u/onthebusfornow

I'm finishing up with a program, everyone else js SOOO done with it and ready to start working. I don't feel ready at all, and when I expressed this to the teacher, she seemed shocked and concerned, and was like, really? We can hold you back if you feel you need it. So I asked her if she thought I needed it and she said no, that I seemed ready to her. And I'm just wondering why she would ask me further about my feelings before just telling me that she thought I was ready. Like are people's feelings generally accurate an their own competence? I've never felt ready for or competent in anything in my entire life, at least not since grade school, and I'm just genuinely so confused by the concept. Are people confident because they actually are competent or is it something else? And if competence and confidence are connected, how on earth am I supposed to feel confident in my competence if I don't feel confident? I'm just, I don't know, confidence confuses me. I can never tell what level of competence makes it valid, if I'm smart or stupid. Idk.

(at my mother's advice)

should I just kill myself now? /s

(lmaooo I spent a bunch of time gathering screenshots and then realized we can't post photos anymore)

INTP

Holland Code
Realistic	16
Investigative	29
Artistic	24
Social	15
Enterprising	5
Conventional	8

1. highest form of intelligence: naturalistic

lowest form of intelligence: interpersonal

Big 5: high openness, high neuroticism

Big 5
extroversion
emotional stability
agreeableness
conscientiousness
intellect/imagination

realizing I can't consider a worse set of personality traits for the job

feel like I might be walking into the biggest mistake of my life

almost finished with the program though and could really use an okay paying job

For credit cards that offer a free $200. I usually try to keep my finances to inside of my credit union, but if I applied for one of these, which all seem to be through the more evil companies, and then just didn't use it, would that work out okay? Would that just be a real true free $200?

Sprained my wrist like a year ago using a sledgehammer at a job I wasn't really built for, and it's yet to heal. Been cursing my tiny bird wrists and feeling like I'm too fragile to even attempt any "boy activities" anymore, and since my wrist has been preventing me from pushups/most chest workouts, I've kind of been skipping the gym altogether, feeling fated to be weak forever (even though strength training is honestly like my favorite activity). I decided I'd try to go to the gym again, and realized that I actually can workout my chest without bothering my wrist if I use a cable machine, so I got a good chest workout for the first time in like a year, and shockingly, felt better and less angry afterwards.

Hello, I am looking for a clean pie chart or bar graph / series of; showing how Portland's budget is being utilized, and am having trouble finding one. Any ideas where I might find one, or if I were to make one, where I would find the information for that? I understand the city gov puts it's budget online, but it is somewhat complex to read and the website organization is somewhat confusing, so I'm just hoping to gather some advice/input on the matter before I put more hours into this.

We hit it off. Told me to text her. I literally have a week off med school. Already half way through. Mostly been playing video games. I know I should probably text her but I'm scared. I've got zero social inertia. Planning anything stresses me out. I feel like I can't do it. Timing it is too hard.

I've come to realize my brother is sexist. I've tried to talk to him about it and he's just gotten emotional and defensive. And then promptly pulled the whole "men are logical and women are emotional thing" which had nothing to do with what I was trying to talk to him about anyway, and I was so shocked. He got less chores as a kid because he was too emotional to handle them. He's punched walls. I've seen him cry so hard he's choked on his own blood. He destroyed his own Xbox when my mom said he couldn't play it. I thought he knew he was the emotional one. He's had excessive trauma so I always tried to be nice to him regardless. I also enjoy being inflammatory and argumentative so frankly, probably not the best two personalities to work something out together. But it's on my mind all the time. I don't know what he doesn't know so I don't know who or what he's blaming for his problems. I'm constantly playing potential conversations in my head to figure out what to say to him and they always go bad. He doesn't like to read. He doesn't like to think. He doesn't like uncomfortable topics. The worst part is he's actually very charming and adept socially so he actually has the social power to make some amount of change, whereas being an annoying smart ass female I feel hated by everyone and like every conversation I have with anyone and everyone is like talking to a brick wall. I've come to figure he's probably a lost cause, and he doesn't respect me anyway, so it's not like anything I say would have any affect anyway. but I keep replaying and rehearsing these conversations. It's taking up too much of my brain power and I am exhausted. It's been particularly bad the past two days because i haven't had school or work to attend to. I quit doing drugs and I need to drink less so I've had nothing to do to quiet the voices and have just been screaming at the top of my lungs and scaring everyone downtown. Kind of exhausting. Idk. What do I do.

I feel like every other second I am with my boyfriend, I am thinking about how much I love him and how comfortable I am with him and how much I want to give him kisses, and every other second from that, I am thinking about how much I want a girlfriend. Neither of us are even against the concept of polyamory, but I I really do not have the social battery for that, and I really like the security of being able to latch onto one person. Furthermore, the girls I am attracted to tend to be monogamous, so I just see no way that could even work. I'm not really sure what's wrong with me or what's missing or why I feel so split. I assume people will be extremely angry on this app with me for posting these thoughts, but I just don't even know what process to follow to figure out what's wrong with me. Does anybody have any ideas?

Walking in circles

I'm tired of working for other people. Im tired of assisting. I want to solve my own puzzles. I want to be listened to for once in my life. I want my intelligence respected. My dream has always been to do field research in ecology but I dropped out when I realized that college is terrible ( I was expecting to experience the experimental intellectualism that the merry pranksters talked about, not realizing that creative women of the time were lobotomized and locked away, and creative women of current times are raped and belittled). Additionally, I fear the gutting of environmental policy affecting job security, and I doubt my ability to do all the executive work of research such as applying to grants. I also realized that the best way to make change is through political activism and engaging with community. Of course I haven't been doing political activism at all, because utilizing social skills is exhausting for me and activist circles are hell, and I am too embarrassed by myself to engage in any form of community. I tried the trades thinking it would be a good way to make money so I could own my own land to ecologically restore, but I am terrible at following instruction, too prone to mistakes, bad at following top down explanation (the format trades type men usually explain things in), too slow, too daydreamy, and my body is too fragile for 60 hour work weeks. After crying about failing everything, my mom suggested I try medical assisting, as she works with many medical assistants and thought I would be good at that. Now I'm halfway through the program, and I cannot believe I started something so obviously terrible for me. I mostly enjoy the studying and I even enjoy the classes but I hate hospitals and I hate sick people, and the job would just be more following demands without being allowed to think for myself, the thing I am particularly exhausted of. I'm so fed up with myself. I hate this horrible psychopathic country (USA) and want so badly to leave, but my Spanish is ass and I'm terrible at language learning and I have no confidence in myself to adapt to an overseas environment to get a job. I am also particularly bad at figuring out what order to do things in, so getting my life together when there are so many moving parts seems absolutely impossible. I'm only happy in the forest, and the forests are being destroyed, and I feel completely powerless to help them, and completely powerless to help myself. That's my vent. I don't even know if I want advice or not. I don't know anything.

Mbti: intp Holland: #1: investigative #2: artistic #3: conventional #4: realistic #5 social #6 (lowest): enterprising

Walking in circles

I'm tired of working for other people. Im tired of assisting. I want to solve my own puzzles. I want to be listened to for once in my life. I want my intelligence respected. My dream has always been to do field research in ecology but I dropped out when I realized that college is terrible ( I was expecting to experience the experimental intellectualism that the merry pranksters talked about, not realizing that creative women of the time were lobotomized and locked away, and creative women of current times are raped and belittled). Additionally, I fear the gutting of environmental policy affecting job security, and I doubt my ability to do all the executive work of research such as applying to grants. I also realized that the best way to make change is through political activism and engaging with community. Of course I haven't been doing political activism at all, because utilizing social skills is exhausting for me and activist circles are hell, and I am too embarrassed by myself to engage in any form of community. I tried the trades thinking it would be a good way to make money so I could own my own land to ecologically restore, but I am terrible at following instruction, too prone to mistakes, bad at following top down explanation (the format trades type men usually explain things in), too slow, too daydreamy, and my body is too fragile for 60 hour work weeks. After crying about failing everything, my mom suggested I try medical assisting, as she works with many medical assistants and thought I would be good at that. Now I'm halfway through the program, and I cannot believe I started something so obviously terrible for me. I mostly enjoy the studying and I even enjoy the classes but I hate hospitals and I hate sick people, and the job would just be more following demands without being allowed to think for myself, the thing I am particularly exhausted of. I'm so fed up with myself. I hate this horrible psychopathic country and want so badly to leave, but my Spanish is ass and I'm terrible at language learning and I have no confidence in myself to adapt to an overseas environment to get a job. I am also particularly bad at figuring out what order to do things in, so getting my life together when there are so many moving parts seems absolutely impossible. I'm only happy in the forest, and the forests are being destroyed, and I feel completely powerless to help them, and completely powerless to help myself. That's my vent. Im not even sure if I just want to complain or if I actually want advice. I don't know fucking anything.

To reduce single use plastic am I allowed to bring my own reusable containers to the bulk section? It seems like it could be a hassle for the register to weight it like that.

I like dressing femme and I like dressing masc. However I have stopped dressing femme as the male attention I receive is way too scary and feels unsafe. However, women also don't talk to me now, and being a shy person, this makes me feel incredibly isolated. Why does the world have to be this way?