u/xrvzla

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I'm having trouble forgiving myself for some horrible things I did years ago. I don't want to discuss those. Point is, I got sober, made amends, read books to learn how to prevent it from happening again, went to therapy, they've forgiven me, and now I just have myself in an emotional prison of guilt. It's detrimental because I have no savings, can't get out of bed, etc.

I have been in therapy for years due to this guilt. It hasn't gone away. While the things I did were serious, the guilt also predated those things by a long time, too. I have struggled with guilt for most of my life.

My therapist suggested I say affirmations daily, and said they help her and all her clients. I have a hard time believing that this small act will alleviate the guilt. I am afraid she is saying these things without understanding my situation fully, or something. She also said I was highly functional as opposed to her other client who has a drinking problem and childhood trauma. I used to have a bad drinking problem and have childhood trauma, so am again afraid she doesn't understand my history enough to prescribe this.

Are affirmations really evidence-based? Can they really alleviate severe, longstanding guilt when amends, self-sacrifice, and permanent change aren't enough?

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If a client breaks their arm in half during a sports/hobby accident, requires surgery, suffers a temporary nerve injury causing excruciating uncontrolled nerve pain and leaving their fingers and hand paralyzed for a month, and suffers other complications like partial shoulder dislocation etc. BUT was calm during the incident/felt no pain and never feared for their lives ... how likely is this to meet criterion A? And as an aside, how likely is an accident like this to cause other trauma-related personality/thought changes aside from PTSD?

If a client breaks their arm in half during a sports/hobby accident, requires surgery, suffers a temporary nerve injury causing excruciating uncontrolled nerve pain and leaving their fingers and hand paralyzed for a month, and suffers other complications like partial shoulder dislocation etc. BUT was calm during the incident/felt no pain and never feared for their lives ... how likely is this to meet criterion A? And as an aside, how likely is an accident like this to cause other trauma-related personality/thought changes aside from PTSD?

I don't remember how I learned to play in tune and as an adult I certainly don't practice with a tuner ... at most with a drone when playing scales. But I saw a beginner on here whose intonation was superb and they mentioned they practiced with a tuner (like where the tuner tells you whether you're sharp or flat).

Some of my intermediate students struggle with intonation and while I teach them to listen for ringing in intervals, match open strings, etc. it is obviously nonintuitive for them, and a tuner would probably accelerate things, but as someone who never learned this way it seems like a crutch. What do other teachers on here think of this method?

I have an intermediate student starting next week and I have only taught beginners thus far. He seems behind what I'd been doing when I started Kreutzer and Flesch but on the other hand, I don't see the harm in Kreutzer 1 or 2/some Flesch G major or A minor for him. Thoughts?

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I was with my previous therapist for 2 years and she helped me so much. I was physically violent on multiple occasions toward my lesbian wife and her dad (as she was towards me) but started going to AA, stopped drinking, changed, etc. and my married family has forgiven me. I'm not downplaying what I did but I've really done everything I could to make it up. Lately a lot of guilt and self-hatred has come up years after the fact, and since my insurance changed I sought a new therapist.

Every single session we have the same conversation it seems. She has told me that I'm right to feel guilty, that my married family likely fears me and resents me for it, that I need to forgive myself but she'd even say the same thing to Hitler, etc.

Every single session, I'm so dysfunctionally depressed afterwards. She is basically confirming my fears that I'm a domestic abuser who deserves to die for what I did. Yesterday I had a session that made me feel so terrible that I was physically ill afterwards. Today she scheduled another session and it did not help at all. I can't help but think if a professional feels this way that maybe I'm right in torturing myself like this. It feels like a life sentence.

She seems to think I am justified in this degree of self-hatred and that the only reason I should forgive myself is because while the guilt is justified, it is not logically helpful.

I don't know what to do. This is someone with years of experience who is also a relationship coach. If she is making me worse then I'm the problem.

What should I do?

I was with my previous therapist for 2 years and she helped me so much. I was physically violent on multiple occasions toward my lesbian wife and her dad (as she was towards me) but started going to AA, stopped drinking, changed, etc. and my married family has forgiven me. I'm not downplaying what I did but I've really done everything I could to make it up. Lately a lot of guilt and self-hatred has come up years after the fact, and since my insurance changed I sought a new therapist.

Every single session we have the same conversation it seems. She has told me that I'm right to feel guilty, that my married family likely fears me and resents me for it, that I need to forgive myself but she'd even say the same thing to Hitler, etc.

Every single session, I'm so suicidally depressed afterwards. She is basically confirming my fears that I'm a domestic abuser who deserves to die for what I did. Yesterday I had a session that made me feel so terrible that I was physically ill afterwards. Today she scheduled another session and it did not help at all. I can't help but think if a professional feels this way that maybe I'm right in torturing myself like this. It feels like a life sentence.

She seems to think I am justified in this degree of self-hatred and that the only reason I should forgive myself is because while the guilt is justified, it is not logically helpful.

I don't know what to do. This is someone with years of experience who is also a relationship coach. If she is making me worse then I'm the problem.

What should I do?

I broke my arm in half and ultimately injured multiple nerves (as a complication of the initial injury, setting, and surgery). After finally recovering from my fingers being paralyzed for a month (radial nerve palsy) I have what's likely a permanent ulnar nerve compression (cubital tunnel syndrome) in my left hand and have to wear a brace for most of the day or my muscles start wasting. I could lose much use of my hand from it as it is progressive. This was from a backflag/reverse meathook that my instructor had spotted me through. I only had four months of continuous aerial or athletic experience. My instructor later admitted he'd thought I'd had years of prior experience in pole. All I had mentioned was taking a pole class at another studio, so not sure why he'd assume that had been going on for any length of time.

I've been deeply traumatized, physically and emotionally, from this experience. I guess I'm looking for some insight as to what's the studio's point of view on this. Is this a run-of-the-mill thing that happens every few months? Do aerial instructors simulate the experience with each other to ensure it doesn't happen to other students? I watched a video of proper backflag/reverse meathook spotting and if it'd been done this way, it would have been impossible for me to fall. Are they watching those videos? They published an ad on their website touting how safe their children's aerial program is. It made me angry and felt manipulative. I am not looking for revenge but parents need to be able to make an informed decision, knowing there are risks.

I just wish I could get some perspective from teachers or people in studios about this. How did they allow this to happen, when it could have been avoided through proper technique or prerequisites? What if it happens to someone else? What are they likely doing to ensure it doesn't happen again instead of just a CYA? Or did they just brush it under the rug?

tl;dr to what extent should I prioritize violin (possible professional gigs and something I'm uniquely good at) vs. exercise (health benefits)?

Trying to figure out a balance here. I'm no Heifetz but I've played professionally in several semipro orchestras and could probably get more opportunities within the next year or so if I upped my practice game.

On the other hand, exercise is important and I love having a good physique. Pretty much the only types of exercise I enjoy are gymnastics and aerial (anything that combines artistry with upper body strength, really). It is far less likely I'll have any sort of income from those pursuits, however (unless I dance in bars or something which I'm not willing to do). The other caveat to these specifically is that a few months ago I was prioritizing these during most of my free time, and ended up with a badly broken arm (resulting in nerve damage) and a torn meniscus within the span of 3 months. I'm 31.

Advice?

Hi everyone - I'm back to whine about my cubital tunnel again. I'm doing Kreutzer 12 and it's just really depressing me. This is affecing more than I thought. I have difficulty playing fourths in second without collapsing my knuckes or twisting my hand in an odd position. My extensions are affected too. I just have so many questions and my doctor and therapist just have no clue what the answers are. How much is my shite intonation from not practicing for 3 months vs. a nerve issue? Is this going to get worse? Will I ever be able to audition again?

I am so hesitant to get surgery too because it is mild at this point and surgery is what caused my cubital tunnel to begin with. All I can do is wear my brace, keep a straight arm, avoid resting on my elbows. I'm just really upset and am wondering if I'm overreacting.

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A friend was there for me supporting me emotionally throughout my healing process. But I guess I talked a little bit too much because I confided in her that I was anxious about a bony lump near my fracture site (turns out to just be the plate protruding), and she asked me not to mention such things to her because they are "boring" and I "must not have a lot going on."

This whole experience has been terrifying for me. I had a radial nerve palsy and had to get surgery to free the nerve from the fracture site, my shoulder dislocated from the muscle atrophy, and I developed cubital tunnel syndrome as a surgical complication. My dexterity is significantly impacted and I play violin professionally. Throughout this process my orthopedist has mentioned the possibility of permanent nerve damage multiple times. That's not even talking about the psychological impact of sitting in urgent care alone holding my dangling, disfigured arm up with my healthy hand (displaced humerus fracture) or sitting alone in my house screaming as my radial nerve was being crushed between my bone fragments. You don't just get over that. I've been raped as a child, etc. and have absolutely no qualms about describing my injury as legitimate psychological trauma.

I get people don't want to hear about this anymore 3 months out but just say that. Don't call my anxiety "boring." Don't say I "must not have a lot going on."

Is it overreacting that I don't want to maintain the same, as-close friendship with this person as I did?

A friend was there for me supporting me emotionally throughout my healing process. But I guess I talked a little bit too much because I confided in her that I was anxious about a bony lump near my fracture site (turns out to just be the plate protruding), and she asked me not to mention such things to her because they are "boring" and I "must not have a lot going on."

This whole experience has been terrifying for me. I had a radial nerve palsy and had to get surgery to free the nerve from the fracture site, my shoulder dislocated from the muscle atrophy, and I developed cubital tunnel syndrome as a surgical complication. My dexterity is significantly impacted and I play violin professionally. Throughout this process my orthopedist has mentioned the possibility of permanent nerve damage multiple times. That's not even talking about the psychological impact of sitting in urgent care alone holding my dangling, disfigured arm up with my healthy hand (displaced humerus fracture) or sitting alone in my house screaming as my radial nerve was being crushed between my bone fragments. You don't just get over that. I've been raped as a child, etc. and have absolutely no qualms about describing my injury as legitimate psychological trauma.

I get people don't want to hear about this anymore 3 months out but just say that. Don't call my anxiety "boring." Don't say I "must not have a lot going on."

Is it overreacting that I don't want to maintain the same, as-close friendship with this person as I did?

A gay man asked me to sponsor him. Gay male to straight/lesbian female sponsorship relationships are extremely common at my center, and when he asked me I was so excited. I didn't even think the gender would be an issue. My sponsor also has multiple gay male sponsees so I figured it is fine.

Anyway, today this visitor (kind of an older creep) commented that I "should be careful of men as a woman" even if he's gay. Now I am mulling over it and second guessing myself. I will talk to my sponsor about it but how do you even go about doing a fifth step with someone of the opposite gender? What about a third step for that matter (my sponsor took me to this remote forest and had my get down on my knees and pray ...)?

Would appreciate any advice. My sponsor is out of the country but I'll also be asking her when she returns.

Basically title. I am a complete beginner and want to learn to make good music and mixes. I have the DJ Pioneer and a MacBook Pro. Where do I begin?

I have mild cubital tunnel (secondary to a humerus ORIF surgery) that affects my dexterity and violin playing. My occupational therapist gave me a soft brace to wear and gave me some arm positioning advice. My doctor said if that doesn't work, the other option to prevent permanent nerve damage is surgery. I haven't gotten an EMG. Not sure anything would even show up as the numbness isn't constant.

For obvious reasons, I don't want another surgery (it's literallty what caused my cubital tunnel to begin with). And I especially don't want it with such mild symptoms. But I'm fearing that if I do nothing, these mild symptoms are going to gradually degrade my nerve somehow, permanently. I practice and play about 3 - 4 hours per day so I'm a little skittish.

Advice?

Anyone who remembers my previous posts, I'm a violinist who recently fractured my left arm resulting in multiple neurological complications and range of motion limitations. I have difficulty with finger abduction (pulling together), adduction (extending apart), extension (lifting), and supination of my elbow (rotating towards the strings at the correct angle). I also have cubital tunnel syndrome (cumulative nerve damage with certain positioning). This has impacted my playing substantially. I'm working with a doctor and occupational therapist and my symptoms have been improving.

I read some violinists with overuse injuries study the Alexander technique to reduce tension and postural issues. Has anyone had experience with this technique? Did you find it helpful? What resources could you recommend?

Thanks a lot.

Hope peripheral nerves are allowed here haha.

I had surgery in my humerus 2.5 months ago. Lately, whenever I bend my elbow I get some mild numbness in my oinky. I also have weak finger splaying against resistance and some muscle wasting in my thumb webbing but no functional loss or clawing. Seems pretty stable. Numbness is stable or improving. I am wearing a brace at night and during work.

However, when I brought it up to my surgeon, he mentioned that since this is post-op onset, later once the bone heals we will need to consider an EMG and possible release surgery to prevent permanent damage. I find it hard to conceptualize why such an aggressive measure would be necessary when my symptoms are so mild and stable.

Any insight from those in similar situations? Is my surgeon just seeing every problem as a nail with his hammer or is there something to this?