u/anonymousgal2000

My partner and I used to laugh all the time, I never had to think about what I had to say. We had a rough patch and I started getting anxious about our interactions, making sure he was laughing and having a positive experience. I started monitoring myself and him and doing compulsions afterwards analyzing it. Now I can’t really laugh and I feel social anxiety and not like myself anymore when I’m with him. It’s always a performance and I feel almost dissociated sometimes.

Has this happened to anyone else? Did the laughter and ease of conversation come back?

I love my bf very much but sometimes it’s hard because he has very minimal emotional capacity. He needs a lot of alone time to the point that he won’t want to spend time, talk, or be affectionate the whole day (not even 10 min when we live together). On those days he will become very irritable. I notice it’s not just me, when he lived at home he said that he just stayed in his room and rarely wanted to interact with his family and would maybe connect with friends once a year. He says in general how much people drain him. And small social interactions will really set him back, and frustrations in life in general.

It’s confusing because he’ll go from super lovey and sweet one day to extremely cold and irritable. I’ll do small things like maybe I’m feeling tired (I have health issues) and I can’t do what we had planned or something upsetting will happen and he will become upset and shut down for hours. He often gets upset if he wastes time or doesn’t achieve his goals, which I understand but it’s very confusing. Sometimes I’ll communicate asking him if he’s upset with me and he’ll get drained at me for asking what’s wrong. I’m working on not asking with an anxious tone, but is it wrong to want to know what’s going on? I feel sad because I want to cuddle every day for a little bit but he doesn’t seem interested 50% of the days. I communicate that this is hard for me but he just says it’s who he is and sometimes he seems down for days

I love him very much and I just want to understand him and support him, but sometimes I feel hurt by the coldness and feel a lack of security on days like that but also don’t want to come off as pushy, any advice?

Edit: he does like to cuddle and be affectionate half the days it’s just the stark contrast between extreme affection and saying he wants me forever to being cold the next day that often makes me feel uneasy, I sometimes don’t really know for sure how he feels about me because of it

So long story short things were great at beginning of relationship and suddenly I developed HOCD and worried I don’t have enough emotions for my partner and constantly checking.

Then I guess some things happened that made me feel less secure like him saying he wished he’d explored more women and asking me questions like “what if I need to sleep with other women?” I think he has ocd too but that made me spiral. And I guess after draining him a lot with my bdd and being emotionally unstable and anxiously attached he told me he’s not sure if I’m the love of his life and oftentimes he’ll talk about the hardships of the relationship rather than the positive. I feel like I’ve dug myself a hole, now my ocd is just about him leaving me and what if he doesn’t want to be with me or think positively about me or feel that connected. Which is all based on reality. I don’t worry about hocd anymore or my emotions.

Just knowing his questions from the past and now knowing for a fact he doesn’t see me as the love of his life and oftentimes can’t really say many positive things about me and doesn’t seem as worried about losing me anymore, it’s been so hard. I don’t know if it’s ocd or I generally don’t feel secure in the relationship. He says he wants this to work but it’s been months of him not seeming fully committed to me.

I have been to treatment and now won’t involve him in my ocd at all for a couple weeks but then one day something will happen where I worry I made a mistake and worry he’ll get more drained by me and I start asking questions or crying and he gets so drained and he will be drained for days and I will have to start all over again. I feel so much pressure to have so many good days or else he won’t ever want to fully commit to me because so many times he’s maybe started to feel that way again and then I’ll have an ocd spiral about him not feeling certain ways about me and he’ll start thinking negatively again. I don’t want to be this way. I just want to know if someone has this experience or people’s thoughts bc I can’t distinguish ocd from real relationship worries. If anyone has any advice or similar experience

I’m having trouble letting my emotions control me. About once a week something small will happen and I will absolutely spiral and freak out with my boyfriend and ask for tons of reassurance and can’t communicate properly. I don’t know why I get this way and I hate feeling like I can’t control myself. Every time after I’m like I desperately don’t want to do that again, I don’t want to drain my boyfriend. But for some reason I panic and need to ask questions or will not be able to get myself out of the panic mode. It’s often when I feel like I made a “mistake” and think my bf will judge me (just when I feel like I did something wrong (minor too and often unrelated to ocd) on accident and made my bf have a negative emotion about me basically) Just resisting sometimes doesn’t seem like an option.

Any ideas?

I’ve been having a difficult time knowing what’s too much and what’s not with my partner. I have greatly managed my anxious attachment and I feel like my partner will always say even my bare minimum needs are just anxiety now and I need to manage things on my own. Sometimes I’m torn between whether my needs are actually valid? My needs are things like having reassurance (only a few times a week), being able to talk about what we mean about each other emotionally and having deep conversations about that, to feel like my partner thinks I’m the love of his life and wants to marry me (after 1.5 years), and having planned date nights off of our phones each week, and feeling like my partner cares if things don’t work out between us (not just ‘going with the flow’) and in general how I feel about the relationship (like needing reassurance too, clearly caring about things). Even if my partner already does some things for me like making me breakfast and saying I’m beautiful, I don’t know if these other things are too much. My partner often says that I need to be reliant on my own and stuff like that and manage my anxiety and doesn’t really listen to the things I communicate. The first 6 months he was so affectionate and obsessed with me and needed reassurance too now it doesn’t seem like he cares

Maybe this is a dumb question but I’m just not doing great and feeling pretty lonely. I’ve been feeling pretty invalidated to a point I’m not sure what’s right and what’s wrong.

My eye bags have slowly become worse and worse and have gotten lower into my face and more hollow as the years of sleep deprivation go by. I’m only 26, is this reversible once I figure things out? :/

Any success stories of appearance improving would be great. I can’t imagine looking this tired and dead for a long time :(

So when I was younger I had braces, no teeth removal or anything like that, but after the braces were completed I asked my ortho like why does my jaw look different? I could not smile with my teeth and my jaw looked extremely set back. She said my jaw didn’t really grow as I got older? And she referred me to a jaw surgeon. I was 17 years old. I ended up going to I’m now realizing a shitty surgeon but he was kind and had a good bedside manner which I guess was appealing to me as a 17 year old. He said my airway was very constricted and I got a diagnosis for sleep apnea. He did an MMA on me moving both jaws forward. When I got out of the surgery I actually had to undergo a second one a week later because of the extreme asymmetry of my midline. After that everything was fine until months later I noticed crunching in my upper jaw. I went to one of the best surgeons in my city and he said I had a non union, insufficient screws, etc. so he said I needed a revision. I asked him, since everything was basically covered by insurance, if he could increase my teeth show while I’m under and he said yea I could bring your upper jaw down (downgraft) with a graft from your hip. And I was like okay will that affect my profile at all? And he said no it will look the same. And he did mention forward movement but I was happy with where my jaws were and I asked if it was necessary for my airway and he said no it’s fine. He glanced at my cbct scan for like 3 seconds. So I thought it would be fine to keep it where it was since it was already a big shock to me how much more forward my jaws were. So we went to through with the surgery. First things I noticed when I got out was my jaw looked a lot more recessed. I kind of freaked out because I didn’t like it aesthetically but I had no idea what it would do in the future functionally. I tried to complain to him but he would dismiss all my concerns. Maybe all this was my fault and I realize I didn’t do enough research. I will always regret this. I was so young though and I also have mild autism, so keep that in mind.

Fast forward 6 years I guess I felt okay. I graduated from college. I was always more tired than most people but I could still exercise and have a life, but then 6 years after the surgery I started developing health issues, debilitating fatigue, weakness, muscle aches, tension headaches, runny nose, etc. it’s progressed to the point where I’m bed bound most days. My anxiety and ocd has also become very severe and I am very much resistant to treatment. I got an at home sleep study with an RDI of 12 but AHI almost 0 and things started making sense.

I’m not really sure what to do. I lost my job because I was too fatigued to do the work. I was hoping maybe one day I could do Marpe but I realized you can’t even do that after a DJS. I don’t really have money so I don’t have the money for one of the UARS specialists people talk about out of state. I need stuff covered by my insurance. I’ve heard about Ken hooks but hes not covered by insurance and I’m not sure if it would count as an official diagnosis. Went to the ENT and he said there’s inflammation in my nose, just gave me a spray and nothing else, and that my sleep study didn’t show anything and to follow through with the in clinic test. He said my nose probably isn’t the problem bc my sleep study didn’t show sleep apnea. But the in clinic study is not really getting covered by insurance and they keep setting me up with appointments months and months away. I doubt they’d even test for RERAs. I really just want a CBCT that’s covered by my insurance. Also I have possibly tmj maybe that could get insurance to cover something?

I did get a cheap bipap machine but I’ve tried many times to fall asleep with it with no luck… I have a hard time falling asleep in general and to have something on your face all night is the worst.

Nobody really believes me. They think it’s all related to my anxiety. My relationship is suffering, my family doesn’t really believe in UARS.

I don’t have a job I’m too weak to even make food and haven’t been eating much because of it, also experiencing extreme nausea. I just want to live my life :( and I also don’t want to lose a bunch of money

I know I’ve posted here a few other times but I could really use help, keeping money in mind, as the bipap machine was really all I could afford for now.

As of now, I’m going to get a second opinion from an ENT and keep trying the bipap but that’s all I can think of for now

I’ve been having a lot of health issues and i think it’s related to sleep and my nose.

Throughout the day, I often get runny eyes and nose and pressure in my sinuses. And often times there will be soreness behind my eyes throughout the day. It’s not constant but it’s quite frequent. My nose is always very slightly runny. But sometimes it gets worse with the runny eyes. When I plug my finger into both nostril, there’s always one nostril I can barely breathe from and the other is fine, and it frequently switches which side I can breathe from. I take strips and any breathing strips do nothing because the problem is mostly congestion I believe.

ENT said when they stuck a camera up my nose that my nasal passages and turbinates were inflamed. But he kind of just gave me an antihistamine spray (which didn’t work) and told me I didn’t need to see him again. Considering a second opinion.

I tested negative on all of my allergy blood tests

Right now I’m trying Flonase, hasn’t worked yet and it was my 4th day.

So I have debilitating fatigue, I can’t work, I’m mostly bed ridden.

I had a WatchPAT done and had a lot of breathing events, nearly 0 AHI but 12 average RDI. I don’t notice any obvious breathing issues other than slightly inflamed nose… j can mouth tape and keep my tongue on roof of mouth the whole night, so it’s definitely not tongue collapse. When I breathe in there’s no obvious issues.

Unfortunately I had 2 jaw surgeries that were botched (before I knew I had uars but there was some forward movement but definitely underadvanced) so I don’t really have the money (revisions are a lot more expensive).

My palate is not narrow much at all, I don’t know if I’d really qualify for Marpe.

I do have allergy symptoms but the ENT kinda dismissed me and put me on an antihistamine spray that didn’t work.

I do have a bipap but I have trouble falling asleep and haven’t been able to sleep on it and thinking of wearing that for the rest of my life feels really shitty, especially because falling asleep is hard enough :/ I will keep trying though…

How do I know what’s really going on? I’m not even really getting approved for an in clinic test, they keep pushing it off. ENT said to get the in clinic test that I can’t even get… I seriously can’t live like this anymore

Thinking about airway ortho, Jerald Simmons but idk how to get any of it covered by insurance if I don’t have a uars diagnosis. Simmons is far from me, I’m in SOCAL so not ideal. I really would like a cbct scan or some other testing but idk what kind of doctor to consult that will cover insurance

I don’t have much money because I can’t work…

I mouth tape and have trained my tongue to stay on the roof of my mouth (I wake up w it there). My nose and my sinuses are really irritated and runny a lot. I had a blood test for allergies, all negative. But during the day my nose is stuffed and can only breathe out of one nostril. So that’s definitely the case at night too. Nose strips don’t work for me, I’m still congested.

I tried an antihistamine spray and it didn’t work, going to try Flonase next, any suggestions or success stories treating the nose?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half.

I really struggled with ocd and relationship anxiety for a while and that really emotionally drained him which is totally reasonable, I took accountability and really have greatly reduced all of the things I had been doing in the past (ie: reassurance seeking, being hurt if he needed a lot of space). I do a lot for him now and I feel I’m really caring towards him. I make sure that I’m in a good mood every day and being present and loving. I’m often tracking things and making sure that I’m keeping myself accountable.

Problem is that if I make one mistake he completely shuts down. Yesterday I was feeling sick and my bf was playing video games all day and I paused my movie at the end of the night to spend time with him. I just started touching his arm and we started talking but then he moved back to the chair. I felt hurt and was like “why don’t you want anything to do with me today?” In an upset tone. I 100% agree that wasn’t the way to ask and I try really hard to not make mistakes like that. He ended up coming up to me and telling me that it drained him and I was like okay I will work harder. But then he started saying it’s “constant” and that I do it a lot. But that’s not true and he agreed it maybe happens like once a month now. But it stresses me out so much that one slip up can make him feel so negatively about the relationship. He shuts down completely and doesn’t want to really spend time with me or be affectionate for days.

I told him how stressful this pattern is and how hard I try to be the best girlfriend I can be and he started getting super frustrated and saying “you shouldn’t be stressed out, it’s literally fine” and stuff like that. I told him how much it hurts, even though I understand his needs, that he pulls away and it feels like I have to start over and over again, being a perfect girlfriend with no mistakes. And I did it for 2 weeks like that and now I feel just so not good thinking I have to do it all over again before he becomes affectionate and positive about the relationship again. I’ve tried to initiate talks where we can talk about what we appreciate about each other but he seems to just avoid it, but I’ve really needed a balance between hearing negative things and positive things. I feel like I’m a really good girlfriend. I constantly ask him if he needs anything, I make him homemade gifts, massage him, etc. I ask him if he needs to play a game if he’s stressed and do deep breaths with him. maybe I’m doing too much, but it feels like one mistake can erase all of that. I started to cry and get nervous at the end of the conversation but I left the room. He says the conversations drain him because we’re talking about the same things over and over. But the conversations could go so much more smoothly if he just validated the stress I was going through and be able to talk in a gentle loving tone. I wouldn’t feel like it was a “start over” and he denies that it’s starting over but it sure feels like it

I’m really at an all time low and this is stressing me out so bad, but maybe I’m in the wrong here. Maybe I shouldn’t be stressed?

I always have my tongue on my palate and with the reviv mouthguard there’s not enough space for my tongue to fit.

I have the R3 and I got the large recommended size. This is my first time using a mouth guard but something just doesn’t feel right about it

I have no appetite, extremely nauseous dizzy, I quit my job recently, even the thought of walking to the kitchen and getting water feels too much. I have headaches behind my eyes and feel paralyzed when I wake up. Anxiety is through the roof,I’m not truly sure if I have uars but in my watchpat I had 12 RDI and almost 0 AHI. I just got a bipap but can’t fall asleep w it yet. I tape my mouth every night now and keep my tongue in the roof of my mouth just fine.

Honestly it feels like I’m slowly dying. My nose and eyes are running, my throat hurts (not normal illness sickness but just long term feeling slightly sick. I’ve gone to urgent care many times and my primary and they say nothing is wrong…

Has anyone’s symptoms truly been this bad? I’m honestly extremely concerned with the state of my health. I’m only 25F.

I went to ent and he said he doesn’t think my nos is causing sleep issues, but they did say I have perforations and enlarged turbinates

I feel like I’ve sabotaged my relationship. In the past I would get so anxious and ask for reassurance and make my boyfriend answer questions and then keep asking it again and again not hearing his obvious answers. I’ve greatly reduced it, but it’s never enough. Now he won’t share anything personal with me and seems very nonchalant about the relationship ending.

Every day I’m under so much stress. I have to hold my breath not to cry. If I accidentally ask one reassurance question or make a mistake and get triggered by something for a moment and quickly apologize, it’s a bad day. Even though I had been working so hard to fix things and I did for months. Then one stressful conversation began (which he started) while I was having ocd and he was upset and it triggered me to ask the questions all over again and I became suicidal. Then he needs a week to recover and doesn’t want much to do with me. Because I’ve been so stressed out trying not to let him see my emotional pain, I’m under tremendous stress. I also am dealing with physical health issues. I try to do a lot for him like care for him and do things for him. But I guess I ruined everything bc of my ocd in the past and every little things that comes up reinforces these things for him. Things can be going so wonderfully then one bad day like that and he starts saying we only have 15% of a connection and we don’t have a safe place and I’m just exhausted. He thinks so highly of me then I have an accident and it all goes down the drain. This last incident just crushed me with exhaustion because I worked so so hard. And I haven’t been the same since due to his reaction. He also doesn’t respond to my ocd well like often times he’ll come over with rolled eyes and a pillow on his face in exhaustion before I’d even said anything. I’d do anything for him to just hold me and have empathy, but it seems like he hates my ocd. He says it’s so repetitive and that I just need to be okay. But this environment is making it worse.

I’m worried I ruined everything. I know what I did in the past wasn’t good and I’ll probably never get rid of this pattern and things won’t work out. I so badly want to just be told that he doesn’t want to lose me and hear about how much I mean to him, to have an emotional connection again. But idk if that’s possible anymore. But I fear I’ll always be too much for people, no one will be able to handle me. Even if I try so so hard. I truly do. Is this always the case? I need hope

Hello everyone. I have a nasal mask and just started using cpap machine. I took a sleeping pill last night, one that usually gets me to fall asleep right away and I just couldn’t fall asleep with the cpap on. Right when I took it off I fell asleep 10 min later. I noticed I was beginning to drift off maybe a little but I’d wake up. I think maybe because it just feels uncomfortable? Like there’s a tube you have to keep adjusting and it just feels like I can’t relax. At first I felt that “air hunger” but then I adjusted the pressure setting and honestly got used to it. Maybe I was anxious about it working and was just super aware of the mask on, I’m not sure. I really have hope for this but I have to fall asleep first! Thanks!

At the beginning he was very very affectionate. And anxiously attached. He’d ask me to message me every hour when I was out ,ask me for reassurance, get super jealous about my past experiences. It was very clear that he was anxious about things ending and didn’t want that to happen. It was like that for the first 8 months I’d say

Now, after some relationship issues where I had struggled w mental and physical health myself and he said he was emotionally drained. He had also moved in with me which changed his energy even more. Now he doesn’t seem to care that much about the relationship ending. He seems very nonchalant about things ending like “yea we probably have a 50/50 chance of working out”. He also used to get anxiety about not experiencing other people but he didn’t want to lose me. I’m sure if he gets anxious about that now but I’m told not to ask anymore. Whereas before like he’d act like losing me was the last thing he’d ever want to happen. I’ve taken accountability for the things that drain him and when things have been good I notice his energy towards me becomes a bit different slightly but even after weeks it still isn’t the same. But once we have a difficult conversation (no screaming or calling each other names) just frustration about us not understanding each other , or if I relapse with some of my mental health for 1-2 days and am crying a lot (without asking for much support now) he will become drained all over again. I feel like he’s checked out and I’m not sure what else to do, one “bad” day can start over everything I had worked towards for our relationship, and I’m feeling really exhausted. He goes cold for like a week and he’ll stay that way unless I have really good energy the whole time, and because we live together it’s just a lot of expectation. It’s just a lot of pressure. Im struggling greatly with many things in my life and I want to feel like I can slowly get better on my own time. I’m not sure what happens or what else to do. Yes I’ve communicated and really all he says is my energy and bad mental health days drain him and we need to have consistent good days. But I feel like we will go weeks having good days and no fighting. The once a bad day happens, it’s all bad and he forgets everything before. My energy might be low but I do a lot for him… I love him very much and he knows that, so it feels like it’s never enough. I’m so tired of the back and forth, finally feeling like he’s excited to be with me again and then him being distant and having negative things to say about the relationship. I don’t know what’s true anymore. I know he’s drained but it’s hurtful and stressful

My boyfriend had become so drained fromy questioning and my low energy from sadness that he began to become more emotionally numb or be able to say I’m the love of his life anymore. He says that he hopes we work out but it’s unsustainable for him. But the thing is is that I’m trying so so hard. I’ll go two weeks without asking him more than one question a day and he’ll start saying things like “I always want to take care of you” and other stuff and then one day (usually during my pms) we will have a disagreement, some disagreement where I get anxious if he will leave me and he gets frustrated that my OCD is coming through and his frustration makes my anxiety even worse. Amd then all the progress goes down the drain. He will then need weeks to recover and start thinking negatively about our relationship again. I do so much for him I’m always making sure he’s okay and show him that I love him, I don’t know what more he could ask for. Yes I’m low energy a lot and have health issues too but I’ve never put him down and I’ve loved him with everything I have. I know he’s drained but it’s just hard. He said that if I was completely ocd free for 3 weeks, my energy, everything, that he’d be able to say the things he used to and feel the things he used to. But it’s so hard when every little energy or thing that I do can drain him and make him want to marry me even less. He does a lot for me and I appreciate him but I’m just so stressed out and feel like I have to start over every time I have a “bad” day. I’m not saying him being drained isn’t valid just venting about how hard this is. I don’t know how much more I have left to keep trying after starting over hundreds of times.

My palette is normal, it’s narrow but my maxilla is recessed. I’ve gotten used to mewing. I do chin tucks and have attempted to fix my posture throughout the day. When I sleep my tongue is often still mewing most of the time. I hear people saying you can’t get results unless you remove your retainer is that true? I’m 25 F,so maybe results aren’t even possible… I have a plastic retainer I only wear every other night. I never had a misaligned bite just my teeth were a little crooked as a teen

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. At the beginning of the relationship, we connected extremely deeply and it was amazing. Eventually he said he’s certain of me he wants to marry me and I’m absolutely the love of his life. He’d tell me how special I am and how he couldn’t imagine his life without me. Unfortunately soon I developed pretty bad mental and physical issues which I still struggle with. I don’t really know the end to either of them now but it was hard on him at the beginning. I’d stress him out and be unable to do most things with him because of my severe fatigue. But I’ve worked my ass off, took accountability for all my stuff, and have greatly kept him out of my issues (before I’d ask for too much support which emotionally drained him). I work hard every day going to doc appointments to address my health. A few months after these things had started he started saying he was emotionally drained and numb and that he’s uncertain if I’m the love of his life because he wants things to be sustainable. But now, even when I give him all the space in the world, rarely ask for emotional support, he’s still uncertain of me. He said we have a 50/50 chance of working out because he still feels emotionally drained. I think it’s because I’m low energy form my health issues and depression but we still laugh and have fun together every day, but I’ve cut out all the other behaviors he’s explicitly told me that drained him. But now that I worked to get rid of them, he now adds more things. He says he needs me to be happy to be confident and have passions again for him to know if I’m the love of his life. But something doesn’t sit right with me about that, you know things feel so unstable. I do so much for him too like I make him meals, support him when he’s sad, tell him how proud I am of him, i love him unconditionally despite his financial struggles, I make him homemade gifts and love letters . It hurts me that with all the love I have for him and the love I give to him, that he still doesn’t want to be with me as badly as I do. I understand that people become uncertain sometimes, but now it’s been over 6 months, and I’ve always desired a relationship where someone wants to marry me and be together forever as much as I do. He says he loves me that I’m beautiful and appreciates me every single day, he obviously cares about me and he wants to spend time with me, but just knowing that I have no idea where this relationship is going really affects me. There’s nothing really bad about our relationship, we do things for each other, we laugh together. But Sometimes I think maybe he wants me to be someone I’m not. He acts like he can’t be certain unless I’m completely happy and healthy and that (unintentionally) puts immense pressure on me as I am desperately trying to figure out a solution to my health issues. My greatest fear is waiting years and years pouring my heart out to this man and him still being uncertain. I’m starting to just feel jaded about this relationship, maybe this feeling isn’t warranted because overall he’s a great man, I just would like some advice. I’ve tried to communicate but he says he can’t force feelings, which I completely undertand, I’m not trying to change who he is, I’m just trying to think of the next steps for myself .

TLDR: been through mental and health issues that drained my boyfriend, said he’s uncertain, now feel lost about where things are headed.