u/ResolutionWeak6353

Sorry I know I say this every week, but I can’t stand dating. Not only am I asexual, but I’m pre everything, which makes me easier to fetishize. The only people who have ever wanted me were chasers. I also have BPD, anxiety and depression (diagnosed) and no one wants to deal with that. I’m completely unconvinced that anyone will ever see me as a real man. People either fetishize me and treat me like a baby or misgender me. I cannot date another tucute but where tf am I supposed to find another asexual truscum person? It’s so fucking lonely and I’m so tired of people IN relationships saying “ohh love yourself first!” “Ohh it’s not so bad being single!” Dude I NEED someone to help me function .

TW? Mentions of kink

The thing that frustrates me about dating is that l've always been willing to give up my own desires for the sake of my partner and their comfortability but no one was ever willing to do the same for me:/
Like sorry for the tmi but I’m into bondage and actively desire it. But how shallow would it be if I said to my partner: "You HAVE to tie me up!! Idc if you're uncomfortable!! You still have to do it or else then I'm LEAVING!!!😡😡😡😡”
If that’s frowned upon, why is it okay for people to try to push sex onto me after I told them millions of times I was ace?

Like isn't dating or getting married or whatever supposed to be about accepting that your partner isn't perfect but loving them regardless? It just hurts that l am always willing to give up my own desires because l understand that my desires are very self centered and it makes me feel guilty, and l'd never ever force anyone into doing it for me just because I want it because their comfort matters more. But no one is willing to give up their desires for me. Am I just not worth the "trouble" of doing that? Am I that unlikable? That much of a burden?

Sorry it’s me again, just one more question and I won’t ask stuff like this anymore. I’m seeing Gorillaz at MSG and I’m trying to plan ahead. I have pit tickets and want to be as close to the stage as possible. How early should I line up? I’ve never been to MSG. I was thinking 12PM since the show starts at 8PM , but what if that’s too early? Or what if it’s too late? : / anyone know what the best time would be?

If this kinds of posts aren’t allowed I apologize but I didn’t know who else to ask. I’m going to see Gorillaz in June and I planned to write a letter to give to Damon if he comes to my area. One of the things I wanted to say in the note was that I think his voice is very soothing and I literally always listen to Gorillaz whenever I’m having a panic attack because his voice calms me down. But I dunno I just feel like that sounds really creepy ?? I don’t wanna make the guy uncomfortable , ya know? Like I’m basically telling a stranger “hey I’m mentally ill but listening to your voice makes me feel better.” LMAO like I just feel like it’s creepy. Or am I overthinking it? Should I not say something like that?

Sorry for the lengthy title, and I know no matter what I say people are still gonna take this out of context but I just wanna make it very clear that I’m not trying to start a war!! I’m simply asking a question. I’m not trying to start a fight or anything. I’m just curious about something. That’s all.

As I’ve said in the past, I have no idea what it’s like to be sex favourable , and to be honest, I’m very envious of sex favourable people because I feel like if I was sex favourable too, then my dating life would be so much easier and I wouldn’t be as convinced that I’m going to die alone. I also feel like I would be less looked down on by the people around me. But those are just my own feelings. I didn’t make this post to argue with anyone. Just to see if sex favorable people feel the same way I do.

It’s so fucking annoying, we’re supposed to be ASEXUAL! Why are you talking about sex so much? I understand mentioning it briefly if it’s part of a vent, but making a pos specifically talking about sex, why?!?! It’s so annoying and gross

I’m going to die alone. And I’m so tired of non sex repulsed people who don’t have my problems , bonus points if they are in relationships telling me “ohhh noo you won’t there’s someone out there for everyone!” Dude. I am a 5’5,” transgender, sex repulsed, shy, awkward, non dominant, severely mentally ill, depressed, overthinking guy. No one wants that. And if you do I’m assuming you either

A: Want to take advantage of me because you can see how emotionally unstable I am

B: Have a fetish for trans men who “act” like women (shy, awkward, passive, etc)

C: Have an “I can fix him! Mindset

D: Think you’re being an ally by infantalizing trans men and reducing them to uwu soft lil baby boys who are sooo much better than those evil cis men but in reality you are transphobic for assuming I’m different from a cis man

It wouldn’t be fair to make someone put up with all my bullshit but at the same time I wish someone would because I’m so fucking lonely . I don’t even have friends because my gender dysphoria is that bad, not even other trans or queer people treat me like a normal human being. It’s fucking killing me . I’m tired of everything and everyone. I just want to be a normal man

Fucking mind boggling. Same mfs who say “ermmm technically speaking asexuals CAN have sex!🤓🤓” when there’s an asexual character or person. Why do they assume every asexual person wants sex not everyone is like you bro. It screams narcissistic. It screams “how can I make this about me?” I swear to god it’s like they shove sex repulsed aces to the side. Like we had to create a new damn term because these people invaded our spaces. Do you know how ridiculous that is? Well of course you do, that’s why we’re both here. But it aggravates me so much. Why do I have to be two things that were invaded by those who just want to be quirky and unique and silly , forcing us to make our own much smaller communities and get looked down on by the “main” communities?

Genuinely, what the fuck is the point of identifying his ace if you have sex? Then you being “asexual” doesn’t affect your life at all. It won’t make it harder for you to date, you still have 80+% of the population, your life is very different from a sex repulsed person. I wanted to rant about the privilege that non sex repulsed aces have on the main sub but I know I’d get slammed. Cuz you know, how dare I speak the truth.

TW: mentions of SA

I’m gonna get absolutely slammed for saying this, and I really don’t have the patience or energy to argue with anybody. So, to clarify:

IM NOT CLAIMING THESE ARE FACTS.

I AM ADMITTING TO HAVING A TRAUMATIZED BRAIN, WHICH CAUSED THESE THOUGHTS.

I KNOW THESE THOUGHTS ARE WRONG, WHICH IS WHY I AM SEEKING HELP.

I’ve been in therapy for years due to this. And nothing has changed. My mind refuses to change. I still don’t trust men. Any man. Every single man I’ve interacted with for a certain period of time has either sexualized me or bullied me. Of course I’ve been bullied by women too, but most of the women in my life have been kind to me. This led to my brain developing a bias.

Now I can’t help but see allos (mainly allo men) as nothing but selfish, narcissistic, sex obsessed degenerates who only see their preferred gender as sexual objects for them to use and they don’t care how badly they hurt the other person as long as they get pleasure. I’ve never met another asexual man. I can’t look at men the same anymore. I go out of my way to avoid everyone, men, women, non binary, I don’t care. I avoid everyone for this reason, but ESPECIALLY men.

It’s aggravating and incredibly annoying to have your mind running 24/7, constantly telling you that no man will ever love you because you’re a sex repulsed ace who also happens to be trans. Every man I dated saw me as a fetish and made me hate myself and my body. I purposely isolate myself because all my male partners loved telling me how feminine I was and how soft I was and I fucking hated it. I’m literally shaking with anger as I type this out.

As I’ve said, I’m in therapy and nothing has changed. I still feel this way and it’s fucking annoying. I don’t know how to fix myself.

I like to think that I’m not super extreme about what the true definition of what it means to be actually asexual. I believe asexual simply means you don’t feel sexual attraction. I don’t think you have to be sex repulsed to be asexual - like if you’re one of those people who is disinterested in sex and doesn’t feel any pleasure from it, but you don’t dislike doing it just to please your partner, you are still ace. At least that’s what I believe.

BUT…

You are not the same as a sex repulsed asexual. Like at all. You will have a significantly easier time finding a partner, you never have to worry about your partner eventually leaving you because of a lack of sex, your dating pool is far larger than ours… we are not the same. I’m sorry. And I’m tired of people trying to act like we are.

It’s not a bad thing to have privilege. Just admit to it. You are definitely privileged if you are not sex repulsed - dating is so much easier for you. I hate when non sex repulsed aces, ESPECIALLY ones who have sex regularly and don’t mind it , are like “omg I met another ace person!” As if we’re the same. We’re not. And I’m not saying this in a “I’m better than you because I don’t have sex!” Way, I’m saying it because it’s reality. We are not even close to being the same and our lives are completely different. They have a much easier time dating and I’m tired of them acting like they struggle just as much as we do.

This gives the same kind of frustration when a non dysphoric trans person tries to relate to me. Or someone who was privileged enough to transition young.

I told her I was worried to die alone because I never want sex, and she immediately asked if I was ever sexually abused as a child, to which I said no, I’m just asexual. And she said that “doesn’t exist,” and then asked if I got my hormones checked, to which I said yes, 7 months ago, I’ve found sex disgusting since I was a kid. And she went on this whole rant about “ohhh when you’re older you’ll change your mind and tell me I was right!”

I get that there’s no biological evidence to support asexuality as far as I’m aware, which doesn’t help my case, but I’m also pretty sure it’s pretty damn disrespectful to tell your client that their feelings are wrong, and it’s also disrespectful to assume someone is only asexual because of some kind of trauma. I never want to see her again, and I’ve been looking for another psychiatrist. She just pisses me off so much. I almost want to continue seeing her, JUST so in a few years, I can prove HER wrong and show her that, I’m still ace and I didn’t change my mind.

I feel like I don’t belong in my own community. I wish there was an active filled community for specifically sex repulsed aces because I feel so out of place here and it’s hard to relate to people who do have or like sex when I don’t. Our lives are very different, which isn’t an insult to anyone, it’s just the truth. I’ve seen and experienced so much hostility towards sex repulsed people here, in my last post I had people calling me a bad person and saying I was “villainising” Allos all because I asked why it’s only the ace person who always has to compromise in the relationship. It doesn’t make any sense to me at all. I feel like my personal experiences are rarely respected here. I feel like allos are getting more support than sex repulsed people do in our own goddamn community.