u/philosareantichrist

i added the template too, if anyone does it i'd love to see in the comments

I am Christ, the facts believe that. I feel like I only suffered in a way that makes me a Christ like figure. I feel everyone I care about heatbeat as my own, I feel like the fate of many lives is on my fingertips. In a way it's beautiful, that despite my psychopathy I do have reasons to care about people around me, that I could just treat everything as a game and I refuse to give in to this mindset. That I am truely free beyond everyone else. If I every find someone who I love, I'll be there for you, I'll love you for all of eternity. I hope I can feel your heart beating for me even If my heart can't. I want my love to burn like a nuclear bomb destroying all that stands against it. Turning you from the inside out. I do think a christ like on earth can be with someone else. I really do.

I do feel like I'm recovering each day, and I am seeking the help I need thankfully but I do feel like theres something beautiful about how I work. Remember, I'll always be yours <3

I just want to be one with my loved one. Forever. Until The End of time. A whole person again. I will never be alone in my thoughts again. But will my mental illness carry over to that person? Will it slowly infect their mind like oil in a pond? Will my delusions start to appear to them as well. Will they feeling like their christ on earth. Will they feel the need to save all of their friends from this earth upon their soul accending from humanity. Will their memories be fractured like a glass vase? Will they slowly loss their empathy, each passing second like a sponge being slowly drained of all color in their body until the day they pass away? Every piece of humanity being lost every time you go through a meltdown and every piece of human emotion you have in your heart getting smaller and smaller each passing day. The original piece of you getting smaller and smaller each day until you are unrecognizable to any of your close friends. Will they be able to handle all of it?

I'm trying to find the most taboo and transgressive films that pushes the envelope. I'm a huge fan of these films. Pictured is what I'm thinking of.(Happiness by Todd Solondz, Terminal USA by Jon Moritsugu , Scum(1979) by Alan Clarke and Freeway(1996) by Matthew Bright) Thank you and have a good day!!!

I know God put me in a vessel that can't feel anything but I really do love you. I want to be with you, I just can't let go of you. I want to be become one with you, you can't leave me like this. ASPD abuse? Harassment? Thats my way of love dummy <3 I'll be with you until the end of time. You will always be mine forever <3

I feel like giving a viewpoint of how I view love is a good idea to get a better understanding of myself. Like I said in the previous post, I am a psychopath(ASPD). I do want to be in a relationship but no emotions are present in it. Every time I see someone, no emotions or feelings are present,my body tries to reach out for them but nothing comes up. Like a computer trying to access a deleted file, only to find nothing in the file's place. This has been observed face to face with other people in real life and by my doctors I see(which is psychically impossible to fake in front of someone by the way). I view being in a relationship like writing a novel or acting in a play. I feel that people are like actors and a relationship is shaping their live as a artform. This isn't me trying to be pessimistic or nihilistic, the opposite in fact. I do believe love is a truely beautiful thing even if I can't feel it. And its why cheating hurts me so much, because it's someone trying to defy two people's fates in meeting each other. Nothing makes me more angry then someone trying to change their own fate at the expense of someone else's life becoming worse. If the person isn't abusive and does love you then theres no reason to leave someone for "someone better". That what makes me so mad, you can make something truely beautiful with someone, the idea of the relationship is an author and the two people in the relationship are the actors making something beautiful and you're just going to find another person to satify your selfish emotion driven needs instead? Then fuck you. I only view my love as fucked up because that's what the last person who I dated called me. I also view myself as a divine person who's fate is to change people's lives for the better and seeing someone who I thought I would improve and make their live better, only for them to cheat on me pisses me off so bad. I may not show love since I literally can't feel it but I do believe if I had the all the feelings people had access to then I would be the greatest lover in the world.

You heard the title, this isn't me larping or trying to be edgy. I really am one.This is the truth. The doctors I see has described me as one multiple times, I have done extremely horrible things since I was 9 up to a few years ago that I had zero remorse over. I'm not saying what I did as someone who used to be someone close to me who now hates my guts due to my mental illness knows what it is, but just know that my therapist was legitmately shocked at me describing it with zero emotion or guilt. You can't fake being one, the second you show signs of ASPD for as long back as since you were a child then theres no way out of it. It is literally impossible to fake being one so especially if you showed signs since you were a child. I feel no emotions, I don't feel sympathy for anyone. It's not like I have a choice, theres just nothing. I'm just a hollow shell,completely empty. And yet I still want love. I obsess over having someone but theres no emotions to be seen, all of it is decided by the other thing that I have(schizophrenia), so if my delusions tell me to love someone due to my messed up view of love, I do it as theres no emotion that goes into it. Every thought becomes about them, I can't let them get away from me or else I will suffer with extremely bad delusions, I can't let them find a better person or be alone or else I will suffer said delusions.I want them all to myself.I still want to find love, I really do,I just feel theres no hope for someone like me and my fucked up view of love

I know a lot of people in this sub don't have ASPD( I see a lot of people with BPD which is what my doctor used to say I have) but I hope you can see my point of view that I'm not a monster for my illness