u/Puzzleheaded-Bar5127

I have wasted my youth.
What I’m about to write is probably something that reflects what a lot of people my age are feeling. Maybe you’re a little older than me. Maybe you’re younger. Most of you have probably experienced what I’m feeling right now. Some of you haven’t yet, and a lot of you probably have but never really talked about it out loud.
The older I get, the faster time seems to move. What felt like five or ten years ago now feels like it happened only two years ago. I’ve spent most of my life on autopilot, and even today, as a 19-year-old, I’m starting to reach that point where people begin asking what my plans are for the future. Expectations slowly start building around you. But the truth is, you’re still just a kid in many ways. Legally, you’re an adult, yet you’re expected to make decisions that could shape the rest of your life. There’s college, jobs, responsibilities, and countless paths to choose from. But at the end of the day, you still don’t feel fulfilled.
Personally, I’m 19 years old, and as cliché as it sounds, I’m in that “figuring it out” stage. That stage can last years, maybe even decades. Some people discover their purpose in their twenties, while others don’t find it until much later in life. In the same way, some people achieve success while they’re young and full of energy, while others only find it when they’re older and have already lived through so much.
Me? My dream was to become an athlete. I wanted to hear people screaming my name in a stadium and see headlines about me every week. I had a chance through football, but the truth is, I didn’t work hard enough. I thought success would just happen on its own. It didn’t.
Now I’m at a crossroads. One part of me is driven by ambition. It wants the biggest stages possible. Another part of me is grounded in reality. It tells me to find a stable 9-to-5 job and live like everyone else. Then there’s another side of me that wants something completely different, to disappear into the mountains, live on a ranch, sip red wine while the sun sets, and spend my days taking care of livestock, far away from all the noise.
Each of those lives has meaning. Each comes with sacrifices. Each could make me happy, and each could drain me in its own way.
So what do I do?
There isn’t a simple answer.
Some people will tell me to enjoy my youth—to party, hook up, drink, make mistakes, and only start taking life seriously when reality finally catches up with me. Others will give the traditional advice: find a job, earn a living, build a career. Some people won’t care at all.
At the end of the day, whatever I choose will be my decision. I don’t think there’s one universally “right” path. Every decision shapes who we become.
I’m not really asking for advice.
I’m asking for a discussion.
Because I genuinely believe there are a lot of people around my age who have these same thoughts but never say them out loud.

But here’s the thing I want us to also discuss, For those of you who have felt torn between ambition, stability, and the desire to live a completely different kind of life, how did you decide which path was actually yours, and how did you know whether you were making a real choice or simply reacting to fear, pressure, or regret?

I’m too young to give up on the major leagues, I’m too old to keep acting like I’m on the autopilot mode and I can be “figuring-out stage” forever, I don’t know, I feel like pressure will gradually grow as I age more, and time will fly away, and I’d be left in a situation I wish I avoided.

Obviously no one can give me perfect advice, everyone’s story and life is different, what do I do really?