u/-autisticSunflower

I experienced significant bullying in my first post. Patients were treated horribly so I whistleblew and left. It was partially upheld (I was very depressed and anxious so my

I’m not going to get into too many details but I was basically always the one being moved, I had surprise meetings and called out of the little ward rounds I was allowed to do for these. My nursing practice was never a concern and I occupational health requests from senior charge nurse had completely false information in it based on people talking about me and I could prove via documentation, kardexes etc. When I left I finally had someone come to me and fill me in on everything that she had reported on my behalf. I also had my mentor literally screaming and shouting at me (not even about me - she later said it was about the ward in general and was fine with me after that) in the medication room. Patients heard and on couple of occasions patient said to me they couldn’t believe she had spoken to me like that.

Gaslighting was absolute hell and I found out that the senior charge nurse had a bad rep around the hospital. I also had 7 bereavements in like 6 months and was wrongly told I had run out of compassionate leave for my grandads funeral so had to leave early. Turns out it was all sick leave that was being used. Now I know that it’s usually direct relatives but others had compassionate leave for non-direct relatives.

Anyway that’s just the tiniest bit of what I experienced. I experienced it for 1.5 years and since I’ve been in a new place in a new health board with new people who are generally nice. Not perfect of course but I’m finally being treated like a human (apart from a couple of people who were above me and that’s another story but that’s sorted now - I reported it).

However it only takes one colleague who shows some controlling traits and doesn’t like being delegated to when it’s my turn to be nurse in charge. I don’t mind being delegated to obviously as long as it’s reciprocated. And it feels like my fight or flight is set off. I literally have nightmares about this person even though she’s a good nurse

Unfortunately I now have a lot of sickness and I now feel no other option but to reduce my hours. I have psychology input, and it doesn’t help me being neurodivergent. I’m so sad because I feel like I had such potential to be a good charge nurse but unfortunately that’s just not really an option for me. Like a lot of places in NHS, leadership aren’t supportive and if you’ve been seen to raise an issue even if it’s valid that goes against someone higher than you, then you’re cooked. Thankfully I’m not being bullied now though and I’m actively working on building my identity outside of work.

It’s just frustrating how it’s impacting me so much. I was seen as unreliable because of my sickness and because I was crying A LOT and now I’m medicated properly thank goodness, that is rare now and I’m trying to reduce my sickness.

If I’d known I was neurodivergent before becoming a nurse and knowing what I know now, I probably wouldn’t have bothered to be honest. This is just my experience though but it’s honestly taken my 20s from me.

Update: I don’t see myself getting better from this. I’ve been depressed since I was 10 and have been rejected since a tot, have had to fight to be included in any space and treated fairly, then get punished and ostracised for doing so. I’m getting more and more tired and resilience is almost gone. While all this may sound silly over being friend zoned, it isn’t actually about the guy. It’s the fact I got a flavour of what felt like normality and thought finally I’m getting a shot at requited attraction and dating. Alas, I was wrong and should know by now. I think it’s the beginning of the end for me. My whole life has been torture psychologically and socially and I resent being born.

I’m female, 31, and just today was friend zoned by a guy I thought I had been on dates with.

I’m not so bothered about losing him, but it’s another reminder that no one ever chooses me. I keep thinking I’m ugly, weird and incompatible with this life. I would rather love and lose than never even be able to experience so much as dating and even just one relationship.

Ive never been chosen. I am kind to people, I am nice, I will do what they like but also hold boundaries with compromise etc. I’ve only ever managed to keep people in my life who are folk that it’s their way or they don’t want to hear it. Well I had a clear out because that was just making me ill and now I have no one. Only my mum cares about me.

I’m in real need of comfort. I’ve done all the self work, I’m completely self aware and work with psychology and psychiatry. I’m sick of working and just giving just for no one to care about me ever. I haven’t stopped crying since being friend zoned today because it’s just a reminder that I’m an alien to society.

Ok so I met this guy randomly. I’m 31 and he’s 32. He ended up lingering when we met and I noticed and asked him if he wanted my number which he did (WhatsApp). A stranger said that they were wondering when we were going to swap numbers lol.

I’ve been out with him twice. It’s however never been mentioned as a date so I’m wondering if I should think he likes me or just sees me as a friend.

First time we went out for coffee and then a walk, great conversation, odd couple of moments of awkwardness but that’s expected on a first time out with someone. He knows I’m autistic and opened up himself about depressive episodes in his past (I related to him about that) but we laughed lots. He also took me to where he was staying which was his friends house (we live like 2.5hour drive from each other) and introduced me to his friend which his friend seemed to mention he’d talked about me. He hugged me beginning and end of date, appearing like a gentleman, all good etc, gave the slight tap of my arm etc.

He then went through a busy period and didn’t seem to initiate plans, but had said in person on the first “date” he would like to see me again. I eventually said to him that I’m not looking for a pen pal and don’t mind if he can’t see me for a while I just like to know a date so I know he is either keen to see me again or not. Anyway he arranged another “date” immediately so we met up, had coffee, a good laugh, and he was mirroring my body language, slight teasing but he didn’t touch me this time apart from an awkward side hug before he left. I was disappointed I never got a kiss on this date lol but I’m now aware that not every guy works like his. I tried to give him the triangle technique but I couldn’t see his eyes because of his sunglasses 🙈 he seemed a bit awkward and he arranged a 3rd outing with me to see a couple of shows but it’s in a month because of the long distance obviously and he works full time in education and holiday with his friends (which is great). Again I just had to say to him I am free at this time and he seemed pleased. I’m a bit confused about the side hug in comparison to the normal hug I got on first date. He did say he had a work meeting after and had to kind of rush off but I suppose a side hug is better than nothing lol.

I should add that he did quite a big detour to see me and says he is keen to teach me a board game he likes. I should also say before anyone judges me that I’ve offered to go to his town to visit him but he’s just happened to not respond to that and came to my town (his parents and friends live near my area so he’s there a lot).

Objectively it seems fairly positive and I’m just not used to this and perhaps a bit brain washed by social media saying we should expect daily communication early which I’ve had with guys previously and it’s still ended up me being strung along.

Basically I need some input as I’m 31 and it was my first ever date with a guy because I’ve not been very healthy in my choices of men before hand. I do like him. I don’t know if he’s just not much of a text person, he does respond when I text and I try not to text him too often because I want to respect his business and space.

I’m on my holiday, a few days away and I’ve binged. I don’t hate myself for it and actually glad for my new experiences. Food has been amazing. But omg. How exhausting it is to constantly have food as my deity. Nothing matters quite like food. Ended up eating wayyy too much. Having one mental disorder after the other is just not a fun experience

I love my job. But I just can’t navigate the dynamics and politics among staff. And because I’m so passionate about my job, I end up struggling to shut off the caring part of it when I need to. It’s embarrassing.
I’m late diagnosed and it’s so isolating. And I know I need to change my expectations of myself but knowing you can do a job and being perceived to be “weird” or “odd” or “emotional” is so frustrating.
I genuinely feel like my options are giving up my job or suicide. And it seems like an odd option but I’ve worked so hard to get where I am today and it’s my passion. I never find the patients challenging it’s just I’m always brushed over for things.
I can’t talk to my manager about it because their care is just performative and I learned that the hard way when I was discriminated against last year and I reported it. I just find myself crying a lot and wishing I had never been born. When someone gives me good feedback about my work from a colleague I actually get tearful in a good way because it’s so rare. Patients always say I’m good at my job and I know objectively am because I get good results.
It feels like I’m stuck in a limbo where people don’t believe I’m autistic so no empathy for me but also I’m too weird or different to fit in. Watching new people join the team and just fitting in and being included. Coming to terms with that never happening for me is hard. I’m too old to have hope now.

Ok well not for everyone but a lot of people. I’ve heard some autistic people are supported well. I manage the overstimulation pretty well but it’s the politics and power dynamics. It’s like there are so many biases among staff. I’ve heard some pretty poor things said by staff about others

I’m just venting because I’m considered a good nurse. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am today and at significant cost to my health but I keep bouncing back. But I’m hanging on by a thread. And I love the job itself. I’m very passionate and knowledgeable about mental health.

Patients and some staff really see how good I am at making decisions, taking accountability etc and balancing risk with benefit. I do get really good results. I’ve been in some form of employment since I was 16 and it’s always been lonely and tough but I’ve never been treated less human than working in NHS. I get it, people are burnt out etc. But the management I’ve experienced never do what they say they’re going to do and will cover up some really serious problems (one being someone taking methadone from the ward - person still works there and wasn’t referred to NMC).

Also staff not being supported with racism from patients. Had a student on the ward who reported feeling fine about it but I spoke with her assessor to let him know to have a supportive chat with her about it so a plan could be in place if necessary (especially since she’s a student and not in her own workplace) and he said “it comes with the job, I’ve had patients be racist to me because I’m white”. That was a shocker. Anyway it’s just bad. Needed to vent. I’m tired of trying so hard to just fail.

I’m asking because I’m autistic and want to say it in the most respectful and appropriate way.

Basically I am a nurse and have a coworker who just immediately jumps into the “nurse in charge” role. She co-ordinates the shifts each time and does the meetings. I can’t speak for anyone else but when I’m on she never gives me the chance to do these tasks. This means I’m out on the floor for the whole shift (which I don’t mind but she isn’t doing her bit) and this can be exhausting and also it’s part of my role to be nurse in charge at times and doing meetings etc.

Funnily enough, when managers used to allocate coordinating and nurse in charge, they had accidentally put me on for the whole day instead of first part, which I pointed out to her because I saw it wasn’t fair and she said “yeah it isn’t fair” so I was more than happy to let her do the role in the afternoon.

So basically I’m planning to talk to her about it at an appropriate time. We are on together for two days next week so I’ll see what she does the first day, and if she does it both the first and second day I’ll have a chat with her. Any tips on what I should say?

I struggle so much with the workplace. I am a mental health nurse and late diagnosed and always wondered why I never fit in etc.

I am good at my job. But not only do I not fit in no matter how hard I try, people continually undermine me even though I’m speaking facts. And then when I explain the facts they just go “nah I just get a feeling though” (about x,y,z). And I have more experience than them. Not that I think I have more strengths than them, but my experience and success shows that this certain area in my work is a strength of mine.

I also get interrupted frequently. They know I’m autistic. It’s like anytime I speak I annoy them. I make sure to tell them I’m just speaking in facts and telling them how I don’t think I’m great at everything, but it doesn’t matter.

It is genuinely like people are allergic to me. I had one really bad experience in my first nurse post where I was bullied and harassed (I whistleblew and it was partially upheld - my evidence was enough but not thorough). I also have cptsd, generalised anxiety disorder and recurring major depressive episodes. I am 31 now and I’ve been depressed and anxious since 10 years old.

It is emotional torment. I rarely get a breath of fresh air. I always get gaslit as well being told that I’m imagining things even when I have evidence. My opportunities for promotion are down the pan because I’m now seen as a problem. I was discriminated against recently by a supervisor who refused to listen to me or do a return to work form because he isn’t confident dealing with people with mental illness or autism (it is literally his job, as a charge nurse and mental health professional).

Ultimately no one cares. No one cares about me apart from my mum. No one thinks about me or wants to talk to me. I absolutely love my job itself and patients think I’m a great nurse. And i don’t want to do anything else. But every day I realise more and more that I’m fighting a losing battle. If you see my post history you will see how long a battle I’ve fought and it’s been never-ending.

I hate living in a world where people aren’t fair to me, and no one cares. My voice never matters. My presence is a burden to everyone. I’m really struggling and reaching out for “help” isn’t even worth it for me. It’s a constant battle that isn’t going to end until I’m gone.

This is just a vent. Communication is generally bad but I was on someone’s continuous intervention and I saw someone I didn’t know walking about the ward. Found out that we had a new admission and none of my coworkers thought to inform me. I don’t know anything about him. So unbelievably ignorant and rude and he is escalating and potentially needing medication. Mental health inpatient ward (acute). And when I said something about it staff member laughed thinking it’s funny that I thought the person was a visitor.

I’ve been struggling a lot. Everything in my life has been an uphill battle. People treat me like I’m a disease. I am 31 with no partner, no close friends, only my mum who cares about me.

I have been successful in becoming a mental health nurse in nhs but the prejudice against staff with mental health issues is rife. So is bullying.

I am struggling with severe anhedonia at the moment and have a private psychologist and nhs psychiatrist who has successfully treated my generalised anxiety with medication. Unfortunately this doesn’t take away the fact that I have no prospects. I’m very skilled but people can’t see beyond my autism.

I almost ended it all last night. There is no help for me because I’m too tired to even go through the motions. I feel like I’m living a hell on earth and sleep is my only option but the dread I feel when I wake up is horrendous.

I’m also severely understimulated at the moment which I think is contributing to my depression. I don’t have any goals and I need reasons to do things because I struggle severely with intrinsic motivation.

I just need some kind words and if anyone can relate to feeling like their talent and skill has no where to go. I’m also thinking a lot about my future and I don’t want to live beyond my mum. I honestly wish I had never been born.

I have now had quite a few people pointing out how they notice my weight loss, saying I look great etc. I was going hard at the gym for a while and calorie deficit to get back to my weight last year (had a severe depressive episode and put 3/4 of it back on). I currently weigh 5lbs more than I did at my lowest last year so it’s slow but steady. I’m quite relaxed about it this time, enjoying life and that’s been a total of 10lbs lost since February. Yes it’s slower than I like but I have actually developed a lot better habits than last time and am doing better with delayed gratification. The weird thing is I don’t see much weight loss in myself. I noticed it to begin with but it’s like I’m not noticing changes anymore. I’m short so it’s quite obvious when I put on weight. Anybody else experience similar? As in they are struggling to notice a difference. Maybe it’s a good thing I’m just not as focused on it anymore because it’s more about enjoying healthier foods now.