u/RllFckdUp

I’m 21 years old, likely neurodivergent, and throughout my life, I’ve been mistreated by all sorts of people in various situations.

This led me to believe that being treated like trash is normal, and that you only deserve better once you’ve proven yourself worthy.

I don’t want to go on at length here or write an essay about every horrible thing I’ve been through, though there have been many. Of course, I’ve never had to deal with crime or poverty, and I know my experiences pale in comparison to that kind of trauma; still, I’ve endured things that affected my development as an individual, such as sexual harassment, emotional neglect, and therapeutic abuse.

I’ve been let down by dozens of people, leaving me bitter and deeply repulsed by humanity. It makes me wonder if, rather than having an inherently sensitive emotional trait, my personality has simply been diminished and brutalized.

I’m tired of the downvotes, the negativity, and people turning simple topics into heated arguments. I might end up completely alone without this app, but it’ll be better than staying here.

I joined Reddit to make friends, find cool communities, and so on, but unfortunately, on this app, even the good things end up turning bad. I don't want to deal with trolls, pseudo-intellectuals, and horrible people anymore when I'm just posting with the intention of interacting.

Maybe now I’ll pay more attention to things in my real life.

It’s incredibly frustrating that no one takes your symptoms seriously. And please, don’t say I’m just hunting for a diagnosis. Because if that were the case, why would I waste time on PTSD or learned helplessness when no one even recognizes them?

The psychologist asks a few simple questions and, within seconds, "knows" it’s just anxiety and depression, even when you share daily struggles typical of people with other disorders. Again, I’m not looking to hunt for disorders here; after all, there are no benefits associated with the three I mentioned in the title. If I were truly acting in bad faith, I’d try to go straight for a depression diagnosis. This is really more about self-awareness and care than about trying to gain an advantage.

And yes, I know self-diagnosis doesn't mean much, but it’s quite a coincidence that I identify with the daily struggles of people with PTSD, AvPD, and learned helplessness, while therapists reduce everything to a depressive state.

I could be wrong, but I know my problem is more complex than just being told "it's depression" and getting a referral to a psychiatrist.

I don’t know if those two things are the ultimate goal of therapy, but I don’t feel supported or understood. It’s disheartening to feel that the psychologist doesn’t care about your case any more than you do, and that their assessment is less accurate than what you experience every day.

I’m against self-diagnosis, but I’ve experienced many of the social struggles autistic people face, social exclusion, bullying, always being seen as weird, and so on. Having to engage in a kind of "masking" just to survive is the main one.

I once had a psychiatrist who wanted to diagnose me with autism, but due to therapeutic abuse (unfortunately, that’s a real thing), I stopped going to appointments, i was afraid a diagnosis would stigmatize me.

The only problem is that, while I clearly don’t belong in the world of "normies," I don’t belong in the autistic world either.

For some reason, I was bullied even in autism communities by people who viewed my venting about bullying and exclusion as playing the victim. It was strange, because some of the supposedly autistic people there seemed to face fewer struggles than I did, yet they assumed any conflict with neurotypicals was my fault.

Is the world really this dysregulated and chaotic? Do even people in minority groups fail to show the slightest bit of empathy? This has happened so many times, with the PTSD community, the autism community, and leftist groups. I’m just exhausted.

It feels like this place is hell and 90% of the people are demons.

Although I considered myself a misanthrope for a while, after receiving praise and attention in a community I belong to, I realize that every word of validation is incredibly healing for me.

Whenever I am treated well, I feel euphoric and joyful. It is like medicine for a soul embittered by loneliness.

Now I wonder what the effect would be of truly being special to someone, being a role model, an idol, or something of the sort. Perhaps I would heal in a matter of weeks.

But considering all this, is it natural to want to be special to someone? Or is it a selfish desire?

Pode ser que isso funcione pra outros neurodivergentes, mas pra mim, é o mesmo que ser bom em truco e só receber cartas ruins.

Já tiveram muitos momentos q eu acertei, me esforcei, mas tinha resultados piores do que neurotípicos que quebravam várias normas sociais. Teve até uma comunidade online que, por algum motivo, eu que n fazia nada recebia menos voz que um amargurado que criou briga no grupo. Eu me perguntei se o problema era eu, se "não tinha lido pistas sociais", mas isso seria uma auto censura. O que aconteceu, na real, é que as pessoas simplesmente não fazem sentido.

Tentar encontrar lógica na socialização atual é como buscar complexidade em um game design ruim. Não é complexo, só é burro.

Eu estou simplesmente cansado de tudo isso, de como as pessoas são tão imprevisíveis, contraditórias e voláteis. Por favor, não digam que não estou percebendo pistas sociais, sou uma pessoa introspectiva há anos e se não há algo errado na socialização moderna eu devo ser a pessoa mais cega do mundo.

Pode parecer narcisismo, mas pra mim as pessoas estão agindo quase como NPCs, enquanto eu sou o "protagonista" que só se ferra, é ignorado e tenta entender a bagunça que passa na mente dos outros.

Eu não vou me extender, e nem falar oq realmente penso sobre neurotípicos, normies e etc, pra não ficar um texto inflamado. Mas tenha em mente que nem sempre é culpa sua, nem sempre você é excluído por falta de habilidades. O mundo moderno que está uma loucura.

I feel terrible for caring about this.

It’s agonizing to keep checking every comment and post, getting little hits of cortisol whenever I see a downvote.

I know, it’s pathetic, a classic Redditor problem, but I wish there were an option to hide this problem.

The luck of being born into a good family, without disabilities, into financial stability, in a safe country, and so on.

Of course, you **must** to make good choices, but I’d say life is 40% choices and 60% luck. Skill is very important, but on its own, it doesn't turn the tide.

Most people don't realize this because they fall within the "normal range," but if they looked at the case of Brian Peppers—who became a lolcow and lived through hell on earth simply because he had a rare syndrome—they would understand just how destructive that innocent-looking percentage sign can be.

A sorte de nascer em uma boa família, sem deficiências, em uma boa situação financeira, em um país seguro, e etc.

É claro que você **precisa** fazer boas escolhas, mas eu diria que a vida é 40% escolhas e 60% sorte. Habilidade é muito importante, mas sozinha não é o suficiente não virar o jogo.

A maioria das pessoas não percebe isso porque estão numa "faixa de normalidade", mas se vissem o caso de Brian Peppers, que virou lolcow e viveu o inferno na Terra só por ter uma síndrome rara, saberiam o quanto o inocente símbolo de porcentagem pode ser destrutivo.

(Tag "corpo e saúde" porque a sorte impacta essas coisas)