u/rotten_dandelions

hi, im 16 ftm living in rural south england. ive known i was trans for about 3-4 years and came out to my family 2 years ago. they were supportive but kinda brushed it off and havent made any sort of effort to gender me correctly or help me seek treatment. ive been in therapy of some sort on and off since i was like 8(?) but last year after my parents figured out that my depression and eating disorder were getting worse, they finally got me treatment through the same private facility that do my adhd treatment (via a shared care agreement).

i had zoom appointments with a therapist who was very supportive and lovely, if a bit overly wishy-washy, for about 3 months before she suddenly decided that i was in too much of a crisis for her to handle and sent me off to camhs.

i spent 6 months on a waiting list (whilst supposedly in crisis) before i finally got an initial consultation. i spent almost 2 hours travelling there and i basically just got told that the only reason my mental health is bad is because im trans. that probably has something too do with it, but im pretty sure its not the only cause. they said they were going to get me in contact with their gender specialist or smth so i kinda had my hopes up that maybe they'd try to address the 'gender identity dysphoria' that id been diagnosed with for over a year at this point.

i then spent a further six months on waiting lists.

this january, my dad received a phone call from camhs. first of all, this should have gone through me. i am gillick competent and over 16, i manage all of my medication and appointments. i never got any say in this as it was all done through my dad. basically the phone call consisted of a man who spoke very little english (im not trying to be rude or racist, i just think the language barrier probably contributed to the situation) asking my dad whether he thought i was in immediate danger.

my dad essentially tried to get across that i was getting treatment for my adhd privately but still needed therapy. he also has adhd and, as such, immediately forgot about this conversation.

i only found out about this in april when i was ordering my meds through the nhs app and stumbled across the letter that summarised their call. it basically crushed my hopes of getting on hrt that had basically been the only thing stopping me from breaking down completely for basically a year at this point.

my mum is now trying to find private therapists that i can have in-person sessions with, but given that we live in a rural area my options are limited. im really scared they're not going to be trans-friendly or that they won't be experienced with trans youth and eating disorders.

i feel so fucking hopeless. every attempt i make to find community feels futile. its really hard to see a future for myself if i cant get on testosterone. this country is becoming increasingly transphobic. by the time im 18, i doubt it will even be legal.

does anyone have any advice?

so what the fuck were those poems for SOO1... hunting snake and before the sun is NOT an easy choice. they both fucking suck. at least there was no report to wordsworth!! TKAM passage was BRILLIANT tho literally the best one they couldve picked