I am also demi and I have no idea where to look. Its like I have no solid justification that on why asexuals are part of lgbt as well. How is it not going against the grain?
It isn't systematic oppression is what I've heard. Deleted one is OP. I agree with the responder's points.
So recently I realized that being demi means I am not on allosexual spectrum so no wonder I was feeling so different and couldn't understand.
Now clearing somethings up. I already have deep jealousy and insecurity. I have depression, bad anxiety and other mental health problem that can make life itself very hard. I am not generalizing any demi or allo person rather just sharing my personal experience on how I am. Its me. I am monogamous tho doesn't mean I am saying that demis can't be non-monogamous.
My partner is allosexual which I recently finally realized after learning how my sexuality works a bit more and I asked which she confirmed. This made sense finally on why some things are so serious for me while not for her. And why somethings were so different for me.
We are monogamous and in our 20s.
Sex for me is very intimate and emotional so if there isn't any then even if its sexually arousing I don't have any interest in it.
There are a few things like threesome and audio porn being them. She said she could do one with me while I felt so betrayed that she would be okay with that. She once in a blue moon listens to audio porn of women. She's bi. I know how bisexuality works and no I am not worried she'll leave me for those women.
For her audio porn or engaging in a threesome is just sexually fun that's all. Its arousing, hot and fun. I explored audio porn and yeah I was aroused tho that doesn't matter to me I rather just set a good mood upbeat song and sing while masturbating even if I am not aroused and I don't use sexual music just a fun one. Like romantic or rock or anything.
Can you please provide me some tips on how do I not feel so insecure and hurt and jealous even betrayal? I didn't realize that for me my sexuality was also playing a role while I kept thinking for so long that maybe I wasn't open enough.
My partner is very supportive. She is very clear she'll leave listening to audio porn if I want her to. I don't. I don't wanna restrict her. I know she enjoys having sexual outlets like I am okay with her reading erotica. I guess audio has another person that's why it bothers me. I think one more thing is I see that even if I restrict her actions the desire is still there so what's the point then.
Also, threesomes are not on the table or even a consideration its not something we'll do. We have had a very clear discussion about it. Its like being bi for her. Just because she's having one type of sex (twosome) doesn't mean she isn't fulfilled and will crave another one (threesome) kinda like how some people think that being with one gender means someday they'll want another.
I just don't know how to soothe myself. I logically get it that its not really a big deal for her to be sexually aroused by audios of a stranger like how she would be by my voice. Its like I feel insecure and get the question. How am I special? Each of these are her ways of expressing and engaging in her sexuality. I keep feeling like so I am not important then but I don't know why.
I have been making posts and talking trying to figure it out so I reached here so far. I am taking somethings personally which aren't personal at all. I just don't know how not to.
For me sex is way of connecting. Its many things for me. I become a whore for one person lol.
And she described it as an activity that's more fun like with people you're close with. Like a hug with a friend wouldn't be an activity it would be a way of expressing something like affection and desire to be close. It'll be warm and fun and connecting.
idk... I feel sad discovering and confirming that we were this different. That I am this different. I wish I become more secure where it isn't dependent on anyone else's anything idk.
But I feel its so unfair. I wish I was the only one she desired too like I did. Yeah she's choosing me in her actions and cannot turn off her desire if it comes up. I am not worried at all she'll cheat or leave me. Its like why would you wanna hear someone sexually speak when I am here. I am fully and only focused on you why aren't you in every way too.
Now, I might have distorted thinking or might be misunderstanding things. Do correct me as I wanna be corrected tho be gentle even if firmly so. My partner is loving and kind. I am not blaming her. I logically get a few things but I just feel. I feel this grieving and mourning. That wait I am not the only one. I know I am insecure and this is activating it even more. I just need some guidance on how to manage it.
Restricting anyone wouldn't help me as the desire doesn't go away idk. Nor do I think she's wrong. We're just different and I am sad about it. Really sad as if we weren't then maybe the pain would've been lesser...
Now, I have anxiety and also can get drained mentally after a while with people or just too much in pain due to constant anxiety activating (even tho logically thinga are safe). This happens with me no matter who the person is as long as they get important for me my anxiousness gets activated or my exhaustion takes over as I have people who I am supporting.
I don't know how to not get socially exhausted. I do suffer with depression btw. I really wanna know how can I organize my day to day better socially online. I kinda start waiting for messages and halt my day suddenly. I already can't get things done and while talking with people I halt things more.
I truly am not sure which time I should keep for socializing. Its like suddenly I have no me time or alone time and I have to stay in contact or can't take time away. Its not with any specific person like just generally.
What can I do? Practical advice will be very helpful or any questions or things I might be missing and not considering.
just for context I am objectively safe and not being harmed by anyone. I struggle with bad anxiety.
My partner listens to audio porn sometimes. Now, my options are either I leave or learn to love or accept this part of her. She has told me she will leave this for me without any problems but that doesn't matter cause I don't want to restrict who she is. Cause how many times will she have to change or adjust herself just so I don't feel insecure or hurt.
Now, I really am struggling badly and its not the first time. I always get a new fixation after a while and feel pain. I think for me romantic relationships or just close human relationships in general come with a permanent misery cause I get so triggered as soon as there's a person in my life I am afraid to lose or my paranoia becomes so much and I feel that people close to me aren't valuing me much even when their actions clearly say otherwise (as I track people's actions mentally cause I know my feelings fully can't be trusted due to constant anxiety. I keep my boundaries strong).
how can I learn to co-exist or accept or just love someone. Maybe just come to a neutral point. I don't wanna hurt anyone again and at the same time I don't wanna be hurt again. I am trying to make relationships work but its just so hard that I at times think what's even the point of this.
I do struggle with depression, pure ocd most likely and cptsd symptoms resonate with me so much at times tho I can't afford any not even the cheapest therapist or meds.
Any tips?
so, I recently took a very short break from my people other than the ones that live with me which isn't possible due to proximity. I noted this deep exhaustion and I knew I had isolate for a bit (i feel the most comfortable in isolation but I try not to take these breaks unless absolutely necessary as I don't want to back off or become an unreliable friend or a partner).
i am glazing myself a bit i know. i am a normal dude really. I changed my clothes a few days ago and bought razors to shave at least. Haven't showered tho I am trying to floss and brush and drink water as much as I can.
I do programming so I spent a few minutes reading the material (which is part of learning it for me btw) and after so long read a few pages from a book I really wanted to.
I am facing really harshful new unfamiliar areas in my romantic relationship as my insecurities are activating yet logically I can recognize I am safe so I am trying to read more about it and sat with the discomfort even tho I really wanted to run away and distract myself from it.
I am staying neutral and gentle with myself as well. i spent bit of time with my family its nice.
i really am sad... somewhere I wanna end my break but I know that I rarely take it. I am so worried how some of my people might be feeling as some are also in a low point tho I have talked with them about this and they do have a support system other than me yet I feel a bit of guilt that in this time I out of all people maybe wasn't there.
I just know I can't human for a bit. I get so overwhelmed thinking that I have to reply and talk so I know I need it badly. I have do not disturb on but calls can come and I have told them if its an emergency they can call or miscall me. i know one of them might not. sigh....
humans connections are a huge responsibility. its so hard. i enjoy talking a lot i am the yapper usually cause I really thrive on it tho then this time comes where I feel this heaviness. I cannot human idk. i wanna be isolated more as there's no expectations on me anymore. This huge burden I can feel at times. I hold myself up to a standard cause I have to.
my people usually thought I am a very stable person emotionally tho I told them nah. over the years I have learned more on how to keep my actions as stable and consistent as possible as emotionally I struggle badly at times with ups and downs.
I wanna run and stay or disappear yet not or be forgotten or not or I hate someone never wanna touch or see them again and love someone and never wanna lose them.
and this all can happen either over the week or every day or even on really bad days within hours multiple times.
its tiring on me. i am so tired. connections are huge triggers for me so I really wanna run from them sometimes yet can't cause I cannot as its a responsibility now and I logically see it that the person is safe and being consistent they care about me. anxiety and depression and ocd sucksss and I can't even afford therapy.
so... i guess I just wanna be acknowledge can you see that I am trying? i am not thinking that I am doing anything grand its just basics in life and connections. I just want some gentle words even if its advice that's okay just be gentle please
Reading it would give better context. What I got from it is shifting focus from exclusive actions to the unique exclusive connection will bring comfort.
Now, I as a monogamous man still do learn from non-monogamous people. Both sides have really good things to teach for me so I learn it to become better as a monogamous partner or just understand different people. I especially like dealing with jealousy ideas sometimes as I can feel it a lot (btw I am fully in an exclusively monogamous relationship tho still can feel really jealous even when I am safe logically).
I am trying to learn how to feel secure as I am very insecure in any close connections overall. I found this article. Now, it makes sense in a way yet I feel bothered in another way. I don't know how to pin point it so I want someone who understands relationships better to give me some perspective. I am in my 20s btw.
I don't know how to define exclusivity or monogamy in words or what it exactly is for me. I know it in my mind but finding exact words and connecting it is hard idk. I really wanna have a deep discussion about it with my partner as I know that'll help us understand each other better so I am first trying to pin point it for myself.
Thanks!
So we're both in our 20s. Imma a guy. She listens to it usually wlw ones and imagines herself having sex with a woman.
I am okay if she imagines fictional scenarios or reads erotica but in audio its a real person that she's listening and masturbating to. I feel so damn hurt.
She did say that she would stop it if I asked her to. I feel that even if I told her to stop the desire to listen wouldn't go away yk what's the point of restricting her actions. The desire to fulfill a sexual need using someone else's voice is still there. Also, I don't wanna control her just because I feel so insecure about it.
I keep thinking and wanting to cry. I am so angry not at her or even myself but I just am hurt and angry. Idk how to deal or manage it. I keep getting triggered badly remembering she once in a long while listens and gets sexual fulfillment using someone's voice even if its a stranger.
And no I don't watch porn or anything so don't bring that argument up. I do know that sometimes she wants to get an intense sexual feeling so she just listens to something that turns her on a lot like a woman's voice roleplaying an erotic story. Also its not like this is coming in between our sexual connection in any way.
But I still feel so hurt. I don't think I have any moral right to stop her from sexually enjoying herself in any way just because she's with me. Idk it seems unethical for me to do that. I just don't know how to co-exist with her or with anyone without feeling this pain. I am so hurt so so hurt.
For her audios are very detached and she's okay with me listening to them too. But for me hearing someone sexually is so close even intimate. My ears are hella sensitive idk. I just wanna cry that my partner is okay with using someone else's voice sexually while I am there. I know she would stop if I asked her to I guess somewhere I am like why doesn't she just want me only. Want my voice only.....
sighhhhhhhhh can anyone help me understand my emotions better? I have talked with her about this but I still feell insecure from time to time and badly
These days I feel my dysphoria flare up constantly whenever I remember my partner also likes it but I can't do it. I can't cum on her or in her like a guy with a penis can.
I'm not even sure about bottom surgery yet and even if I get it I still wouldn't be able to as I don't really produce much if anything at all.
I just keep feeling so hurt and wish I could have that experience with my partner too but I just can't. I wanna just cry.
So badly I wish I could be that exciting too. How much exciting maybe a guy born with a dick can be idk. I envy them so much so dammn much.
idk I just constantly get triggered. It flares up like a fire and wants to start attacking. I get so paranoid. I have a ton of other mental issues too.
It frustrates me more that some recommend going to therapy and I'm like I wishh I could!! I think most of us wanna for the time being we can't transition and even after transitioning I still wanna. There's so many beliefs I've been taught. Cis men's bodies being at the top. Its like I'm nothing as a man compared to them.
Its like my body is least interesting. I constantly need assurance but I'm trying to avoid asking for it. There's this deeper issue this pain of being born into a world in a body that even if accepted as a man still is inferior to someone who was born as one.
idk I wanna run away from existence and everyone so I don't feel triggered. My few people haven't changed they're still the same. Its just that my tiredness keeps increasing and I can't tolerate anyone.
I don't wanna ruin things with people. But this exhaustion its taking over me and I'm more angry more tired more detached.
Recently, My partner and I were talking about non monogamy as had told me about a sexual fantasy of hers. I also told her that maybe not that though I might have the ability to be poly.
We both left it at that as we both don't want to change the relationship we have which is fully exclusive.
(btw I fully support ethical non-monogamy and monogamy. Any kind of relationship structure that all people involved are comfortably consenting to so that's not a problem).
I think its more about this inner insecurity that keeps hurting me. I keep thinking that people who are non monogamous are better than me as I'm very insecure and cannot handle some pains so I don't wanna go there. Its not like I'm not trying to resolve these insecurities but I feel this comparison how I'm inferior.
Maybe if I wasn't insecure I would've pursued it yk who knows. I do struggle with love scarcity so I've heard it a lot that love is abundant but this makes me feel more insecure that I'm giving less love or sexually aren't as open as I don't want to involve other people.
I'm always up for new things sexually as long as it doesn't involve others. Or being as affectionate as I can be with my people.
Its like this deep fire all over my neck and face. I don't want anyone to put any other group down I just wanna know how can I stop feeling like I'm not liberal and open enough. I think of myself as being very open sexually but I just don't feel okay with other people. I know it'll be a hard experience (btw my partner doesn't care at all about not trying out anything its not about her). Though yet again the same insecurity creeps in saying see its just your insecurity.... :(
I just want to be given practical solutions or a perspective that might help me as my anxiety doesn't go away with assurance. Thanks
I just saw a person here talking about struggling to shower. Wait, I didn't know. Is it a symptom or a part of it somewhere?
Because I am trans and also struggle with depression too. Someone said maybe dysphoria could be a reason but it doesn't seem like it much.
Depression makes sense though have you ever felt this stress around your back and neck that makes the water painful?
You know, I feel this when I'm stressed and feel unsafe so during that time I hate being touched especially around my neck, shoudlers or back.
With showering too there's always tiredness and this feeling. I feel pain when water gets on my back maybe its the cold water? Idk Its like last time I took a shower was more than a week ago and I had taken that shower suddenly as I had gotten a lil energy so I took it. It was painful in the start.
Though even that one I had taken after a month and I had been smelling extremely bad then on the showering day I had sweated so much yet I wouldn't have taken it but I got a bit detached and took my chance at it as soon as I got home as I knew I wouldn't be able to otherwise if I delayed even a little bit.
TW: Dysphoria, anxiety, inferiority, detailed sexual insecurity, non monogamy as I've been thinking about these. Though idk if its allowed as these are connected for me though let me know still I'll be careful. Just wanted to vent a bit and put my feelings out of me.
I mean especially in the mfm one I feel the most isolated. I feel insecure and dysphoric. I feel intimidated by the man and I feel smaller and inferior.
I feel like I'm in a competition where all my feelings start comparing me and remind me of how I have limited capabilities.
I feel dysphoric and I feel lacking that I can't cum inside of you, that I can't penetrate you with my body, that I can't and don't want to also be penetrated.
I feel horrible and lacking when I think that I would be penetrating you or not even doing that and a guy would be. I feel like I alone am not enough as I cannot fulfil all the desires
I feel like if I'm not perfect and can't fill all the gaps then I'm valueless. I feel like threesomes decrease my value as they might make you realize and see my limits.
I feel afraid I'll be seen as lacking, less intense, less overwhelming. I feel like the place of being the best would get taken away from me. That my will get replaced and my fear that I'm limited and will be confirmed.
I was writing this to send you then I got more hesitant. I wonder if I would've been more open to non monogamy if I wasn't insecure, jealous, dysphoric, with low self-esteem.
I imagine a tall guy with such a good body and you enjoying yourself with him and I feel isolated. I don't know if its us being together. I feel that I'm just a side person while he's the main one. The better one, the more pleaserable. Its like he'll be doing the real fucking while I'm just kissing or something or making out. I wish I gave a better physical thrill.
Yes, I'm loved emotionally yes my value is so much that as a partner no one can take my place. But physically it seems like I'm still the lesser one. If I was enough why would you want someone else too.
I just cannot feel valueable when there isn't exclusivity and I wanna change that.
I constantly think and feel if I was enough why would my partner want someone else? why can't I be everything for my partner like they are for me? what's the point of monogamy if we both still going to be attracted to others?
isn't it similar to how we can have multiple best friends then why does romantic and sexual ones have this special pass??? what's the point then?
I don't know i just heard that its a lie that we won't want other people while in a romantic relationship and that too from a demi person and I'm demi. I don't know this was a lie we were taught. Every fucking thing has been a lie in my life and keeps hurting me like godddmn I'm done.
I need help and any resources or idk anything any words just any phrase that helped you idk idk
My partner and I are in our 20s.
Now, she's okay with threesomes while I'm not so we both won't have it. She has told me that I am enough for her and threesomes are like a new sexual kink you try with your partner. Like a couple's activity.
Now, I don't understand this at all. It isn't adding up in my mind and doesn't make sense to me. She's honest its more so I don't get her perspective even though she tried to explain it to me.
If I'm enough then why is there a desire for someone else? She said that threesomes are when both of us find someone attractive and want to have sex with them rather than only on of us or it falls apart and she has no interest if I'm not into it. Its like adding variety and threesome has that overwhelming feeling that's so fun though its still us having sex in a new way.
I still don't get it. I still don't at all. I don't even have the correct words for my questions as I don't get it. Why another person? Why? How am I enough, exicting, interesting and intense but still there's a desire for another person?
I'm not enough alone. As I have my limits and I cannot give that same overwhelming feeling. I only give that as we're still new but 5 or 10 years later? l
Why do couples even have a threesome? As it gives a physical thrill in an overwhelming way that twosomes just cannot and also I have heard that later in life couples feel more of an emotional thrill from each other rather than a physical one as that newness and novelty over the years goes away.
How can I then believe that yes I am enough? I'm not. As its like being told you'll get less interesting and intense over the years so it'll be fun to add a new exciting person we both like to add that newness back. As if it can't be added back without a new person.
She didn't say this btw its more so what my feelings feel lie she's saying that.
In reality, she said you'll always be interesting and evicting for me but she did agree that yeah over the years there's more of an emotional thrill rather than a physical one and threesomes do have that overwhelming wave of thrill at once at least in her mind.
Maybe we're just incompatible or its my emotional permenence that's making me suffer more. I wish I had been a bit normal as I feel like the minority. Is it possible to co-exist with our differences?
She's very clear that its fully fine with her to never try it as I'm more than enough for her also that this is a minor fantasy that'll be fun to try but not a need or a huge desire and I know she means it but I guess my pain is coming from the inside and it cannot be soothed.
I constantly wanna leave as I always wanna run away as soon as uncomfortable emotions come up so that's why I need help from you people a bit. Help me understand her perspective as I just don't get it and point out any flaws or distortions I'm having due to my pain.
btw, I would've gone to therapy this instant if it had been accessible to me so I'm just a bit helpless in that area sadly for a while. Thanks tho
Me and my partner and both in our 20s. We've been together for 6.5 months and known each other for almost 2 years.
The main difference we have is. I don't really am interested in more people in the bedroom while she's okay with it. It isn't personal to me I knew this about her as we were best friends before ever considering the romantic possibility.
We're different in this area rather than thinking either of us is wrong. The hurtful part for me is that she's okay with having more people.
I see it like: We are best friends, romantic partners and sexual partners.
For both of us the friend area has many slots and romantic area only has one that we've given to each other.
The sexual partner one though. I only have one slot that she's filling and she has multiple slots and currently only one is filled by me.
So, like the pain point for me is. I'm one of the ones rather than the only one.
For a better context. She's okay with threesomes and also okay with only having twosomes. So, Its more like a fantasy for her that'll be fun to fulfill with a partner she feels safe with rather than something she absolutely has to fulfill or do.
We've already discussed the nitty gritty and both aren't or planning on ever doing it. She's only into it if I'm also going to enjoy it and other than that there's no point for her. Like, a couple's activity rather than just something only she wants.
I do know I am insecure and us being honest helps a ton. It has been important for me that my partner only wants me and I don't want my partner to share herself with anyone.
And she doesn't want anyone else in real life. Its more of an idea that's exciting for her and she isn't sharing herself sexually with anyone else.
She's only okay with doing that if I am into sharing myself with others too and we both do it together.
Still, something about it hurts me a lot at times and I wonder if its just my insecurity, if its a compromise maybe bothering me, if its an incompatibility or if it is all of them?
My question is. How do I know what about it is exactly bothering me?
Can you ask me some deeper questions to help me reflect if I'll be okay with it long term and can become secure with it or if its an incompatibility that cannot work between us?
Thanks.
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I'm posting it again as I hadn't gotten any replies in my previous one so :<
Me and my partner are both in our 20s. Our relationship is very comfortable and fine. I don't need a romantic relationship so this relationship has been so good so far that I'm glad to have it. A really good part in my life.
Though there's a new concern now. My partner has threesome fantasy and would find it fun to try it out with me. She sees it as our activity and has no interest in it if I'm not there. I have no reason to doubt her as I had known this thing about her even when we had been best friend so we've both been honest from the start as there's we're not even together if we aren't honest.
She's very clear that it is a little desire and fantasy of hers and isn't important if we don't try it ever as she's happy with me. Its more like the variety and overwhelming nature of it that she finds fun and threesome for her is us both finding the other person attractive enough to sleep with them together.
Now, I don't know how to co-exist with this fact. I keep feeling not enough so I wanna know if I should or can try to just exist and accept the fact that she can have a desire and still be enough with me even if we never act on it.
Should I leave or stay? I wanna know which decision will be best for me long term. You can ask any questions too or any tips you have. Thanks!
Btw, I'm fully okay with people having, fantasizing, even just having a desire and not acting on it. Its about me not feeling secure and I wanna know if I can try to be. Its so painful. My partner isn't forcing me and for her it doesn't matter as much. She doesn't even see it as a compromise but rathet just a thing we wouldn't try.
So, I don't think either of us is in the wrong at all. More so if we fit together even though she's fully satisfied with being exclusive I still can't help but feel a deep thrashing pain.
TLDR: My partner has a threesome sexual kink so is okay with sexual non-monogamy if I'm too though I'm not and it is making me stressed to the point of insanity. Should I end it or stay and try to co-exist with our differences?
TW: sensitive... dysphoric.
I wish I could say it to you and complain but I can't cause this is just my dysphoria and insecurities speaking
I feel so inferior when I remember sex is more emotional for me or I see it as more intimate. I feel like I'm being called physically non-thrilling. I see it as compounded pleasure but doesn't mean I can't give a physical thrill.
But maybe I can't. I can't fucking cum, I'm not seen as having a vulva rather I'm lacking a dick. I feel horrible. I wish I could change it so it fits better but at moments I don't want to. I like any genitals you will have but now I'm starting to get worried what if me liking different genitals than what I currently have mean I'm also confirming how boring mine are???
these obsessions gosh I hate them. how boring I feel already. How boring my genitals must be I think compared to a guy born with a penis. So incapable am I. So, so ... what if you get bored by me? what if even if you like it you would stop feeling excited? what if I can't fulfill your oral fixations? what if my fingers and mouth aren't enough? what if strap-on make you want a real dick that I can never have? what if you keep wishing for things but I can never give them.
I wish I could leave you and break up with you but you being so caring makes it hard to do so. I suddenly get reminded its again my dysphoria and insecurities hammering me. But I can't i can't handle the differences I wish I existed in a vacuum and no one but I was desired maybe only then I'll stop feeling so insecure.
I wish I was also taller and stronger. I would've been able to pick you up too. I keep thinking a better guy more compatible guy. How exciting he could be for you. I wish you had more experience with others before me cause I keep thinking its sad you have to settle for me and how much you're missing out on by being with the in-between guy.
a non-real man. I feel fake even calling myself a man so I have the need to add trans before it. You seem so excited by me but I keep thinking of disappointments I'll keep giving you. I'm yet again afraid my insecurities, my pain, my dysphoria... will ruin a good connection.
I feel like an imposter. A weirdo. You see a guy when you look at me and I'm worried how long will it take and your illusion will break. I'm not a woman nor do I want to ever be seen as one again but I feel like the inferior man. Such an inferior one. The one you go for when nothing better is left for you. A leftover and the cheap one left.
Something to settle for.
You see me as your home. I wish my distrust and pain will let me accept it before I ruin everything. Before my doubts exhaust you too as they already have drained me. I wish I had just been normal. I wish I had just been normal.
I wish I could believe you when you said that I'm enough for you as all I see in myself is a lack of things.
There's always something lacking in me.
Me and my partner are both in ours 20s.
The main difference we have is. I don't really am interested in more people in the bedroom while she's okay with it. It isn't personal to me I knew this about her as we were best friends before ever considering the romantic possibility.
We're different in this area rather than thinking either of us is wrong. The hurtful part for me is that she's okay with having more people.
I see it like: We are best friends, romantic partners and sexual partners.
For both of us the friend area has many slots and romantic area only has one that we've given to each other.
The sexual partner one though. I only have one slot that she's filling and she has multiple slots and currently only one is filled by me.
So, like the pain point for me is. I'm one of the ones rather than the only one.
For a better context. She's okay with threesomes and also okay with only having twosomes. So, Its more like a fantasy for her that'll be fun to fulfill with a partner she feels safe with rather than something she absolutely has to fulfill or do.
We've already discussed the nitty gritty and both aren't or planning on ever doing it. She's only into it if I'm also going to enjoy it and other than that there's no point for her. Like, a couple's activity rather than just something only she wants.
I do know I am insecure and us being honest helps a ton. It has been important for me that my partner only wants me and I don't want my partner to share herself with anyone.
And she doesn't want anyone else in real life. Its more of an idea that's exciting for her and she isn't sharing herself sexually with anyone else.
She's only okay with doing that if I am into sharing myself with others too and we both do it together.
Still, something about it hurts me a lot at times and I wonder if its just my insecurity, if its a compromise maybe bothering me, if its an incompatibility or if it is all of them?
My question is. How do I know what about it is exactly bothering me?
Can you ask me some deeper questions to help me reflect if I'll be okay with it long term and can become secure with it or if its an incompatibility that cannot work between us?
Thanks.
Its okay to call me out where I'm wrong infact I also think I'm doing something wrong but can't put my finger on it exactly. That's why I'm here.
What things about one friend I shouldn't tell to another? I'm struggling to know this honestly. I talk a lot and I like mentioning people that are important to me or if the topic is relevant though there's an inkling. A feeling that I'm compromising some of their private things which is starting to concern me. I don't want to do that.
Its not just about one or two people. Everyone has different things and comfortabilities. I need more general insight first before asking each of them what their don't-tell-anyone topics are. I'm feeling extremely bothered by it and don't know what things about one person are okay to share with another.
Please, do help and ask questions if you need some more context I don't know how to give for now so thanks.
People can feel like I'm interviewing them or get overwhelmed when I ask them so many questions.
Though, Even when replying about them I can start to talk so so so much. I can easily send 20 minutes of voice notes and 50+ lines of text in paragraphs.
Recently, I noticed when people don't reciprocate the same as many are busy and no one has this much energy to reply to so much though they do listen. My people do care about me but I've started to feel like a burden.
I like to be seen yup validation or just being acknowledged again and again. Is there an outlet I can use I try to journal, talk with myself or idk...
I need help to improve this part of mine and become okay with not sharing every thought I find interesting. I just want to talk like normal people and also not get im a position where I feel rejected even when I'm not.
That's all I guess I'm trying to shorten myself these days and still not helpful.