u/jackietea123

I saw this video today, and I instantly wanted to crawl out of my skin. This video makes me feel the way I felt as a kid. The way the daughter is being pulled into a conversation she is way too young for, and trying to say the “right” thing to make sure she is maintaining mommy’s emotions in a conversation she can’t even fully grasp.

I feel like a lot of the commenters don’t sense it…. But I did instantly. I felt the feelings that I felt as a child with my own mom.

I feel like this is the perfect example of how we all feel…. But it’s so hard to explain. You can really sense it at the end when they are putting the puzzle together…. Or the very end sitting on the couch.

I feel like we all have it. Some worse than others.... What is something weird that has helped you when you feel anxious.

mine: Reminding myself, and really thinking about the fact that were all going to die someday. Maybe even sooner than we think.

It puts into perspective how silly most things are. It reminds me that I WILL die, you will die, she will die, we all will die... like, there is no stopping it. Its literally just part of living... it makes me appriciate whatever moment I am in more, and I can feel a bit more logical and in reality.

My daughters birthday is coming up... and she is 14 turning 15. I want to get her something cool. are there any really cool things for teens right now. Like, what are the cool shoes to get currently? Are there any popular sweatshirt styles/brands? if you could get anything for your birthday at this exact moment, what would you want? She is trendy for the most part, so I think this would be a cool suprise for her. she is into nee-dohs still.. so im getting her those... but I was thinking of clothing.

So i had this sudden spike of anxiety last night.... out of nowhere. Both my daughters will be out of the house in 7 years.... this is crazy to me, becaue i know how fast 7 years goes.

I have created boundries with my mom, and have been somewhat successful, but i had this sudden fear of my kids being gone, and then my mom looming in the shadows. Like... waiting for me to be more free, so i can spend more time with her. Its like, I know she will be aware of my freedom (i am a SAHM).... and i dread the phone calls asking me about how im staying busy. What I am doing. If its "quiet" around here. What im doing to keep busy... etc. And this feeling of having to explain and justify my life and what im doing constantly. I feel like empty nest is sort of like retiring... you have to recalibrate your life, but it takes time and self reflection and discovery.... not constant analyzing by your mother.

I worry about this so much.... because i know it will be hard, but i dont want to have to encorporate my mother in that strange time. I dont want to have to deal with her.... in the midst of figuring myself out. It was like this big awareness of something im going to have to deal with in the future, and i became so dreadful about it.... not only my kids leaving the nest, which should be the main thing.... but my mother swooping in to put a microscope on me.

anyone else go through the empty nest era of life with an enmshed mother? what was that like? if there is anyone who can shed some light on this... i would be grateful. i am not someone who will go no contact btw... im just looking for some thoughts from people who experienced this

They don't follow eachother anymore on instagram. This is huge in a very surprising way. These women were OBSESSED with eachother. like unhealthily.... codependent, they literally matched their personalities to eachother for YEARS. How was there a falling out? What could it be over? are there any assumptions? any guesses? thoughts? I need a gossip friend.

I know thats weird, but are there any words you hate simply because they sound like made up words? Like someone couldn't think of a word for something really specific, so they said something that kinda sounds like the vibe of what they were saying?

well.... Thats "Chortle" and "Craggy" for me.

I know there has to be some people here from GG who enjoyed Chloe's fall from grace as much as me.

She is at it again i fear.

So... she came onto her story yesterday ranting about how the book community has changed. She said that its harder now for POC to get big on YouTube. There arent as many POC now. People USED to want a diverse subscription box, and they dont anymore (which.. i dont know how she can measure this, but yeah). Don't get me wrong, Chloe can absolutely have her opinions, and hold these opinions. She is a POC... and if thats how she feels... thats totally fine, and im not here to disagree with her in this post, BUT....

She had NOTHING to back up these claims. No stats, no proof, no evidence for any of these things she said. She just said she "feels" like POC are having a harder time in the book community in current years. Then a someone responded and she got upset that she didnt agree. She basically explained that because the person was white it invalidated their opinion because of "white fragility".... but thing is, you can’t make a claim like that with NO backing and then get upset when someone disagrees… let alone, doesnt understand. she even said "I dont feel like explaining"..... then dont get mad if someone is going to say "well.......i dont agree." If you are going to spout your opinions on the internet with literally NO backing what so ever... don't get butt hurt by differing opinions. she has always been so openly opinionated online, but has always been so sensitive as well... she cant handle pushback while feeling like she is allowed to just say anything she wants with no proof, evience, stats, or explaination for her opinions and feelings.

Then she said she got a bunch of msgs from people saying that they thought the book community was different lately. And she said she agrees.... and that she wishes there were more critical book reviews like the old times, and that people should read for the love of reading and less for "vibes" like old booktube...... and then she said she wanted to make videos again so she could bring it back.

LOL WHAT? Chloe literally admitted to only reading for vibes when she first started reading. her entire channel was literally based on reading for vibes, she invented that type of content. lol. and critical reviews? she was the OPPOSITE of critical. ALL she ever said was literally, and stunning every 5 seconds. literally the queen of non-critical reviews wants to come back to youtube to be a critical reviewer as if thats what she built her channel on? Girl, get a grip.

I’ve always been a gut instinct person. I know what I want in my bones, and always have. I never gave in to peer pressure really, and just followed my gut instincts my whole life. Culture/news/media/the internet/society is so loud, but it just doesn’t effect me and my life choices… I just know what I want, and I know what will make me happy.

I am now 40, and SO happy. I have pushed back on so many social narratives from so many different directions (left, right) and focused on my own life, made life decisions before most of my friends because I just knew what was right for me. Feminists, Christian’s, republicans, and Democrats would all have something negative to say to me… but I simply do not care, genuinely I don’t care… because I think they all just go along with what their tribe tells them.

I feel like people these days look to the internet to tell them what they should want/desire/be. And they wonder why they are so sad. If the internet tells them they should be scared, they’re scared. If the internet tells them to be angry, they’re angry, if the internet tells them to be sad, they’re sad. If some random person at the store says something mean to them…. They are tormented.

I feel like most people are so prone to this. Easily manipulated, prone to cults, needing a tribe to tell them what to do and what to think…. And when they end up miserable… they can’t quite figure out why so they double down.

Where are all the lone wolfs?

Sometimes my anxiety about my enmeshment gets SO high and almost obsessive. its like rumination almost... and then other times im able to handle it a bit more logically and pragmatically. Im starting to think it has to do with my cycle. When im PMSing... its almost like rage mixed with obsession, and anxiety that keeps me awake at night. I get so mad at her. anyone relate?

I am 41... with a mother that has always been obsessed with me. were "best friends" in her eyes... i have always been the absolute center of her life and what has given her purpose and validation. she would talk on the phone with me 3 times a day for an hour each if i let her. She made me reliant on her as a child. I had horrible OCD that centered around her. i have tried to make space and have been some what successful, but still talk to her on the phone every 2-3 days, and see her maybe once a week or so. she has histrionic and narc tendencies. She is just.. you know, the whole enchalada.

now, as a 41 year old... who lives in a town 30 minutes away, married to a great man and have 2 kids... I feel like I do really strange things to rebel (in my head I'm rebelling... but these things are totally normal things for a grown woman to do).

This is odd ive realized. It’s like I am VERY AWARE that my mom is always thinking about me and what im doing. Its like im doing things and in my head thinking about how its spiting her. But its really stupid things that grown people just do.... like going out with friends, or having a reallllly good romp in bed with my husband, or... just doing something really fun and posting a pic about it... if I get to travel with friends, this is the ultimate rebellion.

this is odd to me. Like... what is this and why do I enjoy this feeling of rebelling so much as a 41 year old? why do I do this and is this normal??? Do other people have this experience. I feel like this is proof that my mom wants too much from me.

It’s almost like I’m trying to prove to myself and to her that my life is good with out her. That I’m fulfilled without her. And maybe even…. I am more fulfilled than her. It’s a subtle way of saying “GET A LIFE!!!”

I don’t want hypotheticals… I want people who actually have a parent that had an affair… especially if your family was pretty decent and then a divorced happened, and maybe you found out later that one cheated.

How do you feel about that parent now? Do you hate them? Not talk to them? Not respect them for what they did to your other parent? I’m curious. My friend cheated on her spouse (which I LARGLY DISAGREE with and made that very clear to her.) I think she fucked shit up for herself…. But I keep thinking about her kids and what might happen if they find out.

As a lover of poetry, I occasionally come across videos of people doing spoken word. Reading out of their chapbooks… or whatever. And I just cannot stand that over the top dramatic “poetry reading voice” that everyone thinks they have to do to make the listener feel something.

It’s so distracting to me and I can’t actually enjoy the prose… instead I’m cringing at the breathy sing-songy tone. Like Rupi Kuar… it’s just too much. It makes me think…. “No wonder people think poetry is weird and pretentious.” It’s so unrelatable to the average person….

I hate it so much… it makes me want to crawl out of skin sometimes

now... dont get me wrong, I love having a relationship with my daughter. I hope to have one my entire life... but i do think its important that I am not her main bestie. The thing is... i have a lot to do around this house. I often need to get things done, and i dont have time (or money) to go to Ross because shes bored... or drive 35 minutes to walk in the park and get an expensive dinner. I do love doing these things with her... and try to do the as much as possible... but i find that its at this point where I am doing things with her that she should be doing with friends sometimes.

My daughter has friends at shool... but she hates drama, and kids her age are just in the stage of high drama. She naturally just doesnt really care about that kind of thing. I think being around peers her age exhausts her. She said she sees them every single day at school, and thats enough for her, she needs a break after school, and that is totally fair.... im an itrovert too. But sometimes I struggle being her sole friend outside of school.

I want to be clear, I am not taking anything for granted. I love spending time with my child, and i know it will be sad someday when she graduates and moves away. But does anyone else feel its health to have these out of school bonds with peers her age?

I have a friend that cheated on her spouse. I have been friends with this chick since i was in kindergarten. She is a nice person for the most part, we have never really fought, and got a long since we were children. We have pretty different personality types but i sort of think thats why we work in this weird way. I'm the Charlotte, she's the Samantha.

anyways... so many people told me i shouldnt be her friend anymore after what she did. I dont really know her husband very well at all. he seemed nice, but i have only really spent time with him a handful of times. I dont agree with her decision to cheat what so ever, and i even told her that.... but im sort of in the camp of... its your life not mine... do what you want, i dont really care.

As long as she isnt being horrible to me i dont really care, and she never has been mean to me. Like i said she is a nice person, she just did something shitty.... if she wants to blow up her life, its literally her decision. I dont really save her from her problems... she deals with them herself. does anyone else remain friends with people that are kinda shitty, but you roll you eyes and say, okay girl, you do you.

what are your thoughts on this... are you a live and let live friend? would you turn your back on this person if you knew her your whole life, and she has always been a pretty kind and chill person.... especially to you.

Sometimes I think about it, and the idea of pet companions is truly indescribable to me. I dont really believe in a higher power and it would take alot to get me to believe... but damn, do those pets make me question shit. lol

You're telling me that there are wild animals... but there are domestic cats and dogs that are loyal little things, that bring human beings so much joy and free us from a lonliness brought about by other humans. I know we domesticated them... but still, the amazment I feel for the love we experience with our pets and vice versa is just crazy to me. Like the videos of dogs laying on their owners graves... and the types of things dogs will do to protect their humans... same with cats. And the amount of money we will spend to save our animals is just so beautiful to me.

I often see people try to minimize the bonds we feel for pets... and I think its because its hard to admit that we really really bond with them in such a profound way. As if we should minimize it, because they are animals. But they don't just feel like animals (especially the ones you have had for their lifetime).. it’s like a soul thing... but i dont believe in souls. does that make sense? Sometimes I look at my cat and i cant help but think…. There is just something more in that little guy.. there has to be.

Just the fact that we domesticated wolves back in the day to help us survive and we built such a strong relationship with them. It's so profound to me and I cant really put it into words... even though I understand the science and the logic behind it.

But due to the middle part “trend” where Gen Z calls people cringe for rocking anything but… it forces naturally curly girls in the center. I always want to walk up to them and flip it to the side. 😂

I think this is interesting and something you might relate to.

I think my mom manipulates through intense emotion... I have been trying to put my finger on why its so hard to talk to her and its because she wants you to feel what she wants you to feel... whether its to give her validation, to make her look good, to make you believe you need her, to make you see her struggle, to make you give what she needs emotionally, to make you spend more time with her, to make her look like a hero... whatever.

I think part of the reason i have been enmeshed with her is because she has used this tactic to make me love her as much as she loves me. She SHOOOOOWERS me with strong emotional "i love you" monologues, to get me to 1)feel loved 2)need her/want her 3)see her as a good person/mom 4)see her as my main channel of support 5)connection/closeness 6)get me to respond to her with the same emotional level so she feels all of those things from me.

So over the years... the constant theatrical love made me feel like i needed her to survive. I often described her as a complete and utter love bomber... that was her means of control as a narcissist... but i dont think its just love bombing... its her use of emotions in general to get whatever she needs. Everyone thinks "Thank God for Barb!!!!! she is sooo selfless, kind, loving!" She has learned to bribe people to see her a certain way with theatrical love. and the less you respond... the more theatrical and intense she becomes.

as ive gotten older, these conversations feel so flat. its like after my braind developed i realized how weird and over the top her love for me is. she is trying so hard to get something out of me when she does it. it makes me feel so flat emotionally, so when i respond its completely void of anything because i cant match her.

She also tells 30 year old stories to me and my cousin over and over and over again in so much theatrical detail to show how much of a hero she was, how much it effected her, how much of a victim she was, or how great she was in that moment... to try to prove something. These stories are long, and theatrical, and always shine a light on whatever she needs. Again, ive heard them hundreds of times, and she tells them like i have never heard them before, and her emotions while saying them are like it happened to her yesterday. She never just says.. "oh yeah like that time I broke ties with Lisa".... no, she has to tell the WHOLE story of the time she broke ties with Lisa. now the convo isnt about the previous thing... its about her experience with Lisa which is a 30-40 minute theatrical story everytime.

Also, if someone wrongs her (which doesnt happen often, she has trained people well).. she literally acts like she almost died. Like one time my younger cousin decided to play a little prank on her (it wasnt even that bad, she proabbly just got a little scared and embarassed). And she got so upset by it and acted as if she almost died. He had to talk on the phone for hours with her. she expected him to come over and apoloigize in person... and it was just so over the top. she just overly lectured him with that really hightened emotion. everyone now knows... you dont prank her... unless you want to feel like absolute garbage and take an hour out of your day to apologize and be lectured. (but she is allowed to prank others on like april fools and stuff)

She literally uses her emotion to get what she needs. if she can act EXTREMELY happy, sad, let down, suprised, betrayed, stunned, dissapointed... she can convince you of her perception and reject your own. Its so bizarre. because she clearly feels more about something that you, so you must be wrong right? its so weird.

I cannot stand people that blame everyone else for their unhappiness and problems. I understand that there is a patriarchy, and there is racism, and trans/homophobia, etc... but when people just cant seem to get past these things and take control of their own mental well being and life but complain and complain and complain constantly is just so irritating. its like... I'm unhappy because so and so called me the wrong pro-noun.... I'm so sorry, that must suck that people have to experience that, genuinely.... but to stay sad and depressed for the rest of your life because some dumb idiots cant use a proper pro-noun seems like such a waste of time. Like, I feel like this day in age people are relying to much other peoples actions to make them happy... or to blame for their sadness.

Its like women that keep losing friendships, but never realize THEY are the common denominator. Or people who cant keep a relationship, because the other person is always a "narcissists".... every single time.... and say things like "I just attract narcissists". Like no... maybe you are part of the problem?!?!?! Or people that arent successful in life so they constantly blame their parents and how they were raised, and never just move forward. Then this causes this vicious cycle where now its not just an individuals fault, its the entire group the individual are a part of. One man wasnt a narcassist... its because ALL men are horrible. etc.....

They are so damn unhappy, and just want to be placated all the time, but never really stop complaining and take control of their own self.

My cat just got diagnosed with diabetes, and it’s been hard because I LOVE this fucking cat. I’m so worried about him because he started meds that are high risk. I need to watch him closely to make sure he isn’t having side effects etc.

people act like I’m ridiculous for wanting to stay home from a camping trip to watch him, and give him his meds and make sure he is okay. People have rolled their eyes at me and said “you and your cats!” People say passive (trying to lighten the mood) comments like “that’s when my cats would go to sleep… I ain’t dealing with that.”

It makes me feel like shit. That me wanting to care for my beloved cat through this is stupid. Paying money to help my cat is stupid. How silly of me to put him before a family camping trip. basically, how silly of me to love him so much.

I think my mom has narc tendencies, and we were enmshed for a lot of years which really messed with my mental health and personal well-being.

Before I realized me and my Mom were super enmeshed I saw her as the most charasmatic, and extroverted person ever. She seemed to know everyone in town, and everytime we would go to the store she would see people she knew and we would talk to them for a stupid amount of time. Its just the life I came to know.. my mom knows everyone. She is always elected as things around town... grand marshal... etc. people for some reason see my mom as this royalty figure in town and she thinks its just so cool. my dad was the CEO of a big business in this town and was very generous with his money... (i wouldnt say my mom is generous with money at all, but she is with her time... she loves being the hero and showing up for people aka controling social scenarios.). Because my dad was so generous with his money, she automatically gets those acolades too, but she was NOT the one who was generous.

so as you can see.. she has communal narcissistic qualities. She is the hostess with the most. The Martha Stewart of the town. She never fails to remind me that she was the captain of the cheerleading team, class secretary and my dad was the quarterback! Perfect…. Until you get to know her. I always believed she was the queen of everything, and i needed to be just like her (i am not like her at all, im an introvert and shy... so i thought there was something wrong with me because i was not like her, and she seemed to be so popular and "right")

Now that im older.... i realize, she has no friends. No one she hangs out with. No one she sees consistently... and if she does have a couple "best friends" they are friends she had in highschool, and they are toxic and rude, and she always vents to me about how annoying they are. She doesnt even seem to want to hang out with them ever... but she does because its all she has.

Now that im older, i realize that her popularity is just an act/show... its not real. She doesnt have any close friends that she actually LIKES. She judges people a lot, and if she feels like she doesnt mesh perfectly with them she just kinda writes them off. She seems to have a lot of fall outs because she tries to pry into other peoples problems and life and tells people what to do. She doesnt shy away from confrontations with people if she feels that they "did her wrong".... and people kinda push her away, or she gets into these petty situations, and then its akward when she is around them. If someone does invite her to do something she acts super put out and never wants to do it. It’s like she thinks every social situation that is out of the norm for her isn’t going to be fun…. And acts annoyed by it.

now Im the only person she likes and wants to hang out with. so when i am busy she doesnt know what to do with herself. She only wants to travel with me and my husband. (im a people pleaser and always been easy to control... i just "go with the flow" which is the perfect personality for someone like her) She is a control freak.

How does such a popular town queen/extrovert not have any close friends? Her sister invites her to wine time with her and her friends.... and my mom goes, but she never gets super close with these ladies. she often calls me and talks bad about them. she talks bad about her sister.... she talks bad about her own friends.... and family. She is a gossiper... sometimes i think people dont like her as much as I always thought they did. Because she is my mom... her personality was normal to me... but maybe other people see her as controling and hard to be around... which is mind boggling because in my head, i thought everyone was obsessed with her.

its weird though because everyone in town who doesnt know her SUPER well thinks she is the pinnicle of perfection. and im left confused.