute / funny and memorable.

She’s now mentioned this and tried to push back / get SIL to advise us, to the extent that we’re feeling not only pressured but annoyed and frustrated that something joyful has turned into an ongoing argument. I don’t feel like doing it anymore. And I may look back and regret that, but I’m just put off. Because it turned into an argument between my husband and my MIL, she changed her mind without telling us she had, and has now backtracked saying that actually she had planned to “surprise” us by getting everyone together so that my husband and I can still make our announcement.

My husband does understand my frustrations, but unfortunately he struggles to communicate with my MIL as he gets quickly frustrated and isn’t always clear and direct with communication about these kinds of things

Just a vent because I can’t do anything else about it at the moment. Feel like another special, memorable and personal thing has been ruined by my MIL needing to control everything.