u/Clementine-Sawyer

I feel unwell anyway but my manager said i need to find my own cover before I can leave

My boyfriend makes my lunches for work but he's been really lazy recently. He owes me a lot of money and knows I'm mad about it but is still putting in 0 effort

Today for my lunch he gave me a raw cut up potato, pasta and mayo in a bowl. I'm at work, out of the house 8:30 am until 5:30 pm. I'm exhaused and he knows I have a class 6:30-8:30 tonight so won't have much time to eat and rest and thats all he gave me for dinner? He works from home for context, which is why he has more time to make food for me

Now I'm stuck at work and unable to leave even though I've been exposed to covid and feel sick. If he's still there when I get home I know it'll be a huge fight. I blocked his whatsapp and he hasnt tried to contact me any other way

Wish we didn't live togther so I could just break up with him at this point

They are 16+ and in college. The class is very practcal and creative but the students just seem to want to finish the work. They rush through and then ask me what do I do now? Work that should take 2 hours they're doing in 30 minutes.

Today, for example, listen to 2 podcasts episodews from different shows and analyse them using a workbook, then compare. Podcast episodes are usually 20 minutes minimum, often an hour or more. Less than an hour after setting the task, students were saying they were finished. I wanted to say, then you clearly rushed the work. They had also not scolled to the next page of the workbook to see they hadn't even finished the task.

The work is fun, interesting, relativley easy and relevent to the course they chose to do.

Why do young students not think for themselves and why do they seem to rush through everything, just to be given a meaningless task to fill the time until the next proper task starts? How do I get them to slow down and take pride in their work and try to actually learn as they do it, not just fill in the boxes and move on?

This is a two sided issue

Part one is that I struggle to handle regret and rejection when sourcing new items for my collection and part two is guilt about spending money and accumulating "clutter" as someone who came of age in pique Marie Condo minimalism era and is anti-capitalist but very pro-joy

Part 1

This sounds so stupid but I basically collect a specfic kind of art for my home.

I am looking mostly in three places: Facebook Marketplace, Vinted and charity shops.

The problem comes when I regret not getting something I saw or don't get something I really wanted.

I fixate on it and it destroys my mood.

For example. A few weeks ago Is aw something on Vinted I had wanted for ages. It was in a bundle with another item though so I messaged and asked if I could just have the thing I wanted. She ended up selling it while we were talking. Then I was furious with myself. Why didn't I just buy it? It was £15, and I found out later the item I wanted is worth £150! It's almost impossible to find them in my country. I've been beating myself up about it and genuniley struggling with intense regret and hyperfixation.

Part 2

I am against capitalism and clutter and I am very anxious about money. All this leads me to feel guilty and stuggle to enjoy collecting, even when I get a piece I love. How do I enjoy the hobbies I love without the guilt?

The guilt comes from climate anxiety and anti capitalism views. Being a collecotor means I get things shipped, buy and sell items and spend money on "non useful" items. I feel terrible every time I spend money and it's ruining my fun.

Any tips?

I don't own anything expensive, so I don't care. Does anyone recommend the cheapest way to get this?

I'm very picky due to some awful past experiences but I have finally found the PERFECT place and it's under our pcm budget

The only thing is that the landlord isn't doing first come first serve. They want to get all the applications, look them over and pick someone. We've been waiting a week, and apparently they make the decision tomorrow

Moving causes extreme anxiety and stress for me. I've stopped looking since we found this place because it's exactly what I need.

The strikes against us are

1. I only work a 0-hour contract, but it's basically a part-time teaching role with lots of cover. I could only put about 12.5k as annual income.
2. We have two dogs, but both are small or x-small, non-shedding, and I said I could provide references, receipts of training and grooming, etc
3. We know there were a lot of viewings, including shareres, families and other couples without dogs

In our favour

1. I have a lot of savings for a young woman
2. My partner works full-time, permanent contract
3. Both our jobs sound good/responsible/always needed
4. I've rented responsibly since I was 18, although my partner lived at home until recently and is only known to our landlord, not on the lease
5. I have non-means-based benefits every month that cover over half the rent guaranteed
6. Neither of us smoke
7. We have a good guarantor earning more than needed and living locally, a homeowner etc

It's gutting because every other place has been first-come, first-served, so having to wait for our dream home is so sad.

We did find another amazing place a couple months ago, but found out they only want to rent it until they can air bnb the place, which sucked. This place is better but I'm terrified we won't get it and I've been picturing my life here, telling everyone.

I mean, I don't think I'll have the heart to keep looking if I don't get this place, and I can't stand to stay in the current flat. We don't even have a yard and it's not fair on the dogs, but nowhere with a yard accepts dogs. The whole system is evil

Considering renting from them, but saw a couple of red flags and wondered if anyone knows of them or has rented from them, and can give me opinions?

My boyfriend and I have been togther 10 months. I have BPD and didn't think I'd ever find someone patient and understanding enough to deal with me. He basically moved in with me in January and in April/May I helped him through a health scare and surgery recovery. We are borderline obsessed with each other, make each other laugh, have fun, very compatible. He's smart, emotionally understanding and patient. A really great guy. Until I found out these lies.

The problem is he keeps lying to me. At first it was an intervention his friends held with him in January. I asked over and over if it was about me, he said over and over it had nothing to do with me. Later I found out via his chatgpt (which he said he was against, as I am) that it was about me and his friends didn't like me. There were messages from his friend pasted into chat gpt where he was saying specific things I did that he didn't like (such as falling asleep at 11pm while they all played a game I wasn't involved in, or not talking enough when they didn't talk to me either and I'm new to a years established close friend group). We discussed it and eventually I moved on. He promised he hadn't lied about anything else.

A few weeks ago I found out that a friend of his also insulted me quite personally, including calling me childish (I have no idea why, we met 4 times and barely spoke to each other. I'm 23, have my own place and a good career) and a time bomb, mostly because my BF told him I have BPD and he googled it. He had even taken me out for dinner with this person knowing what he said about me and didn't tell me, so I felt really stupid. What the friend said really offended and hurt me and I was hurt my BF would even be friends and hang out with him after that. I found all this out because said friend won't speak to my BF anymore, its a whole thing and my BF basically had to choose me over this friend, which he did. He hangs out with that group a lot less after everything.

Then last night he dropped and smashed my phone so I've been using his. While he was out, he got a notification on reddit and I saw he had a second account. It was all porn. Stuff I don't really know anything about, henti, forced breeding, trans stuff, tit reveal. He'd been looking at it while I was in bed. The past few days. The history turned off a little but ago, meaning he wiped it. He also created that account right around the time we met. The google account connected to that reddit also had an ai chat bot account where he had weird sexual conversations, including incest ones. Not about him or his family, all rp, but still. He got back and I asked, he said he never watches porn, so I showed him and he said its old but I said the posts are from 3 days ago it cant be and finally he started admitting stuff. He was embarrassed and nervous and actually tried to snatch the phone away a couple times. He's NEVER been like that. There was also some Ben10 fanfic?? He says it's like a horror movie where he would never want to be involved but finds it interestign and wanted to see how far it would go. He asked me not to read the ai chats so I didn't but I saw the titles, including walking in on sister and gf (he has a younger sister who has had a gf, but he said it's not related).

The crazy thing is I have some more niche sexual interests (nothing like those though) and shared them with him and often encouraged him to share, but he always said he was just vanilla. I shared very personal things, secrets, etc, and I'm very open and body positive. I wouldn't have a real problem with most of this, especially if he was just honest, and he knew that, but he said it was too embarrassing. I said are you addicted to the porn and he said maybe, which I assume because we are very active and he has no reason to be frustrated. There was also trans and gay stuff, is he gay/bi? He says no but like I don't know if I 100% believe him.

Also we're going away into the middle of nowhere tomorrow. Like it's a retreat and other people will be around but the whole point was to disconnect and hang out and I don't think I'll enjoy it anymore. Should we just break up? We're so compatible and what we have is great, but this pattern is way too concerning. Could I be overeating? Should we try therapy? Anyone dealt with anything similar?

He's also in debt and doesn't even have enough money to replace the phone he broke with a second hand one before we go away. We're supposed to be moving to a new place when we find somewhere, but I dont think I want to share a lease with him now. He's been working full time for like 4-5 years and lived at home until we met.

I don't know if I can stand to leave him at this point. He's my best friend and I now feel quite dependant on him. He's my FP.

TLDR; My BF lied to me about his friends twice then I found out he was watching porn behind my back on a secret reddit account and chatting to ai sexbots, including gay and incest stuff and is also in some debt, but we have a great relationship and I love him

I've been trying to find a long-term rental in Newcastle for years, and it feels hopeless.

Everything gets rented out before you can view it or refuses to rent to people with dogs (yes, even if there is an enclosed, private yard/garden. Even if there's a cat flap) or the people want a short-term rental because they're planning to sell it or turn it into an Airbnb soon.

We found our dream place and were told that they loved us but may not be a good fit as we're looking for long term and they are only renting it out until they can be bothered to Airbnb it when its literally a small, old fashioned flat with built-in wardrobes and desks between a primary school and a retirement home. Who would want to holiday there regularly enough to make that worth it?

Over the years, I've emailed every letting agency in the area, and they sometimes send properties, but often nowhere near where I want to be or wrong in some other way.

Is there some letting agency or some other way to find places that are for long-term rentals? A proper home you can live in, not just keep warm for the investor that owns it? We're looking near town, Heaton ideally near the park, and have some other requirements that you can't even put into the websites so we have to go through every listing, such as needing a bathtub.

I mostly use Onthemarket and Rightmove but also check Zoopla and Openrent a few times a week and I'm on some mailing lists as I said. I've emailed

Hunters

Pattinson

Harvey quinn

Sarah mains

City & suburb

Hive estates

Wright residential

Mansons

Lightning

Bridgfords

Bricks and mortar

Rms

John monk

Bird house properties

Jan forster

Collis edison

Seekers

My house

My property box

Young rps

Yu lets

Red ridge

Living spaces

Safe & secure

Signature

Greetham gilbert

Holbrook and co

Symonds taylor

Hello neighbour

Casely Properties

Orrock

Habodel

Everbest properties

Aidan property

Northwood

Belvoir

Goodfellows

If anyone knows what I can do, I'd really appreciate it. Our budget is decent, and we don't want anything fancy, but right now we're stuck without any outdoor space for our dogs and not in a place we really want to live.

My main question is do you have advice for SPD/sensory issues and the dentist but below I will explain more (if it's too long, key info is bold to help you skim)

I have bad teeth and jaw because of sucking my thumb and drinking lots of juice. I like doing those things because they comfort me and make me happy and relaxed, eating sweets too. I had no idea how much pain it would cause. Juice is the worst, so I will switch to sugar-free strawberry water, which is much better.

I was reccomended dental treatment at 14 but my mam said no because they have to break my jaw. So now I have issues, espeically in my back teeth as they have been overused and now I have a lot of pain.

My main fear is having metal braces because I can't take them off if I get overstimulated but invisalign are very expensive and may not even fix the issue. I'm also scared of jaw surgery in case I can't speak, eat or in case the pain is too much, but I'm more willing to do that if it's faster to get it over with

I can handle pain and my tolerance is quite high but I want to get this all fixed so the issues don't get worse. Pain is easier for me than prolonged discomfort

I am now on a waiting list that is long for orthodontist and root canal surgery where they'll put me to sleep, which I'm scared of but I guess that's not that big a deal

I don't really understand how the dentist works? I never seem to be able to get an appointment and they always say different stuff

Like, 2 yers ago I had a tooth out now they're saying I have so many problems that have been there for years, why didn't they tell me at my last appointment

I had no problem getting the tooth removed, they injected the roof of my mouth which was a little painful then they pulled it out which was like jarring on my jaw then there was a gap which my tongue kept going in but it wasn't so bad, just a couple weeks of getting used to. Braces sound like torutre.

Has anyone had a lot of dental work? What can you tell me about the exerience? Is there anythign to help tooth pain/discomfort/overload from dental treatments?

No horrible stories or scary stories or fear mongering etc

My main question is do you have advice for SPD/sensory issues and the dentist but below I will explain more

I have bad teeth and jaw because of sucking my thumb and drinking lots of juice. I like doing those things because they comfort me and make me happy and relaxed, eating sweets too. I had no idea how much pain it would cause. Juice is the worst, so I will switch to sugar-free strawberry water, which is much better.

I was reccomended dental treatment at 14 but my mam said no because they have to break my jaw. So now I have issues, espeically in my back teeth as they have been overused and now I have a lot of pain.

My main fear is having metal braces because I can't take them off if I get overstimulated but invisalign are very expensive and may not even fix the issue. I'm also scared of jaw surgery in case I can't speak, eat or in case the pain is too much, but I'm more willing to do that if it's faster to get it over with

I can handle pain and my tolerance is quite high but I want to get this all fixed so the issues don't get worse. Pain is easier for me than prolonged discomfort

I am now on a waiting list that is long for orthodontist and root canal surgery where they'll put me to sleep, which I'm scared of but I guess that's not that big a deal

I don't really understand how the dentist works? I never seem to be able to get an appointment and they always say different stuff

Like, 2 yers ago I had a tooth out now they're saying I have so many problems that have been there for years, why didn't they tell me at my last appointment

I had no problem getting the tooth removed, they injected the roof of my mouth which was a little painful then they pulled it out which was like jarring on my jaw then there was a gap which my tongue kept going in but it wasn't so bad, just a couple weeks of getting used to. Braces sound like torutre.

Has anyone had a lot of dental work? What can you tell me about the exerience?

No horrible stories or scary stories or fear mongering etc

Hi, I am 23F and haven't made any real friends since moving to a new city in November. I have the Summer off so lots of time to try new hobbies. I have a lot of hobbies such as writing, crochet, clay, reading etc but I don't have any in person hobbies to help me make friends

I know I want to go to yoga and maybe dance, but since (especially yoga) you go in and do the class quietly, how do I make friends with people?

I am also part of an online poetry course but don't say tons and the people live far away.

Are there any other low stakes hobbies I could try and how could I make friends at them?

I notice a lot of like girl groups have book clubs, pilates etc but it's paid to go and idk if they'll already all be friends and I'll be coming in

Which isn't surprising after past experiences of being cheated on and abused BUT

My boyfriend is wonderful. The best person I've ever met. Patient, kind, giving. I love him a lot

However, I have a couple of things that made me suspicious recently that are bothering me. Is it my BPD, or do I have a valid reason?

2 Mondays in a row, he went radio silent, basically all morning. I work Monday mornings, but it's his late start, so he starts WFH at 11am. Last Monday and this Monday he had a couple hours where he didn't answer me, when he's literally never done that.

Last week I called, texted, messaged him on multiple platforms and got my mam to text him because he had a surgery last month and I was worried he had passed out or something. Turns out he was asleep and none of our attempts to contect him worked. The thing that struck me was a parcel attempted to deliver which is a really loud buzz at the door, but he says he didn't hear that either or they didn't ring the right bell.

This week, same thing but I didn't send many messages or call him because I assumed the same thing had happened where he fell asleep, but this week he said his Whatsapp (which I had been messaging him on) wasn't working and showed me some setting that comes on when his phone enters low power mode that stops updates from Whatsapp. This made me suspicious because it had happened twice in a row and the explanation was weird.

That night (last night) I asked to look at his phone. I am allowed to look at his phone if I want I just never ask to. We both have each others passwords and everything. I was kind of joking and said I was going to look in his notes app because I saw this post about secret ways to cheat on your partner and one was using a shared note in the notes app as a way to text. He was acting really weird about it but said in the end it was becaue he had some embarrasing notes that he did end up showing me, mainly one that he had made when we met which was a list of conversation ideas to have with me and lists of things to keep the conversation going, that kind of thing.

He had been really cagey about it and I took a break and went to lie in bed. He came in and said sorry and gave me his phone. I saw he'd looked at a reddit post about why you might get nervous when your girlfriend wants to go through your phone even if you're inncent. I then tried to open his texts and he got stressed again and deleted some. He said he was embarassed about those because they were about repaying debt. He has credit card debt which is a point of contetnion because he lived with family until we met (he was 25, working full time for years) and I had moved out at 18 and always been in education, so never worked full time, but I'd never got into debt except student debt. He says he used it for stupid stuff and his computer. I never got to see that text though, because he deleted it before I could see.

A couple months ago I also found out he was lying about his friends not liking me. They had a whole intervention thing and at the time he told me it had nothing to do with me, but I later found out it was to do with me and they had said some quite negative things about me that he hadn't pushed back on very hard. He was sorry about this and cancelled his bi-weekly meetup with them (this was also because he was about to have aforementioned surgey, but also because of this) and things have been weird with his friends ever since. I haven't really seen them since this, they've made no effort with me or apologised. I also found all this out by looking ta his chatgpt account, which he hadn't told me he had because I am anti-ai and he said he was too.

So now I'm in a weird spot where the trust is crumbling a bit. I don't really honestly think he's cheating on me, but he's being suspicious. I'm also suspicious that he's in more debt than he admits to. I'm also not happy about the situation with his friends and that kind of proved he was willing to tell me white lies.

TLDR; my otherwise wonderful bf has been acting strange, disappearing twice for 2-3 hours, then acting weird about his phone and has told me white lies before, so I think he may be keeping something from me

Which isn't surprising after past experiences of being cheated on and abused BUT

My boyfriend is wonderful. The best person I've ever met. Patient, kind, giving. I love him a lot

However, I have a couple of things that made me suspicious recently that are bothering me. Is it my BPD, or do I have a valid reason?

2 Mondays in a row, he went radio silent, basically all morning. I work Monday mornings, but it's his late start, so he starts WFH at 11am. Last Monday and this Monday he had a couple hours where he didn't answer me, when he's literally never done that.

Last week I called, texted, messaged him on multiple platforms and got my mam to text him because he had a surgery last month and I was worried he had passed out or something. Turns out he was asleep and none of our attempts to contect him worked. The thing that struck me was a parcel attempted to deliver which is a really loud buzz at the door, but he says he didn't hear that either or they didn't ring the right bell.

This week, same thing but I didn't send many messages or call him because I assumed the same thing had happened where he fell asleep, but this week he said his Whatsapp (which I had been messaging him on) wasn't working and showed me some setting that comes on when his phone enters low power mode that stops updates from Whatsapp. This made me suspicious because it had happened twice in a row and the explanation was weird.

That night (last night) I asked to look at his phone. I am allowed to look at his phone if I want I just never ask to. We both have each others passwords and everything. I was kind of joking and said I was going to look in his notes app because I saw this post about secret ways to cheat on your partner and one was using a shared note in the notes app as a way to text. He was acting really weird about it but said in the end it was becaue he had some embarrasing notes that he did end up showing me, mainly one that he had made when we met which was a list of conversation ideas to have with me and lists of things to keep the conversation going, that kind of thing.

He had been really cagey about it and I took a break and went to lie in bed. He came in and said sorry and gave me his phone. I saw he'd looked at a reddit post about why you might get nervous when your girlfriend wants to go through your phone even if you're inncent. I then tried to open his texts and he got stressed again and deleted some. He said he was embarassed about those because they were about repaying debt. He has credit card debt which is a point of contetnion because he lived with family until we met (he was 25, working full time for years) and I had moved out at 18 and always been in education, so never worked full time, but I'd never got into debt except student debt. He says he used it for stupid stuff and his computer. I never got to see that text though, because he deleted it before I could see.

A couple months ago I also found out he was lying about his friends not liking me. They had a whole intervention thing and at the time he told me it had nothing to do with me, but I later found out it was to do with me and they had said some quite negative things about me that he hadn't pushed back on very hard. He was sorry about this and cancelled his bi-weekly meetup with them (this was also because he was about to have aforementioned surgey, but also because of this) and things have been weird with his friends ever since. I haven't really seen them since this, they've made no effort with me or apologised. I also found all this out by looking ta his chatgpt account, which he hadn't told me he had because I am anti-ai and he said he was too.

So now I'm in a weird spot where the trust is crumbling a bit. I don't really honestly think he's cheating on me, but he's being suspicious. I'm also suspicious that he's in more debt than he admits to. I'm also not happy about the situation with his friends and that kind of proved he was willing to tell me white lies.

TLDR; my otherwise wonderful bf has been acting strange, disappearing twice for 2-3 hours, then acting weird about his phone and has told me white lies before, so I think he may be keeping something from me

I am 23F with 2.5 months off work, what habits can I form/things I can do that will make the most difference? I am a creative living with boyfriend, recovering from brain injury

I'm off work July & August because I teach (adults), looking for creative opportunities or short-term work in Newcastle, especially Ouseburn, Heaton etc area or town. I am interested in crafts like sculpting and crochet, creative writing, including poetry and prose, and filmmaking (already in NCL Film Club). I'd like to teach/workshops but open to anything

So I live with my partner/FP who I love very much and enjoy talking to. We spend a lot of time together, 1 on 1, and aren't staying up late because we don't get to spend time together otherwise. It's just never enough. He doesn't have BPD, but he does naturally stay up later than me so when the time comes for me to go to bed, he has no problem staying up and continuing to hang out.

I like to get ready for bed at like 10 pm and wake up at like 9 am, but we've been doing like 1 am and 11 am, which makes me miserable. I have a brain injury and need sleep.

How do I voluntarily cut my time with me BPD short in order to go to bed and get enough sleep? I know logically we will have that same time to hang out when we get up in the morning, but in the moment, it feels impossible!!

So I live with my partner/FP who I love very much and enjoy talking to. We spend a lot of time together, 1 on 1, and aren't staying up late because we don't get to spend time together otherwise. It's just never enough. He doesn't have BPD, but he does naturally stay up later than me so when the time comes for me to go to bed, he has no problem staying up and continuing to hang out.

I like to get ready for bed at like 10 pm and wake up at like 9 am, but we've been doing like 1 am and 11 am, which makes me miserable. I have a brain injury and need sleep.

How do I voluntarily cut my time with me BPD short in order to go to bed and get enough sleep? I know logically we will have that same time to hang out when we get up in the morning, but in the moment, it feels impossible!!

We always end up eating late (after 9 pm), so I don't get to bed until like midnight or 1 am. I never used to go to bed after 11 pm and would wake up at 8-10 am. Now it's 1 am bedtime and 11 am wakeup half the time, which makes me much more tired and miserable. We just enjoy each others company so much, but we spend hours and hours together, every weekend and when we're not working. I just can't seem to get to bed on time since he moved in and it's making me miserable