u/theythemthen

Notes about me:

* I am 40+years old

* I have vulvar anatomy

* I am pansexual

* I don’t know if I would label myself as polyamorous, but I’m not particularly attached to monogamy, and I’m certainly open to ENM relationships.

* I’m stuck in a Grindr loop. I want to get out of it, but that seems to be where I find “quick” connections

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With that background, where would you recommend I go for romantic connections?

I flaired this as single female discussion, although that makes me uncomfortable. But I think that’s the best flair.

I am someone assigned female at birth. This means I have a vagina and breasts (At least as of this post, I do eventually want top surgery).

I am very sexual and I thoroughly enjoy engaging with the lifestyle when I can. But I do struggle as a transgender person (for educational purposes: nonbinary falls under the transgender umbrella because a nonbinary person does not identify with their sex assigned at birth). Also for educational purposes: “cishet” means cisgender and heterosexual.

I am actively and regularly looking for play partners, and so I seek different communities to meet my needs.

I rarely play with swingers. And I’m wondering if swingers when seeking a single play partner are only interested in vuvlar anatomy that belongs to a cisgender woman. What I mean is that I wonder if swingers are primarily heteronormative.

Are swingers interested in playing with someone with vulvar anatomy that is transgender/nonbinary?

So I’m a person that has a vagina, and likes to use my vagina, but I also take testosterone as gender affirming healthcare. This means I have started to grow facial hair. I also do not conform with “feminine” grooming standards, so I don’t shave my armpits, legs, or vulvar region. (Honestly I wish more cishet women did this too, but that is another topic for another sub).

I find that I am a willing, able, open and slutty unicorn, but swingers are too heteronormative to be interested in me. So I’m seeking advice. I am located in a major metropolitan area (near/in Los Angeles County, and I can find play partners, but I never find cishet couples to play with.)

Should I just stop looking for cishet couples to play with? Should I just stick to the communities where I have had the most success (typically bisexual men and gay men on Grindr… but other communities are welcoming to me)?

Please be kind. I’m not trying to debate the validity of my identity with anyone. Instead I’m trying to figure out if THIS community is a community where I should spend my energy on.

I will say that what I need when I have sex is: (1) not to be feminized (don’t call me feminine pet names); (2) I love queer relationships, so if both the woman and man are interested in me it feels very queer for me. In my mind, I’m having a gay experience with the guy and a lesbian experience with the woman; it totally fulfills my nonbinary slutty desires. (3) and that’s its! I really just need to be acknowledged as a person that is not quite female and not quite male… and then I want all the slutty fun. But I have not had luck so far.

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Again, any advice that is not bigotry is welcomed.

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Edit: to be clear I am absolutely okay with one time encounters. I have zero issues with a single encounter. I am not seeking an on-going relationship. That is too much for my desires. Where I struggle is with advocacy for my sexual needs (primarily: no feminine pet names). But otherwise, a one time encounter is totally fine.

I’ve been a car dweller since 2023. I started in a 2013 Mazda 5 and am now in a 2017 Chrysler Pacifica Hybrid.

I want more stability but I cannot wrap my head around being in a building again. So I wonder if my next move (which may be a year from now when thinking about timeframe) is to move into an RV or more “fancy” van.

Has anyone done this? What are your thoughts. I’m not very mechanical. I majored in History for example! Haha!

So to be clear, I’m early days in thinking about this. I’m trying to get a handle one how people have done this and what difficulties they have run into.

Yes, I have already googled things, but I don’t know what I don’t know, ya know?

Having a patient that requires more privacy should not result in that patient receiving different care, delayed care, and a misuse of resources.

I am a patient that has set up break the glass on my account. My reason is that I am a patient and I am transgender and I struggle with psychological issues and addiction issues. I am not ashamed of being transgender and I’m not ashamed of my other issues but I want to minimize the risk of my medical record being viewed by inappropriate people.

I have run into continuous problems since setting up the privacy screening on my account.

(1) many staff have never encountered the break the glass pop-up. I often am instructing them on what to do when they encounter the break the glass pop-up.

(2) At my hospital, it is a small community and we are piggy-backing off the epic license of a larger hospital system. This means the login for our local hospital networks is different from the login for epic. So I often have to instruct the staff member that they need to use their Epic password, not their hospital password.

It is common for them to receive a “too many attempts” type notice. Because they try the hospital password and not the epic password.

I have also been told “there is no password” because the staff member thinks that there must be a “global” password.

(3) because the staff member that I encounter cannot open my chart, they then work with their supervisor for a “work around” to give me help. I recognize that this is them trying to help me, but this results in me getting help that is outside of the standard of care or hospital protocol/policies. I do not want to be treated differently because I want privacy.

(4) this has also resulted in a delay in care. Because what usually happens is that the supervisor will say that they will reach out to my provider for clarification.

Most of the time, if they can simply open my chart, they will have access to enough information to address my concern. But because they are so inept at accessing my chart, they decide to reach out to my provider. This delays my care. (And usually it is not urgent, but it is a delay nonetheless).

(5) this then results in a misuse of resources. Because the provider (the MD/DO/APP) is having to respond to simple issues, the hospital is now wasting the provider’s time. I have experience in a quality department of a hospital, so I know hospitals actively track the use of their providers time. So responding to a question because the clinic staff cannot see the patient’s full chart is not a reasonable use of the provider’s time.

I’m just so frustrated that my desire for privacy is fumbled so much by my healthcare organization.

I needed to vent.

I will work on this…. But I just needed to vent.

Any recommendations will be taken 🙏🏼🙏🏼

My partner and I have an amazing relationship. We love each other dearly. We love to fall asleep cuddling. Even though he is 6’4” and I am 5’5” we regularly alternate who is the little spoon. But it is more accurate to describe me as a backpack when he is the small spoon. 🤪

He snores, so on nights when he is the big spoon, I often struggle with the decision to stay cozy in his arms or roll away (which usually happens at some point during the night).

I like to snuggle and hate his snoring (it’s not sleep apnea, just plain ol snoring), AND sometimes I’m gassy. So on nights when I’m experiencing the trifecta, I’ll just fart. I try to be discreet and let it out slowly. But I still do it. To be clear, it’s not gross farts. It’s just little toots. If ever I felt I big one coming then I would roll away and go to the bathroom.

I’ve never told him that I do this. If he’s awake and I need to fart then I will roll away or go to the bathroom. We each have no problem farting in front of each other generally.

I only do it when he’s actively snoring in my ear. I don’t do this maliciously, but I like cuddling, and he’s asleep so I argue that it’s a victimless crime.

But I needed to get this off my chest.

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UPDATE/EDIT (13-May-2026 @ 21:30): I showed my partner this post, and he told me he loved me more! He said that he speculates that my farts are revenge for his snoring. I told him that I don’t think it’s direct revenge, but I definitely justified my actions because of his snoring. So if revenge = justification then I guess I’m guilty 🤪

I’m happy I could clear my conscious and find myself closer to my partner as a result.

What prompted this question was someone in another post (and maybe another sub, I can’t remember), where in the comments people mentioned movies that have aged well. Many people commented or upvoted comments about Terminator 2. I just rewatched it, definitely enjoyed that experience. A trip down memory lane.

Anyway, now I wonder what is the oldest movie that uses special effects that have aged well. They don’t have to be perfect. The example I shared certainly was not perfect, but I would love to find more movies like it. And again, specifically, I want to know the oldest movies that have special effects that have aged well.

Thanks in advance ☺️

[edit: I apologize for being vague. This definitely is subjective! So even as I think of this, I struggle to objectively narrow what I meant by my original question. I will try to add this (but I recognize that it is still subjective): when I say that the special effects still hold up well, I mean that the special effects looked realistic when the film came out and even today the special effects looks reasonably realistic.]

My idea for the post and comments would be to avoid paragraphs of stories about why the items are useful or how difficult it was to find the right item.

Maybe the format could be something like

**MUST HAVE ITEM IN BOLDED ALL-CAPS** (*your type of vehicle in italics in parentheses*) - seasonal/weather indicators to show when the item is most useful as relavent via emojis ❄️🌸☀️🍁 - finally one sentence (ten words or less) description for why it’s useful.

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I’m hoping the post could be a useful and ever-growing guide for our community. But I really hope the post can be pinned to the top for easy reference.

What do y’all think?

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**to bold text:** surround text (first word and last word) with two asterisks [ ** text ** ] 👈🏼 but with no spaces between the text and the asterisk.

*to italicize text:* surround text (first word and last word) with one asterisk [ * text * ] 👈🏼 but with no spaces between the text and the asterisk.

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For some reason formatting is not working for me, at least it doesn’t appear to be working for me, but I still like a recommended formatting guide for the post.