u/CharlieM6666

I hate it. There is a lot of piled up anger inside of me and sometimes I explode, it's ugly, especially these days. I don't wanna be like this, I don't know what to do with my anger.

It's about my mother, she doesn't believe in misophonia and I want to prove that it's real and it's really affecting my life. I want you to write a comment that is addressed to her, I want you to say that it's real and that her son suffers every day because of it and I want you to write your experience with it, I will send her a screenshot. If you speak russian, it would be much better if you write in russian. I'm just really losing it lately and I don't know what to do.

Fuck my life, fuck people, fuck this stupid world.

That's all, just wanted to share my embarrassing daydreaming. I am so cooked, lol.

Hi, I want to share a video from my favorite creator MaggyASMR, I love her videos, please check her out! She's doing fast paced ASMR.

Or how do you live with the fact that you probably will never experience it, considering your situation? I don't know if I can cope or distract myself forever. The loneliness and yearning is eating me up lately, I daydream every day and some things are triggering me. I never had a relationship, I think that's make it harder. I'm also boring, have social anxiety and suck at talking to people, I should remember that these things lower my chances too, but it just really bothering me no matter what. Maybe it will become easier with time, but what if it won't.

I've been keeping a diary for almost 10 years, sometimes I procrastinate and not writing anything. Like right now I need to write something, but I'm not doing it.

Just thinking. Probably not, but what if it was possible.

As if the next day will be better or something, probably not. Speedrunning days, but for what.

I can't live this stupid life, my brain is just not suited for this world and my circumstances are crap, I souldn't have been born. But if I want to leave, I must endure a great pain and there is even a chance that I'll survive and make my life even worse.

It's not fair. I can only fantasize about it, I can't do it, I'm terrified of pain. And I have only two options right now really, both are extremely painful and take a great courage, which I lack. I know that my life will become only worse if I don't do it and then one day life will punch me so hard that I will be devastated and feel a great regret. I'm a coward, I never tried it, I think about it so much, but I just can't do it. I wish I had a gun or something.

Please don't tell me that my life will get better or I'm still young or whatever, please. I just don't want this life, I just don't want it.

Constantly scared, constantly expecting danger, never relaxed, no peace. Like a scared animal, you are surviving and slowly loosing your sanity. Using whatever tools you have to make it through the day. And you are completely alone in this, no one understands, no one sees it, no one takes you seriously, no one helps you while you're fighting with it every day. It's a lonely and difficult path, I don't want this. Why do I have this, why does it even exists?

I developed a new big trigger this year, I've been exposed to it for like 8-9 months now, I can feel that it affected my mental health, I feel so much worse and I startle often because of it. And when I know that I won't be dealing with it for some time, I feel so relieved.
I'm dealing with it alone and I'm so lost, people can be so mean. Misophonia can be isolating, I hate it so so much. I don't understand, I just don't understand why I have to deal with this, why must I endure all this suffering. Why can't I have peace in my stupid life? What have I done to deserve this?

I think the second one can at least give you some peace in your mind, but it's very sad.

As a gamer I want a good pc so bad, I'm missing out on so many games. There is a ton of them and will be more. I missed the Elden Ring hype and then the DLC, I wanna play it so bad, because I love Dark Souls. I can't play new Resident Evil games and the new remakes, I won't be able to play the new Witcher, the list goes on. I'm worried that I will never play those. My laptop is becoming worse and I don't know what I'm gonna do when it dies.

As a metalhead I'd like to have my favorite bands merch to express myself and show my love for them. Put a poster on a wall, you know.

Then there are some things to just make my life and mental health better, such as noice cancelling headphones or earbuds. Therapy, medication.. I know it's a 50/50 and I could just waste money and time or it wouldn't work at all, but at least it would've been a possibility.

It just sucks to live like this, I wish I didn't have my issues, maybe I would've been in a better place right now.

Every time I expect a heavy part, it's leading to it, I can feel it, but it's not happening and I'm like damn. Still, love the song.

Do you like yourself? Do you love yourself?
How do you treat yourself? What things do you say to yourself?

I can't say that I like myself, no. I can't say nice things to myself. But I have a strange relationship with myself. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself, like I want things to get better and I want me to be happy and sometimes I feel like I don't fully know myself.