u/Bella_Swan234

Trigger warning: religion/religious trauma. Please be respectful in the comments.

I (28) f think my friend (22) f is only trying to be my friend to try to get me to come to her church and I don’t know if I am over thinking it or not.

We met in college through our Bible study. During that time, I met and dated a guy from the same group for about a year or so, (26) m btw. It ended quickly because I found out he had lied to me, my friend, and the rest of his Bible study that he was single and no longer with his ex girlfriend. He was still with her the entire time we were together! After the break up, he also made rude and sexist comments about women that I reported to the church and the bible study, but nothing was really done about it, so I left.

Because of that experience, I am no longer part of that church and stepped away from it. I am not anti-religious and I still attend a separate all-female Bible study once a month with a friend that is a lot closer to me and fits better with my schedule but I refuse to go back to that church or that Bible study ever again.

My friend knows this, I’ve told her multiple times that I am NOT returning. At first, she was willing to hang out outside of church, but now every time we do hang out, she asks me when I will be coming back to that said church and Bible study and I have to remind her multiple times I will not be returning.

I’ve given her multiple days where I am free outside of Thursdays (their Bible study night), but conveniently, Thursday is the only day she is available. What a crazy coincidence!

Recently, now even her husband has also started messaging me asking when I am coming back to Bible study but I tell him the same thing I tell her that I will NOT be returning.

What confuses me is that she says she struggles to make female friends and wants closer friendship but keeps turning down invitations to do normal things together outside of church. At the same time, I see her going out with other friends and her husband outside of church on social media regularly so I don’t understand why she can’t do the same for me unless she is just using the friendship to try to recruit me.

Another thing that bothers me is that she defends my ex’s rude behavior by saying he has Autism and he’s “just a good debater” I have male friends with Autism who don’t cheat on their partners or make sexist comments, so that excuse doesn’t sit right with me.

We are finally hanging out this Friday for coffee, which I am happy about, but honestly I am worried the whole conversation is going to turn into asking me when I am coming back to church.

Should I ghost, block, or keep the friendship but at a distance?

Back when I was a freshman at college at the time I was never into parties or experienced intense drinking before. I mainly just liked to watch anime and play dnd with my friends. I got invited to my first ever party through one of my dnd friends. For context, I was a 21 (f) he was 25 (m). This happens around the time things were starting to open up again and people could see each other after Covid.

During Covid, we texted a lot and I liked him a little more than just a friend. He admitted he thought I was cute but wasn’t interested in dating anyone seriously. He invited me to a party for New Years Eve but asked me if I’d just come as his friend. I was disappointed but agreed.

The party was pretty much twenty of us. We played the game white elephant. During the game, my friend’s roommate asked if anyone wanted a shot of Everclear. I didn’t know how he got it because apparently it is illegal in my state because Everclear is 190 proof (95 percent ABV). Everyone was interested including me but I didn’t know how strong it was at the time or what it was. For further context, I was 5/4 and 140 pounds. I also didn’t eat that night before I came to the party. For some people Everclear is not something people should take as a straight up shot but we all did. When we took the shot, it tasted like rubbing alcohol. Pretty much everyone, even the men, threw up except for me. He offered another shot to me and I took it. That’s the last thing I remembered that night before blacking out.

The next morning, I woke up on my crushes bed with no idea how I got there or who put me there. I just saw a bunch of twigs in my hair and my nails chipped. I left his place without saying goodbye and called it a day.

That evening my crush who invited me sent me a bunch of texts telling me what happened last night. Apparently, I admitted in front of all of our mutual friends and his roommates that I had a crush on him and then what was worse, I fell and he had to carry me to his room. I felt completely embarrassed.

Thankfully, we are still good friends and laugh about it every now and then but man that was the first and last time I ever blacked out.

Okay, so after months of searching and interviews that lead to nowhere. I finally did get a job at a seafood restaurant. I told them I had two years of experience as a barback and know how to make all the drinks. They told me that I had to start out as a server first because they aren’t hiring for any bartenders at the moment. I don’t mind being one starting out to learn how the restaurant works before being behind the bar. However, it has been three months since they hired me as a server. I found out one of the bartenders got fired and they had an opening position for a bartender. I thought they were going to hire me as I had the experience. For some reason, they hired this college sorority girl who knew nothing about serving or bartending starting out as a bartender instead of a server. She didn’t even know how to exchange a keg or make syrup. When they hired her instead of someone who actually did know how to run a bar, I put my two weeks notice. I was done at that point.

Why do bars hire people with zero clue how to run a bar instead of servers who already knew how the place works and have been there longer?

Sorry, I should mention- I’m a girl (28) btw! Lol

There’s this guy I really like. We met in college and started reconnecting recently. He used to visit me when I lived alone but now I am back with my mother due to financial issues, it was hard for him to see me. Luckily, she is helping me with financial support and I am thankful but it makes it very hard to do things on my own. Since I don’t have a job right now, I can’t afford to travel and he can’t afford to pay for my ticket either. We have discussed moving in together or at least in the same city. However, he lives in a very expensive city.

This weekend we were supposed to see each other. I bought a $300 bus ticket for a day trip that was a fourteen hour bus ride there and back. When I told my mom, she freaked out. She thought it was ridiculous to spend $300 on a bus ticket that was a long ride for just a day. She advised to me I should cancel the trip and get my money back, but the problem is it was a bus ticket and they don’t do refunds. Luckily, I got a voucher instead and I could get another ticket for longer days with him.

When I told him I canceled the bus ticket and apologized, he seemed okay with it but I could tell he was really hurt and wanted to see me. I explained to him I couldn’t afford a $300 bus ticket and a lot of the things we would be doing on the weekend would be expensive. I texted him today and he hasn’t responded. I wonder if he’s mad at me and I feel really bad. I feel like he doesn’t understand that I’m broke.

I also don’t feel comfortable moving in with someone I just started seeing. He also didn’t seem like he would move to my state for me either. He was fine visiting me when I was by myself but now that I live with my mom he only wants me to visit him. I told him my mom is cool with him staying over as long as he slept on the couch.

Should I just give up and move on?