u/siren_with_spice

TL;DR: This story spans over 12 years.: Me and my childhood first love spent years loving each other but never getting the timing right, while his best friend kept inserting himself into our story until we eventually crossed boundaries too. Now I’ve lost the spark with my first love, his best friend still keeps coming back into my life, and I genuinely can’t tell if he secretly liked me all along or just ruined everything out of emotional chaos.

I met my first love in kindergarten. We were in the same class our entire school life but never close initially because our worlds were completely different. I was the extroverted “popular” kid while he was extremely introverted. The only thing we had in common was that we were both toppers, so we interacted mostly around academics and results.

Then in 8th grade our sections got reshuffled and suddenly we started talking more. He had found a friend group by then and become much more outgoing. We’d play together, joke around, participate in those “truth and dare” trends and slowly became really close.

He fell first. I fell harder.

But neither of us confessed because we were kids and scared of ruining the friendship. So we just existed in this weird emotionally intense situationship full of healthy flirting and unspoken feelings. He became my biggest emotional support system.

Now this part matters later:

He had a best friend (also a guy). We were all classmates and friendly with each other.

At one point I actually confessed to my crush just to test his reaction. He completely froze, went silent and ignored me the entire day. I panicked so badly that the next day I told him it was just a dare.

Years later I found out he had actually planned to confess to me the very next day.

Then came farewell.

We had planned to spend the whole day together and even attend the afterparty. But suddenly he started acting distant and ignored me the entire day. He was talking normally to everyone else, even another girl, while I was literally crying trying to understand what happened.

Later I found out he was going through severe family issues at the time and was actually talking to that girl ABOUT me because he was upset about “losing me.”

But in that moment, his best friend was the one there for me the entire time. He comforted me, made me laugh and honestly saved the day.

Then came board exams. My crush still wasn’t communicating properly so I stopped trying too. On the last exam day he kept looking at me like he wanted to say something. Even my parents noticed. But I left without talking to him.

After school ended, we had no proper way to contact each other because we only had access to our parents’ phones back then.

(Also I had secretly stolen his phone number from his school diary years earlier because apparently younger me was dramatic and intuitive.)

His best friend got his own phone first, so we started talking regularly. Long late-night calls, sharing things about ourselves etc. I told him everything about my feelings for his best friend. But despite knowing the feelings were mutual, he never reassured me directly.

Then board results came out and I finally had an excuse to call my crush. That conversation felt magical. We started talking properly again. By then we both had phones.

But he had moved away for JEE prep and was severely depressed due to family issues and other problems. I tried supporting him however I could. Even though we both knew the feelings were real, he still wouldn’t take the next step because he “wasn’t ready.”

Eventually I got emotionally exhausted.

Out of frustration and curiosity, me and my best friend downloaded a dating app for fun. I met a guy there who was genuinely nice. I told my crush about him and he told me he “didn’t have feelings for me anymore.”

Later I found out he lied because he thought letting me go would make me happy.

So I started dating the new guy.

Honestly, he was everything girls dream of initially. My friends loved him. My family loved him.

But over two years the relationship became toxic and controlling. Eventually I found out he cheated on me.

Meanwhile, throughout all this, my first love and I stayed loosely connected. Occasional texts, reels, conversations.

His best friend also joined Instagram and we’d casually talk/share reels too.

Then one college break I went back home and met my first love after YEARS. He had just finished his JEE attempts and didn’t score well despite being extremely intelligent because his mental health had been terrible.

We hung out and it honestly felt like breathing again. I felt like my old self for the first time in forever.

At the end of the hangout he confessed he still had feelings for me.

I was furious because why say this NOW after years of confusion? But I was also happy. And sad. And emotional.

A few days later I asked him:

“Okay, now what?”

He said he needed time because life was unstable and he didn’t know where he’d end up for college. I told him I could wait if he gave me certainty. He couldn’t.

Then comes an important incident.

His best friend texted me asking to meet before leaving town. I agreed and asked him to invite my crush too because I thought this might be our last chance to meet before college.

An hour later his best friend texted saying:

“He said he wants to sleep so he’s not coming.”

I was devastated.

Like… how is sleep more important than seeing someone you supposedly love?

So I went to the café with the best friend anyway and ranted about how hurt I was. He defended him and said he was just bad at handling emotions/social situations.

Years later I found out:

MY CRUSH NEVER EVEN KNEW ABOUT THE INVITE.

His best friend never properly told him.

Anyway, later my toxic relationship ended and around the same time my first love got admission in the SAME city as me.

He finally asked me out properly.

And I rejected him.

Because by then I genuinely believed he only showed up when life was convenient and disappeared during hard times.

Still, we remained close friends.

Meanwhile, I also became closer to his best friend. We’d watch movies online, share music/reels etc.

Then one day while hanging out with my first love at his flat, I casually mentioned the café incident from years ago.

He was shocked.

Apparently he never knew.

He confronted his best friend and they stopped talking for months after that. The best friend later changed the story saying I “misunderstood.”

After that, me and the best friend also slowly stopped talking.

Fast forward another year.

His best friend suddenly texted saying he was coming to my city for internship work and wanted to hang out.

We met. My first love also came.

Everything was normal initially. Then the best friend had some meeting and went back to his hotel. Me and my first love planned to grab burgers after.

But suddenly HE changed plans and left because he had “something important.”

I was annoyed because minutes ago he was fine hanging out longer.

I hugged him goodbye and he looked weirdly emotional.

(Later he admitted he had decided that night would be the last time he’d ever see me because he couldn’t handle his feelings anymore.)

Anyway, I ended up staying back at the best friend’s hotel because it got really late, my phone was charging there, I was tipsy and rides weren’t available.

We started talking and catching up after months of distance.

He kept asking me about my relationship status with my first love. I kept saying “nothing.”

At some point I said I wanted to sleep and asked him to switch off the lights. We were sitting close together and I expected him to move away after lights out.

He didn’t.

After a while he kissed my cheek.

I was shocked and said:

“This isn’t right.”

He immediately panicked and started apologizing saying things like:

“How could I betray my childhood friend by kissing his high school sweetheart?”

I tried calming things down and said we should just sleep.

Then he kissed me again.

This time on the lips.

And I gave in.

We made out.

And honestly? It felt amazing.

We have extremely similar personalities, music taste, food preferences, humor, emotional wavelength etc. Whereas me and my first love are complete opposites.

The next week I felt overwhelming guilt.

But I still met the best friend multiple times after that. Before leaving the city he again begged me not to tell anyone because it would “ruin three friendships.”

Then he encouraged me to finally try dating my first love properly because according to him I’d never fully move on otherwise.

So I did.

I met my first love, we talked honestly, and eventually started dating.

He was genuinely the sweetest boyfriend imaginable. Communicative, caring, emotionally attentive. He knew me better than anyone. He had never even liked another girl his entire life.

But I realized something terrifying.

The spark was gone.

I still loved him deeply, but not romantically anymore.

I had spent YEARS training myself not to express those feelings, setting boundaries, moving on emotionally. Somewhere along the way the butterflies disappeared.

And the guilt about his best friend haunted me too.

Then one day he casually mentioned something that shattered me:

The night I made out with his best friend…

His best friend ALREADY KNEW he still loved me because my first love had told him BEFORE I arrived that evening.

Meaning his best friend knew everything.

And still initiated things with me.

That realization broke something in me.

Eventually I ended the relationship with my first love honestly because I couldn’t give him the romantic love he deserved anymore.

After the breakup I informed his best friend too so there wouldn’t be misunderstandings.

He ignored the message.

A month later he randomly texted asking me when my ex’s birthday was.

Why ask ME? Why not literally any other friend?

Then random reels. Replies to notes. Small talk.

And now I genuinely don’t understand this man at all.

Even in school he always tried to sit between us.

He always acted weirdly possessive about the situation.

He’d tell me:

“You’re never going to get him.”

Yet he claims he never had feelings for me.

Then why did he repeatedly insert himself into our story for YEARS?

Why kiss me knowing everything?

Why keep coming back?

Why ask about me constantly through his best friend?

Why maintain this weird emotional connection?

At this point I feel like I understand nobody in this story, including myself.

Pata hai aaj kya hua

Guys does anyone know when RML usually conducts the entrance? Is it centre based or we need to travel to Delhi for the exam?

Suggest me Bangalore PGs near Christ Central Campus for a week long stay. Girls or Co living both will do. Also share contacts please. Bit Urgent.

How to apply for single girl child quota in DU CSAS portal? Who is eligible? When & how to submit the affidavit? For current ongoing PG admissions

P.S. I look good. Koi relate kar raha hai? Ya interested hai.. I am tired of people causally flirting..like fun flirting is nice but yk what I mean.. I can't take those subtle hint kind of texts anymore(yk what kinda hints)..guys who look good and have a lot of options be like that ( I am not generalizing nor do I wanna hurt anyone I am just tired of it and very disappointed) ..also people might think I give some hints I don't and Idk how someone would turn out before talking I am no god before anyone says I should know better..want some real talk..also for me looks matter. I mean ik all the morally right stuff. But I am just being real here.

Idk what's wrong these days..

I am in my 20s I need to use concealer daily. I need something not too heavy but high to medium buildable coverage as I have medium to dark dark circles. It's needs to be good for skin as I use daily. I am from India. And I am a college student so can't spend too much either.

I’m a single child from a very protective family, and I genuinely don’t know if what I’m feeling makes me selfish or just… different.

Growing up, my life was very restricted socially. In school, I used to see my friends casually going to birthday parties, evening hangouts, sleepovers, cafés after classes, random outings once or twice a week normal teenage things.

For me, even meeting one friend at a café once a month felt like a huge negotiation at home.

And the thing is my parents are not bad people at all. They love me deeply. Sometimes I even feel they love me too much.

But there was never really privacy.

Never much personal space.

And I’ve realized something about myself over the years:

I LOVE people.

I love socializing, dressing up, going out, meeting new people, networking, exploring life, having stories to tell.

But at the same time, in my personal space, I need quiet.

I need solitude.

I need space where nobody is constantly around me.

Ironically, I feel most like myself when I’m completely alone at home.

The second someone is around 24/7 even people I love I start feeling “performative.” Like I’m subconsciously acting all the time instead of just existing naturally.

I don’t know how to explain this properly.

After 12th, I moved away for 4 years for college. And honestly? Those years changed me completely. Living independently made me realize how important freedom and personal space are for me mentally.

Now I’ve come back home after graduation, and my parents are SO happy to finally have me back. They even want me to stay home for a year while preparing for entrances. They don’t mind me taking a drop year.

But deep down, I know I cannot live like this long term.

Not because I don’t love them.

I do. A lot.

That’s what makes this so painful.

Our ideas of life are just fundamentally different from freedom, social life, fashion, lifestyle, timing, independence… everything.

And the guilt is eating me alive because I know they missed me terribly for those 4 years. They’re getting older too. Sometimes I look at them and feel like I’m wasting precious years I could spend with them.

But at the same time, I also feel like staying here and suppressing myself would slowly destroy me from inside.

The city I’m from has almost nothing to do, and even the little freedom that exists feels inaccessible to me.

So now I’m stuck between:

wanting freedom

and feeling guilty for wanting it.

I am from Central Campus and wanna know how to get migration certificate. I checked on KP can't find any option there.

I’m a single child from a very protective family, and I genuinely don’t know if what I’m feeling makes me selfish or just… different.

Growing up, my life was very restricted socially. In school, I used to see my friends casually going to birthday parties, evening hangouts, sleepovers, cafés after classes, random outings once or twice a week normal teenage things.

For me, even meeting one friend at a café once a month felt like a huge negotiation at home.

And the thing is my parents are not bad people at all. They love me deeply. Sometimes I even feel they love me too much.

But there was never really privacy.

Never much personal space.

And I’ve realized something about myself over the years:

I LOVE people.

I love socializing, dressing up, going out, meeting new people, networking, exploring life, having stories to tell.

But at the same time, in my personal space, I need quiet.

I need solitude.

I need space where nobody is constantly around me.

Ironically, I feel most like myself when I’m completely alone at home.

The second someone is around 24/7 even people I love I start feeling “performative.” Like I’m subconsciously acting all the time instead of just existing naturally.

I don’t know how to explain this properly.

After 12th, I moved away for 4 years for college. And honestly? Those years changed me completely. Living independently made me realize how important freedom and personal space are for me mentally.

Now I’ve come back home after graduation, and my parents are SO happy to finally have me back. They even want me to stay home for a year while preparing for entrances. They don’t mind me taking a drop year.

But deep down, I know I cannot live like this long term.

Not because I don’t love them.

I do. A lot.

That’s what makes this so painful.

Our ideas of life are just fundamentally different from freedom, social life, fashion, lifestyle, timing, independence… everything.

And the guilt is eating me alive because I know they missed me terribly for those 4 years. They’re getting older too. Sometimes I look at them and feel like I’m wasting precious years I could spend with them.

But at the same time, I also feel like staying here and suppressing myself would slowly destroy me from inside.

The city I’m from has almost nothing to do, and even the little freedom that exists feels inaccessible to me.

So now I’m stuck between:

wanting freedom

and feeling guilty for wanting it.

Did anyone else grow up in a loving but overly protective family and feel this weird emotional conflict after becoming independent?

​

I am ba graduate in Psychology and wanna explore ui ux and marketing as I heard of it being possible but want genuine suggestions about how to start what skills to build how to build those any resources or videos or courses. Create a crisp reddit post

I’m a BA Psychology graduate and I’ve recently become interested in exploring UI/UX and marketing as career options. I’ve heard psychology backgrounds can actually be useful in these fields, but I want realistic advice from people already working in them.

I’d love guidance on:

How to start from scratch

Which field is easier/more practical to break into: UI/UX or marketing

What skills I should focus on first

Best ways to build those skills without wasting time/money

Any genuinely useful free/paid courses, YouTube channels, certifications, or roadmaps

How important portfolios, internships, networking, and freelancing are

Whether a psychology background actually helps in hiring or if it’s mostly irrelevant

I’m especially looking for honest advice about job opportunities, salary growth, competition, and whether these careers are still worth entering in 2026.

Would really appreciate insights from people who transitioned into these fields from non-tech/non-design backgrounds.

I want to pursue clinical psychology RCI course and I have done 4 years bachelors but I don't think so it'll be possible for me to get into this course this year as I am underprepared. I am thinking of taking a partial drop if I get into any govt college in Delhi. Because I can’t stay at home and prepare due to various personal reasons. So I don't wanna take a full drop. But if I get into the course next year is it possible to leave masters midway?

I wanted to know genuine reviews about which course is better. I have heard many clinical psychology trainees take the Psysium course. PWP is relatively new but I have read their books which actually helped me a lot. So I am confused as these are extremely expensive courses and I want to make an informed choice.

I met my first love in kindergarten. We were in the same class our entire school life but never close initially because our worlds were completely different. I was the extroverted “popular” kid while he was extremely introverted. The only thing we had in common was that we were both toppers, so we interacted mostly around academics and results.

Then in 8th grade our sections got reshuffled and suddenly we started talking more. He had found a friend group by then and become much more outgoing. We’d play together, joke around, participate in those “truth and dare” trends and slowly became really close.

He fell first. I fell harder.

But neither of us confessed because we were kids and scared of ruining the friendship. So we just existed in this weird emotionally intense situationship full of healthy flirting and unspoken feelings. He became my biggest emotional support system.

Now this part matters later:

He had a best friend (also a guy). We were all classmates and friendly with each other.

At one point I actually confessed to my crush just to test his reaction. He completely froze, went silent and ignored me the entire day. I panicked so badly that the next day I told him it was just a dare.

Years later I found out he had actually planned to confess to me the very next day.

Then came farewell.

We had planned to spend the whole day together and even attend the afterparty. But suddenly he started acting distant and ignored me the entire day. He was talking normally to everyone else, even another girl, while I was literally crying trying to understand what happened.

Later I found out he was going through severe family issues at the time and was actually talking to that girl ABOUT me because he was upset about “losing me.”

But in that moment, his best friend was the one there for me the entire time. He comforted me, made me laugh and honestly saved the day.

Then came board exams. My crush still wasn’t communicating properly so I stopped trying too. On the last exam day he kept looking at me like he wanted to say something. Even my parents noticed. But I left without talking to him.

After school ended, we had no proper way to contact each other because we only had access to our parents’ phones back then.

(Also I had secretly stolen his phone number from his school diary years earlier because apparently younger me was dramatic and intuitive.)

His best friend got his own phone first, so we started talking regularly. Long late-night calls, sharing things about ourselves etc. I told him everything about my feelings for his best friend. But despite knowing the feelings were mutual, he never reassured me directly.

Then board results came out and I finally had an excuse to call my crush. That conversation felt magical. We started talking properly again. By then we both had phones.

But he had moved away for JEE prep and was severely depressed due to family issues and other problems. I tried supporting him however I could. Even though we both knew the feelings were real, he still wouldn’t take the next step because he “wasn’t ready.”

Eventually I got emotionally exhausted.

Out of frustration and curiosity, me and my best friend downloaded a dating app for fun. I met a guy there who was genuinely nice. I told my crush about him and he told me he “didn’t have feelings for me anymore.”

Later I found out he lied because he thought letting me go would make me happy.

So I started dating the new guy.

Honestly, he was everything girls dream of initially. My friends loved him. My family loved him.

But over two years the relationship became toxic and controlling. Eventually I found out he cheated on me.

Meanwhile, throughout all this, my first love and I stayed loosely connected. Occasional texts, reels, conversations.

His best friend also joined Instagram and we’d casually talk/share reels too.

Then one college break I went back home and met my first love after YEARS. He had just finished his JEE attempts and didn’t score well despite being extremely intelligent because his mental health had been terrible.

We hung out and it honestly felt like breathing again. I felt like my old self for the first time in forever.

At the end of the hangout he confessed he still had feelings for me.

I was furious because why say this NOW after years of confusion? But I was also happy. And sad. And emotional.

A few days later I asked him:

“Okay, now what?”

He said he needed time because life was unstable and he didn’t know where he’d end up for college. I told him I could wait if he gave me certainty. He couldn’t.

Then comes an important incident.

His best friend texted me asking to meet before leaving town. I agreed and asked him to invite my crush too because I thought this might be our last chance to meet before college.

An hour later his best friend texted saying:

“He said he wants to sleep so he’s not coming.”

I was devastated.

Like… how is sleep more important than seeing someone you supposedly love?

So I went to the café with the best friend anyway and ranted about how hurt I was. He defended him and said he was just bad at handling emotions/social situations.

Years later I found out:

MY CRUSH NEVER EVEN KNEW ABOUT THE INVITE.

His best friend never properly told him.

Anyway, later my toxic relationship ended and around the same time my first love got admission in the SAME city as me.

He finally asked me out properly.

And I rejected him.

Because by then I genuinely believed he only showed up when life was convenient and disappeared during hard times.

Still, we remained close friends.

Meanwhile, I also became closer to his best friend. We’d watch movies online, share music/reels etc.

Then one day while hanging out with my first love at his flat, I casually mentioned the café incident from years ago.

He was shocked.

Apparently he never knew.

He confronted his best friend and they stopped talking for months after that. The best friend later changed the story saying I “misunderstood.”

After that, me and the best friend also slowly stopped talking.

Fast forward another year.

His best friend suddenly texted saying he was coming to my city for internship work and wanted to hang out.

We met. My first love also came.

Everything was normal initially. Then the best friend had some meeting and went back to his hotel. Me and my first love planned to grab burgers after.

But suddenly HE changed plans and left because he had “something important.”

I was annoyed because minutes ago he was fine hanging out longer.

I hugged him goodbye and he looked weirdly emotional.

(Later he admitted he had decided that night would be the last time he’d ever see me because he couldn’t handle his feelings anymore.)

Anyway, I ended up staying back at the best friend’s hotel because it got really late, my phone was charging there, I was tipsy and rides weren’t available.

We started talking and catching up after months of distance.

He kept asking me about my relationship status with my first love. I kept saying “nothing.”

At some point I said I wanted to sleep and asked him to switch off the lights. We were sitting close together and I expected him to move away after lights out.

He didn’t.

After a while he kissed my cheek.

I was shocked and said:

“This isn’t right.”

He immediately panicked and started apologizing saying things like:

“How could I betray my childhood friend by kissing his high school sweetheart?”

I tried calming things down and said we should just sleep.

Then he kissed me again.

This time on the lips.

And I gave in.

We made out.

And honestly? It felt amazing.

We have extremely similar personalities, music taste, food preferences, humor, emotional wavelength etc. Whereas me and my first love are complete opposites.

The next week I felt overwhelming guilt.

But I still met the best friend multiple times after that. Before leaving the city he again begged me not to tell anyone because it would “ruin three friendships.”

Then he encouraged me to finally try dating my first love properly because according to him I’d never fully move on otherwise.

So I did.

I met my first love, we talked honestly, and eventually started dating.

He was genuinely the sweetest boyfriend imaginable. Communicative, caring, emotionally attentive. He knew me better than anyone. He had never even liked another girl his entire life.

But I realized something terrifying.

The spark was gone.

I still loved him deeply, but not romantically anymore.

I had spent YEARS training myself not to express those feelings, setting boundaries, moving on emotionally. Somewhere along the way the butterflies disappeared.

And the guilt about his best friend haunted me too.

Then one day he casually mentioned something that shattered me:

The night I made out with his best friend…

His best friend ALREADY KNEW he still loved me because my first love had told him BEFORE I arrived that evening.

Meaning his best friend knew everything.

And still initiated things with me.

That realization broke something in me.

Eventually I ended the relationship with my first love honestly because I couldn’t give him the romantic love he deserved anymore.

After the breakup I informed his best friend too so there wouldn’t be misunderstandings.

He ignored the message.

A month later he randomly texted asking me when my ex’s birthday was.

Why ask ME? Why not literally any other friend?

Then random reels. Replies to notes. Small talk.

And now I genuinely don’t understand this man at all.

Even in school he always tried to sit between us.

He always acted weirdly possessive about the situation.

He’d tell me:

“You’re never going to get him.”

Yet he claims he never had feelings for me.

Then why did he repeatedly insert himself into our story for YEARS?

Why kiss me knowing everything?

Why keep coming back?

Why ask about me constantly through his best friend?

Why maintain this weird emotional connection?

At this point I feel like I understand nobody in this story, including myself.

I met my first love in kindergarten. We were in the same class our entire school life but never close initially because our worlds were completely different. I was the extroverted “popular” kid while he was extremely introverted. The only thing we had in common was that we were both toppers, so we interacted mostly around academics and results.

Then in 8th grade our sections got reshuffled and suddenly we started talking more. He had found a friend group by then and become much more outgoing. We’d play together, joke around, participate in those “truth and dare” trends and slowly became really close.

He fell first. I fell harder.

But neither of us confessed because we were kids and scared of ruining the friendship. So we just existed in this weird emotionally intense situationship full of healthy flirting and unspoken feelings. He became my biggest emotional support system.

Now this part matters later:

He had a best friend (also a guy). We were all classmates and friendly with each other.

At one point I actually confessed to my crush just to test his reaction. He completely froze, went silent and ignored me the entire day. I panicked so badly that the next day I told him it was just a dare.

Years later I found out he had actually planned to confess to me the very next day.

Then came farewell.

We had planned to spend the whole day together and even attend the afterparty. But suddenly he started acting distant and ignored me the entire day. He was talking normally to everyone else, even another girl, while I was literally crying trying to understand what happened.

Later I found out he was going through severe family issues at the time and was actually talking to that girl ABOUT me because he was upset about “losing me.”

But in that moment, his best friend was the one there for me the entire time. He comforted me, made me laugh and honestly saved the day.

Then came board exams. My crush still wasn’t communicating properly so I stopped trying too. On the last exam day he kept looking at me like he wanted to say something. Even my parents noticed. But I left without talking to him.

After school ended, we had no proper way to contact each other because we only had access to our parents’ phones back then.

(Also I had secretly stolen his phone number from his school diary years earlier because apparently younger me was dramatic and intuitive.)

His best friend got his own phone first, so we started talking regularly. Long late-night calls, sharing things about ourselves etc. I told him everything about my feelings for his best friend. But despite knowing the feelings were mutual, he never reassured me directly.

Then board results came out and I finally had an excuse to call my crush. That conversation felt magical. We started talking properly again. By then we both had phones.

But he had moved away for JEE prep and was severely depressed due to family issues and other problems. I tried supporting him however I could. Even though we both knew the feelings were real, he still wouldn’t take the next step because he “wasn’t ready.”

Eventually I got emotionally exhausted.

Out of frustration and curiosity, me and my best friend downloaded a dating app for fun. I met a guy there who was genuinely nice. I told my crush about him and he told me he “didn’t have feelings for me anymore.”

Later I found out he lied because he thought letting me go would make me happy.

So I started dating the new guy.

Honestly, he was everything girls dream of initially. My friends loved him. My family loved him.

But over two years the relationship became toxic and controlling. Eventually I found out he cheated on me.

Meanwhile, throughout all this, my first love and I stayed loosely connected. Occasional texts, reels, conversations.

His best friend also joined Instagram and we’d casually talk/share reels too.

Then one college break I went back home and met my first love after YEARS. He had just finished his JEE attempts and didn’t score well despite being extremely intelligent because his mental health had been terrible.

We hung out and it honestly felt like breathing again. I felt like my old self for the first time in forever.

At the end of the hangout he confessed he still had feelings for me.

I was furious because why say this NOW after years of confusion? But I was also happy. And sad. And emotional.

A few days later I asked him:

“Okay, now what?”

He said he needed time because life was unstable and he didn’t know where he’d end up for college. I told him I could wait if he gave me certainty. He couldn’t.

Then comes an important incident.

His best friend texted me asking to meet before leaving town. I agreed and asked him to invite my crush too because I thought this might be our last chance to meet before college.

An hour later his best friend texted saying:

“He said he wants to sleep so he’s not coming.”

I was devastated.

Like… how is sleep more important than seeing someone you supposedly love?

So I went to the café with the best friend anyway and ranted about how hurt I was. He defended him and said he was just bad at handling emotions/social situations.

Years later I found out:

MY CRUSH NEVER EVEN KNEW ABOUT THE INVITE.

His best friend never properly told him.

Anyway, later my toxic relationship ended and around the same time my first love got admission in the SAME city as me.

He finally asked me out properly.

And I rejected him.

Because by then I genuinely believed he only showed up when life was convenient and disappeared during hard times.

Still, we remained close friends.

Meanwhile, I also became closer to his best friend. We’d watch movies online, share music/reels etc.

Then one day while hanging out with my first love at his flat, I casually mentioned the café incident from years ago.

He was shocked.

Apparently he never knew.

He confronted his best friend and they stopped talking for months after that. The best friend later changed the story saying I “misunderstood.”

After that, me and the best friend also slowly stopped talking.

Fast forward another year.

His best friend suddenly texted saying he was coming to my city for internship work and wanted to hang out.

We met. My first love also came.

Everything was normal initially. Then the best friend had some meeting and went back to his hotel. Me and my first love planned to grab burgers after.

But suddenly HE changed plans and left because he had “something important.”

I was annoyed because minutes ago he was fine hanging out longer.

I hugged him goodbye and he looked weirdly emotional.

(Later he admitted he had decided that night would be the last time he’d ever see me because he couldn’t handle his feelings anymore.)

Anyway, I ended up staying back at the best friend’s hotel because it got really late, my phone was charging there, I was tipsy and rides weren’t available.

We started talking and catching up after months of distance.

He kept asking me about my relationship status with my first love. I kept saying “nothing.”

At some point I said I wanted to sleep and asked him to switch off the lights. We were sitting close together and I expected him to move away after lights out.

He didn’t.

After a while he kissed my cheek.

I was shocked and said:

“This isn’t right.”

He immediately panicked and started apologizing saying things like:

“How could I betray my childhood friend by kissing his high school sweetheart?”

I tried calming things down and said we should just sleep.

Then he kissed me again.

This time on the lips.

And I gave in.

We made out.

And honestly? It felt amazing.

We have extremely similar personalities, music taste, food preferences, humor, emotional wavelength etc. Whereas me and my first love are complete opposites.

The next week I felt overwhelming guilt.

But I still met the best friend multiple times after that. Before leaving the city he again begged me not to tell anyone because it would “ruin three friendships.”

Then he encouraged me to finally try dating my first love properly because according to him I’d never fully move on otherwise.

So I did.

I met my first love, we talked honestly, and eventually started dating.

He was genuinely the sweetest boyfriend imaginable. Communicative, caring, emotionally attentive. He knew me better than anyone. He had never even liked another girl his entire life.

But I realized something terrifying.

The spark was gone.

I still loved him deeply, but not romantically anymore.

I had spent YEARS training myself not to express those feelings, setting boundaries, moving on emotionally. Somewhere along the way the butterflies disappeared.

And the guilt about his best friend haunted me too.

Then one day he casually mentioned something that shattered me:

The night I made out with his best friend…

His best friend ALREADY KNEW he still loved me because my first love had told him BEFORE I arrived that evening.

Meaning his best friend knew everything.

And still initiated things with me.

That realization broke something in me.

Eventually I ended the relationship with my first love honestly because I couldn’t give him the romantic love he deserved anymore.

After the breakup I informed his best friend too so there wouldn’t be misunderstandings.

He ignored the message.

A month later he randomly texted asking me when my ex’s birthday was.

Why ask ME? Why not literally any other friend?

Then random reels. Replies to notes. Small talk.

And now I genuinely don’t understand this man at all.

Even in school he always tried to sit between us.

He always acted weirdly possessive about the situation.

He’d tell me:

“You’re never going to get him.”

Yet he claims he never had feelings for me.

Then why did he repeatedly insert himself into our story for YEARS?

Why kiss me knowing everything?

Why keep coming back?

Why ask about me constantly through his best friend?

Why maintain this weird emotional connection?

At this point I feel like I understand nobody in this story, including myself.

I met my first love in kindergarten. We were in the same class our entire school life but never close initially because our worlds were completely different. I was the extroverted “popular” kid while he was extremely introverted. The only thing we had in common was that we were both toppers, so we interacted mostly around academics and results.

Then in 8th grade our sections got reshuffled and suddenly we started talking more. He had found a friend group by then and become much more outgoing. We’d play together, joke around, participate in those “truth and dare” trends and slowly became really close.

He fell first. I fell harder.

But neither of us confessed because we were kids and scared of ruining the friendship. So we just existed in this weird emotionally intense situationship full of healthy flirting and unspoken feelings. He became my biggest emotional support system.

Now this part matters later:

He had a best friend (also a guy). We were all classmates and friendly with each other.

At one point I actually confessed to my crush just to test his reaction. He completely froze, went silent and ignored me the entire day. I panicked so badly that the next day I told him it was just a dare.

Years later I found out he had actually planned to confess to me the very next day.

Then came farewell.

We had planned to spend the whole day together and even attend the afterparty. But suddenly he started acting distant and ignored me the entire day. He was talking normally to everyone else, even another girl, while I was literally crying trying to understand what happened.

Later I found out he was going through severe family issues at the time and was actually talking to that girl ABOUT me because he was upset about “losing me.”

But in that moment, his best friend was the one there for me the entire time. He comforted me, made me laugh and honestly saved the day.

Then came board exams. My crush still wasn’t communicating properly so I stopped trying too. On the last exam day he kept looking at me like he wanted to say something. Even my parents noticed. But I left without talking to him.

After school ended, we had no proper way to contact each other because we only had access to our parents’ phones back then.

(Also I had secretly stolen his phone number from his school diary years earlier because apparently younger me was dramatic and intuitive.)

His best friend got his own phone first, so we started talking regularly. Long late-night calls, sharing things about ourselves etc. I told him everything about my feelings for his best friend. But despite knowing the feelings were mutual, he never reassured me directly.

Then board results came out and I finally had an excuse to call my crush. That conversation felt magical. We started talking properly again. By then we both had phones.

But he had moved away for JEE prep and was severely depressed due to family issues and other problems. I tried supporting him however I could. Even though we both knew the feelings were real, he still wouldn’t take the next step because he “wasn’t ready.”

Eventually I got emotionally exhausted.

Out of frustration and curiosity, me and my best friend downloaded a dating app for fun. I met a guy there who was genuinely nice. I told my crush about him and he told me he “didn’t have feelings for me anymore.”

Later I found out he lied because he thought letting me go would make me happy.

So I started dating the new guy.

Honestly, he was everything girls dream of initially. My friends loved him. My family loved him.

But over two years the relationship became toxic and controlling. Eventually I found out he cheated on me.

Meanwhile, throughout all this, my first love and I stayed loosely connected. Occasional texts, reels, conversations.

His best friend also joined Instagram and we’d casually talk/share reels too.

Then one college break I went back home and met my first love after YEARS. He had just finished his JEE attempts and didn’t score well despite being extremely intelligent because his mental health had been terrible.

We hung out and it honestly felt like breathing again. I felt like my old self for the first time in forever.

At the end of the hangout he confessed he still had feelings for me.

I was furious because why say this NOW after years of confusion? But I was also happy. And sad. And emotional.

A few days later I asked him:

“Okay, now what?”

He said he needed time because life was unstable and he didn’t know where he’d end up for college. I told him I could wait if he gave me certainty. He couldn’t.

Then comes an important incident.

His best friend texted me asking to meet before leaving town. I agreed and asked him to invite my crush too because I thought this might be our last chance to meet before college.

An hour later his best friend texted saying:

“He said he wants to sleep so he’s not coming.”

I was devastated.

Like… how is sleep more important than seeing someone you supposedly love?

So I went to the café with the best friend anyway and ranted about how hurt I was. He defended him and said he was just bad at handling emotions/social situations.

Years later I found out:

MY CRUSH NEVER EVEN KNEW ABOUT THE INVITE.

His best friend never properly told him.

Anyway, later my toxic relationship ended and around the same time my first love got admission in the SAME city as me.

He finally asked me out properly.

And I rejected him.

Because by then I genuinely believed he only showed up when life was convenient and disappeared during hard times.

Still, we remained close friends.

Meanwhile, I also became closer to his best friend. We’d watch movies online, share music/reels etc.

Then one day while hanging out with my first love at his flat, I casually mentioned the café incident from years ago.

He was shocked.

Apparently he never knew.

He confronted his best friend and they stopped talking for months after that. The best friend later changed the story saying I “misunderstood.”

After that, me and the best friend also slowly stopped talking.

Fast forward another year.

His best friend suddenly texted saying he was coming to my city for internship work and wanted to hang out.

We met. My first love also came.

Everything was normal initially. Then the best friend had some meeting and went back to his hotel. Me and my first love planned to grab burgers after.

But suddenly HE changed plans and left because he had “something important.”

I was annoyed because minutes ago he was fine hanging out longer.

I hugged him goodbye and he looked weirdly emotional.

(Later he admitted he had decided that night would be the last time he’d ever see me because he couldn’t handle his feelings anymore.)

Anyway, I ended up staying back at the best friend’s hotel because it got really late, my phone was charging there, I was tipsy and rides weren’t available.

We started talking and catching up after months of distance.

He kept asking me about my relationship status with my first love. I kept saying “nothing.”

At some point I said I wanted to sleep and asked him to switch off the lights. We were sitting close together and I expected him to move away after lights out.

He didn’t.

After a while he kissed my cheek.

I was shocked and said:

“This isn’t right.”

He immediately panicked and started apologizing saying things like:

“How could I betray my childhood friend by kissing his high school sweetheart?”

I tried calming things down and said we should just sleep.

Then he kissed me again.

This time on the lips.

And I gave in.

We made out.

And honestly? It felt amazing.

We have extremely similar personalities, music taste, food preferences, humor, emotional wavelength etc. Whereas me and my first love are complete opposites.

The next week I felt overwhelming guilt.

But I still met the best friend multiple times after that. Before leaving the city he again begged me not to tell anyone because it would “ruin three friendships.”

Then he encouraged me to finally try dating my first love properly because according to him I’d never fully move on otherwise.

So I did.

I met my first love, we talked honestly, and eventually started dating.

He was genuinely the sweetest boyfriend imaginable. Communicative, caring, emotionally attentive. He knew me better than anyone. He had never even liked another girl his entire life.

But I realized something terrifying.

The spark was gone.

I still loved him deeply, but not romantically anymore.

I had spent YEARS training myself not to express those feelings, setting boundaries, moving on emotionally. Somewhere along the way the butterflies disappeared.

And the guilt about his best friend haunted me too.

Then one day he casually mentioned something that shattered me:

The night I made out with his best friend…

His best friend ALREADY KNEW he still loved me because my first love had told him BEFORE I arrived that evening.

Meaning his best friend knew everything.

And still initiated things with me.

That realization broke something in me.

Eventually I ended the relationship with my first love honestly because I couldn’t give him the romantic love he deserved anymore.

After the breakup I informed his best friend too so there wouldn’t be misunderstandings.

He ignored the message.

A month later he randomly texted asking me when my ex’s birthday was.

Why ask ME? Why not literally any other friend?

Then random reels. Replies to notes. Small talk.

And now I genuinely don’t understand this man at all.

Even in school he always tried to sit between us.

He always acted weirdly possessive about the situation.

He’d tell me:

“You’re never going to get him.”

Yet he claims he never had feelings for me.

Then why did he repeatedly insert himself into our story for YEARS?

Why kiss me knowing everything?

Why keep coming back?

Why ask about me constantly through his best friend?

Why maintain this weird emotional connection?

At this point I feel like I understand nobody in this story, including myself.

Pata hai aaj kya hua, so this is gonna be a long story. I met my first love in school we were both in the same class since kindergarten but we were never that close. Our worlds were completely different. I was the popular kid while he was an introvert. But we both were toppers so interacted during results.

In 8th grade our sections get mixed up but again we were in the same section and now he found friends and became much more extrovert. We started playing together and talking more. There was a trend on truth and dare and through that we got closer. He fell for me first and I fell harder. But we were scared to confess cause it's school what if it isn't both sided and we lose the friendship. But we always had that fun healthy flirting every chance we got. He was my biggest support system all throughout. (Still was so I miss him a lot)

(This is important for later) He also had a best friend (guy). That guy had his own other crushes and stuff but we were also friends cause we were all in same class.

In between one day I confessed just to see his reaction he just went quiet and ignored me the whole day and I got so scared that next day during lunch I told him that it was just a dare (ps he had come prepared to confess to me the next day I came to know years later)

Now comes farewell me and him plan to make it memorable for us and spend time together for the first time outside of classroom as we had an after party planned. But on the day of farewell he started behaving very weird completely ignoring me. I was so upset that I started crying cause he was talking normally to others and one another girl while I was crying and trying to be with him (later I also came to know that he was talking to that girl about me and how he was sad about losing me and had some really serious family issues going on)

In that moment his best friend was there for me the whole time. He made me feel good. We enjoyed. Overall he saved the day for me. (We as a class were very close to each other and had healthy bonds)

Then came boards and I completely ignored him cause he wasn't communicating at all (He has always been bad at communication) . Last exam day he looked at me longingly maybe wanting to interact. I saw, my parents noticed too. But I left. And all the while his best friend and other friends were there so it made it easy for me to leave without talking.

After that day had no means of connecting cause we had only our mom's phones and can't contact him without any reason. I had his number written in my diary. ( I stole his number from his school diary back in school cause I knew I would need that someday). That time hus best friend had his own phone so we started talking almost daily till late nights. Our friendship grew and came to know a lot about each other. I told him about my feelings but he never re assured me that it was both sided even when he knew. Idk why maybe being a good friend to his bestie.

Then came boards results and my opportunity to call him which I did and oh god that feeling of talking and him reassuring me is uncomparable. We started talking more. We got our own phones. He left the city for jee prep. But was too depressed etc due to various reasons. I tried helping in every way I could. But even after talking and knowing feelings were mutual he never took the next step as he wasn't ready.(which I understand considering his situation back then) I was getting to exhausted so decided to just explore dating apps for fun( just childish curiosity nothing else as those days there were lots of ads of those new apps)

Me and my best friend downloaded and deleted in a day. But I found a guy who was really nice and we ended up talking and he was the kind of person every girl dreams of. I ended up telling him about the guy and he told me that he anyways doesn't have feelings for me anymore. (Which I came to know later that he was lying just so I can be happy) I wanted him to step up. But wrong move.

So angry and frustrated I started dating the other guy to forget him. All my friends loved my bf and even my family. He was actually really good.

Should I continue?

Cause it's really long with a lot of twists and I don't wanna bore anyone