u/latenightpuddingcup

Kaiser doctor. His laptop was open with patient records, no privacy screen, and he was actively taking phone appointments for at least an hour. “Let’s see here I’m looking at your xray now, it shows you have [medical condition] and at your weight of [number], you could stand to lose a few pounds. Diet can only go so far. Also I can see here that you’re on [prescription medications] at [dosages]”.

I called and reported him to Kaiser’s Ethics & Compliance board. The representative was gobsmacked and said based on all of the details I provided, they’d be able to find him easily.

I happen to run IT at a small mental health nonprofit, we’re a few years away from an EHR deployment at least, and I feel like I’m busting my ass to try and create a relatively safe system to protect our participants data (which is absolutely HIPAA protected). Our environment is a disaster after decades of neglect, it’s laughable. Goes to show you can do everything you can to up your cybersecurity stature, drop millions on an EHR, buy and configure the right licensing, do endless trainings with your staff and lo and behold some asshole decides it’s “no big deal” and pulls some shit like this.

Shame on you. This has to be some kind of HIPAA violation. I can hear everything you’re saying. Patient first names, asking personal details “are you married? Live alone?” who their PCP is, “sounds like your depression is getting worse” “your xray shows arthritis in both your knees” etc. You’re not disclosing to patients that you’re in a crowded coffee shop.

I’m going to put in my earbuds so I don’t continue to overhear anything. I could continue to listen in and catch your name and report you somehow but I don’t feel comfortable hearing patient info like this.

EDIT: I ended up leaving and thinking about it more and it’s definitely a HIPAA violation. I know for a fact that his laptop was open without a privacy screen and he was looking at patient records. “I’m looking at your X-rays now” “I can see you’re on x y z medications”. His laptop was facing the interior of the coffee shop. If I stood over his shoulder briefly I absolutely could have seen these peoples full names while he spoke with them. He said out loud their first name, their weight, their xray results, their prescription medications, and a few other things but those are the worst ones. I didn’t catch his name but I think I know enough about his employment specifics to report him. I’m at least going to try because this was fucked up. He kept telling patients “I’m here at Kaiser Walnut Creek” and uhm no hello brother, you’re in a crowded coffee shop.

Sidenote; I work in healthcare IT. Setting aside the ethics of it, the laptop thing alone is 100% a HIPAA violation.

EDIT PT2: I called Kaiser’s Ethics and Compliance line. I gave all of the details I could remember including exact times I was at the coffee shop and the representative was a) gobsmacked at how egregious this was and b) absolutely certain that they’d be able to identify him based on what I remembered. I’m going to get a follow up from the case manager to find out how they handled it.

Pretend you go into shock so you feel no pain, everyone’s okay, maybe you happen to be looking at a beautiful mountain sunset while this all happens.

I don’t even know what I’d pick but I’m fascinated to hear responses. This is inspired by those “perfect place to bleed out and die” videos where someone stumbles like they got struck by an arrow and they’re looking at a beautiful frozen fyord or something similar.

My daughter is 3 and change. Shes a happy playful little girl, fairly bold and adventurous, doesn’t throw many tantrums at all, sleeps well and eats normally. But for some reason daycare drop offs are always lots of tears. She goes 3 days a week and has a nanny at home the other two days so she can go to ballet, music, gymnastics, etc. We did 0 screens of any kind before 2 and even now she gets 30 minutes max a day of Winnie the Pooh / The Lion King.

She calms down before too long after we leave. Shes very attached to her daycare teachers and talks about them at home. We pick her up and she is the happiest little girl you’ve ever seen, playing with her friends, jumping up and down, giving all of her friends hugs and the teachers hugs too, if we linger at the daycare after pickup she’ll be super happy to see us but continue playing if we let her. We do NOT linger at all during dropoff. Big hug, “I’ll pick you up later!” And walk away.

We’ve been doing this song and dance for over a year now. We can’t figure out why drop offs are so hard. The director told us sometimes she can get emotional and want specific teachers or have a hard time calming down. This happens at home only when she’s tired or hungry or a nasty combo of both. The rest of the time she seems to love daycare and even on weekends she talks about going to see her friends.

Did anyone else go through this? I know logically she’s doing fine but emotionally every dropoff is just so hard. We can’t figure out why it’s still so challenging or see a light at the end of the tunnel. She won’t be crying missing us when she goes to high school so it’ll eventually get better…

Super long post. I don’t even know how to ask this. I guess I’m looking for parents who have had kids like mine who have grown up and turned out ok. Right now I’m terrified I’m going to become one of those adults that doesn’t know if their adult kid is alive or dead or incarcerated. I just want hope that there’s some way that things might, maybe, one day, possibly be ok.

My daughter is nearly 15, just diagnosed with somewhere between level 1 and 2 ASD. After a full ERMHS / ADOS eval work up, her cognitive speed/logical thinking/reading comprehension is through the roof. The assessors in our public school district said they’ve never seen a kid so bright. Every single metric was 97% percentile and above. Academically, school has always been extremely easy for her.

For a long time she was very close to both of us, me and her stepdad (she’s never met her bio dad). We spend so much time together as a family. Cards, board games, movies, TV shows, dinners together at the table. Lots of laughter and inside jokes. In some ways she’s shown herself to be highly perceptive of social cues; which is part of why it was so hard to diagnose her. She’s always struggled with making friends but now it’s gotten so bad. We’ve hit some kind of precipice.

Multiple ER visits. Many threats of suicide. Two 60-day residential stays. Various medication changes. We’ve been in Intensive Outpatient for almost 2 years straight. Therapy therapy therapy. Individual, group, family. CBT/DBT. Encouraged journaling, paid for extracurricular activities, music lessons, hell even tried a local youth group (she likes it ok). She’s still so disturbed. We limit screen time, always had. We have a village of friends and family that take her places and ask how she’s doing and engage with her. She now has an IEP and our Kaiser coverage gives us access to Wraparound services (who visit our home)— we seriously have made use of every resource we can. Our public school is amazing and she’s been assigned a special therapist who will see her in school once a week, provide group therapy as well, and check in with her throughout the day. She’s going to take ‘communication in the real world’ as a class, which helps with social skills and executive functioning. I’ve gone on intermittent leave at work to only work 16/hrs a week so I can help support her for a few more months before I have to go back to full time to keep my job (at which point my husband will do the same).

As smart as she is…. She’s lost every friend she’s ever made. Oversharing. Trauma dumping. Lying. Becoming emotionally overattached. She continues to self isolate. She got busted and sent to residential several months ago because we found out she was trying to sell another kids prescription drugs. She then claimed she only did it “because another friend was threatening to get them off the street” but then admitted that she wanted to sell drugs for money. In tears she once told me she’s certain that in her future she’s going to be a drug addict and a prostitute. Residential only helped marginally, we still have to be hyper vigilant and lock up EVERYTHING dangerous in the house and monitor her closely. She still shows signs of seeking drugs of any kind, and is seeking them out, but then lies to us about it. Her black and white thinking is extremely intense. Because she’s so young we haven’t tested for other personality disorders but they’re not off the table. She shows several other signs of autism that are right on the money unfortunately.

Worst part is she constantly claims she’s fine. CONSTANTLY. She’ll mask and mask and mask. Last week she broke and screamed at us “All I need from you both is food and shelter that’s IT I can be PERFECTLY independent I don’t NEED you god you’re so FUCKING OVERPROTECTIVE” (this was after we VERY calmly told her we discovered she subverted our parental controls on her managed phone and had to delete the app she was using, and wouldn’t allow her to spend 5 hours a day on her phone. 2 is acceptable to us though). She refuses to acknowledge any of her challenges and blames us for almost everything.

Now she’s getting sent home from a two week sleep away camp because they can’t manage her. My husband has to drive 6 hours one way to go pick her up. She’s making all of the other campers uncomfortable and the counselors literally said they’ve hit their ceiling of how much they can help or manage her. (They were SO nice about it. Seriously. They’ve tried so so hard already but at some point it’s reasonable they have to send her home.)

Every clinician or adult we’ve ever spoken to has said such nice things to us as parents. They tell us we’re doing everything we can, she’s so lucky to have us, we set boundaries and communicate them calmly, we spend time with her, we set reasonable expectations… all of it. I want to believe they’re being honest but it’s so hard when she’s struggling so much and it feels like nothing we do is helping. They also say such nice things about her! She’s an INCREDIBLE kid! She’s got a kind heart, is so fucking funny and witty, SO goofy, playful, clever, considerate.

And… I have 0 hope right now. My kid is deliberately careening towards a life of pain and isolation and self destruction. I’m scared, hurt, angry, grieving… my husband and I are both medicated, both have therapists, both try to exercise and take care of each other, give each other breaks and support, try to go on dates and see our own friends. It feels like we have nothing else we can even give this kid.

Please, please, please tell me there are parents or former autistic teenagers that have been through this and their kids are ok. Or point me towards good books to read. Or tell me what we could be doing differently. Anything.

(Thanks for reading.)

My husband has been notably bad at being on top of laundry, and as a result a lot of his clothes were getting washed because we shared a laundry bin and I needed MY clothes washed, and didn’t want to go through the trouble of separating them. I’d separate them after and leave them in a bin for him to deal with. It was frustrating to be the only person regularly moving laundry along.

He bought a new laundry bin. Put his on his side of the room. Said “this one is mine and that one is yours— that way you can do your own laundry and I can rightfully suffer the consequences of not being on top of my shit.” Surprise! It’s actually been really nice and helpful, and more than once he’s run out of clean clothes and said “well I have no one to blame but myself.”

(To be clear I do actually have an incredible husband, who works hard to split duties as best as we can even though he earns 3x what I do. He advocates for me having free time and pushes back against me assuming things are my job.)

If anyone else has similar spousal wins, I’d love to hear them. This one worked great for us.

I got a cold email inviting me to interview to appear on a guest on the podcast. I’m the IT manager of a mental health nonprofit (I report to the CEO). Does anyone have experience with it, either being a speaker or a listener? I’m trying to decide if it’s worth my time.

I’m 32. When I was younger I used to be able to wear the same bra a few days in a row (taking it off to sleep ofc) but now that I’m older I put a clean one on every morning, go about my day, take it off in the evening and …. damn where did all of this sweat come from, and why does it smell so bad?!

I’m a 38C/D cup and they haven’t started to sag yet, maybe a little bit but not enough that the sweat makes sense. Did this happen to other women at some point? Any theories? I’ve been regularly putting deodorant in my underboob area every day along with my regular armpit deodorant to try and mitigate the stink and moisture but goddamn if it ain’t a battle.

It’s so bad. It’s so, so bad. It’s also coming from a boomer who has never gone to therapy “and never will” very clearly using ‘writing’ as a way to process her emotions. In her YA book, the parallel character that represents me dies in a horrific car accident. Awesome!

It’s written in ‘verse’. She read the first chapter out loud to me and Jesus Christ it’s so bad.

“I asked [AI] if it would be good as a screenplay and it said yes it would be incredible! And then showed me how I would turn it into a screenplay!”

I’m 32 now, I cared so so so much about my appearance in my 20s. I care a decent amount now but not nearly as much as I used to.

I don’t have any signs of aging in my face/body yet but I’m wondering what it will be like to transition to not caring. I hope for myself that one day I get to be a sweet and sassy old ass raisin who doesn’t care about being youthful or beautiful in the way I do now.

Did you wake up one day and just decide to not care? Was it hard? Did you fight it with Botox or exercise or collagen treatments? Did you choose not to and wish you did, or did and wish you didn’t? Did you do your best to enjoy your youth, or wish you enjoyed it more?

I’ve been thinking about aging lately and I know this is a big topic for this sub, but I specifically want to hear the perspectives of women who are legitimately at peace.

EDIT: JESUS FOLKS I typed this on the train on the way into work. I guess I should have been WAY more careful about my wording because even though the title says “stop caring as much” it’s been taken to mean that I think as you age you don’t give any shit at all what you look like. What I really meant is care *as much* about rigid beauty standards.

I have a not great relationship with these two coworkers, both of whom I have to work closely with. There’s a weird tense in office dynamic. Two separate people have told me they’ve walked by one individuals office (can’t avoid it, office isn’t that big) with the door open and they’ve heard both of these employees complaining about me/a work decision I’m involved in.

I don’t know what the actual comments are, which is frustrating. I’ve just heard “Coworkers A and B were just complaining about (project) and (department (I’m the head of my department, which is small) and it was very clear theyre angry and complaining about you” . Evidently they either said my name or were “very clearly” badmouthing me. A lot of people know they have bad attitudes, they’re not well liked in the office.

Personally…. My slogan is “die mad about it”. I know they don’t like me, I know they’re frustrated. I continue to remain professional and if I complain, I do so privately. Whatever.

Well, I made the mistake of telling my boss this time. She picked up on me kind of dancing around it and I ended up telling her. She said OTHER people have brought it to HER that this has happened. Shes “had multiple conversations with A and B about this exact problem” specifically them complaining about THE SAME PROJECT and about ME. HR is already involved.

She told me to report it to HR. I don’t disagree that it’s really stupid and petty but… I don’t want to get tangled in this mess. Reporting it feels like a whole can of worms that will take up time and energy and I just want to move on and do my work. My boss made the very very good point that even if I don’t care that much, the behavior isn’t acceptable and it creates a bad work environment for the OTHER people who hear it.

She’s not wrong, so I begrudgingly agree someone needs to notify HR. Our company is very small (50 people, only half in office) with huge personalities right now so unfortunately there’s no hiding behind anything. When I said to her I’d really rather not report it, she said she’s going to think about it over the weekend and decide if it should come from her or from me, but someone has to tell HR.

Should it come from me, or my boss, or possibly the people who heard it and notified me? I’m not the one who heard it but I am the subject of what they were saying. I’d like to be as involved in this as little as possible.

I honestly didn’t realize how much my kid picked up on just being around me. She’s not interested in baking that much.

She went to a youth group event where they were baking cookies to donate to a shelter. Afterwards, she came back and complained to me about their ‘slipshod baking practices’. (Don’t worry, she assured me she was very polite in the moment.) These were regular chocolate chip cookies.

1. They included sugar in all of the ‘dry’ ingredients.

2. They put all of the dry ingredients into a bowl, then all of the wet ingredients, THEN mixed it all together.

3. They used almond extract instead of vanilla on accident, then added double the amount of vanilla to try and balance it.

4. They didn’t have brown sugar so they just used more white sugar.

5. They forgot to preheat the oven. So they just put the dough in the room temp oven and then baked them while the oven was preheating.

She said they barely bothered to read the recipe. Just looked at the ingredient list and threw all of the stuff in a bowl.

I’m touched my kid pays enough attention to what I do in the kitchen to 1) notice all of these things as not great practice and 2) remember them all and tell me later. Honestly none of them are BAD bad you just wont end up with good cookies.

Five minutes ago I got a notice from the citizen app that someone reported gunshots fired by the lagoon on packet landing road. I’m 0.2 miles away and thought I only heard fireworks…. Does anyone else have any info?

I’d rather pull my fingernails and toenails out than willingly go back to church on Sunday mornings again. I grew up in a very religious home and went to church every single Sunday until I was 22 (when I finally moved out of my parents house). It was a nondenominational church that was honestly really solid but as an adult I’m not in a place right now where I’m particularly open spiritually for the aforementioned reasons.

That said, my teenager wants to start going to an LGBTQ+ positive Christian church, and we want to go to one that has an active youth group. She’s an awesome kid but struggles with socializing and she really needs a supportive environment. I don’t blame her for reaching out and wanting to try church. My husband and I will put on brave faces and take turns going with her. Who knows, maybe we’ll end up converting.

We’ve heard good things about FCC but I don’t know anything about their youth group. If anyone has experience with churches in Alameda and can make recommendations, that would be swell. Thanks for reading.

A rant/vent/dump of what’s going on. TL;DR— only working 2 days/week this summer, using the time to support my teenager and catch up on a million things.

I work at a nonprofit where I’m (in practice) a director of one of the core departments. Tons of projects, emails, expectations, responsibilities. I’m managing it all fine as-is but work continues to pile up.

My teenager was just released to us from residential care after a 90 day stay following threats of suicide. I qualify for FMLA / PFL and am planning on only working 2 days a week (Tuesday/Thursdays) and using PFL + sick leave to cover my salary so we don’t take any financial hit. I’ll have enough to cover me on a 2/day week salary until September starts. HR and my boss (C-level) are thankfully very supportive so I don’t think this’ll be an issue. Work is going to suffer, but fucking… whatever.

My toddler will be in daycare 9-5. We qualify for a lot of mental health services through our insurance, so we’re going to have about 5-6 different mental health providers helping us with our teenager. Some will be coming to our house, some will be remote, and some will be in person appointments. The school district has also shown up in a good way— we had an ERMHS assessment and have an IEP meeting on Friday with about 6 different district employees. My teenager starts public high school in the fall and will be fully using all of the resources our district has available to us (of which, they’ve offered us a great many).

This summer is going to be a lot of administrative coordination, transportation, phone calls, paperwork, emails, keeping my teenager occupied, calling in our village, activities, supervision, extracurriculars, chores, bonding, home projects (fixing up her room, the toddlers room, etc.)… The to-do list stretches on.

I don’t even have a nice way to conclude these thoughts. I’m just metaphorically barfing into a Reddit post. Thanks for reading.

I’m thinking about getting a rectangular design on my inner left forearm, some small typography with:

“Perfume and milk
The body in bloom
The falling leaves
The fallen fruit
The rot and the ruin
The earth and the worms
The seasons change
The world turns”

Surrounded by snow glories and winter jasmine. This would be oriented “vertically” with my elbow being the “top” and my wrist being the “bottom”.

Or the same concept, except “horizontal”, with these instead:

“And all shall be well,
all shall be well
Miracles are often inconvenient,
and a prayer is a spell”

I can’t decide! The Old Religion is actually my favorite on the album with Perfume and Milk a close second, but I can’t think of an Old Religion tattoo design that I’d like as much.

My brother in Christ you haven’t been able to take 1/5 of your calls for 8 MONTHS and you’re only just NOW putting in a ticket???

I’m realizing how much I’m missing a community of people that love and appreciate this band the way I do. I would love to meet up with some other fans at a coffee shop or a park or something to just talk about our experiences, favorite albums, etc.

I know there are fans all over the world so I’m sure this only applies to very, very few people. If other people also want to organize meetups in this thread, feel free!