u/Puzzleheaded-Bar5127

I have wasted my youth.
What I’m about to write is probably something that reflects what a lot of people my age are feeling. Maybe you’re a little older than me. Maybe you’re younger. Most of you have probably experienced what I’m feeling right now. Some of you haven’t yet, and a lot of you probably have but never really talked about it out loud.
The older I get, the faster time seems to move. What felt like five or ten years ago now feels like it happened only two years ago. I’ve spent most of my life on autopilot, and even today, as a 19-year-old, I’m starting to reach that point where people begin asking what my plans are for the future. Expectations slowly start building around you. But the truth is, you’re still just a kid in many ways. Legally, you’re an adult, yet you’re expected to make decisions that could shape the rest of your life. There’s college, jobs, responsibilities, and countless paths to choose from. But at the end of the day, you still don’t feel fulfilled.
Personally, I’m 19 years old, and as cliché as it sounds, I’m in that “figuring it out” stage. That stage can last years, maybe even decades. Some people discover their purpose in their twenties, while others don’t find it until much later in life. In the same way, some people achieve success while they’re young and full of energy, while others only find it when they’re older and have already lived through so much.
Me? My dream was to become an athlete. I wanted to hear people screaming my name in a stadium and see headlines about me every week. I had a chance through football, but the truth is, I didn’t work hard enough. I thought success would just happen on its own. It didn’t.
Now I’m at a crossroads. One part of me is driven by ambition. It wants the biggest stages possible. Another part of me is grounded in reality. It tells me to find a stable 9-to-5 job and live like everyone else. Then there’s another side of me that wants something completely different, to disappear into the mountains, live on a ranch, sip red wine while the sun sets, and spend my days taking care of livestock, far away from all the noise.
Each of those lives has meaning. Each comes with sacrifices. Each could make me happy, and each could drain me in its own way.
So what do I do?
There isn’t a simple answer.
Some people will tell me to enjoy my youth—to party, hook up, drink, make mistakes, and only start taking life seriously when reality finally catches up with me. Others will give the traditional advice: find a job, earn a living, build a career. Some people won’t care at all.
At the end of the day, whatever I choose will be my decision. I don’t think there’s one universally “right” path. Every decision shapes who we become.
I’m not really asking for advice.
I’m asking for a discussion.
Because I genuinely believe there are a lot of people around my age who have these same thoughts but never say them out loud.

But here’s the thing I want us to also discuss, For those of you who have felt torn between ambition, stability, and the desire to live a completely different kind of life, how did you decide which path was actually yours, and how did you know whether you were making a real choice or simply reacting to fear, pressure, or regret?

I’m too young to give up on the major leagues, I’m too old to keep acting like I’m on the autopilot mode and I can be “figuring-out stage” forever, I don’t know, I feel like pressure will gradually grow as I age more, and time will fly away, and I’d be left in a situation I wish I avoided.

Obviously no one can give me perfect advice, everyone’s story and life is different, what do I do really?

The older I get, the less I know what I actually want.

What I’m about to write is probably something that reflects what a lot of people my age are feeling. Maybe you’re a little older than me. Maybe you’re younger. Most of you have probably experienced what I’m feeling right now. Some of you haven’t yet, and a lot of you probably have but never really talked about it out loud.
The older I get, the faster time seems to move. What felt like five or ten years ago now feels like it happened only two years ago. I’ve spent most of my life on autopilot, and even today, as a 19-year-old, I’m starting to reach that point where people begin asking what my plans are for the future. Expectations slowly start building around you. But the truth is, you’re still just a kid in many ways. Legally, you’re an adult, yet you’re expected to make decisions that could shape the rest of your life. There’s college, jobs, responsibilities, and countless paths to choose from. But at the end of the day, you still don’t feel fulfilled.
Personally, I’m 19 years old, and as cliché as it sounds, I’m in that “figuring it out” stage. That stage can last years, maybe even decades. Some people discover their purpose in their twenties, while others don’t find it until much later in life. In the same way, some people achieve success while they’re young and full of energy, while others only find it when they’re older and have already lived through so much.
Me? My dream was to become an athlete. I wanted to hear people screaming my name in a stadium and see headlines about me every week. I had a chance through football, but the truth is, I didn’t work hard enough. I thought success would just happen on its own. It didn’t.
Now I’m at a crossroads. One part of me is driven by ambition. It wants the biggest stages possible. Another part of me is grounded in reality. It tells me to find a stable 9-to-5 job and live like everyone else. Then there’s another side of me that wants something completely different, to disappear into the mountains, live on a ranch, sip red wine while the sun sets, and spend my days taking care of livestock, far away from all the noise.
Each of those lives has meaning. Each comes with sacrifices. Each could make me happy, and each could drain me in its own way.
So what do I do?
There isn’t a simple answer.
Some people will tell me to enjoy my youth—to party, hook up, drink, make mistakes, and only start taking life seriously when reality finally catches up with me. Others will give the traditional advice: find a job, earn a living, build a career. Some people won’t care at all.
At the end of the day, whatever I choose will be my decision. I don’t think there’s one universally “right” path. Every decision shapes who we become.
I’m not really asking for advice.
I’m asking for a discussion.
Because I genuinely believe there are a lot of people around my age who have these same thoughts but never say them out loud.

But here’s the thing I want us to also discuss, For those of you who have felt torn between ambition, stability, and the desire to live a completely different kind of life, how did you decide which path was actually yours, and how did you know whether you were making a real choice or simply reacting to fear, pressure, or regret?

I’m too young to give up on the major leagues, I’m too old to keep acting like I’m on the autopilot mode and I can be “figuring-out stage” forever, I don’t know, I feel like pressure will gradually grow as I age more, and time will fly away, and I’d be left in a situation I wish I avoided.

Obviously no one can give me perfect advice, everyone’s story and life is different, what do I do really?

Goal: Gain as much muscle mass (with as little fat) as possible, from August 2026-to Summer 2027.

I have been hitting gym 3x per week, (with PT) for one year, I have been mostly doing caloric deficit or maintenance, I did get noticeable amount of muscle mass, but obviously nowhere close to the physique I want long term, as we know to build muscle, you need to eat in caloric surplus, this is something I have never done while training, I burn roughly 3,000 calories daily, so for me to hit 300+ calories, it proved to be really hard without MASS Gainers and other supplements.

You know my goal, now the question is.
Do I increase the number of days I work out in a week? (3x per week doesn’t seem optimized for pure mass growth I think)
How much caloric surplus should I aim for
And what should I be expecting?

Current stats; 19M, 182cm, 77kg - 6’0, roughly 170lbs.
I’m pretty lean and I have muscles when I flex, my weak points are abs (which doesn’t appear unless I flex, and only top four ones appear)
Arms (they are bigger than average Joe, but they are weaker point)
Legs (even though I played soccer, without flexing they are chicken legs, although honestly I have never put much work into training legs - even though my lower body is significantly stronger than the upper one probably due to me playing soccer for years)
String points: chest and back (for one year of workout under maintenance or deficit, they are pretty decent, again not where I want them to be, but enough to keep me happy for this summer, I also have nice tricep development, when I flex my arms massive role is played my triceps rather than biceps)
If I had to bet in between 13-16% body fat.

Any advices, adjustments or comments will be appreciated a lot.