u/Queasy-Meeting-5694

Hey yall. I just wanna preference this by stating this story has mentions of rape, self harm, suicide, manipulation, abuse, and some very serious bad things. So be warned.

I was originally friends with this girl. She asked me out. I said no because I’d just gotten out of another toxic relationship. She asked me again a few months later and I said yes.

We started off fine and normal but then things took a turn very very quickly. She would constantly use fear and guilt to control me. She would lie to me about killing herself and then not text or call me for days.

I was so happy she wasn’t dead that I always just let it go. 7 times. She did that 7 separate times and each time she didn’t talk to me for longer and longer so the effect would sting worse.

She had a group of friends who I happened to become sorta friends with while we were dating. They constantly mentioned a super amazing surprise for me for my birthday. Everyday for months they would mention this incredible surprise. I’ll get to that at the end.

This said group of friends helped her fake a violent rape while I was on the phone with her. I’m not totally sure how they did it but it sounded like really loud banging noises and then her screaming begging for help uhh and then just a lot of me crying and her faking being raped.

I had no idea it was fake. I was texting her friends asking for her address saying we had to call the cops. They told me they had called the cops. Then the next day I get a call from my girlfriend “crying” and she told me about the whole fake situation.

Apologizing saying she just didn’t know what else to do and that I wasn’t being reassuring enough so she had to have me prove I would protect her. And somehow I’m the one who ended up groveling begging for forgiveness.

Then comes the dumping. She would constantly keep me on my toes by dumping me for a few days until I begged her to her satisfaction to take me back. Usually that meant her saying I had to prove I deserved her so she would have me cut myself and send her photos and videos to prove how much I loved her. She did that about 8 times. And everytime she would increase the amount of proving I had to do.

Finally. The surprise. On my birthday her and her friends all revealed to me that this whole fucking thing was an elaborate plot they cooked up to ruin me forever because I rejected her. “Who tf do you think you are rejecting me?” Stuff like that. They explained their entire plan in vast detail.

Step one was to get me to date her.

Step two was to slowly emotionally manipulate me and trauma bond me to her.

Step three was the fake rape.

Step four was all the breakups and suicide threats.

And finally step 5 was to further ruin me by making me hurt myself to prove my love.

These 4 teenage girls made a plan that was months long and so despicable and vile just to get back at me for rejecting her because I was still getting over my previous toxic relationship. That shit doesn’t even come a millimeter close to this nonsense. And btw this is not some fabricated story for clicks. This actually happened to me.

Bro. If somebody wanted to find me it wouldn’t be fucking difficult. I’ve been reported missing on the news. I’ve been involved in court stuff. I literally know 2 people who are getting out of prison this year who might want to murder me and they know where I live. This mf genuinely thought he was “scaring” me by saying somebody can find out where I live so straight up I said my address “come find out bitch.” Cuz he was fr acting like he was gonna do something to me like you’re not. Shut up or come fuck around and find out.

Omg she is such a bitch my head hurts when she’s on screen for these few episodes in season one when here and Emmy are fighting about dante. How the fuck can she be mad at Emmy WHEN SHE IS THE SKANK HERE?? 😭 like sorry girl I think you’re delusional you are the asshole here. Dante treated Emmy like utter shit and then Rochelle just fucked him a thousand times said she loved him and somehow it’s magically Coolio that Rochelle fucked somebody who fucked Emmy over.

I mean I know they make up in the end but Jesus Christ when they’re fighting Rochelle gets on my ever last nerve. Though I do love her most of the time this Dante thing is sooooooo annoying and makes me hate her.

I do like Dante though as a character he’s so funny and I love that part where his dicks get cut off in the storm 😂 and ngl he’s absolutely beautiful. I’d have sex with him too lowkey.

I have one friend. And he’s related to me. We talk once every 4 months for 5 seconds over text and we see eachother twice a year. And to make matters worse than that his parents hate me and make my life miserable because they inherently believe i am the worst person in the fucking universe because when I was 13 years old i was being abused and I was so mentally ill I tried to kill myself 5 TIMES IN ONE YEAR.

Apparently I’m the worst human to ever exist because when I was only 13 years old I got raped a few times, I stole a few things and I was mean.

My family has abused me all of my life. I have been told all my life that if I could be sent away they would get rid of me. And that the second I turn 18 I’m gone. And that I “ruined” our entire family because I was mentally ill at 10 years old. I was beat, I was screamed at everyday of my life. I was called horrible disgusting things by my own parents.

I was told I was hated everyday of my existence. So naturally as a teen I was naturally interested in sex and I came to view sex as the only way I could get affection. So I had sex with around 30 people ranging from like 30-60 years old when I was 13.

And not only did I have to endure never ending daily abuse I had to watch my siblings be treated completely differently. They were loved. You could just tell that they were. And I wasn’t. My grandmother used to live with us and she was our primary guardian for a time and she refused to do anything having to do with me.

I had to take the bus while my siblings got driven to school. I had to pack my own lunch. Make my own breakfast. But not my brothers. Both of them had breakfast hot and ready on the table every morning and their lunches packed.

Then they constantly say to me “you’re so knowledgeable and capable. It’s crazy you know how to do all this stuff.” I know how to do everything because NOTHING was ever done for me. Nothing. And my mom likes to say I’m so spoiled which sounds like the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard.

Oh yeah I was so spoiled because we happened to have food and a house. My whole life it’s been like pulling teeth asking my parents for the bare fucking minimum. “Ma I need new underwear mine have holes cuz I’ve been wearing these for 5 years.” “No. You think I’m made of fucking money?” And somehow my siblings just get everything.

They have always just got everything. And it makes me fucking sick. My brother cries about a dumb fucking name in a god damn year book and he gets comforted and people buy him things. I bawled my eyes out almost everyday on the way home from high school did I ever get a fucking pat on the back and a donut? No.

I used to have to make up things to get my parents attention and even then it didn’t work. I used to lie about friends dying or moving away and I would sit in the living room and cry and cry and cry my eyes out for over an hour and they wouldn’t even glance in my direction. But he gets a fucking cookie and a medal?? It genuinely makes me fucking sick to my stomach.

My parents are under this delusion that they were the best parents ever and that they always treated us well and showed us love. I have never once felt loved by my parents. But they don’t know that. They think I’m this perfect little obedient dog now because I don’t bite back when they treat me like shit. And they think they deserve a fucking prize for “raising” us because it’s soooo fucking hard to be a parent to the kids you decided to have.

They act different now. That’s the worst part of all of this. The years of extreme neglect and abuse pish posh. They now act like they love us sooooo much. It feels so fucking fake it gives me a headache. I’m so tired of hearing “I love you” come out of their mouths. Where was that I love you when I spent weeks in the icu ALONE and I couldn’t walk. Where was that love when I got beat up in the mental hospital that you people forced me to go to like a daycare center because you didn’t wanna be around me? Where was that I love you when I was getting body slammed by my own mother into a wooden dresser bigger than I was OVER A FUCKING IPAD.

I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of them saying im their favorite. That’s all I hear now. How responsible I am. How smart I am. How capable I am. Why the fuck do you think I’m so responsible and smart and capable it’s because the closest thing I ever had to a parent was myself. I spent my entire childhood alone. I had no friends.

when I made some I couldn’t keep them because having nobody to talk to makes it very hard to hold in all your feelings. Normal kids can’t handle hearing about your dad smashing your door wish a sledge hammer because you locked it one time.

I am tired of having responsibilities dumped on my neck that should never be mine. I have to hear about my parents grievances with eachother all the time. I am basically their couples therapist. I have to say “let’s calm down and talk one at a time and be respectful and patient.” TO MY PARENTS. I am in charge of our entire grocery operation when I’m the youngest person in this fucking house. I have to deal with my parents constantly talking about how much trauma they had as kids and how easy I have had it. I hate it all and I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here.

My siblings are different too except they don’t act like the past never happened. They actually grew into good people and I love them very much despite my grudges about the difference in treatment we had I don’t hold shit against them. Even that isn’t really directed at them. I just hope that we don’t stop being close after we all move out because then I really will be completely alone again.

And strangely enough I have that really bad trauma response where I feel nothing about my trauma. I can think of it talk about it and I feel absolutely nothing. I feel like the things I’m talking about didn’t happen to me. Like I’m completely disconnected from reality half the time.

The only time I feel happy is when I watch tv shows because I lose myself and forget that I’m not part of the show. The only time I feel anything about trauma of some kind it’s about the fact that I’ve never been loved. Which I think is less about trauma and more about deep rooted loneliness and jealousy that creates rage.

Honestly I want to be close with my parents so badly. I’ve tried so hard for so many years. And then suddenly when I was 16 they decided to be nice and stop treating me like shit all the time. They still do it but not nearly as often. It used to be everyday. My mom would come home and I’d have to scream until my throat was burning because she would go off on me the second she laid eyes on me.

I want to let go of it all. I want to move on and forgive my parents and accept that they love me now. But I can’t. I feel disgusted by love of any kind. When people tell me they love me I feel sick. When people hug me I feel like I’m going to throw up. And when people around me express love for one another I get so angry I can’t see straight. I hate everything about love. But I want it so much.

I’ve never longed for anything more in my entire life. I have dreams of my future life and I am surrounded by my precious children and I love them so much it makes me cry when they don’t even exist yet. That’s another way I lose myself and disconnect from reality. I find myself imagining my future with my kids and my house nearly everyday. I just imagine the most happy I could ever be and I never have a romantic partner in these day dreams or regular dreams. I have 5 children and my dream house.

That imaginary thing brings me so much joy that reality has never done. I am afraid that the reason I’m constantly so dull and feeling numb to life around me is because of this trauma and the only time I can truly experience joy is when I’m disconnected from reality. It makes me afraid that I’ll never be able to truly connect with anybody and that I will just live in a fantasy in my own head forever.

I want to fix myself but I’m afraid of that too. What if I can’t do it.. what if I try and try and come up empty. I don’t want to risk getting the feeling that nothing will ever get better. I don’t know.. I think I need to just do it and if I fail then I’ll figure it out when that comes.

First off. Wow, just wow. My jaw is on the floor. The jokes this season, the plots. I fully appreciated all of it in a way I feel like I haven’t fully done with previous seasons.

I feel like some people are going to view some of these concepts as reusing the same old shit because they can’t think of any new content.

But honestly even though i acknowledge that it was just incredible anyway.

By far my favorite episode of the entire show is Fear hole. I loved that episode because it gave so much more depth to Diane. She truly became a weighted character for me after that episode. And I felt like season eight gave me that same feeling of characters packing more punch.

Memory Rick coming back was by far the most shocking thing. I never would’ve expected they would’ve brought him back. AND DIANE IN THE SAME EPISODE. It was like Christmas morning as a rich person. And the fact that Rick let the two of them live together it just truly made me so happy and it made me feel fulfilled as a watcher.

The music. My favorite song from the Rick and Morty soundtrack is don’t look back. The Diane version of that song is absolutely beautiful and I almost cried when I heard it while watching the episode. The words, the singing the backing music. All of it no notes.

By far my favorite episode of season eight strangely enough is episode 4 when Jerry turns into the Easter bunny. THAT WAS HORRIFYING. When he was chasing Beth I was actually shitting my pants I was terrified. And I love jokes about Christians and the fact that the aliens were trying to stop the Easter bunny because they thought sex was disgusting was so funny. I would’ve thought they would say “this is not what Easter is truly about” but no. It turned out they hate sex.

Also on that note I find it so fucking funny that at the end of the episode after the credits that guy goes back home to Christian planet and trying to get his wife to have sex with him when he was cut in half 😭😭

I hated Beth and space Beth as kids. I felt the whole thing was honestly just an annoying plot. Now, earth world? fucking incredible. I too thought they were just people in costumes 😭😭 but nope. Also I love how beautifully terrible the real earth world is because it’s just like actual earth. Beautifully terrible.

The cryoship episode was phenomenally funny. Rick being treated like a child while Morty cleans shit pipes 😭😭 and the whole space race thing with the dumb song about pennies was too funny. I hate Jimmy in the best way possible because ohhhhh my god he’s the worst but also the best.

Also the references this season were incredible. Over the garden wall references in 2026???

The matrix. Bro when it was revealed summer killed all of Morty’s friends and used him to get her hands on some limited resource to escape the matrix my jaw was on the floor. LIKE SUMMER HOW COULD YOU?? Your poor brother has ptsd and all of his friends brutally died 😭😭 also summer was sooooo mean to Beth. The snorkel was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. “Don’t worry no tank can cross this moat.” “OH SHIT ITS GOT A SNORKEL!!”

The intro. I was so sad that there wasn’t a Rick x nimbus episode 😭 why you gotta tease my dream intro?? Also nimbus is one of the only characters I’ve ever truly wished to have a role in a new episode and it sadly didn’t happen.

Space Beth the assassinator, that plot between her and Rick was cool in my opinion. I thought them running around trying to figure out how to cure the parasite thing was dope. Also Cisco 😭😭 I was on the floor laughing my ass off because he was hyping up Cisco soooooo hard and then he wasn’t even there.

The citadel episode was just as boring as those always are. I never really enjoy those because they always feel so fucking random and also they just feel like the bad version of recycling old ideas. Memory Rick? Good recycling. More citadel garbage? Bad recycling.

The one with the robot trees was nuts I hated the yellow guy too and then he became so awesome when Rick broke him out of prison. Also Morty being the son of thistle was incredible. I loved everything about that plot. Even the jab at Warner brothers 😂 overall it was just great.

The Jerry multiverse, LOVED LOVED THIS ONE!!! I quite like Jerry and I love episodes focused around him I am biased in that way but personally I just thought the episode was cool outside of that. Going to different dimensions and getting chased by evil Jerrys the whole thing was very interesting to watch.

And finally cough cough my least favorite. Morty the father. I hated the original episode gazorpazorp and I hated this one too. Them traveling through trash land to find Gwendolyn was just…. Such a nothing plot. So was the other plot with summer and Rick and the cogs. Summer going nuts over some fucking avocado toast?? That also was just… such a nothing plot.

Overall the season gets a 7.5/10 only because it has 2 bad episodes in my opinion, one mid episode and the rest were bangers.

Summer of all fears : 9/10

Valkyrick : 7.5/10

The Rick, the mort & the ugly : 3/10

The last temptation of Jerry : 10/10

Cryo mort a rickver : 8.5/10

The CuRicksous Case of Bethjamin Button : 5/10

Ricker than fiction : 10/10

Nomortland : 9/10

Morty daddy : 2.5/10

Hot Rick : 10/10

Id love to hear yalls thoughts on my opinions and what you think of recycling old ideas and if they did it good or bad.

Hey yall. I just wanna preference this by stating this story has mentions of rape, self harm, suicide, manipulation, abuse, and some very serious bad things. So be warned.

I was originally friends with this girl. She asked me out. I said no because I’d just gotten out of another toxic relationship. She asked me again a few months later and I said yes.

We started off fine and normal but then things took a turn very very quickly. She would constantly use fear and guilt to control me. She would lie to me about killing herself and then not text or call me for days.

I was so happy she wasn’t dead that I always just let it go. 7 times. She did that 7 separate times and each time she didn’t talk to me for longer and longer so the effect would sting worse.

She had a group of friends who I happened to become sorta friends with while we were dating. They constantly mentioned a super amazing surprise for me for my birthday. Everyday for months they would mention this incredible surprise. I’ll get to that at the end.

This said group of friends helped her fake a violent rape while I was on the phone with her. I’m not totally sure how they did it but it sounded like really loud banging noises and then her screaming begging for help uhh and then just a lot of me crying and her faking being raped.

I had no idea it was fake. I was texting her friends asking for her address saying we had to call the cops. They told me they had called the cops. Then the next day I get a call from my girlfriend “crying” and she told me about the whole fake situation.

Apologizing saying she just didn’t know what else to do and that I wasn’t being reassuring enough so she had to have me prove I would protect her. And somehow I’m the one who ended up groveling begging for forgiveness.

Then comes the dumping. She would constantly keep me on my toes by dumping me for a few days until I begged her to her satisfaction to take me back. Usually that meant her saying I had to prove I deserved her so she would have me cut myself and send her photos and videos to prove how much I loved her. She did that about 8 times. And everytime she would increase the amount of proving I had to do.

Finally. The surprise. On my birthday her and her friends all revealed to me that this whole fucking thing was an elaborate plot they cooked up to ruin me forever because I rejected her. “Who tf do you think you are rejecting me?” Stuff like that. They explained their entire plan in vast detail.

Step one was to get me to date her.

Step two was to slowly emotionally manipulate me and trauma bond me to her.

Step three was the fake rape.

Step four was all the breakups and suicide threats.

And finally step 5 was to further ruin me by making me hurt myself to prove my love.

These 4 teenage girls made a plan that was months long and so despicable and vile just to get back at me for rejecting her because I was still getting over my previous toxic relationship. That shit doesn’t even come a millimeter close to this nonsense. And btw this is not some fabricated story for clicks. This actually happened to me when I was only 14 years old.

😭 I never thought it was possible to reach the level of screen addicted brain dead bullshit I have achieved. But how I was wrong. I am watching YouTube videos while on my phone at the same time watching Instagram reels. How is it possible my attention span is so fucked I need to be on my phone while watching a video I’m actually very interested in 😭 SAVE ME

I have a horrible fear that my kids will be attacked or killed or mentally traumatized. My greatest most gut wrenching fear is that my children will experience something horrible like I have. I want to be everything for them that I never had. I’m afraid I’ll fall short of that goal and somehow they will go through the same anguish I did. I know I can’t shield them from the entire world but it scares me that someday one of them could be harmed in ways I can begin to imagine.

Hi, so I’m 18 years old. I’ve had 7 different therapists in the last 5 years and each one has left me in the dust before I am able to get anywhere. My backstory is very long and complicated. Read my posts if you wanna know about that. So my current therapist is great and I felt like I was maybe finally gonna actually get somewhere with therapy. But no. She’s moving far away and I won’t be able to be her client anymore because her new practice doesn’t take my insurance.

We basically just wrapped up all of my background stuff and it’s been like a year and a half. I feel like I have so much baggage that by the time I am actually able to get it all out on the table the table disappears before I can sort through any of it.

I don’t know what I want out of therapy. I was forced to go for almost all of my teen years and now that I’m 18 I’m going fully by choice. But I just don’t know what I want to accomplish.

I don’t know if I want to get over my trauma. Fix all the problems that come with that. Or a combination of a lot of things. I feel like I have bad luck or something because I’ve never had a therapist for more than a year and a half and from what I’ve heard someone with my level of shit needs to be in therapy for at least 5 years to fix stuff.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should just quit trying and accept my life is just going to be miserable no matter what I do or keep trying and failing. I hate this feeling of abandonment I get whenever a therapist drops me for whatever reason.

I’m so happy for my therapist obviously. She’s advancing her career and moving forward in her life. But I’m moving nowhere. And I feel like I never get the chance to learn to walk before somebody pulls the rug out from under my feet.

And it kinda hurts. Because I have no friends. When I try to make friends it’s always very messy. Because I just attract bad people I guess?? Idk. So now I feel lonelier than ever when I already had problems with that and I just don’t see the point in going to therapy just to feel worse in the end than I did before I started.

Any advice would be appreciated.

I’ve been abused and neglected all 18 years of my life. My parents don’t act like parents. They don’t care about literally anything and they never have. Only time they “care” is when they get angry and start throwing me into dressers and stuff. I like to watch family tv shows where the main characters are like literally a family and the whole show revolves around that. I like those shows because I lose myself while watching them. I smile when something good happens and I feel genuinely loved and happy from these characters in this show simply because I don’t have that. I long for it so badly that I create it for myself by watching tv. And I insert myself in other things I watch too. If someone I really really come to care about in a show dies I cry and cry and cry even though it’s just a show. I can’t help but create this reality that I’m apart of these loving family shows and that I receive the parenting and the love and the hugs. It puts a smile on my face every time.

😭 this rug is filthy, it’s covered in crumbs, dirt and some sticky crap that I don’t even know what it is. People on this very subreddit were saying it was a horrible idea to put it in the washing machine so I’m just gonna wash it in the tub I’ll let yall know how it goes

Update: holy moly they were not kidding this thing is so heavy. And the water in the tub is like all brown and disgusting 😭😭 also I busted out the oxi clean cuz holy shit detergent was not doing the job I’m gonna have to refill the water and drain it a couple times to get this rank thing clean but it’s going well so far

I had never really grasped the concept that I would have a hard time escaping if a man decided he wanted to hold me down. But then I finally got slapped in the face with that realization because of a time one of my ex boyfriends sexually assaulted me. We were attending a party at my best friends house. We were all hanging out in the basement which was all cool and fine until, I walked infront of my boyfriend so I could sit next to him on the couch and he grabbed me by the belt loops on my jeans and literally forced me to sit on his lap. I tried to stand up about 40 times. I couldn’t. I wasn’t even strong enough to stand the fuck up when he was holding onto me. So it kind of just hit me in the face that if somebody wanted to do something to me there wasn’t much I could do about it.

My story is a long one so buckle up. My name is Taylor, I am 18. It took me until this point to accept that the things I have done and the things that have happened aren’t all on me.

The first time I ever saw pornography was when I was 5, which is obviously not good. I stumbled upon it. And you could say I’ve been a little fucked up since then. I had a porn addiction for most of my childhood. My parents were so disturbed by it they printed out my search history and showed it to my entire extended family to shame me out of it. But it honestly made me want to watch it more.

Idk if this is common but I had a masturbation addiction with it. I would just sit in my closet and watch porn and masturbate for hours everyday for years. I have actually never told anyone about a lot of these things I’m going to share here. I had a problem with sexual behavior like doing stuff with classmates. Me and my cousin kissed a couple of times as little kids. Just a lot of things.

But then the real actual turning point was when I was 11, I had sex for the first time with a 31 year old man. Who had 2 kids just a few years younger than I was who were there at his house during it all. I always thought that the people I was having sex with could’ve had no idea I was a child. Because I have megalomastia. I started puberty at 8, and by age 10 I had double D’s. I thought that because of the way a certain part of my body looked people wouldn’t know. But they all knew. It took me 7 years to accept that. I had to actually become an adult to look back at pictures of me as a child and see that I was obviously a child. An 11 year old with no makeup or anything cannot pass for 23.

He was the first of many for me unfortunately. I have had sex with 27 adult men in total. The last time was when I was 14 years old. The entire reason I stopped doing it is because I actually got badly raped that time. The other times I went out to dinner with guys, went back to their houses and just had sex with them telling them I was 23. Or i would do it with them in their car. I’ve only had one guy come to the realization I was a child and shut down the whole thing. My lying wasn’t great. But the rest of them were so desperate I guess they were just okay with it. When I was 13 I spent the night at 2 separate guys houses in the same week. My parents actually found out those two times. I never got caught again after that. I don’t have loving amazing parents. I have neglectful abusive parents. Which is probably why I ended up like this.

The first time was not horrible. Yes I think he knew I was a kid. And that is disgusting. But I don’t feel especially traumatized from that experience. The second time was really bad because of the aftermath. And because he had a daughter my age. Turns out he had been to prison before on child porn charges. For anybody curious his name is Paul Timothy Lambeth. Lexington NC. He took me to dinner at the mall to this restaurant Fridays. Then we sat in his car in the parking lot of his job a place called mattress outlet for about 4 hours until it closed, he gave me laced weed, and then forced me to walk around a fucking Walgreens with him so he could buy condoms, then he took me in the mattress outlet store to the back room and while I was completely out of it he raped me on a mattress covered in plastic on the floor. Then he made me sit on his lap in the office part of the store and made me watch this incredibly boring movie. And then I had to lay next to him in one of the display mattresses until morning. Then we got breakfast he drove me home and gave me a 20.

I still can’t go in that mall. And I honestly think I never will. Especially because I got harassed at that mall during Covid time by a guy who wanted to shine my shoes. I politely said no and he followed me and my dad around and kept bugging us and when I said no over and over and over and he asked me for my number and he wouldn’t leave me alone so I said leave me alone and he went crazy. It was a truly terrible experience. He called me a little slut and a bitch. Yk lots of colorful words.

The next one was just as bad because it was a disgusting couple. I originally thought it was just gonna be the guy. But apparently his wife wanted to be there. He took me back to their house and made me watch the first and second Halloween movies. He had deer heads all over the place he had like 20 dogs in crates all over the place. And then came the actual sex part. It was really really awful because his wife was just sitting there on her phone next to us. And also their bathroom was despicable. Truly disgusting. I am scared of dogs because of this reason actually. I had to share a bed with both of them and 3 huge dogs. So I didn’t sleep literally all night. And I especially couldn’t sleep because not only was half my body off the edge of the bed but these were people who slept with the tv on and I can’t sleep unless it’s dark. So that was really bad.

The next couple times weren’t awful I just had sex with guys in their cars. But the final time I ever did this was the worst of them all. Because he 100% knew I was a child. Because I broke down and told him on the ride to his house. And unfortunately he lived 2 hours away from where I lived. I didn’t break down and reveal the truth until we were like 20 minutes from his house. First time in my life I’ve had a man actually screaming at me. Honestly that was the most amount of fear I’ve ever experienced.

Then when we got to his house he said he needed to take his dogs out and feed them and then he would take me home. I said I was staying in the car. He yelled at me and told me to get out immediately and so I did cuz I was scared shitless. And I had no idea how horrible it was going to go once I went in his house. He knew I was 14. Like fully. And the second I walk in his house he shut the door behind me and then he grabbed me. He gripped my arm really hard and asked me if I was going to behave and I said I was. So he kissed me. And then dragged me upstairs to his room, and I basically just did it because I was actually so scared he was gonna kill me or beat me or something that I was just like okay I have to do this. Because he lived in the fucking middle of nowhere 2 hours away from my house. And when I was 14 I didn’t have a phone. I got my first phone when I was 15. So I had no way to get out of there.

It was really really bad. And I hate that I can’t even remember his name. Because maybe I could’ve reported it. But truth be told I’m not sure he even told me his last name in the first place. Uh, then after I sat in his living room for over an hour while he was just fucking around doing whatever and then he said he would take me home. The entire ride was silent until we were about a mile from my house. He told me to get out there. I assume it’s because he didn’t wanna be seen I guess. It was winter, it was 49 degrees and it was the middle of the night. Uh and as soon as he drove off I pissed my pants. I was actually so fucking afraid I pissed my pants. And then I walked a mile home with soaking wet pants in 49 degrees. So not great.

I only had sex with one person after that but that was also bad. It was age appropriate but still so much sexual assault it was insane. I dated this guy in high school named drew for 5 months. We had sex a lot because he wanted to. Practically anytime we were together outside of or at school we would be having sex. He would do a lot of things that bothered me and I told him not to do it but he just didn’t give a fuck. I liked to wear ripped jeans a lot back in the day and when we were in class together he would put his hand on my thigh under the table and then move his hand under my jeans through the holes. And I told him not to do that but nah. And this other time he made me jerk him off in class under the table even though I said no a million times. He just grabbed my hand and did it.

This other time he and his disgusting friends who used to be my “friends” wanted us to kiss at school and I said no about a hundred times so they all followed me after we left lunch and then all 4 of them grabbed me 2 of them held my arms, one of them had their hands on my back. Another one of them grabbed me by my chin and then my boyfriend kissed me while I was literally being physically forced to by 4 separate people. And that’s not even the end of it. After we had sex and I would pack up my shit and go to leave he would come up behind me and grab my ass which made me incredibly uncomfortable because he always made it a point to do it infront of my dad. Then once at a group hangout he grabbed me by my pants and forced me to sit on his lap and grinded on me while I was literally trying with all my might to stand up.

That is the end to my sad sexual story. I have never once enjoyed sex. Which I feel makes sense. And when I masturbate I feel this overwhelming sense of disgust and fear. I’ve only ever truly desired sex when I loved someone I dated. And that was the only time after all this stuff that I masturbated and was not uncomfortable. I’m trying to figure out if I’m demisexual or something. Thanks for reading, if you have any kind of advice, questions or anything else feel free to comment

I only have 2 periods a year so this could just be a me thing. I’ve been on birth control for 4 years and I wanted to switch to the implant but I had to wait a month for an appointment so I was like whatever I might not even get a period while I’m waiting. But I did. And omg it’s been going on nonstop for like 8 days now. And it hurts. Like I have such bad cramps in my gut. And those really awful cramps that make you feel like your asshole is gonna split in half. But then I get these other cramps. They start out kinda painful but then they feel like a straight up orgasm and it’s very inconvenient and annoying and I just wanted to know if anybody else had that experience.

I am a chronic bath taker. But I don’t know if I take baths the traditional way. I sit on the lip of the tub and use our detachable shower sprayer to clean myself before I take a bath. It’s super quick I just cover myself in soap with a loofa and then rinse it off before I fill up the tub. I wash my hair and general areas of skin in the tub like my arms, legs, back and my face but I always wash my junk and my pits before I take a bath. I just feel cleaner when I do it that way.

I constantly eat huge portions of food and I can’t stop myself. Even if I’m completely full or the food I’m eating is disgusting. I will sit there and I will eat every last bit of it. I have constant pain after I eat because I eat way too much. I am having a constant feeling of imposter syndrome. I feel like I’m gaslighting myself into thinking I have binge eating disorder when I don’t. And I have this lingering thought that I’m faking the whole thing for attention. Or I tell myself that I’m choosing to eat until I feel sick. But when I try to just stop, it doesn’t work. No matter what kind of diet I do. No matter how hard I try to portion control it always ends up with me eating so much food I throw up because I feel like I have to make up for all the food I didn’t eat while trying to diet

How do I live like a normal person? I don’t know what that would even look like. I am chronically sad. I have cried everyday for years. I can’t remember a time when I was genuinely ever happy. My entire life has been shit.

My parents were abusive and neglectful, my grandmother became my main caregiver at some point and she was even more abusive because she actually beat me.

I’ve never had a friend for longer than a few months. They always dump me for some reason or another. Or I have to dump them because I can’t take the abuse.

Same goes for my romantic relationships. I’ve never had a single one that wasn’t abusive or toxic most of the time it was both.

I’ve never had anybody tell me they’re proud of me or show me they love me.

My parents have changed for some reason. The last 3 years they’ve actually been good to me. But, I don’t know how to accept love from anybody. My mom tries to give me a hug or she says she loves me and it makes me want to throw up. People call eachother pet names infront of me or somebody calls me a pet name and I get so uncomfortable I feel actually nauseous.

I never had any kind of stability growing up. At all. Nobody parented me. In any way. What they called parenting was ignoring me unless I did something bad to get their attention and then hitting me, or screaming at me and telling me they hate me and that I’m the reason our family is ruined. And telling me they wish I was never born. And that they’d give me away if they could. And that they’re gonna kick me out the day I turn 18. I heard those things everyday of my life until I was 15.

Ive experienced sexual abuse because as a child I thought that was the only way I could experience love and attention. I have only ever had sex because I thought it would make people love me. News flash. Didn’t work.

I’ve been put in mental institutions 14 times. All in the span of 2 years btw. First time I was 11. Last time I was 13.

I’ve tried to commit suicide more times than I can even remember. I’ve only ever gotten seriously hurt 3 times. I have permanent health issues as a result.

First time I self harmed I was 11 years old. I first had sex when I was 11 years old.

I hate to admit this because it makes me feel so sick to my stomach and it makes me hate myself but I had a relationship with my cousin, she was 3 years younger than I was and the whole reason I did it is because I felt like she was the only one who actually loved me. We were close for a long time. And I hate myself because I fully ruined her life. I know it wasn’t all me because she’s been neglected and abused too and traumatized by a lot of other stuff. Which is why I think it went on as long as it did. I felt like she was all I had. And I think she felt the same way about me. She would come running to my house everytime her dirtbag stepdad would abuse her. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. I didn’t force anything but I shouldn’t have done it to begin with. I’m like all those people that had sex with me when I was 11 years old. Idk. It’s just something.

I just don’t know how to be a person. I have so much deeply wrong with me. And I’ve been in therapy since I was 10. It’s not fixable. I just don’t want to be here anymore.

See I used to be my parents least favorite kid. Cuz fun fact they only abused me. My grandma, she only ever laid her hands on me. My mom, she used to say horrible things to me and she slammed me into dressers twice my size and hit me in the face and shit. And I hate myself even more for all that because now she acts like my friend. She did this whole 180 thing and stopped all the abuse but now I’m her favorite kid and she doesn’t even treat me like her kid. She acts like I’m her friend. And my dad does it too. My mom is constantly calling me by her sisters name. Or one of her other friends names. She doesn’t even fucking see me as her kid. She sees me as her fucking peer. Never once in my life has she been my mom.

So I don’t know how to do anything. I don’t know how to have a routine, how to go to school. They never made me go. I skipped half the school year every year so I don’t know anything. The only job I ever had I quit after 5 days because my boss literally took advantage of all of us and made us work 9 hours a day without breaks of any kind for 9 bucks an hour. And my grandmother did a 180 too. Now she’s so nice it’s sickening. I feel like I’m going fucking insane because I should be happy now right? Like I got everything I wanted. My parents love me now. And somehow I still can’t be fucking normal. I just wish I was born a normal kid into a normal life. I wish I had friends, a family that was nice and supportive, a fucking routine. Every teacher I’ve ever had hated me because I would never come to school. And it’s pretty hard to make friends when everybody bullies you for not coming to school. And everybody I’ve ever dated has used me because I’m desperate.

I wish I was one of those kids who did sports or some shit and I wish my mom and dad said they were proud of me when I got an a and I wish my family made food for me and we ate together. I wish my mom and dad wouldn’t sit in the living room and ignore me when I’m standing right in front of them talking to them begging them to talk to me until I cry and run away. I wish I didn’t have to suffer everyday of my life since I was born.

If anybody has advice for me I’ll take it. It’s funny cuz this little shit I wrote here isn’t even a fourth of the bullshit I’ve been put through in my life. I really just wish I was a normal person. Somebody who gets upset when something simple doesn’t work out. I get annoyed with people for being upset about little things because being upset about anything other than extreme abuse is alien to me.