Hi!
I would love to hear your advice on how to improve my ability to transition from one activity to the next. I am struggling to keep a routine.
Bonus points if it can be used at home since I live independently!
I thought about getting a smart watch and hooking it up to my alarms but I may need more of a bigger visual for home.
Any suggestions would be amazing!
I’ve made a HUGE breakthrough in my progress and wanted to share. If anyone can relate to me, I would love to hear your story!!
I realized that I was the reason I wasn’t making progress. I was able to calm the intellectualizer down. I was able to grip the shame and not let it take me over. Once you can do that, being radically honest with yourself is SO much easier.
I believed I that the trauma destroyed me and I couldn’t find my way back to myself ever again. Like my existence was defined by the trauma. But now that my memories are coming back, I’ve realized that little me had always known who she was. She had never lost herself despite the trauma. She fought like hell and then helped me fight to get back to her. I stopped singing in the shower. I stopped blasting my music with the windows down singing to my favorite songs. I stopped dedicating time to the things that I love. I isolated myself from the things that I needed, people and joy.
I’m so proud of all of us for doing this work. It’s truly for ourselves. Therapy saves lives and rescues souls. Thank you for reading! If you are still in the thick of it, this is hope that it does get better!!!
I have always been allergic to nickel. I could only wear high end sterling silver jewelry as a kid. My metal allergy was one of the worst reactions I had as a kid.
I have been using a Stanley/Yeti tumbler since around COVID. I saw on a Facebook post that a woman found out that her tumblers were making her sick due to her metal allergies. I was shocked that I didn’t realize this and now highly suspect that’s my situation as well.
I want to switch to a glass tumbler but I’ve heard stories about glass shards breaking off and people swallowing them. Any recommendations for a water bottle/tumbler? I would prefer a tumbler to support my hyper mobility but I’m open to other suggestions!
We recently moved to a new city and have been unemployed for 2 months. The last year and half had been an absolute sharknado and I wanted to take some time off of work to just BREATHE. In that time, our life has fallen apart.
I (Host) wanted to clarify that this isn’t a “victim” post. We know that the choices that were and are being made are how we are here in the sharknado spiral. Host thinks advice coming from other systems may be the answer. Sorry for the long post!
In 2025 we were diagnosed with CPTSD.
Host had to slowly estrange and escape from my abusers and it took me the entire year to do it. As we took more control/autonomy back and slowly escaped, my system felt safe enough to reveal more symptoms to me (host). Including the reality of the physical pain and CI’s. (bless them for dissociating me from feeling the brunt of my symptoms so I could survive) It wasn’t until IFS that led to a DID diagnosis a several months ago. I was in complete denial (sometimes still am) but now that we have moved away and abusers don’t have access to the new address, some alters have felt safe enough to let me meet them. Which has been huge!!!
As for the job portion, finances are running low. We’ve been trying to almost force applying and getting jobs and it has not succeeded. We have only applied for 2 jobs in the last 2 months. Some alters feel we need disability so we are looking into that. Other alters are advocating for simply getting a part time job until disability comes but they have been overpowered by others who are extremely worried about our chronic illness and the effects of another job on our health. For a 25 year old body, the health level is more like an 80 year old.
WFH jobs would be best but with the current job market, that has not gone well.
The biggest concern however is potential homelessness. My alters would rather die than have to go back to our abusers. If we cannot get finances together or some sort of support, that’s a real possibility. We have a dog too that makes it worse.
I (Host) also think not having a safe person or community to open up to since the move and friends have mostly fallen away over the past year. We don’t have the energy to attend anything hobby related so we haven’t been able to make new friends that way either. We have completely isolated without even realizing it. Like we are probably in denial of how bad this isolation is affecting us. We moved to a completely new city with no safety net and are completely alone. No family or friends. Some alters believe that the system isn’t ready to be able to detect a safe person to befriend yet because of some of our former friends being toxic/abusive. We do have a roommate but she is much older, completely opposite and has displayed boundary violation behavior. Having a personal relationship with her is not something we want. That in itself is progress but maybe it’s contributing to the isolation? Also, having to tell a friend about us is something we’ve never done before so that’s probably not helping.
These are all multiple issues and the emergent one is finances and employment. The spiral seems impossible to get out of. We realize too that we need to find a new therapist to help support us but finances haven’t allowed for that. Thank you in advance!
Hi! I wanted to ask if anyone has experience getting disability in Texas?
I recently moved cities and I’ve been unemployed for 2 months. I have tried for the past 2 months to force myself to apply and get another full time job but my body is refusing.
Like I know this will sound like I’m being lazy but I promise I’ve been trying to do it. I am surviving off of credit cards that are running low so I know I’m screwed soon.
I could work a sit down job but it’s to the point that I have been unable to force myself to even apply anywhere. Work from home would be best but entry level WFH jobs are SO hard to get and I had applied for a ton a while ago and never got one.
I’m running out of options so I am looking into getting on disability. What is the best method to get the best and most effective benefits? I am about to research on the website but I know I’ve been told it’s incredibly difficult to get benefits so if anyone has advice I would appreciate it!
I am not severely worried about becoming homeless but I probably should be and some advice on how to crawl out of this (even if it’s not gov disability) would be so helpful. Thank you!
Hi!
I wanted to ask if anyone who has EDS or HEDS has recommendations for trauma yoga modifications?
My therapist has recommended yoga to me several times. I have done 1 online session of it and enjoyed it but it’s not great for my EDS.
I have a more severe dissociative disorder and the trauma yoga session I did brought down my amnesia barrier for me to experience a flashback. It truly did feel like I helped get it unstuck from my body. The other somatic techniques I’ve tried haven’t worked like this one did. I would love to keep doing it without putting my physical health at more risk. Thank you!
I saw a poem about child abuse survivors and trying to cope.
It said:
“I found some peace in acknowledging that my dad was not entirely a bad man. But he was not a good father.”
I struggle with wrapping my mind around how my parents could be the way that they were with others(and me on very rare occasions) but still abuse me severely enough to cause me brain damage and mental health disorders. This poem gave me some comfort.
I had a hard time believing that my parents were truly evil people because had I not gotten into therapy when I did, I would’ve repeated the cycle.
Like how can I believe that my parents are completely evil and there’s absolutely no hope for them but not believe that about my younger self? Am I doomed to repeat the cycle regardless of how much therapy I do? Are all of my traits rooted in my trauma (good or bad?)
Don’t get me wrong, they still chose to do evil against an innocent child but they didn’t choose it with every single human they interacted with. They knew what they were doing was wrong on some level but they had been programmed that way themselves so they didn’t know the full depth of what they were doing.
This probably should’ve been a journal entry but hopefully some of you can relate.
Hi! I wanted to ask if anyone is doing IFS therapy and what your experience is like doing it? Especially if you found out that you have DID/OSDD through doing IFS. That is how I found out and wanted to see if anyone had similar experiences. I’m still going through denial of my diagnosis so any similar experiences would be appreciated :)
When you started parts work, did you experience hearing thoughts that aren’t “yours” so to speak?
Like when I started parts work, I initially only felt the parts in my body. The parts spoke from my “body” or the areas where I store pain. I could envision the part in my head but the communication was in my body.
However, I slowly started “hearing” thoughts that I knew were not my own thoughts. They felt like they were coming from the “back” of my head and behind a giant “wall”.
My therapist later kept accusing me of putting up walls which frustrated me because I thought it was not a conscious choice. I also tried EMDR with a different therapist and I remember hearing a thought “we need to do whatever it takes to keep her out” which was not my own thought. It shocked me and that’s what led me to seek out different diagnosis and treatment.
Did anyone experience this from their systems?
I guess what I’m asking is how do you separate the IFS “parts” from alters? They seem to be very similarly set up (having roles, carrying trauma) all to protect the systems or “core self”. My alters were created to protect and they carry emotions like IFS parts do. Like do your different alters have their own IFS parts?
I haven’t done IFS that’s modified for DID/OSDD yet (to my knowledge, my previous therapist might have done it and I didn’t know) so if you have done it, I would love to hear your experience if you’re comfortable sharing!
Hello! I am still new to the OSDD/DID diagnosis and wanted to get some advice if anyone has gone through something similar. I am searching for a specialized OSDD/DID trauma therapist/psychologist but it’s been rough so in the meantime, I would appreciate the help!
To my knowledge, a criteria is having no control over switches. I feel like I can control them to a point. Like I can’t control if they become co-conscious with me and share their feelings and thoughts but I can semi control their reactions being noticed the outside world. Almost like I wear a mask.
I feel like the only time I have lost complete control is when I was being traumatized and an alter was forced to step in.
I still have a huge “wall” up and cannot fully connect with my alters. It feels like they run the show and only come out when they feel like it. Despite me trying to get to know them, I feel like they are mad that I know about them. I possibly may feel like I do have some control is because I am not aware of the other parts.
Did anyone feel like this at the start of their journey? I still feel very much in denial and my memory is still pretty bad. Although I do have a vague memory when I was 14 during an EA session with my dad. I remember getting a clear thought of “your brain is hiding something big from you” I thought it was very strange and not at all what I had been thinking about previously. I have been thinking about it a lot recently and that possibly being my system or an alter trying to communicate with me.
Hi! I am relocating to Austin Friday and saw that there is a job fair on July 1st. I do have my bachelor’s degree but I am changing fields so I would most likely need an entry-level position. Has anyone had good experiences from going to a job fair here? Also, if anyone has connections to an open entry-level position, I would sincerely appreciate the help!
I am interested in possibly working at Costco or getting a pharmacy technician position (I don’t have my certification yet) but I am open to anything at the moment!
I have an extensive background in agriculture, education, veterinary medicine, retail and food service.
Hi! I am relocating to Austin Friday and saw that there is a job fair on July 1st. I do have my bachelor’s degree but I am changing fields so I would most likely need an entry-level position. Has anyone had good experiences from going to a job fair here? Also, if anyone has connections to an open entry-level position, I would sincerely appreciate the help!
I am interested in possibly working at Costco or getting a pharmacy technician position (I don’t have my certification yet) but I am open to anything at the moment!
I have an extensive background in agriculture, education, veterinary medicine, retail and food service.
I (25 F) texted my dad yesterday for Father’s Day.
He replied “I hope your life is filled with joy. You deserve it.”
During our final conversation he mentioned “our parents abused us” without ever saying that I was abused/neglected by both of them. (Context, it was a manipulation tactic that they roped my grandmother into to scaring me/guilting me back into the family)
All these comments make me think that they know exactly why I’m estranging. At first they were acting like they had no idea why and now they are acting like this.
I haven’t said the words abuse and neglect out loud to them but these comments make it seem like they already know. Which is so much harder because that means that they know that their behavior was/is abusive but refuse to change or acknowledge anything. (At least my dad does)
My dad does have a habit of always saying things that are very loving and caring but never reflect his actions or our relationship. It’s almost like love bombing in a way. He will say the nicest things to me knowing i’ll fold and want to come back.
Anyone else’s parents do this?
Hi! I (25F) have been in trauma therapy for over a year. I have had bad experiences with a couple of therapists and I am starting to wonder if I have deeper issues than I originally believed.
I have been following this thread for a while and I relate to a lot of the symptoms people experience.
Disclaimer: I am not trying to self-diagnose myself. I would never replace this with professional medical care. I am trying to understand my symptoms and figure out if I should push for more testing.
Before starting trauma therapy, I couldn’t remember 99% of my childhood.
I only remember experiencing the complete out of body/floating experience once. It was during a severe trauma as an adult.
I don’t believe I’ve ever truly forgotten my name or age before.
I do think I have forgotten how I’ve gotten places but I guess my brain just kinda steps in and goes “well you had to have gotten here somehow” and I drop it but I don’t have memories of it.
I used to drive the backroads as a teen often to get away from my family. I probably dissociated a lot because it was the one place I could be alone before having to go back to the house. I do remember one incident (I was 17-18) where I was driving and remember being on one side of the road and then “waking up” and being on the complete other side of the road in a different neighborhood. I had no recollection of how I got over there and it scared me. I think it was around finals time so I was probably sleep deprived to a point but I don’t remember like “opening my eyes” like you would if you were asleep. Like I don’t believe I was that exhausted that I would’ve fallen asleep driving. And if I did, I wouldn’t have gotten to the opposite side of a busy road into a neighborhood unscathed. I still don’t remember majority of my childhood so I can’t really recall anything else.
Also my dissociation has stepped in and my brain is wiped clean of anything at the moment.
I do have more symptoms when I can remember them.
As I’ve started trauma therapy, some memories have returned. I remember feeling like my brain was hiding something big from me which makes sense because I didn’t realize I was being abused/neglected but maybe it’s more than that?
Probably the strangest symptom that I haven’t seen talked about is when I start to research Dissociative Disorders and DID. If I try to research DID, I will get a bad headache and I will start to feel nauseous (and of course dissociate). I do have auto immune disorders (caused by the stress of my trauma) and when I experience stress my symptoms worsen. I however don’t believe it’s because of those health issues. The headache is in specific parts of my head that doesn’t feel typical to a usual one.
I have experience with somatic therapy and I do think it’s a possibility that my body is trying to communicate with me. I kinda feel like I’m crazy but also maybe not?
The therapist I was seeing didn’t believe in hard labels on people so I never got a chance to truly seek anything out. She later said that “haven’t gone through anything that bad” even though I felt like I barely told her anything about my childhood because, hello I can’t remember it? I did score high on the Dissociative Disorder test that is given before EMDR but my therapist never really said anything more about it which is weird.
I’m not seeing this therapist anymore but i want to seek out the right person who can help me if i do suspect a form of DID. Anything is helpful!
Trigger warnings: Mention of childhood abuse and neglect
I have gotten “stuck” in my healing journey for months now.
I have tried to tap back into healing but there’s something wrong.
Every time I try to go deeper into my feelings, I get a DEEP overwhelming feeling of being so utterly terrified that I have a “vision” of sorts. I am crouched in the corner of a dark room, curled up in a ball shaking with terror. Saying “please don’t hurt me”. I don’t believe I ever did this with my abusers as a child but I have huge memory loss issues with that time period (basically can’t remember anything from it) so it’s not out of the question .
I know I was abused (physically and emotionally) and very neglected as a child. Is this normal for survivors? Is this just me finally feeling the fear I’ve pushed down my entire life? Has anyone else felt this way? Could it be a repressed memory?
I am currently in the process of trying to get diagnosed as I’m 99% sure I have fibromyalgia, POTS, MCAS and other comorbities.
I started trauma therapy and I have slowly come out of dissociation. In doing that, I have discovered how much chronic pain I’m in. I’m shocked at how much my pain my body was concealing. I am bed ridden the other 2 days of the week just to barely scrape by during the work week.
My current job doesn’t offer health insurance so I have to pay out of pocket. I get paid $14 a hour which is nothing in today’s economy. I cannot afford to go to countless doctors.
I am forced to stand for my entire 8 hour shift. I am so incredibly burnt out from this job. I don’t have the official diagnosis yet to qualify for disability or to ask for accommodations. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going before something major happens.
I don’t have family to support me and I am single.
Any advice?
I’ve been searching for new jobs (with health insurance) and applying but I haven’t gotten any replies yet.
Sending extra love to all who can relate to my story. I know how incredibly hard it is out here.
My dad would sometimes talk to me in “baby talk” through my late teens and into early twenties. I only noticed it when I started to estrange but still kept contact with them. I was at dinner with my parents and he said something to me and then commented “I talked to you that way but you’re an adult”. Shocked the hell out of me that he admitted that and made me think about him talking to me that way previously.
Meanwhile, when he did it when I was a teen he did not give a F and continued doing it knowing how uncomfortable it was for me. I regularly spoke up about it and he still continued it.
He did it with my nickname growing up too. I absolutely hated it and he knew it. He used it on me constantly and despite me vocalizing that I hated it, he called me it into my early twenties until I moved out.
Anyone else experience this? Was it a way to rationalize in his brain that I was still his child and controllable? Was it a way to strip me of control/boundaries and self-worth? Is his admission truly a behavioral change or is it because I was in the process of estranging and he did that so I would let my guard down?
I have noticed a running theme with my 6-star rated books/series. I love books with maximum emotional damage and that I can deeply relate to. I am not a big fan of surface-level reads most of the time. I would love more book recommendations if you have a similar taste! Most of mine are Fantasy but I am open to all genres!
Favorites:
Throne of Glass Series
The Hunger Games Series
Boys of Tommen Series (B&K were my favorites)
Lady of Darkness Series (only on book 2 but I can already tell it will make this list. No spoilers please!)
The Scattered Bones
Alchemised
Under your scars
What my Bones Know
I have started to notice a theme with my 6-star books. I LOVE books with maximum emotional damage and that I can deeply relate to. I am not a big fan of the surface-level, “vibes” reads most of the time.
I have read most of the popular ones thanks to booktok but I would love to get more recs! Most of my favorites are Fantasy but I am open to all genres.
Favorites:
Throne of Glass
The Hunger Games
Boys of Tommen
Lady of Darkness (Currently only on book 2 but I can already tell this will be a 6 star series. Please no spoilers!)
Alchemised
The scattered Bones
Plated Prisoner (Currently on my TBR but again I can already tell it’s going to be on my list. No spoilers please!)
Under your scars
I want to see if others also have similar dynamics to my own family. Did your parents stay within their chosen “role” in the family or did they switch depending on life/circumstances?
Both of my parents were physically abusive (my mom was more abusive but my dad still had his moments). Both of my parents were emotionally abusive (my dad more than my mom but they were more even in this category).
Both of them also neglected me pretty badly (they let my brother physically and emotionally abusive me). Medical neglect and there are a couple incidents of more severe neglect (my parents forced me to sleep in a bed infested with fleas for 8mos-1 year when I was 15/16.) It doesn’t line up with the typical “narc family dynamics”. I know both of them are abusers and have narc traits (I don’t believe they are on the severe end of the spectrum) but I’m having trouble seeing if this is considered “emotional immaturity” or narc level of abuse. My therapist wanted to label them as “emotionally immature” rather than abusers and I don’t agree with it. Yes, my parents did not know how to regulate their emotions and some of the abuse stemmed from that.
I usually see people talk about having one parent who was far “worse” (it’s typically the narc/primary abuser) and a parent who was more passive/enabler. That would happen at times and they both enabled each other but it seems to me like they both stepped into the primary role depending on the circumstances.
Please share your thoughts/experiences!