u/SilentGap3124

TW: suicide, drug abuse, mental illnesses (BPD mention), overall heavy topics

My best friend took his life.

As if it wasn't hard enough to deal with, a group of people that did not like him for the dumbest shit ever is mocking his death online.

These people don't like him because he was sick. He suffered from mental illnesses such as BPD and drug addiction and was overall always sick. He did things to himself that he wasn't proud of but he was really trying to get out of that dark place and live a better a life.

These people didn't like that he was sick and always talked shit about him on his face, called him dramatic and got to the point of hanging out with him only to mock him.

We got tired of it and argued with them and told them to fuck off (we would have done it before but he kept it hidden from us because he didn't want us to feel bad or ruin the friend group. he was a sweetheart).

Now he's dead and they are posting his face online with cursed filters and altered face and weird music, or they post jokes such as "gonna slit my (yk what) like he did", or "gonna get BPD to get everything I want then take myself out" (sorry, i know it makes little sense, I'm trying my best to translate those jokes from my language to english)

they're also sharing private info and pictures of him and overall being so rude even coming to our dms to tease us about it

it's been really hard to ignore them i just want to beat them up but i don't even have the strenght to get out of bed from how bad I've been grieving

i really hate people. his parents probably won't sue because his father is deadbeat, his step father is a bitch and his mom is destroyed too and probably doesn't even know about what's happening.

he was surrounded by nasty people and I'm so sorry i wasn't enough to help him. he mentioned me in his letter and said i was a great person and to not be sad because i helped him go on for a long while but if i was really great and helpful he would still be here and those people would be too scared to look at me in the face while they instead laugh and act like that freely

I probably will post (censored) pictures in the comments but dear God. I never looked any of that stuff up, if anything I am extremely anti-ai and block any porn account, so I don't get why all of a sudden I get ADs showing me that shit.

I don't want to scroll in public and have porn suddenly popping up. I tried reporting, I tried clicking "not interested", but they keep appearing. Does the algorithm think me liking anti-ai posts means it gotta try to change my mind with ai porn??? I'm exhausted doctor

( I'm sorry for venting here, but it became impossible in r/vent with their weird rules and bots )

I literally try EVERYTHING, I do everything in my power to please people, to make sure they know I am there for them and that I care about what they tell me or what they like. I make gifts, offer food, offer to clean, I always hype them up wherever they do anything...

... and then they get mad at me for bullshit, reveal that they always hated me never liked my attitude THAT I LITERALLY TRY TO FIX AND I AM SO ASHAMED OF and that they don't want me around anymore. And they always do it with screams and the worst words too.

I try to look for signs of it but there are always none if not maybe someone not liking my Instagram story anymore.

It has been like this for years. It's exhausting. I wish I could stop caring about people but I care so much. I wish empathy was still trendy.

It happened everytime. One thing wrong and everything crumbles. I am so tired I don't want to be around anyone anymore if not my only 3 close friends. Even if I am never going to be their first choice

One fckin argument ruined my whole year. I will never, ever trust anyone again. I will wash my hair in my room, cook in my room even or just eat takeout. I will make sure no one ever sees me again or has the chance to say anything. I will stop the gifts, I will stop trying until I am left to rot alone. I just want to stop being the dummy of everyone just because I am not like how their sick fuckass mind wants me to be

This happened tonight at midnight.

I work at a hotel in northern Italy, and I was on the night shift when this guest walked in. They didn't have a reservation and asked if they could get a walk-in room.

I said, "Of course," and explained that walk-in reservations require a 10 euros deposit in person, but that they could book through our website instead and save some money.

They told me they had cash ready to pay, but we don't accept cash for walk-ins. We require a physical card to pay for the room and hold the deposit. I explained that, and they looked at me weirdly and said, "That's not what I read."

I told them it was our policy and that it's written on our website. It should be written on third-party booking sites too, but sometimes they skip over details like that because giving front desk workers more troubles is funny.

They repeated, "No, that's not what I read." So I pulled up our website and showed them the motherfucking rule.

They frowned, shook their head, and said, "No, that's not true. You must have added that just now. Here, this is what I know."

They shoved their phone in my face where there was a fucking ChatGPT conversation.

The bot had told them something along the lines of, "Hotels in Italy don't require a credit card at check-in."

I took the deepest breath of my life.

I already hate AI, and I already hate entitled people, but I only have one more month before I can finally leave this job and keep my sanity.

I explained that yes, we don't require a credit card IF YOU'VE ALREADY PAID ONLINE and you're CHECKING IN with a RESERVATION. But, as clearly stated on our website, which has been around since 2012, a year when the world honestly should've ended for the sake of everyone's mental health, we require a card for walk-ins.

The guest shoved the phone even closer to my face and said, "No, that's not true. It says right here that hotels take cash payment!" while pointing at one sentence from the chat.

I took three steps back, another deep breath, and explained that 1) They needed to stop invading my personal space.

2. The sources ChatGPT used were just a random mix of hotel websites, and none of them were ours. If a hotel in southern Italy (we're in the north) accepts cash deposits, good for them. Our hotel doesn't.

At that point they groaned and said, "No, you added this rule because you don't trust me. Is it my looks? Are you discriminating against my looks?"

Said the white person screaming at a hotel worker while quoting ChatGPT. Yeah, I'm sure discrimination is the problem here. What a fucking take.

By now my patience was hanging by a thread, but I still tried to explain that I'm a front desk worker, not a programmer. I can't magically edit the hotel's website. Hell, I've got three queer flag pins on my jacket that my manager doesn't even know about. Discriminate my ass.

I also tried explaining how ChatGPT actually works: it doesn't know things. It pulls information from different places online, mashes it together, and predicts what sounds like a good answer. Sometimes it's right. Sometimes it's completely wrong. Tonight it was completely wrong.

The entire time I was trying to explain this, they kept talking over me, typing new prompts into ChatGPT, and shoving the screen in my face every single time I opened my mouth.

Then they hit me with:

"No, it doesn't. If it was wrong, companies wouldn't be using it. You're just scared it'll do a better job than you with that attitude. I want to speak to your manager and be checked in by someone older."

I told them my manager had already gone home for the night, but she would've told them the exact same. Fucking. Thing.

At this point I wasn't even mad about ChatGPT anymore. I was mad about the unbelievable entitlement.

So I snapped: "Look pal, ChatGPT is not an appropriate source of information. It got your answer wrong. That's it. Next time, read the hotel's actual website. The hotel down the street has its policies posted on the window if you want to try your luck there, because WE WILL NOT ACCOMMODATE YOU until you're willing to accept our rules and speak to a human being who's actually trained for this job."

They completely lost it. They angrily typed something else into that fucking TrumpGPT, shoved the phone in my face again, and screamed, "You can't refuse service to a guest once they enter your hotel! See? It says so right here!"

At that point I honestly stopped caring. I stood up and told them they were not a guest because they had never checked in or paid for a room. That's the law. I even told them which two articles of the penal code to look up in his fucking Tr*mpGPT chat and informed them that if they didn't leave, I'd call the police for trespassing and harassment.

They finally left while throwing out a barrage of "fuck you," "this is a joke," and "you young people have no respect."

The funniest ones were: "They created AI so people wouldn't have to deal with your Gen Z leftist propaganda." and: "Back in my day you'd have been fired for that attitude."

Trust me mate I'd pay to get fired.

I went into the back office and cried for five minutes because the stress finally caught up with me.

The title might make it look like I'm a femcel by choice- but I am not. I am fat and ugly and completely unstable due to abuse but also a raging activist and moids are scared and disgusted by that.

I used to crave male validations but I realized it's worthless because honestly? Moids are fucking disgusting and worthless.

Every moid I got validation from was a pervert who just wanted to have a quick nut. I see the ex boyfriends of most of my friends and realize they were toxic little shits who didn't want to love but also didn't want to stay alone. Their current relationships too seems more like they just got get used to each other presence rather than anything else.

I realized moids can't love women. They can feel attracted or grateful for being chosen, or desperate enough to stay with someone and stick their dick inside (which is the ultimate life goal of every man) but that's it. I really can't find any marriage or relationship that outside of social media is actually healthy, and most of the time the problem is men who refuse to put in the effort and be normal fucking humans being.

And I am being kind by talking about men who have the qualities to end up in a relationship, if I were to speak about the average moid I would be talking about filthy criminals who don't know how to wipe their own ass yet expect a woman to submit and die if she refuses to.

Just seeing how they act: how they pose, how they speak, how they live their life like they're in a landfill is horrid. Then hanging out with them is even worse: they're boring and get mad if you don't want to have sex on the first dates. Literally never heard of a man who was fun to hang out with on the first date UNLESS he was trying to lovebomb or something like that.

I see a man and I realize I want to stay a femcel. I don't want to be seen with those disgusting and rude creatures and I don't want to ruin my mental health further by hanging out with them.

Even if one day I lose weight, take care of myself, become somewhat pretty, I would start trying to date women. Never in the rest of my life I will glance at moids, they deserve their loneliness and everything bad that happens to them, unless they actually fucking change

Story from yesterday.

I work at a hotel in Northern Italy and have only been full-time not for a month and a half. It's one of my first hospitality jobs. After years of serving and hosting in restaurants, I thought I'd seen it all- I was wrong.

A family of black guests left the building, and a few minutes later I got a call from a room on the same floor, later I learned it was the room right next to theirs.

The woman on the phone sounded panicked and angry.

"We need to change rooms immediately."

I asked why.

"We aren't safe on this floor."

I told her I'd already contacted security but needed to know what happened.

"The people next door are dangerous."

I asked what they had done.

"Didn't you see them?"

"See what?"

"Their skin colour."

There was a long pause.

"Ma'am, I don't think I understand."

With an exhausted groan, she explained that the neighboring guests were black, followed by the n-word.

I asked her not to use that language and asked again if they had threatened or harassed her family.

"No. But they left their room at the same time we did. They were obviously listening to us. They were probably planning to attack us or recruit us into some cult."

I was already questioning my life choices.

"But they didn't do anything?"

"No, because we stayed inside. They scared us! How can you allow people like that here?"

I explained that people from all over the world travel and stay in hotels and that we don't refuse guests based on stereotypes.

This did not improve her mood.

She accused me of being a communist, claimed this was why everyone hated Italy, and launched into a stream of insults directed at me and the government. I was seriously thinking of calling the hospital because I thought she was in some sort of psychosis.

I replied, "If communism still existed, I probably wouldn't be working here. Unless you're in immediate danger, I'm not moving your room. I advise you lay down and relax." Because, again, this lady HAD to be psychothic.

She insisted they were in danger and threatened to call the police and sue the hotel. Then she said she was prepared to "defend herself" against the neighboring family, including their children. Exact words: "I will sue your hotel for allowing those n-word colonizers (i'm pretty sure we italians colonized too) near my family" (I am not comfortable in sharing the threat she gave though)

That was enough.

"This conversation is no longer productive. Please come to the lobby. Your key card will be deactivated and you will be asked to leave. If you refuse, security will escort you out."

I hung up before she could continue.

Security removed the family from the hotel, and I added them to our "Do Not Rent" list along with notes and the phone records.

Later, my manager informed me that I should have called her before evicting guests because it violated hotel policy. She said she'd let it slide this time, but next time she'd have to send me home. Looking at her with hopeful eyes, I asked: "You promise?"

I can handle guests calling me fat or guests screaming at me because they can't rent a room for the date they want, but racism will forever be the thing that makes me want to bash my head against the wall and quit.

It's my first time working in hospitality, I'm currently working in a hotel in north Italy. The last month has been good I think, I didn't have many weird stories until now. Also forgive my english, it's 3 a.m

Guest, I'll call him Dick, comes at the front desk at around 11:30 a.m and asks me direction for the breakfast buffet, which closed at 10 a.m.

I explain to Dick that it has closed but, if he is willing to wait just half an hour, the kitchen will open for lunch at 12.

Dick asks me if we have any leftovers I can give him or bring to his room but unfortunately no, we didn't, everything was put away exactly at 10.

I don't think I was rude... all I do is smile, speak slowly, and offer alternative solutions or kindly redirect the guest. But still, Mr. Dick looks me up and down, then straight in the eyes and with the post deadpan gaze ever says:

"I bet they closed the buffet so you wouldn't finish it all before the guests. As for the leftovers, next time, save some for us."

(Note that this is the best translation I could give you from italian to english. In italian it sounded way more mocking)

I understand being overweight can be looked down upon but... what? This was so sudden and so uncalled for that my brain didn't process this until a few thoughts later.

I simply told him to come back later for lunch or go to the coffee shop next door. But it took me 10 minutes to process what he said and snap back to reality.

Anyway, I am saving up for a walking pad.

TRIGGER WARNING for mention of abuse and anxiety

Basically what the title says. We had a really bad arguement where she said things that I am 100% sure were designed to hurt me. I tried to be a good roomate (handling the bills, allowing them to vent to me, giving them gifts and my meals etc...) But I haven't been the best when it comes to cleaning, and I recognize that. She is very precise and almost obsessed over it, and as much as it can be bothersome I understand it.

More than once she snapped at the state of the house, even if it wasn't that dirty, and lately she did it with me. This time tho she really said things designed to hurt me, like that it's better for all of them that I am moving out, that I should call my parents and cry about it, that I am a mentally ill bitch and whatever or that all the other roomates said disgusting thinge about myself- but she refused to tell me what. I know it sounds really stupid, but I have spent my whole life trying to pick the pieces up after I was abused by my ex boyfriend and his friends, I felt like I had made huge progress.

She said all these things only now, I have no idea why they didn't discuss it with me in the first place, if I did a mistake why let the anger build up instead of calling me out on it? Most mistakes she said I did were dumb, but she didn't want to tell me the other things so I have no idea where to start.

Unfortunately her words made me feel really anxious, because now I feel like I can't trust anyone in the house- I feel completely weird and out of place, I felt like this even when I went to meet the new roomates in the new house, I am afraid of the impression I gave them and I am afraid of not being good enough even with them and ending up hated by everyone.

I now feel like even my friends might hate me secretly and just not tell me. I feel completely lonely, useless, weird and stupid. I really can't access a psychologist now because they cost too much and the wait list is too long.

I used to be an XS/S (asian sizing so like an XXS everywhere) but gained a lot of weight into XL/XXL.

When I tried to lose weight again I was already in a bad state of mind ended up in very bad places of the internet (ED communities) and I saw how people treated each other and how "healthy" people reacted to these places to the point of dragging it out to the whole internet.

Basically, you can't go around anymore without people telling you you are bodychecking. Wearing a crop top and t-shirt while filming a tiktok? Bodychecking. Posting an IG story in your pilates class? Bodychecking. Eating a salad and saying you're full? Anorexic, child of the devil.

I did suffer a lot of bodyshaming while growing up thin, I don't think it was as bad as when I got fat, because I gen lost job opportunities because of it, but it was never as bad as now. I think that if I get back to my old body and post a tiktok now, I would get cancelled on every social media existing and get reported to the police for encouragement to EDS.

And I really hate it. I hate every body trend. Because you can't exist without people making it a life or death sentence about you- it's like the fact people made heroin chic, the 2000's and orthorexia a trend on social media is the ultimate death sentence and your body can't exist without being a scapegoat for people who don't know how to let this trend die.

As I said before EDs communities became mainstream and now everyone who has a slight bone sticking out HAS to be anorexic, no other way. And this happened to my friend who is XXXS/XXS too.

It's making me really insecure because I don't know what size should I be to live freely at this point. I don't want to stay fat, but I also don't want to live everyday like I am forced to eat just to prove that I am not starving myself again. People in recovery can stay thin, especially if their bodies are extremely effed up.

Idk I just wanted to rant I hate beauty standards I wish we could just hold hands.

*btw!!! anyonebodyshaming smaller or bigger person will get insulted by me.*

Which is weird because I used to despise my scars. I couldn't even look at them without getting sick. I was (and actually still am) afraid of the consequences of them, but I also feel this unsetting need to have scars- maybe to prove that I am sick or just because I grew up scarred, so that's how I am used to be.

Anyway it really concerns me especially because I can imagine myself in intimate situations with scars and it ends up making men think of really bad things un like how I used to fantasize when I was clean.

It really did get bad again and I'm so tired. I don't even want to finish explaining myself. I wish scars were socially acceptable.

I know it's not the best idea to be friends with other people who SH, but we are all recovering and trying our best!

I really don't know what advice to give my friends who struggle with relapsing. I don't even know how *I* managed to stop if not for the time passing by. The obvious methods (holding ice or snapping a hair tie) don't work and every advice I can ever give feels pointless (not in a bad way, I just say a very obvious thing that doesn't change much). I am left standing there not knowing what to say or do to help them, which I found weird, because I struggled so much but basically learnt nothing.

In the future I would like to have kids, and if anything in their lives happens that could bring them to SH, I am afraid I still wouldn't be able to help them out with anything that isn't cleaning a wound. No words form in my brain and it's like every knowledge of the topic just slips away.

My cousin is young and has a quite difficult situation at home. Being afraid of what might await her in school too, I try to give her a few pep talks and tell her i'll be there for her, but I can't bring myself to do it with my friends or imagine myself doing it with my future kids.

I feel kinda useless lol I would like to help people out but my brain just disconnects.

First of all, I think this only towards myself- I feel really guilty and sad when I see other people or my friends struggling and can totally understand where they come from and I wish them the best.

I relapsed after a long time (I didn't keep count) and it just felt useless and cringe. I laid in bed and thought to myself "Girl, you're 20, get your ass to work, why would you even do that instead of solving whatever was on your mind."

I have been struggling since I was 11 I think and I could never pinpoint the exact reason other than addiction in the last few years, but right now it didn't even make me feel better or worse, just annoyed that I can't wear short sleeves. It's like I did it only because I am used to it instead of facing my (even stupid) problem. My co-workers and classmates don't act like this. I gen don't think I made it to the adult mentality yet.

It feels so different from when I was even 17 and managed to comfort myself somehow or find a reason.