u/Advanced_Method_2275

I’m honestly really embarrassed to even write this because I’ve never told anyone about it IRL, but I just can't

I’m 18M, and my mom passed away when I was 9. What hurts me the most is that I barely have any memories of her. I don’t know if my brain just blocked everything out or what

I was raised mostly by my dad alongside my siblings, but he’s always been emotionally distant, so I kind of grew up keeping everything inside

I really really need a motherly figure in my life, im so depressed i feel like a walking machine and i have nobody to support me or just pour my heart into and I want to make this very clear because I’m scared of being misunderstood: I’m not looking for anything inappropriate or weird whatsoever. I’m only talking about emotional support

Im super embarrassed talking about this, I'd never ask this to anybody irl as im too shy but i really need a motherly figure in my life

Im currently 18M, my mom died when i was 9 i js don't really remember anything idk why i don't have any memories of her but i still long for that caring motherly figure

I've been raised by my father alongside my siblings and yk he was mostly emotionally unavailable so, i hope this makes sense, i really wish i could find someone who i can pour my heart into without being embarrassed

I'm currently 18, my mother died when i was 9 and I actually don't remember much about her and don't have any memories of her but i still long for the feeling of having a caring figure

I was raised by my father alongside my siblings and he was mostly emotionally unavailable, i hope that answers ur questions

I really need someone kind to look up to nothing inappropriate attached all i need is a kind mother figure who i can pour my heart into

I really need someone kind to look up to nothing inappropriate attached all i need is a kind mother figure who i can pour my heart into

I really need someone kind to look up to nothing inappropriate attached all i need is a kind mother figure who i can pour my heart into

I'm too shy to approach anybody بقالي كتير اوي معنديش اي حد اتكلم معاه يخربيت الانطوائية

My whole life, my dad was never really there. We were always in completely different worlds. He was never by my side in any stage of my life. On top of that, there was always verbal and physical abuse, and my mom never stepped in because, you know… “he’s the man of the house” and can do whatever he wants. It got so bad it made me hate myself, hurt myself physically, and even wish I could just die one day.

When I was 17, I had a small argument with my mom. Nothing serious, just raised voices a bit. He came in, started hitting me, humiliating me, even tore the clothes off my body in front of my little siblings. Then he kicked me out and said he never wanted to see my face again.

I wandered in the streets for two hours, feeling completely broken. When I tried to go back just to grab a jacket because it was cold, he kicked me out again. I ended up spending that night outside, sleeping at a café.

The next day, I went home and packed a bag with some clothes and the little money I had saved while everyone was asleep, and I decided to leave the whole town completely. I went to another town where an online friend let me stay for two days. But I was so overwhelmed and didn’t want anyone to see me cry, so I left and started sleeping on the streets and in cafés again.

For a whole week, I lived like that. I’d walk with my head down, hoodie covering my face so no one could see me crying. My phone was off the whole time, even though my relatives were calling. I didn’t answer anyone.

Then one day, I got a call from a police officer. I found out my dad had filed a missing person report for me. That’s when I decided to go back to Alexandria. My relatives pressured me into apologizing to him, and I did…

Since that day, I haven’t spoken to him. Just hearing his voice in the house triggers something in me. It messes me up mentally in a way I can’t even explain.

I realized I’ve never really had anyone who truly understood me or held me emotionally. I always thought opening up like this was “not for guys,” so I kept everything inside. And honestly, I still do. No one really knows the real me. Everything I share about myself is always surface-level.

But at least here… I can finally say it. Even if it’s anonymously, I’m really suffocating inside

طول عمري و ابويا مش ف حياتي انا ف وادي و هو ف وادي تاني عمره م كان معايا او جنبي ف اي مرحلة من حياتي، دا غير التعنيف و الإهانة و امي طبعا مكانتش بتعمل حاجة لانه "راجل البيت" و يعمل اللي هو عايزه، كان سبب ف كرهي لنفسي و أذيتي لنفسي جسديا و رغبتي اني أموت ف يوم من الايام

ف يوم و انا 17 سنة اتخانقت مع والدتي شفهيا مش خناقة كبيرة خالص بس صوتنا علي شوية، راح جه و قعد يضرب و يعنف فيا و قطعلي الهدوم اللي كانت ع جسمي قدام اخواتي الصغيرين و قالي امشي من البيت و مش عايز اشوف وشك تاني و طردني، نزلت من البيت صعبان عليا نفسي و اتمشيت ساعتين و لما رجعت عشان اخد جاكيت عشان الجو كان برد فكرني رجعت و طردني تاني، فضلت ف الشارع اليوم دا و نمت ع القهوة و انا قاعد، صحيت و روحت خدت شنطة و لميت فيها هدومي و فلوس كنت محوشها و قررت اني اسيب اسكندرية كلها، سافرت الجيزة صديق ليا اونلاين كان هناك و ضايفني عنده يومين و انا بعد اليومين دول من القهرة و اني مبحبش حد يشوفني بعيط سبته و مشيت و بقيت انام ف الشارع و ع القهوة، كنت بحط الزنط ع راسي و امشي راسي ف الارض عشان محدش يعرف اني بعيط، قعدت كدا اسبوع كنت قافل تليفوني مع ان قرايبي كانوا بيرنوا عليا بس مكلمتش حد نهائي لحد م وصلي مكالمة من ظابط مباحث و لما سألت اخويا قالي ان ابويا عمل محضر تغيب ليا، قررت ساعتها ارجع اسكندرية و لما رجعت قرايبي قالوا اني لازم اراضي ابويا عملت كدا غصب عني و من ساعة الموضوع دا و انا مش بتكلم معاه، كل م بسمع صوته ف البيت بس بتحصلي حاجة ف نفسي و نفسيتي بتتدمر كإنه Trigger، اكتشفت ان عمري فعلا م لقيت حد يحتويني او يعرفني بجد كنت بشوف ان الشكوى دي حاجة للبنات ف كنت بكتم بس و لغاية دلوقتى انا كدا، عمر م حد عرفني ع حقيقتي بجد كل كلامي عن نفسي سطحي مع اي حد، بس اهو اقدر افضفض هنا ع الأقل بهوية مجهولة و انا فعلا مخنوق

ياريت الكلام دا يوعي اي أب او أم عندهم طفل عايزين يطلعوه سوي نفسيا و يطلعوه أحسن و حابب انه يعيش

هل في بنات بتحب في العلاقة إنها تعامل الراجل زي “ابنها الصغير” كده (قصدي من ناحية الدلع والاحتواء والحنية) ف حالة ان هو كان مفتقد دا من أمه، حتى لو هو أطول منها وشخصيته قوية عادي؟

وفي نفس الوقت بره العلاقة يبقى هو الراجل الجدع اللي بيعرف يتصرف ويتحمل المسؤولية ويتسند عليه؟

عايز اعرف بس الفكر دا منتشر ولا لا

هل في بنات بتحب في العلاقة إنها تعامل الراجل زي “ابنها الصغير” كده (قصدي من ناحية الدلع والاحتواء والحنية) ف حالة ان هو كان مفتقد دا من أمه، حتى لو هو أطول منها وشخصيته قوية عادي؟

وفي نفس الوقت بره العلاقة يبقى هو الراجل الجدع اللي بيعرف يتصرف ويتحمل المسؤولية ويتسند عليه؟

عايز اعرف بس الفكر دا منتشر ولا لا

انا اسف جدا ع اللي هقوله و لكن ليه دايما بحس ان الألفاظ الجنسية المصرية او العربية مهينة جدا (يركب او ينيك) كإنك بتتكلم عن حيوان مش انسان، مثلا كلمة زي (يمص) دي اصلا اكسبرشن ف الانجليزي و بيتقال ف الشتايم بس عندهم SMD، بحس ان الإنجليزي مصطلحاته ارقى و مش مهينة

مش متخيل نفسي متزوج و بقول اي كلمة من الكلام المهين اللي فوق الموضوع غريب و مثير للإشمئزاز