u/lyaunaa

For the salad:

2 large heads broccoli, cut into bite-sized florets

½–¾ cup dried cranberries

½ cup pecans, roughly chopped

2 honeycrisp apples

⅓ cup crumbled goat cheese

¼ of a small red onion or 1 shallot, diced small

Juice of ½ lemon

¼ cup pumpkin seeds.

For the dressing:

¼ cup mayonnaise

¼ cup full-fat Greek yogurt

1½ tbsp maple syrup

1 tbsp Dijon mustard

1 tbsp apple cider vinegar

1 tbsp olive oil

Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Pinch of cinnamon

1. Dice the apples and toss with the lemon juice.

2. Make the dressing, combining all ingredients and whisking until smooth.

3. Combine broccoli, cranberries, apple, red onion, and dressing. Mix well. Set in the fridge for 30 - 60 minutes before serving.

4. While the broccoli sits, prepare the pecans. Spread diced pecans on a foil lined baking sheet. Toast for 5–8 minutes at 350°.

5. Just before serving, drain any excess water from broccoli mixture, add goat cheese, pumpkin seeds, and pecans to salad and mix well.

6. Devour.

Folks who have more experience than I do with whipping up salads (probably everyone here tbh), I'm hoping you can tell me if my proportions seem right here? Designed this from scratch, never made anything like it before. Esp side-eyeing the dressing. I did some research into other dressings, but in my family dressing was always something that came out of a bottle from the grocery store 😅 Any feedback and suggestions before I go out and buy ingredients would be amazing 🩷

I'm looking for dishes that require foundational skills and maybe prompt a little nostalgia, dishes that really define "homecooking" for you. Basics or "only for holidays" special treats are equally welcome, high-skill preferred. Something that when your guests or family walks in, they get excited to see you whipping up. I realize I'm not doing the best ever job of explaining, so my example would be:

1. Lasagna. Getting a delicious sauce takes most of the day for me. It's also "easy once you know what you're doing" but a little more technically challenging than some dishes. Getting the right consistency on the meat takes some knowledge, getting the noodles cooked properly, balancing the cheese/sauce ratio, etc.
2. Maple-glazed carrots, as a side dish. Keeping the carrots from drying out takes some doing, and getting the glaze packed with flavor but not overly sweet was a tricky balance that I definitely screwed up the first few times. Now they're the thing my family begs me to make for birthdays and holidays! If I want to cheer someone up, I might make these as a surprise out of the blue, and it makes my heart melt to see how excited people get when they see me working on them!
3. Pork chops in mustard sauce. I struggled with pork for years because of how quickly it dries out. These seem simple, but take a liiittle more technical skill and a good balance of creamy, salty, and tart flavors for the sauce.

Hi all! I was hoping someone here might have experience with HG's life coaching program, and could offer a little insight. Don't worry, I know this is a coaching program, not a therapy program---I'm also engaging in traditional therapy!

I was curious, however, if anyone with depression who has signed up for HG's life coaching might have noticed an improvement in depression symptoms / pessimistic thinking? Did the program help you to think differently about problems in general, or just overcome specific problems in your life? Did you feel like life coaching helped you make some long-term changes to how you approached things or thought about obstacles? And for anyone who has also done traditional therapy, do you have any thoughts on the differences between that and this program?

I'm basically trying to avoid redundancy between the things I'm signing myself up for. So far therapy has been a good place to share a little with someone non-judgemental and receive some gentle nudges for introspection, which is valuable, but I find myself wanting something more as well and I can't quite put my finger on what. Hoping this program would be a good fit 😄

I'd just love to know a little more about what to expect, from anyone who's done it! Thank you all ❤️

My husband has BPD, depression, anxiety, severe PTSD, and ADHD. We've recently started couples counseling and individual therapy.

The other day, I took a class on codependency just out of curiosity. Some things resonated with me, some things didn't. Particularly, "Codependents have a tough time trusting others to work out their own emotions. They try to fix it for them." I definitely find myself doing this with my husband.

A few days later while talking to my therapist, she drew my attention to the fact that I am over functioning quite a bit trying to "fix" the moods of people around me, and especially my husband. That I feel very uncomfortable and even threatened by the idea of just letting them work through their own negative emotions without my intervention. It kind of surprised me to hear the same wording that the codependency class had used. My therapist suggested that even if I didn't quite fit the criteria for a "diagnosis", that some of the recovery tools useful for codependents might be valuable to me.

And the following day, our couple's therapist pointed out the exact same pattern, saying that I needed to be able to step back and stop trying to control my husband's emotional state. "It's admirable that you want to help, and understandable that you'd do this out of a desire to protect yourself, too; but I think you're confusing the help you can give with perfectly removing or preventing his negative feelings for him, and that's not realistic."

My husband has pointed out that I take his low moods as "personal attacks", and that this leads to him feeling like a failure when he sees how his disregulated moments are affecting me.

I've recently picked up Codependent No More as a starting place. A lot of the content does seem focused on people who are partnered with addicts and alcoholics, though it also mentions that codependency crops up in people whose partners have mental health struggles.

I wanted to know if there are any resources out there for folks who are more in my position, having a partner with mental health struggles and a tendency towards dysregulated moods. My husband does not have any addiction struggles, so what I've found so far has only been partially helpful and relatable.

Thank you all in advance 🩷

Edit in accordance with the auto mod: My husband has Borderline Personality Disorder.

My husband has BPD, depression, anxiety, severe PTSD, and ADHD. We've recently started couples counseling and individual therapy.

The other day, I took a class on codependency just out of curiosity. Some things resonated with me, some things didn't. Particularly, "Codependents have a tough time trusting others to work out their own emotions. They try to fix it for them." I definitely find myself doing this with my husband.

A few days later while talking to my therapist, she drew my attention to the fact that I am over functioning quite a bit trying to "fix" the moods of people around me, and especially my husband. That I feel very uncomfortable and even threatened by the idea of just letting them work through their own negative emotions without my intervention. It kind of surprised me to hear the same wording that the codependency class had used. My therapist suggested that even if I didn't quite fit the criteria for a "diagnosis", that some of the recovery tools useful for codependents might be valuable to me.

And the following day, our couple's therapist pointed out the exact same pattern, saying that I needed to be able to step back and stop trying to control my husband's emotional state. "It's admirable that you want to help, and understandable that you'd do this out of a desire to protect yourself, too; but I think you're confusing the help you can give with perfectly removing or preventing his negative feelings for him, and that's not realistic."

My husband has pointed out that I take his low moods as "personal attacks", and that this leads to him feeling like a failure when he sees how his disregulated moments are affecting me.

I've recently picked up *Codependent No More* as a starting place. A lot of the content does seem focused on people who are partnered with addicts and alcoholics, though it also mentions that codependency crops up in people whose partners have mental health struggles.

I want to know if anyone else had experience with this combination of traits? If so, what's your story? Any resources you all might be able to point me towards? I'd love to find something specifically about how codependent traits manifest in partners of pwBPD, if there's anything like that out there. 🩷

We've only been trying for about three months, so I know I don't actually have it bad. But why oh why must my husband's work scoop him up for out-of-state work during THAT week? This is the second time in three months that this has happened and I'm 🤬 .

Seriously, two out of three. And before this he had to travel maybe once every six months? It's a big financial boon to be sure, and I do understand that they need his help setting up a new facility on the other side of the country, I'm proud of him. But it's just awful timing. Is it reasonable to just get an extra plane ticket and tag along at this point? Has anyone else dealt with a frustration like this? I feel so impatient but I want to at least be trying when it counts!

I'm away from my hot water bottle and it'll be hours before I can get my hands on Tylenol. Does anyone have ideas of how I could get a bit of relief? I recently went off birth control and I miss how mild my periods used to be 😖

The constant feelings of pain and worry are just overwhelming. I'm so desperate for some kind of relief, but sleep is the only thing that doesn't hurt, and I'm finding it hard to stay asleep.

I was so happy not even a year ago, but now my life is just objectively shit. My husband cheated on me. I moved back in with my parents. Therapy and counseling seem to provide this short term relief, but every time I look at my life and my relationship, I see just how hopeless it really feels. I have only one friend who lives states away. I don't even understand how everything got so bad, but I know there's no way back.

I swear I've tried everything. I'm just so tired now that I can barely stand up or eat. All I can do is cry and sleep. I just want to turn back time and be so happy with my husband again, staying up until 4am talking and laughing and falling asleep in his arms. How, with me putting in all my effort, with both of us having the best of intentions, did things end up here?

I can't stand it anymore. I really don't want to wake up anymore. I feel like I'm having surgery without anesthesia every second. I literally just wish a bus would hit me or a tree would fall on me and crush me instantly.

I'm finding it incredibly hard to locate armor that will fit! Even quality gambeson is a struggle to find outside of men's sizes. I used to have a custom plate set, but left it behind in a bad breakup (RIP, more bummed about losing the armor than the partner). I'm not opposed to spending some $$$$ on the right thing, I'm just having a tough time tracking the right thing down 😔

Does anyone have any resources they could point me towards? I'm looking for XS/S women's sizes or custom work, arming wear, chain, and plate. Leather is a lot easier to find so far, but not opposed to good recs there, either! Blessings upon you and your house if you can suggest anything!

ETA: I'm in the U.S.! :)

Realized that I have approximately one (1) good friend that I talk to daily, and the rest have drifted. I love writing, reading, DnD, and bad reality TV. If you want to hmu will send you pictures of my cats (non-optional) and the current insane video essay I can't stop thinking about (optional but I'm telling you, it's INSANE.) I'm also super down to listen if you are having Thoughts or would like to rant about anything.

Also I saw the "ghost free" tag here and initially thought it was about certifying that potential friends' houses weren't haunted??? so that's the kind of DELIGHTS you can expect to experience if we become friends.

My husband and I are working on moving into a shared housing situation where the A/C is not entirely within our control. Husband overheats when he's sleeping, and so far the few nights we've spent here, he's been miserably hot and sweaty, tossing and turning the whole night. It doesn't help that he struggles with insomnia already; I feel so bad for him. I'd like to surprise him with a nice new bedding set up that's both incredibly comfortable and welcoming, AND cool throughout the summer.

So far I've snagged a comfortable mattress topper from Costco, a cooling mattress pad from Amazon, and percale sheets from Silk&Snow. I'd love to upgrade our pillows as well, and find a blanket/comforter that's enough to keep me from getting chilled without overheating him. Preferably, I wouldn't be spending more than a couple hundred dollars to finish it off.

Is there anything else I'm overlooking? Anything hot sleepers might recommend? Upgrades outside of the bedding itself that I might consider for making the bedroom more comfortable?

Sorry, this is kind of a long post. I'm getting my thoughts out and wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience, particularly with male borderlines.

I thought for years that it was anxiety. He is diagnosed with severe PTSD, depression, anxiety, and ADHD---he takes medication for these things, but is not in therapy, and says therapy doesn't work on him. We've had a rocky relationship with amazing highs and terrible lows, and it mostly seemed to come back to the internal beliefs he has that 1.) he doesn't deserve happiness, and 2.) I don't really want to be with him. He would ask for reassurance frequently about the smallest things: "Do you like kissing me?" or "Why aren't you holding my hand more tightly, are we breaking up?" or "Do you find me attractive?" No amount of heaping on praise and words of love seemed to help him worry any less. But I honestly thought it was just anxiety, which he'd been diagnosed with.

He was unable to hear any kind of negative emotion from me without spiraling. Once, when frustrated that he wasn't listening to me about something, I sighed. It was a moment of exasperation which I would have forgotten twenty seconds later, but it ruined the entire day. His mood tanked. "I'm sorry I'm such a frustrating person." I tried for hours to explain to him that I can be frustrated with a behavior he's doing without finding *him* frustrating at a core personal level, but he couldn't separate the two and continued verbally berating himself. Another time he asked me why I was so anxious about a small mistake I made (wedding ring slid off my finger while I was doing chores and I couldn't find it for five minutes and panicked), and I said that honestly, it was because I was afraid he would take it really personally and be sad about it. "I wish you were with someone else, you'd be so much happier with someone else." I'm at a point where if I have a moment of being anything less than incandescently happy with everything he does, it turns into hours or days of having to try everything to soothe him and reassure him that I love him and don't want to be with anyone else.

He latches onto anything negative I've ever said and repeats it again and again. He has on multiple occasions threatened self-harm; once, and ONLY once, I told him that threats of self-harm are emotionally abusive and that I needed him to stop. Now, whenever we have a hard conversation, he repeats, "You call me abusive, you make me feel like a terrible person." He has also repeated this to friends and family---of course, without the context of WHY I used the word 'abusive.' Even if I don't label something negative, and just describe a problematic behavior, he lumps it into that category and says I'm accusing him of whatever it is: gaslighting, manipulation, abuse, etc. etc. Saying, "That's not what I said or what I meant, please don't put words in my mouth" only seems to convince him that I'm talking around what I actually mean to say.

If I'm "too quiet" for a moment, he thinks I'm upset. He reads things into my facial expressions that simply were not there, that I'm mad or sad or thinking about leaving him. I'll just be in my own thoughts for a moment, and then it will be hours and hours of his mood tanking, anxiously asking again and again what's wrong.

He thinks every man I talk to is interested in me. A decade before I met him, I was at a party where an incredibly drunk girl grabbed me and kissed me (and gave me a nasty cold in the process), and when I mentioned that story to him in passing, he replied, "Weren't you dating someone then? So you ARE the kind of person who cheats on your partners?" He insists that I was flirting with some random guy I barely remember talking to at an event, and won't be convinced otherwise.

And then when everything's okay... he's wonderful. Genuinely the funniest person I've ever met, optimistic, affectionate, makes me feel so seen and so good about myself and so loved. We can talk and laugh for hours. I've never had such an intense feeling of connection with anyone---it feels almost spiritual at times. That 'connection' is why I married him.

We're starting couple's therapy soon. I'm thinking of privately saying something to the therapist, describing these behaviors and suggesting that quiet BPD might be a possibility. Normally I would never consider suggesting a diagnosis for anyone, but I know male borderlines are severely under-diagnosed, and he checks absolutely every box---I just want a professional to assess things, and I'm well-aware that I might be wrong. I did read that BPD can massively improve with treatment targeting BPD, but that a diagnosis is crucial for getting the right kind of treatment. I really just want him to improve, to stop hating himself and worrying so much and taking it out on people he cares about.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with a partner? Is suggesting BPD to the therapist way, way out of line, or should I give it a shot?