u/beyondhelp7854

I have a pretty good list of what I want out of a relationship: a traveling companion, a best friend, a source of emotional intimacy, and physical affection. I can visualize the ways in which a relationship could provide these things in ways I can't replicate in my single life.

Yet, I find that the more measured and diverse my fulfillment becomes, the less existential yearning I feel for a relationship. If I go to a rave, I know how much more fun it is to go with a partner. But then I think about how... lightweight and agile I feel outside of a relationship. And it's not to say I think "meh most women are high maintenance, why bother?" It's more like going out with ANYONE and making decisions is like turning an aircraft carrier while I can just turn on a dime.

So what is this? Is it nervous system healing that still has to happen before the thought of steering that ship is less daunting?

Would he survive?

It seems like fashion companies are trending towards making short sleeves go down to the elbows, and for them to be as baggy as possible. It's becoming harder to find shirts that fit "well".

So this question is less "what should I do?" and more "do you like where the trend is going?" Is there some support for it? Im not here to argue, I just want to know if this is just fashion companies being ridiculous or not.

Just curious. For awhile I was meditating and Ive had a hard time getting back into it. It's almost like my ADHD has gotten worse. Thinking of CBT, but I don't want to just constantly switch between solutions

Years ago, I did this Ferrari driving school experience in Florence. We actually got about an hour of driving the car and I felt like it was relatively inexpensive. Maybe like 600 euros.

Any time Ive done anything close to that in the states, it has been hugely dissapointing. You get three laps around a parking lot or a track.

Dry rentals of supercars are absurdly expensive. I like driving on actual roads, but it's nice to have someone in the car to let me know if the car can handle more speed.

I have been lifting for a long time. I have a decent physique and intermediate PRs

For fun, I decided to do seated calf raises with one leg at a time. I found two observations:

1. That my right leg is laughably weaker than my left. Im talking 20+ reps vs 3 at the same weight. This explains some of the overuse stuff Ive been feeling.

2. That im unbelievably sore. Like first-time lifting after months sore. I'm on day 4 and my calves, which i load up with heavy weight in multiple variations and pause at the stretch, cannot fucking handle stairs.

My conclusion is to literally just do single leg stuff for every exercise. Single legged hack squat until Im comfortable going heavier with Bulgarians, heavy single legged curls plus glute kicks instead of RDLs, and single legged calf raises.

The thought is that doing an RDL 80/20 power imbalance is doing more harm than good.

It feels like multiple women try to guage my potential very early in the process, and Im trying to figure out if Im just being defensive or not.

I have a creative job but I make more than enough to meet my travel and savings goals. It is also my biggest creative outlet and a passion. It seems like I attract women who make at least double what I do just based on job title alone (IB, PE, big law, medicine).

It seems like they ask a lot of questions about my ambition. Have you thought of opening a business? Who is in charge of the whole thing? Is that something you're interested in?

Im just confused, because they go out of their way to talk about how the men in their industries are dull and emotionally unavailable. But like, wouldn't that mean theyre tired of men who define their ambition by the amount of people they manage or raw salary progression? Or are they trying to have their cake / eat it too?

I'm not threatened by a woman making more money, nor do I expect to stop working. Still, am I incompatible with these women? Or are they just asking the questions they're used to asking the guys in their fields? I have asked two female friends and they both have said it sounds like these women are just trying to see my growth potential.

Just a PSA, when I exited Alexa plus, follow up mode turned itself on with all my devices.

I understand why women are turned off by guys who seem like they're trying to fill a void by finding a partner, and so they prefer men with things going on.

However, I have experienced that this is often related to someone really only feeling loved if they "win" your presence, and that at the inevitable point where you start spending more time together, they lose interest because it's no longer a fight.

What is the answer besides just coming on strong at the beginning?

My RDL is 185 right now so I just throw 2 35s on each side. My thought is: why bend down? Which is ironic, I guess

As in, if I start having protein farts, does that mean Ive had enough for the day?

I think there's an unspoken truth about relationships.

In general, and especially in heterosexual relationships, women have more moments where they have to be vulnerable. This creates a double standard, because that greater vulnerability does mean that there are more moments where a man is expected to put his needs for validation, kindness, and support aside while providing it for their partner.

I think that men face this incorrectly in a few ways. Either they agree with it, and use it as a means to control their partner and use “protection” as an excuse, or they focus on the unfairness of it which displays a lack of empathy.

Many women also face this incorrectly in a major way. The only way they can feel safe or valued is if a man is willing to constantly reinforce this dynamic.

I believe that this explains almost all of the relationship and gender war pain point that people experience. The only solution, therefore, is mutual empathy.

A man should be going into a relationship with a woman ready to acknowledge that she has been let down in this way. At the same time, he needs to screen for women who might let him down as well. This means that when she talks about her expectations and boundaries, he needs to do so with an open mind to nuance and be willing to ask follow up questions. Shutting down and immediately getting defensive if a woman talks about wanting a man to be able to lead or grow means you're not ready for the nuance of a relationship. Chances are you're probably not devoid of leadership qualities, so assuming she's asking to be free from accountability is not really fair.

And I would say the same thing for women. If a man asks you to clarify what you mean by leadership or growth, or puts qualifiers in it, and your gut reaction is to assume that he is trying to figure out how little effort he can put in, you're not ready for a relationship. And the thing is… it's fine if you're not. Nobody needs a relationship, but I would argue that you shouldn't be spending your time seeking one out.

The problem with thinking "most of the time when someone says that, it means x,y,z" is that you're automatically projecting your experiences onto another person. It means that you've completely closed your mind off to the possibility that a certain problem can even exist. Or worse, you're assigning blame to them for getting into the situation in the first place.

Meditation has done an excellent job of allowing me to accept a lot of the things in my life with gratitude.

For instance, I quite like the actual "doing" and hands on nature of my job. I used to strive to be at the level above mine, but then I realized that my life would be more about schmoozing and less about doing. I used to compare myself to others and sit in my self-pity about where I was in life.

The problem is that there have been more moments where this acceptance is challeneged. Every now and then, it feels like opportunities to "level up" present themselves. Because they didnt involve any desperate "striving", I find myself being very attached to the idea that these are natural opportunities I need to sieze. Then, if they don't work out, I get upset.

TLDR: Id love to know how to approach meditation more from the perspective of "changing the things I can" then "accepting the things I can't"

If I want to screen out women who "sometimes" or "never" exercise, I can't. There are women who clearly exercising IN ONE OF THEIR PICTURES that don't answer the prompt.

Same thing with politics. Why cant I just say no "moderates", "apoliticals", or "conservatives"? What if I don't need someone intentionally liberal but I DEFINITELY don't want someone intentionally anything else.

I do not have the time or energy to deal with an entirely new social circle. I don't want to make a season-long commitment to give up hours of my weekend. I have friends. I have things I like to do. My cup is full, so to speak, so the thought of adding more to it on the off chance I'll meet a partner sounds exponentially worse than just being alone.

Are you gentlemen/ladies sitting down with attractive people? Ive heard that men dont go to these, but it always looks like the men part is sold out.

I remember having an ex that towards the end, complained about the fact that being in a relationship meant they had to "feel bad" if they made out with someone else. Obviously I told them, "you don't have to, but Im not going to stay with you if you do".

And I keep thinking about the fact that even though society would call them an asshole, there are probably lots of things they did that affected me where it would be "controlling" to ask them to address it