u/unleashtheraven1

I remember when it started for me, it was because of trolling some forum as a young adult. I also remember in the beginning I thought it was a sort of doxing, or one of those 764 criminal coercion/blackmail rings with hidden cameras. And of course in my fit of disgust and rage I retaliated with vitriol or just ignored it and taunted them by ignoring them. I continued my writing, which they told me lmao was a "terrorist activity" how much of a terrorist i "was"

Still 13 years later and i still haven't killed anybody, tortured anybody, launched a coup, or ripped anybody off with a con (cept maybe by relying on my family way too much)

I don't understand how I'm still here expected to believe these people are real when they have no warrant, no criminal file on me, no court order to investigate me, NOTHING to even blackmail me with.

I am once again standing here wondering hth a woman like me is deemed a terrorist. Because I'm childfree? I don't want to get married? The worst thing they have on me is that yeah I will talk about rad-feminism and not wanting children. Also I'm occasionally into anime, and anime BL smut. But really i don't watch porn or hentai if i do its in my mind

I'm trying to go over every detail to ask. If my retaliation to the stalking in the beginning incriminated me, how the hell am i supposed to believe its anything more than some criminal conspiracy? To watch women naked and torture them?

How is it they have the gaul to call you a terrorist or lucifer or whatever and actually take themselves seriously?

The worst thing about my writing is that its really effective, laser-focused subconscious work i used to get rid of cptsd. But these people will go ON AND ON about how I'm "opening a portal to hell" and "I can't be trusted because im evil incarnate" for being furious at the psychopaths violating me everyday.

All of this is so insane. I just cant. I try to make sense of it and i just feel like I'm in a nightmare comedy run by idiots.

Seriously HOW were we supposed to understand something so criminally disigned was run by the government? That these were the cops?? These? THESE DEGENERATE PEOPLE are the cops now? Like I wouldn't have believed it prior to 2013. That our law enforcement was this sick and degenerate.

Were you also suprised by some assertion from these lunatics that you shouldn't have "incriminated" yourseslf?

Did anyone else here got told such an incredulous thing?

I had experiences that destroyed my ability to trust. Especially with men. I really don't know how to lean on people for anything. (Accept for people I already know, who don't listen or take anything you say seriously, which continues this cycle.) But I don't feel like its worth it because my CPTSD/depression will overwhelm people. People will always chide you to stop doing it but I've no idea what they expect? I always keep people at arms length or avoid them altogether. I feel like there is this massive gulf keeping me far away and i dont know how to bridge it and it seems futile anyway.

Unfortunately I lost my old hard drive and all those books, so here i am again. I believe one was called something like "Battlefield for the Mind" or something similar. There was extremely rigorous documentation of the engineering involved in these directed energy weapons technologies. It was so so so rigorous.

There was also a second one. "Soul Catcher?

If you know of any other books as good as these could you let me know? Thank you.

I often get gangstalkers chiding me about my "problematic" sexuality as a woman and i dont even know how to to effing respond? How am i supposed to respond to these absolute pigs that surveil you, and then blame you for doing something "out in the open" like you're willingly putting your private life out there.

Like i didnt fucking invite anybody to surveil my private life! But the human trash tries to compare me to all these evils... I'm so sick of these degenerate freaks who keep excusing themselves for their sick behavior and trying to pin it back on their victims

And I'm talking about seemingly NORMAL average people, who show up and chide you for sick observations, and knowing WAY too much about you in the creepiest fucking way.

I don't know what to deal wit this.

... besides live my life because i assume all of this surveilance stuff/ privacy invasion stuff has got to be staged/fake most of the time. There is no way anybody can see inside my mind. There is so much that is OFF about the program, what with the way its completely hidden, and nobody can come out in the open and talk about it.

There are so many smokes and mirrors and so many god damn lies concealing this. These people have to stay hidden so i know they can't actualy expose what they do to me, or who they are. Half the time i have a very hard time believing any of this is true.

So what do you recommend i do ? Has anybody found a solution to living this way?

I just wanted to let this community know we've creatd an alternative to r/TwoXChromosomes , its called r/TrueTwoX -- This has been in the works since automod became a thing,(and of course because the original 2X became overrun by/ primarily modded by men and trans-activists) (All the feminist and women's subs are now, its a complete shitshow out there)

I got totally sick of all my benign rule abiding posts getting deleted if they were about rape, or violence or something serious. And this is coming from someone who never even discusses trans issues usually. I would totally avoid the topic. They still got deleted because they were too dark!

Be advised hate is not allowed in the sub, but its a place where you we believe you should be allowed civil discourse about anything.

Please come visit us. Thanks

- r/TrueTwoX

What do you think if of these individuals who refuse to vote or even vote MAGA because they have something to nitpick? ESPECIALLY in my state of texas, where women are dying of childbirth regularly, get imprisoned, convincted for having abortions. Even if it means saving their lives.

But it goes way beyond that. I see it up close and personal in my state. Christofascists destroying every part of our country they can, throwing millions off food stamps, off healthcare, raising inflation, defunding every miniscule thing they can while prioritizing war and billionaires........ do you also think its bordering on diabolical? Does it expose some kinda backwards failure to prioritize or some kind of sick agenda ???

Here the DOJ and and supreme court are possibly fixing to eradicate abortion for the whole country by making mifeprostine inaccessbile through the FDA.... How can you call anyone who refuses to vote in these midterms an ALLY? Is this not the most disgusting thing you've ever heard of?

I have been doing shadow work on this for ages. But I feel like I've dug up everything I can from my subconcious. Half of the things I'm about to tell you I wasn't fully conscious of for a long time.. My whole life feels like a fog because i've been gaslit a ton, almost to the point of erasure.

Did any of the women here grow up isolated for whatever reason, and then become really radicalized...detached and with dark sense of humor because they were pinkwashed/neglected in extremes?

Like did any women here experience humorless parents, who pinkwashed them to the point they hated femininity ? If you never grew up knowing healthy sensitive people, only reactive/ joyless sensitive people, who expect you to do mountains of emotional labor to tolerate their awful behavior...how do you learn to stop hating sensitivity ? I have worked on my shadow for a long time, and started picking up on how i was radicalized, but it never felt this clear. My humor/thought patterns can sometimes come off insensitive, even callous as a result of my experiences. I'm not talking personal jokes or slights, just observations about the world, and stupid bs. I really enjoy having a dark sense of humor. I deeply enjoy laughing at things unapologetically and checking out completely from expectations

While i vibe and get along great with a lot of women, I've always noticed this other half will play /triangulate with mental games, and I can't tell who's going to be who. So Idk i feel like socializing will be a minefield. And checkout more than anything.. How do i stop feeling this way? ( I get along with men fine, but men aren't as great as those women i can vibe with. )

How do you adjust your personality to have nuance beyond this?? I don't know how to walk a finer line than that? I know its not THAT bad but....well is it? I cant tell, I can't tell how all of what im describing influences how i communicate, if its the wrong color, the wrong energy. Everything is always about miniscule vibes, and i have a huge resistance to thought/vibe policing it either makes me dial up my apathy and/or checkout

In my defense tho I badly need my detachment and humor because everything on earth makes me fucking depressed. If you have suggestions thanks

Suddenly i am getting tons of suggestions in my home feed, and i can't find the old option to turn these off. Have i lost my mind?

I just found it, what let down

I made a new Twox sub, r/TrueTwoX -- Because obviously I did, because we obviously fucking need one.

I'm willing to hear people's ideas. I really want this to be a collective efforts made sub. The one that exists now is heinous and insulting. They're practically begging for us to hurl a class action lawsuit at reddit for the levels of censorship and discimination in there.

Also asking people to come try and post in it a few times a week to get momentum /try to promote it, if possible, as I do. We are all sickened by the quality of the women's subs on reddit led by men. We have to do something to create our own space, as a collective. I'm asking for that here.

I'm going to try posting similar threads all over so it gets traction. Though I'm really not sure where to do this without breaking the rules. A lot of threads don't allow promotion of other subs. Does anybody have ideas?

I genuinely don't know where to post about it. I never know how to get rid of it. After my experiences in life i just have deep disgust towards society and i can never believe most of the illusion we are sold. It all looks bleak, ignorant and unreal to me. I do not feel like i relate to anybody after my experiences. I don't know where to post about it.

All my life I have found the films that play in my head better than anything men give us on TV. Movies that aren't even always about love, better than interacting with men. And its not like in my head its all perfection, I just see mutually beneficial relationships and equality in there, where we aren't treated like shit and we consider the entire scope of our conciousness. (There is no way to have a good film in your head without darkness though, So I know for a fact, I do not entertain "unrealistic" expectations) I just see things the female gaze, and things men would never allow in the media as it is now. And yeah obviously there are aspects love in there as well. But I hate to call anything I seriously consider writing down and putting into work "romance". Before I move on I just want to clarify that. If romance is involved its not something I'm taking seriously.

I think men and a ton of male centered women dump on what they percieve as "fantasy" because they're terrified of the human mind, in the hands of a woman. It goes so beyond fantasy, in fact I fucking hate that word because it trivilizes human conciousness and what you have the potential to make out of it. Men do not want to hear about what women visualize them to be like, their philosophy, their takes on life, their priorities in the female gaze. They take immense offense to it because they assume they're the ones should be in control what we like. Of cinema. Of what is allowed to be imagined, or thought into existence..

I don't think men have any greater enemy than a woman's imagination and propensity for introspection.

So this is why I make this thread.

I visualize a lot because its theraputic for me. For me its a spiritual experience. A ton of my visualizations become full on visions full of syncronicity and revelation. Often I am deep inside the "the projector" , before i realize I'm getting syncronicity, or important information. Its always something your subconcious cooks up, but the other half of the time you don't understand where the hell it comes from. More than anything else though, its always been way to explore and process darkness without actually experiencing darkness. (Having cptsd this is extremely beneficial to me)

When women cut off the visual aspect of their mind, the female gaze, the flow of visualization, storytelling they lock themselves out of so much introspection, ways to process darkness, and nuance. I swear to god all movies ever started as, were "theraputic visions" some artists had on a whim and never forgot

Men and society will shit all over this when it applies to women, and women's creativity, and call it "fantasy" and I think its locking women out of something huge, larger than ourselves, which men absolutely INDULGE IN at our expense and at a HUGE cost to us (See porn, their philosophy, their cheap priorites). So I apologize for having to use the word "fantasy" and trivialzing your whole experience, by insinuating you should use it for something so cheap. Or in place of men, like you're desperate to feel something. I do not think thats what its about. But my god is it so much better than 80% of your experiences dating men and it delivers such a rich satisfying spiritual engine for introspection if you take it seriously and stop calling it "fantasy".

But its honestly true, visualization started off when i was a preteen watching movies in my head or visualizing to music. But all of us have to get past the dirty word "Fantasy" and stop killing the most amazing part of ourselves I swear to god. It does you no good to go through the motions in life only and kill this side of you because "society looks down on it"; for having an rich inner life that takes you far beyond the male gaze.

edit: Realized I foolishly left out the most important thing. I guess I kinda assumed this was obvious but now I suppose its not.

Once you get to a point with visualization where it is fluid and it can completely transport you, you start to realize the universe is love. You become unhooked from your flesh and your need to seek out relationships/romance because that stuff is everywhere. Its what the universe is made of and the universe is in your mind. I swear to god if there is a way to detach from that need for relationships, this is how. The earth is not meant to be a trap, you're not supposed to feel trapped by love/men. Its supposed to be experienced in its highest form, without inequality or abuse. The universe is already made of that. On our planet love is currently heavily manipulated and its often used against us.

How do we talk about this? How do we start taking it seriously and make it a hue part of our lives?

I wish I could write about this somehow, and send this message to women en masse and I'm not sure how.

I do not know how not to be enraged at all the things I've experienced at the hands of men. I do NOT know how to forgive them or get over the way they've emotionally destroyed me and given me CPTSD. I have never relied on one emotionally for obvious reasons.

But lets be clear: I do not aim to take men's rights away, I do not aim to make them househusbands or take away their access to income, property, or bank accounts.

So I donno how this can be treated as bigotry. I just genuinely do not know how to stop feeling disgust because most men I've known could not ever be emotinoally invested in.

I've never emotionally invested in a man in my whole life, and I likely never will. Only women. I have CPTSD from my experiences with men, and people talk of "relational healing"

I dont understand how I'm supposed to do "relational healing" with a man, when they are callous, hateful to you before they know you, sexualize you, or seem to be trying to intimidate you out of having a voice.

I'm not here to hate decent men I just genuinely don't understand what I'm supposed to do. How do I start doing "relational healing" when it feels like I live inthe swamp?

I just wanted to make it known, that there's an alternative r/true4bmovement in case you ever have trouble making posts or getting them approved by mods in r/4bmovement .

From what I've experienced, even rule abiding posts just sit in limbo awaiting mod approval.. And most of the posts which are allowed are male-focused or sound like 2x posts.

I spoke with one of the old mods there and its been revealed the original creator disapeared, the one left in charge forced decent mods to step down and leave.

Did anybody else here get gaslit to the extent their whole personality became dominated by an EXTREME need to reclaim/prove themselves and nothing else? Because they lived with this perpetual feeling of being a bottomless hole? Is this just normal for women?

Does this have something to do with your primal wound or having your existence gaslit as achild? I remember feeling extremely uneasy how empty everything is, a girl at 7 years old, 11 years old and not knowing what this feeling was. But growing into it you start to understand it and you never question it. Is it wrong? And the same way about people in general. Like nothing ever seems safe, and it is dangerous to try to reach out to people or get close to them. Do you think its generally true in most cases? Why does it always seem like this is the running theme in my life how did i get here and how do i break the cycle?

Was stalked for a really long time, ontop of sexual abuse/ assault and I hate them. I know way too much i think way too much about why i hate men looking at me. I literally gained weight during the stalking and loved it. I'm sick of nobody understanding or believing that i do NOT want men looking at me. I'm not sure how to live in a world that treats you like shit for intentionaly trying to make men ignore you either.