u/-autisticSunflower

I’m asking because I’m autistic and want to say it in the most respectful and appropriate way.

Basically I am a nurse and have a coworker who just immediately jumps into the “nurse in charge” role. She co-ordinates the shifts each time and does the meetings. I can’t speak for anyone else but when I’m on she never gives me the chance to do these tasks. This means I’m out on the floor for the whole shift (which I don’t mind but she isn’t doing her bit) and this can be exhausting and also it’s part of my role to be nurse in charge at times and doing meetings etc.

Funnily enough, when managers used to allocate coordinating and nurse in charge, they had accidentally put me on for the whole day instead of first part, which I pointed out to her because I saw it wasn’t fair and she said “yeah it isn’t fair” so I was more than happy to let her do the role in the afternoon.

So basically I’m planning to talk to her about it at an appropriate time. We are on together for two days next week so I’ll see what she does the first day, and if she does it both the first and second day I’ll have a chat with her. Any tips on what I should say?

I struggle so much with the workplace. I am a mental health nurse and late diagnosed and always wondered why I never fit in etc.

I am good at my job. But not only do I not fit in no matter how hard I try, people continually undermine me even though I’m speaking facts. And then when I explain the facts they just go “nah I just get a feeling though” (about x,y,z). And I have more experience than them. Not that I think I have more strengths than them, but my experience and success shows that this certain area in my work is a strength of mine.

I also get interrupted frequently. They know I’m autistic. It’s like anytime I speak I annoy them. I make sure to tell them I’m just speaking in facts and telling them how I don’t think I’m great at everything, but it doesn’t matter.

It is genuinely like people are allergic to me. I had one really bad experience in my first nurse post where I was bullied and harassed (I whistleblew and it was partially upheld - my evidence was enough but not thorough). I also have cptsd, generalised anxiety disorder and recurring major depressive episodes. I am 31 now and I’ve been depressed and anxious since 10 years old.

It is emotional torment. I rarely get a breath of fresh air. I always get gaslit as well being told that I’m imagining things even when I have evidence. My opportunities for promotion are down the pan because I’m now seen as a problem. I was discriminated against recently by a supervisor who refused to listen to me or do a return to work form because he isn’t confident dealing with people with mental illness or autism (it is literally his job, as a charge nurse and mental health professional).

Ultimately no one cares. No one cares about me apart from my mum. No one thinks about me or wants to talk to me. I absolutely love my job itself and patients think I’m a great nurse. And i don’t want to do anything else. But every day I realise more and more that I’m fighting a losing battle. If you see my post history you will see how long a battle I’ve fought and it’s been never-ending.

I hate living in a world where people aren’t fair to me, and no one cares. My voice never matters. My presence is a burden to everyone. I’m really struggling and reaching out for “help” isn’t even worth it for me. It’s a constant battle that isn’t going to end until I’m gone.

This is just a vent. Communication is generally bad but I was on someone’s continuous intervention and I saw someone I didn’t know walking about the ward. Found out that we had a new admission and none of my coworkers thought to inform me. I don’t know anything about him. So unbelievably ignorant and rude and he is escalating and potentially needing medication. Mental health inpatient ward (acute). And when I said something about it staff member laughed thinking it’s funny that I thought the person was a visitor.

I’ve been struggling a lot. Everything in my life has been an uphill battle. People treat me like I’m a disease. I am 31 with no partner, no close friends, only my mum who cares about me.

I have been successful in becoming a mental health nurse in nhs but the prejudice against staff with mental health issues is rife. So is bullying.

I am struggling with severe anhedonia at the moment and have a private psychologist and nhs psychiatrist who has successfully treated my generalised anxiety with medication. Unfortunately this doesn’t take away the fact that I have no prospects. I’m very skilled but people can’t see beyond my autism.

I almost ended it all last night. There is no help for me because I’m too tired to even go through the motions. I feel like I’m living a hell on earth and sleep is my only option but the dread I feel when I wake up is horrendous.

I’m also severely understimulated at the moment which I think is contributing to my depression. I don’t have any goals and I need reasons to do things because I struggle severely with intrinsic motivation.

I just need some kind words and if anyone can relate to feeling like their talent and skill has no where to go. I’m also thinking a lot about my future and I don’t want to live beyond my mum. I honestly wish I had never been born.

I have now had quite a few people pointing out how they notice my weight loss, saying I look great etc. I was going hard at the gym for a while and calorie deficit to get back to my weight last year (had a severe depressive episode and put 3/4 of it back on). I currently weigh 5lbs more than I did at my lowest last year so it’s slow but steady. I’m quite relaxed about it this time, enjoying life and that’s been a total of 10lbs lost since February. Yes it’s slower than I like but I have actually developed a lot better habits than last time and am doing better with delayed gratification. The weird thing is I don’t see much weight loss in myself. I noticed it to begin with but it’s like I’m not noticing changes anymore. I’m short so it’s quite obvious when I put on weight. Anybody else experience similar? As in they are struggling to notice a difference. Maybe it’s a good thing I’m just not as focused on it anymore because it’s more about enjoying healthier foods now.