u/jackietea123

As a lover of poetry, I occasionally come across videos of people doing spoken word. Reading out of their chapbooks… or whatever. And I just cannot stand that over the top dramatic “poetry reading voice” that everyone thinks they have to do to make the listener feel something.

It’s so distracting to me and I can’t actually enjoy the prose… instead I’m cringing at the breathy sing-songy tone. Like Rupi Kuar… it’s just too much. It makes me think…. “No wonder people think poetry is weird and pretentious.” It’s so unrelatable to the average person….

I hate it so much… it makes me want to crawl out of skin sometimes

now... dont get me wrong, I love having a relationship with my daughter. I hope to have one my entire life... but i do think its important that I am not her main bestie. The thing is... i have a lot to do around this house. I often need to get things done, and i dont have time (or money) to go to Ross because shes bored... or drive 35 minutes to walk in the park and get an expensive dinner. I do love doing these things with her... and try to do the as much as possible... but i find that its at this point where I am doing things with her that she should be doing with friends sometimes.

My daughter has friends at shool... but she hates drama, and kids her age are just in the stage of high drama. She naturally just doesnt really care about that kind of thing. I think being around peers her age exhausts her. She said she sees them every single day at school, and thats enough for her, she needs a break after school, and that is totally fair.... im an itrovert too. But sometimes I struggle being her sole friend outside of school.

I want to be clear, I am not taking anything for granted. I love spending time with my child, and i know it will be sad someday when she graduates and moves away. But does anyone else feel its health to have these out of school bonds with peers her age?

I have a friend that cheated on her spouse. I have been friends with this chick since i was in kindergarten. She is a nice person for the most part, we have never really fought, and got a long since we were children. We have pretty different personality types but i sort of think thats why we work in this weird way. I'm the Charlotte, she's the Samantha.

anyways... so many people told me i shouldnt be her friend anymore after what she did. I dont really know her husband very well at all. he seemed nice, but i have only really spent time with him a handful of times. I dont agree with her decision to cheat what so ever, and i even told her that.... but im sort of in the camp of... its your life not mine... do what you want, i dont really care.

As long as she isnt being horrible to me i dont really care, and she never has been mean to me. Like i said she is a nice person, she just did something shitty.... if she wants to blow up her life, its literally her decision. I dont really save her from her problems... she deals with them herself. does anyone else remain friends with people that are kinda shitty, but you roll you eyes and say, okay girl, you do you.

what are your thoughts on this... are you a live and let live friend? would you turn your back on this person if you knew her your whole life, and she has always been a pretty kind and chill person.... especially to you.

Sometimes I think about it, and the idea of pet companions is truly indescribable to me. I dont really believe in a higher power and it would take alot to get me to believe... but damn, do those pets make me question shit. lol

You're telling me that there are wild animals... but there are domestic cats and dogs that are loyal little things, that bring human beings so much joy and free us from a lonliness brought about by other humans. I know we domesticated them... but still, the amazment I feel for the love we experience with our pets and vice versa is just crazy to me. Like the videos of dogs laying on their owners graves... and the types of things dogs will do to protect their humans... same with cats. And the amount of money we will spend to save our animals is just so beautiful to me.

I often see people try to minimize the bonds we feel for pets... and I think its because its hard to admit that we really really bond with them in such a profound way. As if we should minimize it, because they are animals. But they don't just feel like animals (especially the ones you have had for their lifetime).. it’s like a soul thing... but i dont believe in souls. does that make sense? Sometimes I look at my cat and i cant help but think…. There is just something more in that little guy.. there has to be.

Just the fact that we domesticated wolves back in the day to help us survive and we built such a strong relationship with them. It's so profound to me and I cant really put it into words... even though I understand the science and the logic behind it.

But due to the middle part “trend” where Gen Z calls people cringe for rocking anything but… it forces naturally curly girls in the center. I always want to walk up to them and flip it to the side. 😂

I think this is interesting and something you might relate to.

I think my mom manipulates through intense emotion... I have been trying to put my finger on why its so hard to talk to her and its because she wants you to feel what she wants you to feel... whether its to give her validation, to make her look good, to make you believe you need her, to make you see her struggle, to make you give what she needs emotionally, to make you spend more time with her, to make her look like a hero... whatever.

I think part of the reason i have been enmeshed with her is because she has used this tactic to make me love her as much as she loves me. She SHOOOOOWERS me with strong emotional "i love you" monologues, to get me to 1)feel loved 2)need her/want her 3)see her as a good person/mom 4)see her as my main channel of support 5)connection/closeness 6)get me to respond to her with the same emotional level so she feels all of those things from me.

So over the years... the constant theatrical love made me feel like i needed her to survive. I often described her as a complete and utter love bomber... that was her means of control as a narcissist... but i dont think its just love bombing... its her use of emotions in general to get whatever she needs. Everyone thinks "Thank God for Barb!!!!! she is sooo selfless, kind, loving!" She has learned to bribe people to see her a certain way with theatrical love. and the less you respond... the more theatrical and intense she becomes.

as ive gotten older, these conversations feel so flat. its like after my braind developed i realized how weird and over the top her love for me is. she is trying so hard to get something out of me when she does it. it makes me feel so flat emotionally, so when i respond its completely void of anything because i cant match her.

She also tells 30 year old stories to me and my cousin over and over and over again in so much theatrical detail to show how much of a hero she was, how much it effected her, how much of a victim she was, or how great she was in that moment... to try to prove something. These stories are long, and theatrical, and always shine a light on whatever she needs. Again, ive heard them hundreds of times, and she tells them like i have never heard them before, and her emotions while saying them are like it happened to her yesterday. She never just says.. "oh yeah like that time I broke ties with Lisa".... no, she has to tell the WHOLE story of the time she broke ties with Lisa. now the convo isnt about the previous thing... its about her experience with Lisa which is a 30-40 minute theatrical story everytime.

Also, if someone wrongs her (which doesnt happen often, she has trained people well).. she literally acts like she almost died. Like one time my younger cousin decided to play a little prank on her (it wasnt even that bad, she proabbly just got a little scared and embarassed). And she got so upset by it and acted as if she almost died. He had to talk on the phone for hours with her. she expected him to come over and apoloigize in person... and it was just so over the top. she just overly lectured him with that really hightened emotion. everyone now knows... you dont prank her... unless you want to feel like absolute garbage and take an hour out of your day to apologize and be lectured. (but she is allowed to prank others on like april fools and stuff)

She literally uses her emotion to get what she needs. if she can act EXTREMELY happy, sad, let down, suprised, betrayed, stunned, dissapointed... she can convince you of her perception and reject your own. Its so bizarre. because she clearly feels more about something that you, so you must be wrong right? its so weird.

I cannot stand people that blame everyone else for their unhappiness and problems. I understand that there is a patriarchy, and there is racism, and trans/homophobia, etc... but when people just cant seem to get past these things and take control of their own mental well being and life but complain and complain and complain constantly is just so irritating. its like... I'm unhappy because so and so called me the wrong pro-noun.... I'm so sorry, that must suck that people have to experience that, genuinely.... but to stay sad and depressed for the rest of your life because some dumb idiots cant use a proper pro-noun seems like such a waste of time. Like, I feel like this day in age people are relying to much other peoples actions to make them happy... or to blame for their sadness.

Its like women that keep losing friendships, but never realize THEY are the common denominator. Or people who cant keep a relationship, because the other person is always a "narcissists".... every single time.... and say things like "I just attract narcissists". Like no... maybe you are part of the problem?!?!?! Or people that arent successful in life so they constantly blame their parents and how they were raised, and never just move forward. Then this causes this vicious cycle where now its not just an individuals fault, its the entire group the individual are a part of. One man wasnt a narcassist... its because ALL men are horrible. etc.....

They are so damn unhappy, and just want to be placated all the time, but never really stop complaining and take control of their own self.

My cat just got diagnosed with diabetes, and it’s been hard because I LOVE this fucking cat. I’m so worried about him because he started meds that are high risk. I need to watch him closely to make sure he isn’t having side effects etc.

people act like I’m ridiculous for wanting to stay home from a camping trip to watch him, and give him his meds and make sure he is okay. People have rolled their eyes at me and said “you and your cats!” People say passive (trying to lighten the mood) comments like “that’s when my cats would go to sleep… I ain’t dealing with that.”

It makes me feel like shit. That me wanting to care for my beloved cat through this is stupid. Paying money to help my cat is stupid. How silly of me to put him before a family camping trip. basically, how silly of me to love him so much.

I think my mom has narc tendencies, and we were enmshed for a lot of years which really messed with my mental health and personal well-being.

Before I realized me and my Mom were super enmeshed I saw her as the most charasmatic, and extroverted person ever. She seemed to know everyone in town, and everytime we would go to the store she would see people she knew and we would talk to them for a stupid amount of time. Its just the life I came to know.. my mom knows everyone. She is always elected as things around town... grand marshal... etc. people for some reason see my mom as this royalty figure in town and she thinks its just so cool. my dad was the CEO of a big business in this town and was very generous with his money... (i wouldnt say my mom is generous with money at all, but she is with her time... she loves being the hero and showing up for people aka controling social scenarios.). Because my dad was so generous with his money, she automatically gets those acolades too, but she was NOT the one who was generous.

so as you can see.. she has communal narcissistic qualities. She is the hostess with the most. The Martha Stewart of the town. She never fails to remind me that she was the captain of the cheerleading team, class secretary and my dad was the quarterback! Perfect…. Until you get to know her. I always believed she was the queen of everything, and i needed to be just like her (i am not like her at all, im an introvert and shy... so i thought there was something wrong with me because i was not like her, and she seemed to be so popular and "right")

Now that im older.... i realize, she has no friends. No one she hangs out with. No one she sees consistently... and if she does have a couple "best friends" they are friends she had in highschool, and they are toxic and rude, and she always vents to me about how annoying they are. She doesnt even seem to want to hang out with them ever... but she does because its all she has.

Now that im older, i realize that her popularity is just an act/show... its not real. She doesnt have any close friends that she actually LIKES. She judges people a lot, and if she feels like she doesnt mesh perfectly with them she just kinda writes them off. She seems to have a lot of fall outs because she tries to pry into other peoples problems and life and tells people what to do. She doesnt shy away from confrontations with people if she feels that they "did her wrong".... and people kinda push her away, or she gets into these petty situations, and then its akward when she is around them. If someone does invite her to do something she acts super put out and never wants to do it. It’s like she thinks every social situation that is out of the norm for her isn’t going to be fun…. And acts annoyed by it.

now Im the only person she likes and wants to hang out with. so when i am busy she doesnt know what to do with herself. She only wants to travel with me and my husband. (im a people pleaser and always been easy to control... i just "go with the flow" which is the perfect personality for someone like her) She is a control freak.

How does such a popular town queen/extrovert not have any close friends? Her sister invites her to wine time with her and her friends.... and my mom goes, but she never gets super close with these ladies. she often calls me and talks bad about them. she talks bad about her sister.... she talks bad about her own friends.... and family. She is a gossiper... sometimes i think people dont like her as much as I always thought they did. Because she is my mom... her personality was normal to me... but maybe other people see her as controling and hard to be around... which is mind boggling because in my head, i thought everyone was obsessed with her.

its weird though because everyone in town who doesnt know her SUPER well thinks she is the pinnicle of perfection. and im left confused.

I think my mom has narc tendencies… but not full blown narcissistic. One thing I have noticed recently while setting some boundaries is that she thinks she is the center of everyone’s world… and when people do things without her… it shakes her to the core. It’s so perplexing that people would hang out without her.

She has a huge case of fomo and “feeling left out” when people just exist without her there. I have planned a few trips and overnight things with people for later this year… and she always tries to squeeze her way into the plans. She will offer to rent a boat for the weekend me and my cousin are camping at the lake, so she can be included. She will offer to “tag along” but not go to the event….

But i get this vibe that she is perplexed by interpersonal relationships that don’t involve her. Why on earth would me and my cousin want to hang out with our her there!?!? Why would we leave her out!?!? It just makes no sense to her. We literally just want to camp together… it’s not that deep.

Sometimes I feel like she panics almost. She is kinda a control freak.. and this makes her feel out of control. And then she acts sad and left out so you feel bad so you invite her. I feel bad sometimes, like maybe I should just include her so her feelings aren’t hurt… but sometimes I don’t understand why I have to. When I look at other relationships I have, no one cares if we do something without them. I don’t get why she can’t plan things with people she knows and is close with.

But she also thinks everyone needs HER to solve their problems. She is the hero. She doesn’t understand that people have lives and brains of their own

This year especially, with my random plans that don’t involve her…. I have a lot, it’s rocked her world. She feels displaced

I’m sure this gets asked 100 times a day. But how bad is this walk? I can’t tell because I know some people are whiney babies… so some reviews people are complaining that it’s soooo long. It makes me nervous.

I’m taking my 14 year old daughter. I’m in shape and can walk perfectly fine. Is this walk really that long? Or should I get an uber? I was thinking about getting dinner at the Venetian at like 5:30, and then making our way there. The concert is at 8:30, they say to get there like 45 minutes to an hour early

I want to go to the no doubt concert at the sphere. They are my favorite band of all time and my daughter is 14 and loves them too. What perfect timing. I want to plan a trip with just her and I… but I know my mom is going to get jealous or be sad because I didn’t invite her. In our usual pattern, she would automatically get invited… it would be strange if she didn’t.

If I tell her I’m going…. She will hint and straight up say… I could go too! That would be a fun girls trip! then I would have to say no.

Or I don’t tell her and it would be the first obvious slap in the face. I’m usually pretty sly with boundries, but this would be a clear slap.

The problem with my mom is she is a control freak. She would want to plan the whole trip and be in control. If me and my daughter went it would be chill and casual… and it forces me to put on my big girl panties… which has taken me a lot of years to build up.

I think it would be a good challenge for me to do this with my daughter. Go to Las Vegas alone and be the mature adult. My mom has always been the “mature adult” with me…. When she is there I revert back to a child.

But there is a part of me that does feel bad. I do think it would be easier to invite her. It would be a nice gesture… and maybe even a LITTLE fun. Sometimes I can’t tell what my mind truly wants. I so badly want independence… but there is that constant enmeshment pull.

My daughter says she thinks it would be nice to be just us. And I definitely hear her… but I feel bad!!! 😣😣