u/therosabili

I know the obvious answer: it’s none of my business anymore. We’re no contact, and I know that letting go means accepting that I don’t get to know what he’s doing or who he’s with.

I had actually stopped checking his Instagram and was doing better, but then a friend accidentally mentioned that she’s going on vacation with him, her boyfriend, and another girl.

Her boyfriend has been best friends with my ex since they were toddlers, so obviously their social circles overlap. I immediately told my friend not to tell me anything else about the girl because I know more information will only hurt me.

But now my brain is filling in all the blanks.

Who is she? When did he meet her? Are they dating? Is my friend becoming really close with her? Is she prettier than me? Smarter? Funnier? More successful? More interesting? More creative, artsy, talented?

Is he falling in love with her?

Will this vacation become more special to him than the memories we had together? Will she eventually mean more to him than I did? Will I just be erased and forgotten?

Writing that out, I know how irrational some of it sounds. Even if I knew the answers, what would I actually do with that information? Nothing. It wouldn’t change my life. It wouldn’t change the breakup. It would probably just give my brain more material to obsess over.

And yet I feel like I can’t tolerate the uncertainty.

I’m literally counting down the days until their vacation is over, which is ridiculous because I’m not even on this trip. I’m spending pieces of my own life mentally following an imaginary version of someone else’s vacation.

I think a lot of it is ego and fear of being replaced. Maybe part of me still wants reassurance that I was special enough that nobody could simply come along and take my place.

I also know I’m probably especially vulnerable right now. I’m spending two weeks at my parents’ house, which is a very difficult environment for me and where a lot of my anxious attachment patterns started. I normally live in a city where I have independence and can choose how I spend my time, but here I feel trapped.

I can’t really go for walks, exercise normally, eat how I want, draw, paint, journal, or just leave and do my own thing whenever I feel overwhelmed. So instead I’ve been scrolling Reddit and overthinking, which obviously makes everything worse.

I’ll be back in my city in two weeks, and I know this feeling will pass. It’s also not consuming me every second — it comes in waves — but when it hits, it hurts so much.

How do you learn to live with not knowing?

For those of you who went through this stage of no contact, how did you stop wondering whether your ex had met someone “better”? How did you stop comparing yourself to a person you didn’t even know?

And how do you remind yourself that whatever your ex is doing now doesn’t erase what you meant to them then — or, more importantly, determine what you’re worth now?

I know the goal is to detach, let go, and eventually stop caring. I just don’t know how to get my brain to stop demanding answers that I know I’m better off not having.

I’m 27F with a bachelor’s in Business Administration, a master’s in Marketing, and about 3 years of experience at the same fashion company.

I mainly handle email marketing using Klaviyo. I’ve learned segmentation, campaigns, automations, basic analytics, and some Photoshop, but I feel like I’ve hit the ceiling in my current role. The work is repetitive, there’s no real promotion path, and I’m still earning close to minimum wage.

Financially, I’m nowhere near being able to fully support myself, and that’s starting to scare me. I’ve also been applying to other jobs but barely getting responses.

I don’t want to quit without another job lined up, so my goal is to spend the next 6–12 months building skills that will make me more employable and give me a career with actual salary growth.

The paths I’m considering are:

• CRM / lifecycle / retention marketing — building on my Klaviyo experience
• E-commerce / Shopify — Shopify, Liquid, CRO, merchandising
• Paid media — Meta Ads, Google Ads, GA4
• Marketing analytics — Excel, SQL, Looker/Tableau/Power BI
• Marketing/project management
• Possibly UX research, although that would be a bigger pivot

I’m not attached to any particular path. I care more about choosing something where my existing experience gives me an advantage, I can learn the skills while working full-time, and there’s a realistic path to earning significantly more over time.

If you were in my position:

1. Which direction would you choose?
2. What 3–5 skills/tools would you focus on first?
3. Are there certifications actually worth doing?
4. What projects could I build to prove those skills without already having the job?
5. Would you double down on CRM/email marketing, or branch into e-commerce, paid media, or analytics?

I’m basically trying to create a one-year plan instead of randomly collecting certifications and hoping something works.

Any advice from people in marketing, e-commerce, CRM, growth, analytics, or adjacent careers would be really appreciated.

I’m 27F with a bachelor’s in Business Administration, a master’s in Marketing, and about 3 years of experience at the same fashion company.

I mainly handle email marketing using Klaviyo. I’ve learned segmentation, campaigns, automations, basic analytics, and some Photoshop, but I feel like I’ve hit the ceiling in my current role. The work is repetitive, there’s no real promotion path, and I’m still earning close to minimum wage.

Financially, I’m nowhere near being able to fully support myself, and that’s starting to scare me. I’ve also been applying to other jobs but barely getting responses.

I don’t want to quit without another job lined up, so my goal is to spend the next 6–12 months building skills that will make me more employable and give me a career with actual salary growth.

The paths I’m considering are:

• CRM / lifecycle / retention marketing — building on my Klaviyo experience
• E-commerce / Shopify — Shopify, Liquid, CRO, merchandising
• Paid media — Meta Ads, Google Ads, GA4
• Marketing analytics — Excel, SQL, Looker/Tableau/Power BI
• Marketing/project management
• Possibly UX research, although that would be a bigger pivot

I’m not attached to any particular path. I care more about choosing something where my existing experience gives me an advantage, I can learn the skills while working full-time, and there’s a realistic path to earning significantly more over time.

If you were in my position:

1. Which direction would you choose?
2. What 3–5 skills/tools would you focus on first?
3. Are there certifications actually worth doing?
4. What projects could I build to prove those skills without already having the job?
5. Would you double down on CRM/email marketing, or branch into e-commerce, paid media, or analytics?

I’m basically trying to create a one-year plan instead of randomly collecting certifications and hoping something works.

Any advice from people in marketing, e-commerce, CRM, growth, analytics, or adjacent careers would be really appreciated.

TL;DR: I’m 27 with a bachelor’s in Business Administration, a master’s in Marketing, and 3 years of experience doing email marketing/Klaviyo for a fashion brand. I’m still earning close to minimum wage, there’s no room to grow at my current company, and I’m barely getting responses when applying elsewhere.

I want to spend the next 6–12 months building skills that can realistically lead to a better-paying career with long-term growth. I’m considering CRM/lifecycle/retention marketing, paid media, e-commerce/Shopify, marketing analytics/SQL, project management, or possibly UX.

If you were in my position, which path would you focus on, what skills/tools/certifications would you learn, and how would you structure a one-year plan to become competitive for better jobs?

I’m 27F with a bachelor’s in Business Administration, a master’s in Marketing, and about 3 years of experience at the same fashion company.

I mainly handle email marketing using Klaviyo. I’ve learned segmentation, campaigns, automations, basic analytics, and some Photoshop, but I feel like I’ve hit the ceiling in my current role. The work is repetitive, there’s no real promotion path, and I’m still earning close to minimum wage.

Financially, I’m nowhere near being able to fully support myself, and that’s starting to scare me. I’ve also been applying to other jobs but barely getting responses.

I don’t want to quit without another job lined up, so my goal is to spend the next 6–12 months building skills that will make me more employable and give me a career with actual salary growth.

The paths I’m considering are:

• CRM / lifecycle / retention marketing — building on my Klaviyo experience
• E-commerce / Shopify — Shopify, Liquid, CRO, merchandising
• Paid media — Meta Ads, Google Ads, GA4
• Marketing analytics — Excel, SQL, Looker/Tableau/Power BI
• Marketing/project management
• Possibly UX research, although that would be a bigger pivot

I’m not attached to any particular path. I care more about choosing something where my existing experience gives me an advantage, I can learn the skills while working full-time, and there’s a realistic path to earning significantly more over time.

If you were in my position:

1. Which direction would you choose?
2. What 3–5 skills/tools would you focus on first?
3. Are there certifications actually worth doing?
4. What projects could I build to prove those skills without already having the job?
5. Would you double down on CRM/email marketing, or branch into e-commerce, paid media, or analytics?

I’m basically trying to create a one-year plan instead of randomly collecting certifications and hoping something works.

Any advice from people in marketing, e-commerce, CRM, growth, analytics, or adjacent careers would be really appreciated.TL;DR: I’m 27 with a bachelor’s in Business Administration, a master’s in Marketing, and 3 years of experience doing email marketing/Klaviyo for a fashion brand. I’m still earning close to minimum wage, there’s no room to grow at my current company, and I’m barely getting responses when applying elsewhere.

I want to spend the next 6–12 months building skills that can realistically lead to a better-paying career with long-term growth. I’m considering CRM/lifecycle/retention marketing, paid media, e-commerce/Shopify, marketing analytics/SQL, project management, or possibly UX.

If you were in my position, which path would you focus on, what skills/tools/certifications would you learn, and how would you structure a one-year plan to become competitive for better jobs?

Hey everyone,

I’m 27 and feeling a bit lost career-wise, so I’d really appreciate some advice from people further along in digital marketing.

I had a hard time finishing university, but eventually got my Bachelos in Business Adm. and then a Master’s in Marketing. I started working full-time at 24 and have been at the same fashion brand ever since, working in email marketing.

The problem is that my role has become extremely repetitive and operational. The work is easy, the environment is chill, and I have good work-life balance, but I’m basically doing the same things over and over again. I don’t feel like I’m learning much anymore, and there doesn’t seem to be opportunity to grow within the company. They also ignore my existence most of the time.

I’m starting to worry that if I stay comfortable for too long, I’ll wake up in a few years without having developed any valuable skills beyond what I already know. Cause that's what's happening atm.

I’d like to build a successful career, whether that means growing within digital marketing or potentially moving into something adjacent, but right now I genuinely don’t know what direction to take.

I’m willing to put in the work. I just don’t know what I should be learning, what roles I should be aiming for, or how to make the jump from a fairly basic email marketing position into something with more responsibility and better long-term prospects.

If you were in my position, what would you focus on over the next 1–2 years? I'd like to move into some career that I can see myself growing on... super lost tbh

Would you:

• Go deeper into email/CRM and become more specialized?
• Learn paid media, analytics, CRO, automation, etc.?
• Try to move into marketing strategy or management?
• Leave marketing altogether?
• Just start applying for more challenging roles and learn as I go?
• Learn liquid/html/javascript/sql?
• Go into graphic design/Figma/Web Design? (no experience)

Any advice from people who have been in a similar position would be really appreciated.

I dated someone for around two months. It started very intensely and, for the first time in my life, I experienced what felt like consistent romantic reciprocity.

He was very affectionate, communicative, intentional about seeing me, made me feel incredibly wanted and cared for... still every single day I was fighting a never ending anxiety that he was going to pull away... I had to put so much effort into knowing I was triggered and trying not to overtext or ask too much of him early on.

Towards the end, he started pulling away.
I became increasingly anxious and hypervigilant ... measuring response times, looking for changes in enthusiasm, wondering what everything meant.

Eventually I told him that communication no longer felt natural to me and that I needed some space. He acknowledged that he had been more absent, said he was sad about my decision but respected it, and told me I knew where to find him and that we could talk from time to time if I wanted.

We didn’t speak for over a month. Then he contacted me briefly this week about something relatively insignificant, and I feel like it reactivated something I had spent the entire month trying to let go of.

The thing is, I rationally understand this situation.
I know that relationship wasn’t making me feel secure anymore. I know I was becoming extremely activated and dependent on his behavior for emotional regulation. I know there are things I learned about him and his previous relationships that make me believe, with some distance, that this ending was probably the best outcome for me. I don’t actually think pursuing a relationship with him would be good for me.

I’m also doing okay in my actual life. I’m seeing my friends, making plans, trying new things, working, pursuing creative interests. I’m not sitting at home waiting for him. I barely talked about him for a while and felt like I was slowly taking away the enormous importance I had given him.

But emotionally, I can’t let go.

Since he contacted me, I think about him constantly again. I look at his Instagram even though I know it makes things worse. I fantasize about him missing me, wanting me again, us seeing each other and everything feeling electric again. I interpret things he posts and wonder whether they’re about another girl.. and then this tiny hopeful part of me wonders whether somehow they’re about me. I hate how much mental space I’m giving this.

And I think I’m beginning to understand that this is much bigger than him.

I’m 27, and this was genuinely the first time in my life that I experienced someone consistently making me feel romantically wanted, cared for and chosen.
I didn’t grow up with particularly emotionally stable parents, and I’ve carried a feeling of abandonment for a very long time. I think I’ve always unconsciously treated romantic love as this future place where eventually someone would choose me, see my value and give me the affection and consistency I’ve been looking for.

Except I had never actually experienced that reciprocity.

Then, briefly, I did.

And I remember essentially having this realization of: Oh. So this is what it feels like when someone actually likes me back.

Writing that at 27 honestly makes me incredibly sad lol.

So now I think part of me isn’t desperately holding onto him as much as it’s holding onto the only experience I have of feeling that way.

There’s this fear underneath everything that says: What if that was my only chance? What if nobody makes me feel that way again? When will someone choose me again?

And I notice that this belief follows me into dating too. Meeting someone can very quickly acquire the underlying weight of: “Will I finally be enough for this person?”

I know intellectually how unhealthy that is.
I know my life isn’t about being chosen. I know another person’s romantic interest isn’t evidence of my worth. I know I need to decenter romantic relationships and develop a relationship with myself where I don’t need someone else’s desire to prove that I’m valuable.

And I am trying to do that.

But there’s an emotional part of me that doesn’t seem to understand what my rational mind understands.

I also don’t want healing to become another way of rejecting myself. I can’t bully myself into not being sad. I can’t tell my body, “We’ve logically established that this person isn’t right for us, so attachment terminated effective immediately.” My body just doesn’t work that way.

My therapist has also told me that some relational wounds can’t necessarily be completely healed intellectually, and that healthier relational experiences can eventually be part of healing them.

That makes sense to me, but it also leaves me wondering what I can do for myself now, while I’m alone and this wound is activated.

I want to learn how to give myself some of the safety, consistency and sense of worth that I’ve spent my life hoping romantic love would finally give me.

So for people working on anxious attachment: how do you work with the part of yourself that understands all of this intellectually but is still desperately reaching for external reassurance? How do you stop feeding the fantasy without shaming yourself for still wanting it? And how have you learned to trust that losing someone’s love doesn’t mean losing your chance to ever feel loved like that again?

I had been doing so well.

Out of nowhere, my ex messaged me because Instagram recommended my profile to him. He said he was surprised because he thought he was still following me. (I had actually blocked and later unblocked him, which is why he wasn’t.)

He wanted to make sure I knew it wasn’t intentional and that he didn’t want me to think he had unfollowed me on purpose. That was literally it.

I just replied, “No worries.”

The conversation ended there, but now my mind won’t stop. I’m fantasizing about reconnecting, wondering if this means something, imagining us getting back together… even though I know it probably doesn’t.

The worst part is that before this, I genuinely felt like I was healing. Now it feels like weeks or months of progress disappeared because of one tiny interaction.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did the feelings settle back down after a few days, or did it set you back for a while?

I don’t understand why I still can’t get over this guy, even though I know he would be terrible for me.

When we were together, he treated me amazingly at first. Then he slowly started pulling away until I finally told him to stop contacting me because I couldn’t handle the slow discard anymore.

The thing is, I know who he is.

Before me, he was in a three-year relationship. They lived together. During the last nine months of that relationship, he cheated on her multiple times. At one point, he even caught an STD from cheating and never told her. He got treated after HE broke up with her, and she only found out because one of the women he cheated with told her.

She’s still deeply affected by everything that happened. She gets extremely drunk, cries every time she drinks, and is still in so much pain. They still have occasional contact.

She also organizes a festival that they used to attend together every year. This year, she begged him not to go. He reassured her that he wouldn’t, but he went anyway. She only found out a few minutes before he arrived because we have mutual friends who mentioned it. She completely broke down.

None of this makes him look like a good person.
I know all of this. I know how he treats people he supposedly loves. I know what he did to her, and I know how he slowly discarded me too.

So why is my brain still attached to him? Why do I still miss someone I know would probably hurt me again?

Has anyone else struggled with letting go of someone even after seeing who they really are?

I had been doing so well.

Out of nowhere, my ex messaged me because Instagram recommended my profile to him. He said he was surprised because he thought he was still following me. (I had actually blocked and later unblocked him, which is why he wasn’t.)

He wanted to make sure I knew it wasn’t intentional and that he didn’t want me to think he had unfollowed me on purpose. That was literally it.

I just replied, “No worries.”

The conversation ended there, but now my mind won’t stop. I’m fantasizing about reconnecting, wondering if this means something, imagining us getting back together… even though I know it probably doesn’t.

The worst part is that before this, I genuinely felt like I was healing. Now it feels like weeks or months of progress disappeared because of one tiny interaction.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did the feelings settle back down after a few days, or did it set you back for a while?

I’ve been in no contact for a month now. Next Wednesday it’ll be one month and one week. I know I shouldn’t count, but I do. Every morning I wake up and remember he’s no longer in my life. It honestly feels like an addiction. Every day there’s a moment where it hits me like a ton of bricks.

My mind plays games with me constantly.

Some days I convince myself that maybe he was just confused. Maybe he didn’t actually want me to leave. Maybe I gave up too soon. Maybe he misses me and wants to reach out but doesn’t know how. Maybe he cared more than I think he did.

Then I come back to reality.

The facts are actually very simple. He stopped putting effort into the relationship. He isn’t making any effort to reconnect. Whether he misses me or not, whether he’s sad or not, whether he thinks about me or not... it changes nothing about the reality I’m living.

I still have hope sometimes, and letting go of that hope has probably been the hardest part. I genuinely struggle to accept that someone who meant so much to me can simply… continue with their life. The ending felt so abrupt... but I guess that's how it feels for the one that is broken up with.

But I also know I can’t control what he feels, thinks, or does. Maybe he misses me. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he regrets it. Maybe he doesn’t.

I’ll never know.

And that’s something I have to learn to live with.
I also realized I haven’t been completely “no contact.” We still follow each other. I watch his stories sometimes, and when I post, I check whether he’s seen mine. A couple of times I even posted things hoping he’d notice. Once I saw that he viewed one of my stories multiple times, and my brain immediately ran with it.

“Maybe it means something.”

But it doesn’t.
Or maybe it does.

The point is, I don’t know. And that’s exactly why I need to stop looking for meaning in things that could mean absolutely anything. A story view isn’t communication. It’s not effort. It’s not reconciliation. It’s not clarity.

Giving myself hope through breadcrumbs like that has only made healing harder.

The truth is, every time I look for a reaction, I’m hoping for something he isn’t giving me. And when it doesn’t happen, I hurt myself all over again.

So I’m trying to stop.

I’m trying to accept that this is grief. I’m not trying to rush it or pretend I’m okay. I accept that this hurts. I accept that I’m going to miss him for a while. I accept that I’ll probably keep wondering whether he misses me too.

I still want to reach out every single day.

I want to ask him if he’s okay. If he misses me. If there was ever a future for us. If what we had was real. If he ever loved me. If any hope is left.

But I know none of those answers would necessarily give me peace.

The only thing that will is accepting what I already know: he’s choosing not to be in my life.

As painful as it’s been, I can honestly say that every day is just a tiny bit easier than the last. Not because I miss him less, but because I’m slowly accepting that some questions will never be answered.

If you’re going through this too, I hope you know you’re not alone. Healing doesn’t happen all at once. Sometimes it looks like taking one tiny step forward, then two steps back, and then another tiny step forward.

But it’s still forward.

It’s been almost a month since we stopped talking.

Today I’m in Disneyland Paris with my sister, who flew all the way from LatAm to visit me.

Objectively, this should be one of the happiest days of my summer. Instead, it’s been one of the hardest days since no contact. I’ve thought about him literally every minute.

Every ride, every restaurant, every show, every time I saw a couple, even a duck stretching... my brain associated everything with him. I kept thinking about how much I wished he was next to me, what he would’ve said, what we would’ve done, what it would’ve been like if he were here instead.

I haven’t been able to stay present at all.

I’ve been on the verge of a panic attack all day.

Tomorrow Spain plays the worldcup final. If they win, it’ll be one of those nights people remember forever. In Spain, people still remember exactly where they were when the men’s team won the World Cup in 2010. It became part of people’s lives and memories and he has always said he remembers it as his best summer and the best day of his life. He was 13.

That year there was a baby boom and many people got engaged from the euphoria.

my anxiety has latched onto tomorrow.

My brain keeps telling me that if Spain wins, he’ll celebrate with the girl he’s seeing now, they’ll have this unforgettable, euphoric night together, they’ll have sex, and somehow he’ll associate all of that happiness with her and fall in love.

I know that sounds irrational.

I know I’m creating a story with absolutely no evidence.

But my body believes it.

The thought genuinely makes me feel sick.
I keep thinking, **“Why can’t it be me?”**
I know I can’t control his life anymore.
I know I can’t control whether he’s seeing someone, what he’s doing, or how he feels.

But today my brain has been relentless.

I’ve fantasized about him all day. I’ve imagined him here with me all day. And then my anxiety immediately replaces that fantasy with another one where he’s somewhere else creating a life where I have no place in his mind anytime soon and someone replaces me so easily and with a force I have never been able to experience.

It’s exhausting.

Has anyone else experienced grief or no contact becoming this obsessive? Where your brain creates scenarios all day long that you know aren’t facts, but your body reacts to them as if they’re happening?
How did you get through it?

It’s been almost a month since we stopped talking.

Today I’m in Disneyland Paris with my sister, who flew all the way from LatAm to visit me.

Objectively, this should be one of the happiest days of my summer. Instead, it’s been one of the hardest days since no contact. I’ve thought about him literally every minute.

Every ride, every restaurant, every show, every time I saw a couple, even a duck stretching... my brain associated everything with him. I kept thinking about how much I wished he was next to me, what he would’ve said, what we would’ve done, what it would’ve been like if he were here instead.

I haven’t been able to stay present at all.

I’ve been on the verge of a panic attack all day.

Tomorrow Spain plays the worldcup final. If they win, it’ll be one of those nights people remember forever. In Spain, people still remember exactly where they were when the men’s team won the World Cup in 2010. It became part of people’s lives and memories and he has always said he remembers it as his best summer and the best day of his life. He was 13.

That year there was a baby boom and many people got engaged from the euphoria.

my anxiety has latched onto tomorrow.

My brain keeps telling me that if Spain wins, he’ll celebrate with the girl he’s seeing now, they’ll have this unforgettable, euphoric night together, they’ll have sex, and somehow he’ll associate all of that happiness with her and fall in love.

I know that sounds irrational.

I know I’m creating a story with absolutely no evidence.

But my body believes it.

The thought genuinely makes me feel sick.
I keep thinking, “Why can’t it be me?”
I know I can’t control his life anymore.
I know I can’t control whether he’s seeing someone, what he’s doing, or how he feels.

But today my brain has been relentless.

I’ve fantasized about him all day. I’ve imagined him here with me all day. And then my anxiety immediately replaces that fantasy with another one where he’s somewhere else creating a life where I have no place in his mind anytime soon and someone replaces me so easily and with a force I have never been able to experience.

It’s exhausting.

Has anyone else experienced grief or no contact becoming this obsessive? Where your brain creates scenarios all day long that you know aren’t facts, but your body reacts to them as if they’re happening?
How did you get through it?

There is one thing that we forget about when we go into this obsessive, almost flesh-eating obsession for the person that left us.

We are blinded.

Even though we think we aren’t, we are blinded. They flood our thoughts every second. Our nostrils and our mouth are unable to breathe because it’s like they are being pushed up our airways every single second. Even though we think we can move on with our day and think about other things, they’re there.

They’re always there.

Because we are still here.

And there’s one thing we forget.

It doesn’t matter if they ever miss us.

It doesn’t matter what they think about us right now.
It doesn’t matter if they ever feel like they made the wrong choice.
It doesn’t matter if they ever cry about us.
It doesn’t matter if they yearn for us.
It doesn’t matter if they ever feel like they made a mistake by letting us go.

Why does it matter?
Really.
Why?

That’s just ego.

That’s just us wanting to feel bigger in this world than we are.

But we don’t have to feel bigger to them.

We have to feel bigger for ourselves.

We have to feel bigger in our own lives, in our own autonomy, in the people who choose to stay with us.

Show up for them.
Be with your friends.
Be there.
Be present.
Take your life into your own hands.

Because it does not matter if they ever miss us.

What matters is that what you lived was real.
You felt it.
You lived it.
It happened.
They were there too.
Whatever it meant to them doesn’t change what it meant to you.

And now it’s over.

It’s gone.

And we have to let it go.

Life is about grieving.

Grieving older versions of ourselves.
Grieving moments in time.
Grieving our age.

Because time goes by.
Time goes by.
It takes everything away.

The world keeps spinning.
And we move forward.
Because we matter.
We are important.

Why would it help to think that they never miss us?
That they never think about us?
We’ll never know.

Even if they’re with someone else.
Even if all of their actions make us think that.
Why would that thought cross our minds?
What does it help?
The only thing it helps is making us suffer.
We don’t know what they’re thinking.

And it shouldn’t matter.

The only thing that matters is that this is over.

They are not coming back.

What we felt was real.

And now it’s in our hands to turn that feeling into something else.

Into creation.

Into the creation of the life we want to live.

We need to let go of hope.
We need to take them off that pedestal where they now decide what matters and what doesn’t.
Where they decide whether you’re worth it.
Whether you’re important.
Whether you’re enough.

Why do they get to decide that?
What about you?
Why can’t you decide that?

And if right now you’re in a position where you say,
“I’m so lost.”
“I hate myself.”

Then maybe what you really miss is the perspective you thought they had of you.

How they made you feel.

Then take that perspective and make it real for yourself.

Show up every day.

Do the things that make you feel closer to that version of yourself.

That’s the only way you’re going to change.

That’s the only way you’re going to move on.

One day you’ll be able to say,
“That was painful.”
“I cared about that person a lot.”
“But now I’m here.”
“I’m this person because of that.”

It’s not about seeing the positive in everything.
It’s not about pretending everything happens for a reason.

It’s about taking all the energy you wanted to pour into that person…

…and pouring it into yourself.

Into the life you want to live.

I feel like my soul physically can’t get away from you.

I’m a walking lump of grief. Every beautiful feeling I have still belongs to you. My soul clings to you like you’re a lifeline.

Meanwhile, you’ve moved on.

The part of me that still reaches for you feels like an unwanted ghost. A nuisance. A reminder of someone you no longer think about while your life keeps moving and finding new places to pour itself into.

I’m sorry I’m still here.

You don’t want me here, but I’m going to stay for a while because I don’t know how to let go.

Maybe I don’t even want to.
I don’t want this to be the end.
I don’t want this to be reality.

I want to believe this is just a phase. That you got scared. That if I wait long enough, you’ll come back. That one day you’ll realize you cared about me. That you’ll miss me.

Did I matter to you at all?

Or was I only there to keep you company while your heart belonged somewhere else?

I replay every conversation, every look, every touch, trying to find the moment where I misunderstood everything.

I keep wondering if you ever lie awake thinking about me the way I still think about you.

Or if the day you left was simply… another day.
Or have I been alone with these feelings from the very beginning?

Sometimes I wonder if letting go of you also means letting go of the version of me that existed when I was with you.

Does letting go mean accepting that those moments are over forever?
That “us” no longer exists?
How do people accept that?
How do they wake up one day and simply… stop waiting?

Because every morning I still expect something from you.
A message.
A missed call.
Your name somewhere I wasn’t expecting it.
Every morning my heart forgets we’re over.
And every night it has to learn it all over again.
I keep wondering why you haven’t reached out. Were you hoping I’d eventually leave?
Did you quietly stop wanting me in your life?
Will we ever speak again?
Will we ever see each other again?
I imagine it all the time.
You’d smile.
I’d smile too.
We’d ask each other how life has been, pretending we’re strangers who never knew each other’s hearts.
And I’d spend the whole conversation trying not to remember what it felt like when you loved looking at me.
And if we do… will I finally be over you?
I hope so.
Because I don’t think I could survive facing someone I’m still in love with who has already moved on.
I know you’ll be nice to me. I know you’ll act as if nothing happened because to you… it hasn’t.
Meanwhile, I’m still here.
So many songs make me think of your face, of the way you looked at me when you still felt something.
Do you look at her like that?
Does everything with her feel just as it did with me?
Or did I imagine what it felt like?
Was I not grounded in reality?
Why did you wake these feelings inside of me?
Why did you make me love you when you knew you didn’t want me?
Sometimes I wish we’d never met.

Not because loving you wasn’t beautiful…
But because I don’t know how to survive losing something that made me feel so alive.
You left.

But all the love stayed.

I know there is nothing left, yet I refuse to leave.
My soul stays with you.
My feelings stay with you.
My mind stays with you.
Flooded by memories of you…
Flooded by suffering.
Yesterday I cried for four hours straight…
Does she call you baby?
Do you call her little one?
Did you call your ex that?
Do you remember what we felt?
Do you remember us?

I remember tiny things you probably forgot the next day.

The way your voice changed when you were tired.
The way your eyes softened when you looked at me.
The little words that somehow became home.

They’re all still alive inside me.

I wonder if they’ve already disappeared from you.

Was it real to you?

Do you remember who we were when we met?

No one wants to fall in love with something so ephemeral.

You never felt nothing for me.

But I want to think that people don’t look at someone the way you looked at me if they feel nothing... but did you? did you ever feel something?

People don’t kiss someone like that if they feel nothing....

So what happened?

Where did it all go?

I was a pawn in your game of loneliness.

Now I’m lonely.

I’ve never used anyone to fill an empty space inside me.

I don’t know how people replace each other so easily.

When I love, I close myself off.

There is no room for anyone else.

Maybe that’s my curse.

Maybe that’s why I’m still here while you’ve already begun again.

You are selfish.

Maybe you never realized it.

Maybe you never meant to hurt me.

But you still did.

And somehow… I still can’t hate you.

Because I knew the good side of your heart.

And I’m still clinging to it.

I’m still there.

Time keeps moving.

Everyone tells me it’ll get easier.

That one day I’ll stop thinking about you.

That one day you’ll become just another memory.
But time hasn’t taken you away.

It’s only put more distance between where you are…
And where I still am.

I’m still standing in the place where you left me.

Waiting for someone who has already kept walking.
I miss you every day.

I wait for you every day.

I keep thinking that maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up and you’ll finally just be a memory.

But every morning I find you exactly where I left you.
Inside me.

I’m sorry I’m still here.

I just don’t know where else to put all the love that still belongs to you.

I feel like my soul physically can’t get away from you.

I’m a walking lump of grief. Every beautiful feeling I have still belongs to you. My soul clings to you like you’re a lifeline.

Meanwhile, you’ve moved on.

The part of me that still reaches for you feels like an unwanted ghost. A nuisance. A reminder of someone you no longer think about while your life keeps moving and finding new places to pour itself into.

I’m sorry I’m still here.

You don’t want me here, but I’m going to stay for a while because I don’t know how to let go.

Maybe I don’t even want to.

I don’t want this to be the end.

I don’t want this to be reality.

I want to believe this is just a phase. That you got scared. That if I wait long enough, you’ll come back.
That one day you’ll realize you cared about me.
That you’ll miss me.

Did I matter to you at all?

Or have I been alone with these feelings from the very beginning?

Sometimes I wonder if letting go of you also means letting go of the version of me that existed when I was with you.

Does letting go mean accepting that those moments are over forever?

That “us” no longer exists?

How do people accept that?

How do they wake up one day and simply… stop waiting?

I keep wondering why you haven’t reached out.
Were you hoping I’d eventually leave?

Did you quietly stop wanting me in your life?

Will we ever speak again?

Will we ever see each other again?

And if we do… will I finally be over you?

I hope so.

Because I don’t think I could survive facing someone im still in love with who has already moved on.

As painful as it is, with all the feelings they left behind that now have nowhere to go, with the burning feeling of rejection that sometimes feels like having your nails pulled out with pliers, with the traumas they awaken and the abandonment you feel… we’re all here because one thing is true.

They don’t choose us.

They don’t choose that love.

If someone isn’t afraid of losing you, if someone finds other options more exciting, if someone can live with the idea of never speaking to you again or never sharing those moments you crave… we have to let them.

We have to let them be free. We have to let them let us go.

What good comes from staying, hoping and waiting?

What good comes from reminding them that we’re still here carrying all these beautiful feelings for them?

If they can’t appreciate how beautiful it is to be loved like that, then let them.

Let them go. Let them find whoever they want to find.

We will find our person. We will live beautiful things with someone else.
Until then, let’s give ourselves time. Let’s heal. Let’s build the life we want. Let’s become the people we want to be.
Choose yourself. Choose what matters most to you, and keep walking in that direction.

I’ve always struggled with two things: love and becoming good at things.
Comparison has always been the thief of my growth. If I wasn’t naturally good at something or didn’t get external validation quickly, I’d give up. I abandoned hobbies, interests and skills because I couldn’t tolerate being a beginner.
I’m currently going through no contact with someone I cared about deeply. As painful as it’s been, it made me realize I don’t want my whole identity to revolve around romantic relationships anymore.
I’ve started going to the gym consistently, trying to walk at least 16k steps every day, taking better care of myself and really trying to become the best version of myself. Not because I think it’ll bring him back, but because I want to build a life I’m genuinely proud of living.
This summer I signed up for intensive courses in theater, sculpture and oil painting.
Theater surprised me. I loved it. It made me feel connected to my body, present, creative and expressive. My teacher even told me I was good. The downside is that if I commit, it’s every Saturday from October until June, ending in a play. I know I’d feel incredibly fulfilled seeing months of work become something real.
Oil painting and sculpture are different. They’re flexible enough that I could do both together. I’m not good at either of them, but for the first time I’m actually okay with learning slowly. I even caught myself thinking that if I stick with them until I’m 30, maybe I could organize a small exhibition as a birthday present to myself and invite my friends.
I think what I’m really searching for is a creative outlet.
I have very big emotions, and for most of my life they’ve gone almost entirely into romantic relationships. I want to learn how to express them through creating something instead. But that means accepting being bad at first, practicing, learning and giving myself years instead of weeks.
The problem is that I feel like I have so many fronts open right now that I don’t know where to put my energy. I know I can’t do everything.
I’m determined to build a life where I feel fulfilled, where I have purpose, and where I genuinely enjoy being myself. I just don’t know which direction I should commit to.
Has anyone else reached this point? How did you choose your “thing”? Did you follow what fulfilled you the most, or what gave you the most room to grow?

I’ve always felt like I failed at two things: love, and becoming good at things.

Comparison has always stopped me from trying. If I wasn’t naturally good at something or didn’t get external validation quickly, I’d quit. I abandoned hobbies, interests and opportunities because I couldn’t tolerate being a beginner.

I’m currently going through no contact with someone I cared about deeply. As painful as it’s been, it pushed me to finally start doing things for myself.

This summer I signed up for four-day intensive courses in theater, sculpture and oil painting.
Theater surprised me. I absolutely loved it. My teacher told me I had talent, but more importantly it made me feel connected to my body and to the present. It let me express emotions creatively instead of just thinking about them. I left every class feeling more alive.

The problem is that theater is a huge commitment: every Saturday from October until June, ending with a play. I know I’d feel incredibly fulfilled working towards that and seeing my friends come watch something I’d spent months creating.

Sculpture and oil painting are different. I can do both together because they’re more flexible. I’m not particularly good at either one, but for the first time I’m okay with learning slowly. I even had this thought that if I stick with them, maybe when I turn 30 I could have a small exhibition of my work as a birthday gift to myself and invite my friends.

More than becoming “good,” I think what I’m really looking for is a creative outlet. I have very big emotions and I think creating things is a healthier place for them to go than putting all that energy into romantic relationships.

I don’t know what to choose. Theater fulfills me in one way. Art fulfills me in another.

But for the first time in my life, I think I’m trying to build a life that feels meaningful even when I’m single. A life where I feel fulfilled, where I have purpose, and where I’m genuinely excited about who I’m becoming.

Has anyone else reached this point after heartbreak? How did you decide what was worth committing to?

We had a very intense 6-week connection. At first he was incredibly consistent, affectionate and intentional. Then, over the last two weeks, he started cancelling plans, replying much less, saying he was “feeling sad” but he stopped opening up to me.

I eventually told him I felt like we were forcing communication and that it would be better to stop talking until after the summer. He replied saying he’d be sad to lose contact, respected my decision, said he thought about me and suggested maybe reconnecting after summer.

It’s now been 2 weeks of complete no contact and he hasn’t reached out once.

I have the urge to text him, but I’m trying not to. Part of me wonders if he’ll ever reach out, and another part thinks I was just a rebound after his breakup and that maybe he never really cared as much as I thought.

Am I being naive expecting him to reach out at some point?

I (26F) met this guy (28M) through mutual friends. He had gotten out of a 3-year relationship about 8 months earlier. They had lived together, and I knew the breakup had hit him pretty hard.

not sure if I posted this already... it's my only way to talk about this and I miss him so much. Im in pain.

We kissed at a party and after that everything escalated incredibly fast.
He texted me constantly, wanted to see me all the time, planned dates, came to see me for five minutes if we happened to be nearby, made me food for work, checked on me if I was having a bad day, held my hand everywhere, wanted to spend entire weekends together… one night I got really drunk and he told me to come to his place so he could take care of me. He literally showered me, put me to bed and just looked after me. We didn’t even have sex that night.
It honestly felt like I was dating someone who genuinely wanted to build something.
The only thing that bothered me was how intense it was.
Even back then I remember thinking, “this feels like too much, too soon.” My nervous system wasn’t calm. But I ignored it because… honestly? I’ve never really had someone be that excited about me before. I wanted to believe it.
After about six weeks he went away for a weekend with his university friends.
When he came back… he was different.
Suddenly he was cancelling plans, replying less, stopped making an effort, stopped including me in his life, stopped initiating, stopped being affectionate.
I asked him if something had changed.
He basically told me he couldn’t deal with feeling criticised because that’s what his last relationship was like, and asked me to bring things up in a “sweet” way. We talked it through, apologized to each other, and everything seemed okay.
Except… nothing actually changed.
He stayed distant.
Cancelled plans again.
I got to a point where I thought, "I’m not going to ask twice whether everything is okay.”
So I told him I didn’t want to force communication anymore because it no longer felt natural.
He replied kindly, respected my decision, apologized for being absent and said maybe we could talk again after summer.
That was the end.
Then I found out a lot of things afterwards.
He ended up going to a festival he had repeatedly told me he wasn’t going to attend. Apparently his ex (who organizes or is heavily involved with that festival) had asked him for months not to go because it was really painful for her. He told her he wouldn’t… and then showed up anyway.
I also found out, through mutual friends, that he had cheated on her during their relationship, never told her, and that the woman he cheated with later contacted his ex to tell her she had gonorrhea because he never warned her.
Learning all of that completely changed how I saw him.
Part of me now thinks I was just another person who filled the gap while he was lonely.
But another part of me struggles because… while we were together, he genuinely made me feel cared for. It didn’t feel fake in the moment.
So I guess my question is…
Was I just naive?
Do people genuinely feel that intensely at the beginning and then suddenly lose interest?
Or does this sound like someone who was looking for comfort after a breakup until he no longer needed it?

TL;DR
Met a guy 8 months after his 3-year relationship ended. For six weeks he treated me like I was already his girlfriend... constant effort, dates, affection, taking care of me, making me feel incredibly wanted. Then he suddenly became distant, cancelled plans and stopped trying. I ended things because it felt forced. Afterwards I found out he had cheated on his ex, hid an STD from her, and lied about attending a festival she’d begged him not to go to. Now I’m wondering if I was genuinely liked and he simply lost interest… or if I was just filling the emotional gap after his breakup.