Your memory is eroding, ashes, dust, fragments
The pain had gone for a while, an anxious rush replaced by a dull ache
Now I see indifference
An experience experienced. One I have had the strength to learn from, to grow
For you there is nothing
No resentment, no pity, no anger, no regret, no shame, no fear, nothing
Just indifference
Goodbye visitor may you be, well whatever you is
Your memory is eroding, ashes, dust, fragments
The pain had gone for a while, an anxious rush replaced by a dull ache
Now I see indifference
An experience experienced. One I have had the strength to learn from, to grow
For you there is nothing
No resentment, no pity, no anger, no regret, no shame, no fear, nothing
Just indifference
Goodbye visitor may you be, well whatever you is
Your memory is eroding, ashes, dust, fragments
The pain had gone for a while, an anxious rush replaced by a dull ache
Now I see indifference
An experience experienced. One I have had the strength to learn from, to grow
For you there is nothing
No resentment, no pity, no anger, no regret, no shame, no fear, nothing
Just indifference
Goodbye visitor may you be, well whatever you is
Your memory is eroding, ashes, dust, fragments
The pain had gone for a while, an anxious rush replaced by a dull ache
Now I see indifference
An experience experienced. One I have had the strength to learn from, to grow
For you there is nothing
No resentment, no pity, no anger, no regret, no shame, no fear, nothing
Just indifference
Goodbye visitor may you be, well whatever you is
A final letter to the ex (7 months, 4 months NC)
I am so thankful of the support of this sub, it truly has been a life saver
So the pain has been left with a void
It’s a different feeling, absolutely better than the rush of anxiety whenever the thought of you entered my mind, for 3 months it never really left
That wave has subsided
The tide has pushed out and I am left with an emptiness, a void
But I will reframe that
I will rename that
It is a opening, an opportunity to refill
A chance to allow joy and happiness back into my newly created self
A willingness to be vulnerable again despite the pain and confusion you caused
I’m excited, I am allowing of each moment, in that moment
I pray your heart is filled too, I know your waves will not subside and will continue to crash against whatever unfortunate shoreline you entangle, a ever repeating cycle of wasted energy and potential as you desperately seek the validation of others that you will never find in yourself
Not a supernova as I once perceived
A black hole, sucking life from all round it, moving towards implosion
Later sausage
So the pain has been left with a void
It’s a different feeling, absolutely better than the rush of anxiety whenever the thought of you entered my mind, for 3 months it never really left
That wave has subsided
The tide has pushed out and I am left with an emptiness, a void
But I will reframe that
I will rename that
It is a opening, an opportunity to refill
A chance to allow joy and happiness back into my newly created self
A willingness to be vulnerable again despite the pain and confusion you caused
I’m excited, I am allowing of each moment, in that moment
I pray your heart is filled too, I know your waves will not subside and will continue to crash against whatever unfortunate shoreline you entangle, a ever repeating cycle of wasted energy and potential as you desperately seek the validation of others that you will never find in yourself
Not a supernova as I once perceived
A black hole, sucking life from all round it, moving towards implosion
Later sausage
So the pain has been left with a void
It’s a different feeling, absolutely better than the rush of anxiety whenever the thought of you entered my mind, for 3 months it never really left
That wave has subsided
The tide has pushed out and I am left with an emptiness, a void
But I will reframe that
I will rename that
It is a opening, an opportunity to refill
A chance to allow joy and happiness back into my newly created self
A willingness to be vulnerable again despite the pain and confusion you caused
I’m excited, I am allowing of each moment, in that moment
I pray your heart is filled too, I know your waves will not subside and will continue to crash against whatever unfortunate shoreline you entangle, a ever repeating cycle of wasted energy and potential as you desperately seek the validation of others that you will never find in yourself
Not a supernova as I once perceived
A black hole, sucking life from all round it, moving towards implosion
Later sausage
So the pain has been left with a void
It’s a different feeling, absolutely better than the rush of anxiety whenever the thought of you entered my mind, for 3 months it never really left
That wave has subsided
The tide has pushed out and I am left with an emptiness, a void
But I will reframe that
I will rename that
It is a opening, an opportunity to refill
A chance to allow joy and happiness back into my newly created self
A willingness to be vulnerable again despite the pain and confusion you caused
I’m excited, I am allowing of each moment, in that moment
I pray your heart is filled too, I know your waves will not subside and will continue to crash against whatever unfortunate shoreline you entangle, a ever repeating cycle of wasted energy and potential as you desperately seek the validation of others that you will never find in yourself
Not a supernova as I once perceived
A black hole, sucking life from all round it, moving towards implosion
Later sausage
For the pain
For the anxiety
For the hurtful words
For the trauma
I wish you only peace
The peace that I have found in healing
The peace that I have found in forgiveness
For the pain
For the anxiety
For the hurtful words
For the trauma
I wish you only peace
The peace that I have found in healing
The peace that I have found in forgiveness
It’s time
It’s been time for a long time
A long time for me isn’t a long time for you, the object permanence issue you have would of been helpful for me
But I forgive you
Or I have an intent to forgive you
I loved truly, but it was never sustainable
I have used this as an opportunity to process and understand past issues, for that I thank you
I cannot have you in my life no matter how much I rationalise it and how much I care
It’s time
I release you
NC 3 months
Recently a bit tougher than usual for whatever reason
3rd therapy session today and something blew my mind
I was talking about how I was proud that I never reacted to the abuse or splits or behaviour, never raised my voice or got angry.
I have a fair share of fight response from my past (not proud of) so was really surprised that I didn’t break
Therapist kindly explained to me that I had in fact completely detached or dissociated myself during these episodes to protect my nervous system
This makes so much sense looking back at these times, as I just went numb and had no emotion
It also explains the romanticising of the relationship I occasionally still do, as I affectively had zoned out for the bad parts
Anyone hopefully this can help others
was never really sustainable but that doesn’t change the feelings
Doesn’t change the love
It ended abruptly and my heart is heavy and loaded with questions and pain
I don’t know if friendship is an option but the thought of not speaking to you again doesn’t feel right
I miss you in my life Sausage (JK)
From your Silly Goose (JW)
was never really sustainable but that doesn’t change the feelings
Doesn’t change the love
It ended abruptly and my heart is heavy and loaded with questions and pain
I don’t know if friendship is an option but the thought of not speaking to you again doesn’t feel right
I miss you in my life Sausage (JK)
From your Silly Goose (JW)
Split with my expwBPD a couple of months ago,
It was never really sustainable but that doesn’t change the feelings
Doesn’t change the love
It ended abruptly and my heart is heavy and loaded with questions and pain
I don’t know if friendship is an option but the thought of not speaking to her again doesn’t feel right
We have been NC for the entire time
I am heavy in my heart as to whether to reach out
Split with my expwBPD a couple of months ago,
It was never really sustainable but that doesn’t change the feelings
Doesn’t change the love
It ended abruptly and my heart is heavy and loaded with questions and pain
I don’t know if friendship is an option but the thought of not speaking to her again doesn’t feel right
We have been NC for the entire time
I am heavy in my heart as to whether to reach out
was never really sustainable but that doesn’t change the feelings
Doesn’t change the love
It ended abruptly and my heart is heavy and loaded with questions and pain
I don’t know if friendship is an option but the thought of not speaking to you again doesn’t feel right
I miss you in my life Sausage (JK)
From your Silly Goose (JW)
was never really sustainable but that doesn’t change the feelings
Doesn’t change the love
It ended abruptly and my heart is heavy and loaded with questions and pain
I don’t know if friendship is an option but the thought of not speaking to you again doesn’t feel right
I miss you in my life Sausage (JK)
From your Silly Goose (JW)
Currently listening to this audiobook and the following resonated massively with me as an analogy for the borderline
The Dog This represents the partner trying to prove their love. Imagine a dog that wants to be a cat. It runs around trying to get everyone to tell it that it is a cat.
The Validation Seeking: When people tell the dog it is a cat, it feels validated. It praises and rewards the people who call it a cat, grooming them to keep doing so.
The Inevitable Failure: Despite all the validation, the dog still looks in the mirror and sees a dog. It cannot love itself, and it blames everyone else for failing to convince it that it is a cat.
The Lesson: No amount of love, validation, or sympathy from the partner (the "dog") can fix this internal issue, because the problem is not about the partner—it is about the individual's own internal void