I was dumped about six weeks ago. It’s been challenging, but I’m okay. I’m completely NC. My choice.
During our relationship, I did a lot of work to heal. We broke up anyway (usual DA stuff, but I’m guilty too).
I may start dating again.
My plan is to really focus on grounding myself when I might otherwise panic and pull away.
I’m open to advice and suggestions.
I wonder whether all the screwed up FA stuff I did contributed to being discarded by a DA.
Once I realized my pattern (which had always, always ruined almost every relationship and friendship I’d had) I changed. I worked very, very hard in a short time, and I healed.
What I’m struggling with is accepting my share of screwed up behavior that led to the discard. I did over react at times. A lot. Rather spectacularly once. I struggle to forgive myself for this, and other shitty behaviors.
But then I think about the exasperation I felt about having to ask and ask again before he understood( that was getting a lot better,though, through work with a couples counselor).
But I’m responsible for my over reactions. No frustration can justify the explosions I had about it, though.
In the end, I was the one willing to stay together and keep working toward a secure relationship. He discarded.
My question is, is it fair to absolve myself because he wasn’t willing
to face his DA demons for us?
I’m having trouble forgiving myself.
Please help!
I don’t even like him anymore, but I miss being loved and feeling love for him.
I haven’t broken NC. I view contacting him as another opportunity for him to hurt me. My ego’s already shot.