u/Xessive_

[removed]

My wife and I have been together for 7 years. Got married back in April. I’ve been struggling looking for a career for sometime now and I want to go into the trades. I used to have a job installing motorized awnings on peoples homes but unfortunately the company went out of business and I was out of a job pretty quickly. At the time we had just moved into a rental home and I needed to get a job quickly to help pay the bills. So I got a job as a server. It’s not a glamorous job but it’s helping pay the bills. Cut to now. She just opened a taekwondo school with her father. Now I’m no business major but I know how hard it is to make a profit in that industry. We had the discussion a few times that maybe we should wait to open this school until I have a more stable job but she insisted to open it now. When asked how she’s going supplement her side of our income, she said she would DoorDash, do care now or get a part time job to pay her half of the bills while she works on the business on the side. Her father is convinced that he’s made a fool proof business plan to where she’d be making profit in a few months. So far there hasn’t been any profit and I was told that now I have to pay for all of our bills. She hasn’t done DoorDash or care now at all. I have. A few weeks ago she brings up the military. I genuinely gave it some thought. She asked her dad, who was a veteran in the South African military, to go to the recruiting office with me. I asked my questions and gave it some genuine thought went to the air force as well. After it was over he tells me, if I was you I would’ve signed up right then. But in my gut I just had the feeling that it wasn’t for me. I wanted to go to trade school. I tell my wife I’m thinking of going to trade school she says who’s gonna pay for it? I said my parents said they would loan me the money. She responds with, your parents can’t fund your life; while simultaneously forgetting the fact her father is funding the entire gym for her. She hit me today with an ultimatum, saying join the service or I’m out. Help?

I (m25) have been dating my girlfriend (f25) for just over a year and a half. We recently moved into a new apartment together, and now some issues are cropping up that weren't there when we weren't living together.

The biggest of these issues is that if she hears me fart, she says I should go change my underwear because now I'm just sitting in shit particles. And while I guess technically she's right, I feel like no one does this. But she's so insistent that it's unhygienic to remain in the same underwear after farting that I'm second-guessing myself, which is why I'm here.

This never came up before we started living together because we just never farted in front of each other. Mine can be pretty rancid sometimes, so if I had to fart when I was with her, I'd try to hold it in until I could step into the bathroom or another room to let it rip.

But now that I'm living with her, I figured we should be comfortable around each other enough to fart if we need to, as long as it's not when we're in close proximity to each other or when we're eating or something. Plus I want to be able to fart in my own home, is that too much to ask?

Today I was in the office playing a VR game. I left the door open because it gets stuffy when it's closed, but I thought my gf was in the living room on her computer, out of earshot. I felt the need to fart, so I did. Apparently she was walking by on the way to the bathroom and heard it, but I didn't see her because I had the headset on, and she didn't say anything right then. But when she came out of the bathroom, she came up to me and asked if I changed my underwear. I took off my headset and said no, why? And she was like because you just farted. I was a little embarrassed because I didn't think she would hear, but I was even more confused and asked why I should change my underwear just because I farted.

She starts talking about poop particles and all that, tells me she always changes her underwear if she farts, and says that me not changing mine is gross. I kind of tried arguing back and saying it's unrealistic because people normally fart several times a day, and who TF is changing their underwear each time? But she just got upset and said that bad hygiene is a deal breaker for her, so I just went and changed my underwear.

Idk what to do. I love her but this is crazy to me and it's even crazier that it's a deal breaker for her. I don't consider myself to be unhygienic, and I don't think that farting without changing your underwear is bad hygiene. I mean if it's more than just a fart then yeah of course you should change it, but not just for a regular fart. Does anyone do this? Any ideas on how I can reason with her? Or am I disgusting for sitting in farty underwear all my life?

I am a 33 years old male in the healthcare field for the past 5 years. AlhamduLeAllah when I was single I worked hard on myself to create a comfortable life and through successful investments I was able to achieve a lot of my financial goals earlier than I thought. One of my goals was to be financially comfortable being married so I can provide a comfortable life for my wife and kids in the future inshallah - AlhamduLeAllah I was able to achieve that.

After reaching that goal 2 years ago, I decided to get married to a woman I met at an Islamic event who is Algerian. She comes from humble background and I was attracted to her values, how she carried herself with respect and her beauty as well - at least that’s how she marketed herself to me. She had part time jobs and she made minimal income - I don’t care about that but it’s important for the context of the story.

One of my requirements was a prenup, which would have applied to any woman I wanted to marry, it’s not about her at all - she agreed and signed the prenup under the condition that it provides her protection incase of a divorce and I did that.

Since we got married, my wife decided to be a stay at home wife by her own choice. I told her I am able to provide $2000 a month in allowance, in addition to me being the main/only provider (that included mortgage, car, insurance, groceries, gas, clothing and every necessity of life).

That’s where the red flags start. I will only mention a few of many many red flags for you to get an idea and tell me your advice/thoughts. Here we go:

1. She starts to tell me how $2000 a month is not enough and they are “okay” but she will be “patient” which insinuates I am not successful enough in her eyes - which I find so demeaning and constantly weighed my mental health down. Keep in mind I don’t make any demands at all while she is at home, I never ask her to cook, clean, do laundry or anything - me intention is to make her life a very peaceful and comfortable life which I think she has been taken for granted given how easy I made things.

2. If there is a month I don’t pay her the allowance due to reasons beyond my ability or just send part of it depending on my expenses for the month, she starts to withhold emotions and act cold with me.

3. She has what I think is an unusual obsession with material things and money because they are brought up in literally every single conversation. I understand that people can like nice things which is normal, but I find her to have an unusual obsession with those things which are evident by her addiction to watching social media posts about influencers who promote this type of lifestyle, she herself doesn’t post anything and doesn’t have followers/following but she consumes this content a lot.

4. She has multiple times tried to use intimacy/sex to leverage a material gain such as a bag or an expensive item. I found that to be highly disturbing given that it happened 4 times, I told her about it and she said that she was joking and I always take things out of context.

5. She constantly makes comments that reflect her view on men and relationships and that without money men can’t have love or intimacy with a woman because what does a woman get in return (whaaaat) lol.

6. Every holiday, birthday, and anniversary she expects lavish gifts. I am talking $10,000+ bags and things like that. I was able to do that a couple of times (unfortunately) but I find it takes away the barakah and given that I am super money conscious I find it haram and unnecessary to spend that much money just to make someone happy. Especially that she knows how I work day and night to provide this life and how stressed I feel constantly. Now I have an anxious association with any holiday because I know I have to prepare big bucks to make her happy, I would rather invest this money.

7. Lastly, MY TRIGGER FOR THE DIVORCE: her birthday was 2 months ago in April. She has been nagging me for so long that she wants this specific bag that’s $12,000. Last minute she also decided to visit her Algerian parents who live in France for 6 weeks and expects me to magically fund that. I gave her a total of $16,000 for both her birthday and trip - thinking that would make her insanely happy and get off my shoulders. To be honest, that really financially overwhelmed me but I was excited to feel the peace after she leaves. Lo and behold, 15 days later she asks me for her $2000 allowance…… I told her that I am overwhelmed lately juggling many responsibilities and I won’t able able to send her monthly allowance this month, especially that my mom is sick and I have been taking care of her financially as well plus the fact that I gave my wife more than enough money for both her birthday and trip. She showed complete disregard to my mental wellbeing or even my mother’s sickness and just said a chore statement like “ok I hope you and your mom get better” and started to completely withhold emotions and act cold with me. When I talked to her about all the insane comments she makes, she deflects and denies every single one of them or just says “she is joking”.

Thats when I went off and asked for divorce. To clear my consciousness in front of Allah, I consulted with an imam, a relationship coach, 3 therapists (1 male Muslim, 1 female Muslim, and 1 female non-Muslim) all of which consistently told me that I am with a scammer and I need to leave as soon as possible.

I always dreamed of being the best husband ever to my wife and future kids. I never thought in a million years that I would be a divorced man, not that there is anything is wrong with that but I tried so hard to make this work and I can’t continue to deny the financial abuse over the past couple of years - this will be financially destructive to me if I continue, especially given that my financial progress in life slowed down significantly since I got married.

I would love to hear your advice and your opinion. Do you agree this is financial abuse and that it’s fair for me to seek divorce or am I overthinking because I am in an emotional state? Am I a bad husband or is what I am doing not enough? You can see how the constant lack of gratefulness from her side is impacting myself image and mental health.

I will preface with the fact that I’m pregnant and he knows this makes me nauseous. I mean he TRULY doesn’t seem to understand that it’s rude to make other people be subject to the smell his very sulfuric and very pungent farts, let alone his pregnant wife. And he doesn’t seem to realize how potent these farts are, sometimes I literally think something crawled up his colon and died and fermented and is escaping out his asshole. l’m trying to enjoy my dinner or settle in for a good nights sleep and he has the audacity to not only let one rip RIGHT NEXT TO ME but insist that it is not that bad. Is he delusional? Is he doing this deliberately? Is he just a self centered slob? Is he too lazy to walk into a bathroom a let it loose? He thinks I’m overreacting and asked me today “how aren’t you used to it by now?” And mind you we went through this the last time I was pregnant with our firstborn. Otherwise the man is a very loving and doting husband but what the actual fuck man

Update:
Thank you all for your advice, laughs, and well wishes! My manchild husband and I are absolutely looking into IBS, food intolerance, etc because a lot of the symptoms track with certain food and alcohol choices. I’m also going to take the advice of whoever said to spray him with febreeze as a counter-attack

If I'm ABC, I'm not adjusting the levels to reduce the crowd volume for these games. I'm just not!