Existentialism won’t stop
Since I was about 8 I’ve had existentialism’s , constantly and the only way to deal with it was to not deal with it, to ignore it. I’ve never fully fit in I have friends but I never truly adapted to regularities like your race truly who I am and when I saw others do it I cringed it felt weird to me because when I think of it truly it feels like it matters so little I see Mexican people listening to Spanish songs and wearing sombreros and I can’t help but look away. It feels so weird that people care about who or what they are besides curiosity it matters so little and people genuinely care about their colors/melatonin and where their ancestors lived. Not only race and culture that confuses me but something that hurts me is the random remembrance of the fact that after death absolutely anything could happen and you can’t just say something like “it’s after death you can’t do anything about it just live your life” but how do I know that I can’t do anything about it what if a religion is right and I’m making the wrong choice what if I get tortured for all of eternity and that that matters the most no matter what happens on earth that is the ultimate trump to anything on earth is the fact you could be tortured for eternity even if it isn’t part of a religion.