I want the level of seriousness people brought to company car admin to be brought to RUNNING OUR TOWN
Why
Why doesn't the world make sense
I think I just can't cope with being sober
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I think I want to "reset" my brain, but it's more like I want to rewind my life... But I can't think of a time that I would want to start again from - it's like I've felt broken from Day 1, and discovering drugs and alcohol was the way out of a body and a mind that I never wanted to be in
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So, yeah, I'm not a stoner anymore, but I'm still me, and I don't know if that's any better
Got a new job that I like, I'm often the sole employee on site, responsible for the building security and first aid for members of the public in the building, I might also occasionally need to drive the company van for odd jobs
So I stopped smoking weed, because I thought that would make me a responsible grown up
But I'm just despondent af
I do stuff, but I feel like I have to drag myself into doing it, whereas weed helped me enjoy doing things
I know that's not ideal, and I'm only a month and a half off bud, so maybe that will go away, but I kinda doubt it, I never really liked doing anything even in childhood, weed made me enjoy cleaning, learning, reading
Now I just stay up late, doom-scroll, finally fall asleep, wake up, stay in bed and doom-scroll, eventually dragging myself up to do the life tasks I found myself enjoying while high
So, do I go back to smoking? Can I be as responsible as I need to be for this job, and happy?
I'm very much teaching myself everything from a standing start of knowing practically nothing
We have an ETC Ion XE, the previous techie created a bunch of lighting states saved as cues, labelled for the different dance classes and comedy nights and stuff we have on through the month, all pretty straightforward but when something goes wrong or someone hires the hall I don't really *know* what's going on
Is it a wise idea to start from scratch and patch everything in myself? Really just as an education exercise? Could I break everything? Can I save the pre-existing patch so that even if I completely mess up I can bring back everything that has already been set up?
Sure, sometimes you catch a movie, at a pivotal, impressionable point in your life, on a 13 inch TV with static fuzz at 3am on TBS, half cut to hell, with commercials every 15 minutes, and it's still the best film you've ever seen
But mostly, films need help, you need to be in a dark room, immersed, with all the settings just right
It's like how I think there's a certain way to be introduced to a song for the first time so that you love it forever
Sometimes these moments don't need to be the technical presentation of the media, and some things won't hit you no matter how HD it is, but I think you got to give things the best chance of being their best version
It's like, I have to do something bad to myself and crash out in some way or I feel like it's not the end of the day
Ugh
Maybe I'll start taking care of myself one day
Everything has to have a home but also the dishes can pile up until I have the energy to do them
I basically wait for energy and inspiration to magically find me, and the work I do at that time sustains my life for the next week/month while I drag myself around, thanking Past Me for buying food and forcing some good habits that mean I don't actively grow mould
And I don't know if another human could live with that, and also I don't want to live with any human that's like that, unless they were really funny
The most capable people often tend to chase the almighty dollar in jobs that pretty much do nothing for no one, just churning figures around on spreadsheets
While the field of local government, something that *could* be hugely effective in many people's lives, is largely populated by monkeys who are only there because they've been there so long
Are they both basically visualisers?
Why would I use one instead of the other?
So much of our food is shipped halfway around the world before we eat it - is it any good for us by the time it gets to us? Would we be healthier eating whatever we can produce locally, even if that means we just stop having some things?
Most people, when they stop drinking, get bored and restless and do something else instead of drinking, like exercise, and they end up feeling really good
But I used to have a few pints and then do 100 press ups
I used to smoke weed and read a book
Like, the drugs motivated me to do things
Without booze and weed I will commit hard to doing absolutely fuck all
I am and have always been fundamentally lazy
It doesn't make me feel good, but I don't want to do anything, I have no impetus, no drive, no ambition to do anything, I need some external motivator to get me to do anything, I need to get close to the edge of crashing my life to have something to bounce back from, because my natural state is just to lay down for as long as humanly possible
That's a sad fact to accept, and I think that's why so many old men look so miserable
Because they've realised that they are the problem
I've hidden behind drugs and alcohol to give me an excuse to be the worst version of myself
But even when I'm sober, those thoughts are still there - once you think something you can't unthink it, you can reasonably argue against it, but you cannot escape the fact that your mind came up with that thought
There are so many incredible people in the world, and I am really good at faking like I'm one of them, and lots of people think I'm a great guy, but eventually it takes too much effort to fake and I just want to be the worst person, because being your worst self is easier, isn't it? Do good people find it easy to be good?
Hi,
I'm very new to lighting, having programmed some small theatre shows, and now have somehow stumbled into lighting small venue live band gigs
And my question is very much about the underlying idea of gig lighting
Because with theatre lighting so much of our concern was with NOT blinding the audience, and it seems like gig lighting is half the time TRYING to blind the audience 🤣
With theatre, the actors WANT to be blinded because that's how they know they're in their light, but with gigs it seems like the musicians would be quite annoyed by being blinded all the time
Having started to watch gigs from a lighting perspective, the musicians seem to be heavily backlit, is it important to spot them or will a general wash be ok, and maintain that backlight as a priority
Do musicians mind having movers spinning around and occasionally hitting them during a song?
When I'm busking and I'm bumping stuff, if I'm a little out of time occasionally, how annoying is that for the rhythm guys?
There are a lot of PROGRAMMING videos on YouTube for busking, but I'm looking for the underlying fundamentals of what makes a good gig in terms of lighting
We don't have a Monitor B (as far as I'm aware) - clicking that has just made me lose all functionality on Monitor A, the mouse cursor has disappeared and none of the buttons on the control panel seem to be doing anything
I do enjoy other things I guess, but they all take some effort and you have to keep at them
The one thing I have always enjoyed, since I can remember from being a very young child, and throughout every stage of my life, has been lying in a warm bed and just not really doing anything
And everything else I've ever done, in terms of making money or whatever, has been to facilitate lying down as much as possible
(Before we get any "anyone who wants to spy on me ain't worth being with" overreactions... This is all voluntary, for fun, to bring you closer, etc)
Do you scroll tiktok/Reddit together? Do you hide your phone screen from your partner? Would you let them "experience your algorithm?" Check out your post history? Do they know your password?
That kinda thing. Discuss.
If I text you some joke and you go "it's the 7th anniversary of my dad dying" I don't know what to feel about that - I feel bad because apparently I'm supposed to, but, have you reserved today to only feel sad?
I'm sorry that I didn't know it was the anniversary of your loved one dying
Quite a few loved ones have died
I don't know why, but reserving a day to be sad 365*n days from the event seems weirdly like calculated emotion
A memory of someone, whether dead or gone, will occur to me at any moment on any day, and I will feel happy or sad for a bit, and then I carry on with my life. Memories are constantly popping up, I can't stop them, quite often they make me feel very sad. I'm not going to reserve a day to force myself into those feels. And it's weird that I'm supposed to give everyone else their reserved sad day. Because, like I said, loads of loved ones have died.
There aren't enough schools/hospitals, all the staff are over-worked, the roads and public transport are rammed, we don't seem to be able to feed and house all the people on earth
And yet apparently due to people, understandably, not having as many children, we're not going to have enough people soon?!?!
I just heard the phrase "crisis in the Middle East" and I realised that, as someone approaching 40, I've been hearing that phrase since I started paying attention to the news, and I think we had some pretty major crises in the Middle East in the 1970s and early 80s
Same with the "housing crisis" - I've been hearing that phrase for 3 decades now - can the same crisis really go on for that long? Isn't the idea of a "crisis" that it reaches some kind of breaking point? Is what we're actually dealing with in fact just "the way things are"?
It just seems so petty