u/ResolutionWeak6353

Not sure if this is the right subreddit to post this in… I’m probably gonna get a ton of people calling me a trender - even though I have dysphoria, have lived as a man for 6 years and feel like ripping my skin off when someone calls me she.

But I knew I couldn’t post this into one of the major trans subreddits because they would just be like “noo you can totally be a trans man and have your tits out!”

So just like the title says, sometimes I enjoy cosplaying as female characters and I feel like a trender because of it.

I hate wearing feminine clothing in ANY OTHER context, but for some reason, when I’m cosplaying a female character, it doesn’t bother me that much sometimes. Like would I ever wear the cosplay out in public? No, but it doesn’t bother me when I’m just sitting by myself in my room cosplaying a girl. I would never cosplay a girl who like, has her boobs out or anything lol, that would make me way too dysphoric, but if it’s just a girl character who has everything covered it, sitting alone in my room where no one can see me, cosplaying a girl sometimes doesn’t bother me much. Do I sound insane?

I don’t consider myself a “femboy.” I don’t like the term because trans larpers have kind of overtaken it, and I just don’t like how fetishy the word sounds in the context it’s often used in. I just think of myself as a guy who sometimes likes to wear cosplays of female characters he likes.

But I feel so weird for saying that. Like I’d never wear “female” clothes if it wasn’t for a cosplay, but for some reason when I’m cosplaying it really doesn’t bother me, maybe because I’m literally dressing as someone else. I don’t know if that makes sense or if I just sound crazy :/

I am incredibly shy and absolutely terrified to initiate anything because I’m so scared of making someone uncomfortable, as an SA victim. I know it’s selfish but I’ve had to be the bigger person and look after myself my entire life and I guess that’s why I enjoy when someone else takes the lead for once.

But I feel selfish. My past partners made me feel selfish for not being able to dom, and tried guilt tripping me into it even though I told them I wouldn’t be able to do it before we started dating and they said it was totally fine. I feel like I’m just laying there while my partner does all the teasing. The only thing I can initiate is affection, not teasing or anything like that. And I feel so bad for it.

And I hate it. People say “oh work on your confidence” not only is that difficult and I’ve been trying for a while, it’s also not going to get rid of the fear I have of accidentally making someone uncomfortable. Also, you all know the trans boy stereotype. “Uwu I’m just a smol lil baby bean femboy trans boy I’m so shy and meek and submissive 🥺🥺🥺🥺” I fucking hate when people see me as that. It makes me want to throw up. Even if I was born a man I’d still hate myself for being submissive.

My dating pool is already incredibly small as I am a trans medicalist and will not date a tucute under any circumstance, I always have it in the back of my mind that no one will see me as a real man, I am a sex repulsed asexual, I have borderline personality disorder, and I’m incredibly shy. Just fucking sucks when people say they can handle you and then turn around and try to make you be something that you’re not.

No hate, I know music evolves and changes overtime, and I really do like their new music too. It’s still good. Hell, my favorite Gorillaz song of all time was released in 2023. But the more I re listen to the first four albums, I find myself missing that “old” style. I can’t quite describe it, but I feel like their older music had this distinct unique sound and now I feel like, for the most part, their music has changed drastically. Once again, not saying their newer stuff is bad or worse than the older stuff, but I wish they still made at least a few songs per album that had their older “edgy” vibe I guess. Idk if that makes sense. I feel like if they released more music similar to their older style, they’d be way more popular today. Not that they aren’t popular right now, they have over 30 million monthly listeners, but I mean more mainstream. Idk if that makes sense either lol.

WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR

Friends or relationship

Any gender but I’d prefer a woman, cis or trans, doesn’t matter.

18-22 years old

I have no race, height, or any other kind of specific preference

I’m looking for someone with a good sense of humor who is patient and understanding without treating me like I am a child.

ABOUT ME

•5’5,” curly blond hair

•I live in New York, and would prefer someone who lives semi close to me but I can do long distance as well. I don’t mind if you live in another country.

•I’m obsessed with One Piece and Gorillaz. I also love Persona and JJBA.

•Some of my hobbies are singing, song writing, sewing and cosplaying. I make my own cosplays by hand.

DEAL BREAKERS:

I will not befriend or date a proshipper or darkshipper

I will ABSOLUTELY NOT date someone who is not sex repulsed UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I can’t date someone who desires sex in any way. The idea of being seen in a sexual context makes me feel objectified, violated, and like my body is the only thing you want.

I will ABSOLUTELY NOT befriend or date anyone who does not see me as a real man or treat me as a real man. If you ever bring up the fact that I am trans, or say anything along the lines of things like, including but not limited to, “Trans men are better and different than cis men!” “You’re a guy, but not like a *guy* guy, you know?” Etc, I will block you on the spot without hesitation. I am a man. That’s it. I was raised as a man, I live like a man, and I will die as a man. Treat me like one.

Can I be a part of just one group that isn't invaded by privileged larpers who are just looking for attention

"Oh, you're asexual? I am too! I’m sex favorable though! I absolutely LOVE sex!! I have sex every day and I enjoy it very much!! I'm still valid!! I'm still just as oppressed and disadvantaged as ace people who are sex repulsed!"

"Oh, you're trans? Me too! I'm a he/him lesbian butch dog/dogself xe/xir who presents completely female and has zero dysphoria whatsoever, and I found out I was a gay man from watching yaoi with rape and incest!!!"

"Oh you have BPD? Me too! Beautiful princess disorder, hahah!! Sorry, that was my BPD kicking in!”

Everyone always tells me “meet other people like you” and whenever I TRY, I just get… these people. Then people suggested I would just get more cis friends, which I don’t mind. I don’t mind being friends with cis or trans people (as long as they’re normal lmao) but even that’s hard to find nowadays. Sure there are spaces online, like this one, of course. And I really don’t wanna be too demanding, but I just really wish I knew people in real life like me. I know one. but she lives an hour away so we don’t get to see each other often. And it’s not the easiest thing in the world to just put yourself out there. And alot of people won’t just straight up tell you “hey, I’m a trans medicalist” or “hey, I’m an actual asexual.”

My mother doesn’t see me as a real man, so I still get the girl treatment. “Oh , you can’t do this, you can’t do that.” But then lets my brother get away with everything. She literally said she’d kick me out of the house if I went on testosterone, but my brother has physically and emotionally abused me, put his hands on her, and yet she never even threatened to kick him out. It’s obviously because I’m a “girl” to her. Me and my sister are held to much higher standards than she holds my brother to. He gets praised for doing less than the bare minimum (my mom was so proud when he graduated a year late and barely gave a shit when me and my sister graduated ON TIME.)

Not only does this trigger my dysphoria, being treated differently, I can’t do anything to escape it. I just get told “don’t tell me how to parent.” Even though it’s blatant favoritism and … well… I don’t want to say misogyny because I’m not a woman, but she sees me as one. I’m not sure what to call it. But it sucks having these experiences because it reminds me I’m not cisgender. And I don’t want to be one of those people who lets his experiences he had where he was viewed as a woman get to me, because I feel like all they do is remind me that I’m not cis. Does this make any sense at all or am I talking out of my ass? I just want to be seen and treated as a regular man. I don’t want “experiences of womanhood!” Or whatever tf tucutes call it

I didn’t want to talk about this in one of the main trans subreddits because I knew I’d get some bullshit like “well erm trans men can experience misogyny! You’re not cis but that’s okay! Embrace it! Trans men are men! They’re just not real men- I mean they’re just not cis men!” You get what I mean? I dunno if I’m making any sense here.

Can I be a part of just one group that isn't invaded by privileged larpers who are just looking for attention

"Oh, you're asexual? I am too! I’m sex favorable though! I absolutely LOVE sex!! I have sex every day and I enjoy it very much!! I'm still valid!! I'm still just as oppressed and disadvantaged as ace people who are sex repulsed!"

"Oh, you're trans? Me too! I'm a he/him lesbian butch dog/dogself xe/xir who presents completely female and has zero dysphoria whatsoever, and I found out I was a gay man from watching yaoi with rape and incest!!!"

"Oh you have BPD? Me too! Beautiful princess disorder, hahah!! Sorry, that was my BPD kicking in!”

Everyone always tells me “meet other people like you” and whenever I TRY, I just get… these people. Then people suggested I would just get more cis friends, which I don’t mind. I don’t mind being friends with cis or trans people (as long as they’re normal lmao) but even that’s hard to find nowadays. Sure there are spaces online, like this one, of course. And I really don’t wanna be too demanding, but I just really wish I knew people in real life like me. I know one. but she lives an hour away so we don’t get to see each other often. And it’s not the easiest thing in the world to just put yourself out there. And alot of people won’t just straight up tell you “hey, I’m a trans medicalist” or “hey, I’m a sex repulsed asexual.”

Maybe I wouldn’t be as mad about him if his fans weren’t such mindless glazers, but I’m so fucking tired of them defending everything he does that they’ll always put down other YouTubers for.
for example, when Kai Cenat said he was quitting, everyone said “ohh he’s so out of touch with reality and privileged , he lives so comfortably yet he acts like streaming is the hardest job ever” but as soon as someone criticises Markiplier for making that “I’m tired” video, they’re like “NOOOO MARK DOESNT COUNT BECAUSE HES A GOOD PERSON AND HE WAS MAKING A MOVIE WAAAAAHHH🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 U CANT CRITICIZE HIM🥺🥺🥺” but they don’t care when you criticize any other YouTuber for doing the exact same thing.

Yeah , he was making a movie… it makes sense to be tired after that. But here’s the catch. He didn’t have to make a movie. Mark is so wealthy that he could retire tomorrow. He could’ve retired 10 years ago and have been set for the rest of his life. Nobody forced him to make a movie, that was his own choice. He didn’t NEED the money or anything, it’s not like his full-time job is making movies. He makes millions sitting on his ass playing video games all day, but all of a sudden when he works as hard as the average American, he wants to complain that he’s tired. When most citizens have to work like that for their whole lives and have no choice because they don’t have the privilege that Mark has. They aren’t getting millions of dollars and fame and recognition. It’s so fucking sad.

He could’ve just made a community post, but no.
The problem is the fact that he made a MONETIZED video complaining about how tired he was instead of just making a community post. It was such an obvious cash grab, I don’t understand how people are so quick to glaze him and defend him. It’s pretty fucking insulting to make a whole monetized video complaining about how tired you are after working a full-time job for a short period of time time, when, once again, nobody forced you to make a movie, and nobody forced you to work as hard as you did!! You could’ve worked shorter hours and got the movie out at a later date, but YOU decided to overwork yourself. Why are you complaining about a position that you put yourself in?

“Ohh he’s a good person though!” Wow guys, he donated 2% of his wealth. And is still a multi millionaire. What a great guy, am I right?

Seeing privileged streamers who have pretty comfortable lives complaining once one little hardship comes by when you would literally do anything to be in their position is so fucking insulting and depressing.

Edit: well people are completely missing the point of everything I said pfft okay. That’s fine. But right. God forbid I, someone with two mental disorders that are ruining my life, means I will die without a romantic partner, is LGBTQ and bullied for it, working full time and making minimum wage, lived through abuse, and treated like my existence means absolutely nothing, etc is jealous of someone who is finally stable and has millions of people who praise him for just waking up in the morning. Right. I’m such a horrible person, I know! How dare I be jealous of someone in a privileged favorable position. Tired of arguing with people , tired of people misinterpreting what I’m saying, I said my piece, will be keeping this post up tho, so deal with it. This is a subreddit for unpopular opinions, here’s my unpopular opinion. As some of you keep saying, “don’t like it? Just scroll.”

I’m aboard the Norwegian Aqua, and so far, my favorite memory from this entire trip was when they played Silent Running two days ago on the top deck. That’s my favourite Gorillaz song. I didn’t even request it or anything , it just came on. The reason why it was so special for me is not not only isn’t my favourite Gorillaz song, it’s also not one of the super well known ones, like “Feel Good Inc” or “Dare.” It’s a relatively “unknown” song, which is what made the fact that they chose that song out of Gorillaz’s entire discography all the more special. It was also a crazy coincidence that I happened to be on the top deck while they played it so I was able to hear it. It made me so happy to hear such an underrated song. Trip isn’t great so far but that seriously made me so happy and like I said it’s my favorite memory on this trip. I thought other Gorillaz fans or Silent Running fans would appreciate this fact that a relatively underrated Gorillaz song was played in public.

In a different subreddit, there was this cis woman talking about dating and mentioned how she prefers trans men because cis men are “bigger and more intimidating and scarier” (almost verbatim what she said) and trans men are “safer” because they“get the female experience.” I was downvoted into OBLIVION for telling her “that’s transphobic asf, you’re literally just saying you don’t see trans men as real men. You see them as a safer alternative option. You see them as men who used to be women.”

Literally just confirms my belief that I’ll never fucking find a partner or a friend, because men only want you to be their their subby sissy bitch boy for their disgusting feminisation fetishes and women only want you because “ew ugh I hate men🤢 oh, you’re a trans man? Omg king!! Aww smol little baby trans boy! You’re so sweet and kind! You’re soooo much better and safer than a cis man!”

I’m not your fucking pet. Im not your trans boyfriend or your trans friend. Im not a fucking bitch for your fetish. I’m not fucking better because I’m not cis. I’m just a man. Treat me like one for FUCK’s sake.

I’m so fucking tired. s.

“No stop you’re so young you have so much to live for” dude. I prayed (I’m an atheist) for my life to get better, and the next morning I wake up to a bunch of people saying I’m playing victim for rightfully calling out people who spread fucking misinformation about BPD. We’re not all abusers for FUCKS sake. I literally can’t tell anyone my struggles without them thinking I’m automatically a monster for a fucking illness I didn’t even CHOOSE to fucking have. There is no cure for this. Therapy hasn’t done shit for me at all. It’s literally the same thing every time “ohh take a walk, ohh do something you enjoy” it never lasts forever. The sadness comes back.

Let’s see, well obviously I have BPD and have heard that I’m unlovable, I’m insufferable, I’m so hard to deal with, I’ll never find anyone to love me…

I’m also a sex repulsed asexual and a pre t trans man and the only fucking people who ever interact with trans men are women who are like “omg he’s like a man… but not a man! Omg he’s safer! He knows what it’s like to be a woman! He must be so nice! Omg I love trans boys! They’re sooo much better than cis men! I totally still see them as real men tho!” I’m not your fucking pet. The only men who want to hang out with you are those with fetishes they want you for because they see you as a girl. I’m not your “safer outlet.” Im not your fetish. I’m not even trans in my own eyes. And I shouldn’t be in your eyes either, I’m just a man.

I’m also asexual, and everyone says they’re fine with it until they fucking realize I’m never going to change my mind. My trust issues make me not trust anyone at all. AND I’ve only had three crushes I. My entire fucking life so the odds of me finding someone who doesn’t fetishize trans men, doesn’t coddle trans men, sees me as a real man, is okay with never sleeping with me, is okay with me having BPD and other things, AND I have to trust them and fucking like them back is literally below 0.

I know that I’m so difficult to deal with. I always assume people are lying and never believe them when they say “ohh I see you as a real man” or “I don’t need sex,” so I push literally everyone away. It fucking makes me even more miserable that people are demonizing everyone with BPD. If only they knew how fucking hard it was to live with . I have no reason to live and everything hurts too much . I’m tired of being in agony every single day

My voice is feminine but sometimes I pass with it when I’m very lucky. I still despite is and want to rip my vocal cords out tho. The only problem is I want to be a singer one day. Singing is literally my biggest passion and I have a very wide vocal range and it is similar to Nicholas Petricca’s. I know for a fact going on T will not ruin my singing voice per se, but it will lower it and I’m worried I won’t be able to sing well anymore. I’ve done research, and all the sources tell me the same thing. T will 100% change your singing voice and lower it, but it won’t “ruin” it as long as you practice. I’m going to see an endocrinologist before I make the final decision, and I do really want a deep voice, but at the same time, my dream of being a singer is the only thing I’m living for (since being trans literally ruined every other aspect of my life and being a singer is the only reason I have to live since I’ll never be able to find a partner) and I’m just so so worried that T will destroy my range.

Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty TMI desires that I’d really like to try. However, I’d NEVER force my partner into them, and I’d never leave them if they didn’t want to do them. If they don’t want to do a specific thing, okay, let’s do something else. Let’s go out to eat, let’s watch a movie, let’s just sit here and talk. It’s really not hard. I wouldn’t leave my partner over not being able to fit my tastes in the bedroom because I don’t think it’s fair to tell someone they have to do something for you if they’re truly not comfortable with it. Also, sex isn’t a requirement to be in a relationship/love someone.

For some reason, it’s socially frowned upon if, for example, (I am NOT into this , I’m just using it as an example) one partner said to the other “Well, I’m into being tied up and peed on, so you HAVE to do it for me. No?! Well you better do it, or I’m leaving you!” Tell me why THAT’S frowned upon, but when people can’t/don’t want sex, it’s all of a sudden acceptable to leave the person you apparently “love” and it’s considered to be perfectly “acceptable” to say “you better have sex with me or I’ll leave!”

You’re really telling me, if your partner gets into some kind of accident/gets sick/etc and can’t/doesn’t want have sex with you anymore, you’d just leave and not look back? In my opinion, that is so selfish. Love is supposed to be a pure thing, where you stay with someone through thick and thin (within reason of course, not saying you should stay with them if they’re abusive, I’m talking about things that are out of their control) , yet it’s so socially acceptable to leave a partner simply because they cannot provide sex. You have hands. You can pleasure yourself if it’s that big of a deal. I never understood society’s obsession with sex. There are so many other ways to show someone that you love them.

In my PERSONAL EXPERIENCES, sex has always felt degrading. Like, it was like the person didn’t want it because they actually loved me, it was just because they wanted my body and that was it. Now whenever someone asks me for sex I assume they see me as an object.

Like I said I have unconventional desires in the bedroom too, but I’d never force my partner into them or tell them “well, I like this so we have to do it or I’ll leave!” Because that’s disgusting behavior. I just want to love someone who loves me back and there are so many other ways to show someone you love them without involving pleasure and lust.

Yesss another negative post, sorry but I’m just so fucking done.

I’m fucking tired of allos invading the asexual subreddit AND getting misinformation . I literally just want one community for only asexuals (this one basically) but nooo allos are so entitled they have to fucking invade everything!! GO AWAY!! All they do is talk about sex in the main subreddit, I had to leave it. They’re larping something that people actually fucking struggle with. AND I’m so tired of allos going into that subreddit and saying “wAAAAAHH MY PARTNER DOESNT WANNA FUCK ME WAAH BOO HOO MY LIFE IS SO HARD😔😔” why the fuck are you going into an ASEXUAL subreddit and telling everyone “hey! So you’re all undesirable to me because you don’t wanna have sex!😂✌️✌️✌️!! But also WAAAHH my life is so hard I also need advice from you guys too! It’s also fucking infuriating how it’s always the ace person who’s expected to compromise rather than the allo person giving up sex.

I’m not saying allos can’t be upset in their relationship, but they need to realize how privileged they are. THEY HAVE 90% OF THE POPULATION!! Your partner comes out as ace? Okay, you can find someone else super easily. Asexuals don’t have that privilege. I hate it when they try to act like victims. Like, wow dude. You’re truly oppressed. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to not only be able to fit in with an allonormative society, but ALSO to have such a large dating pool! Oh, the horror! The pain! I can’t imagine how hard that must be!

Sorry for the negativity but I desperately need advice and no offense but when I posted this to another subreddit the people in the comments were just making it about themselves instead of offering me advice.

I’m tired of tucutes telling me “you’re a unique man and you should embrace it! Stfu. Im just a regular man. I’m not automatically more understanding of the female experience just because I’m a (trans) man, I’ve always been a man. A girl told me yesterday that she actually preferred that I was trans because trans men are “nicer and more empathetic” and I never blocked someone faster. I’m tired of being put on a pedestal and being undermined. I just want to be fucking cis but no matter how many surgeries I get or how many pills I take I’ll never be a real man and it’s fucking killing me and making me want to die. I’ll never find someone who sees me as a real man.

Sorry for the negativity but I desperately need advice.
I’m tired of tucutes telling me “you’re a unique man and you should embrace it! Stfu. Im just a regular man. I’m not automatically more understanding of the female experience just because I’m a (trans) man, I’ve always been a man. A girl told me yesterday that she actually preferred that I was trans because trans men are “nicer and more empathetic” and I never blocked someone faster. I’m tired of being put on a pedestal and being undermined. I just want to be fucking cis but no matter how many surgeries I get or how many pills I take I’ll never be a real man and it’s fucking killing me and making me want to die. I’ll never find someone who sees me as a real man.