u/Correct-Dingo-9242

I know this might get me downvoted, but I'm a girl's girl through and through, so this isn't coming from a place of wanting male approval or being a pick me.

I do think we've unintentionally socialized a lot of women into expecting men to do all the emotional and romantic labor. We tell women that if a guy likes you, he should chase. Don't text first. Don't ask him out. Make him prove himself. Then we wonder why so many men are confused, burnt out, or give up after mixed signals.

The same goes for a lot of relationship discourse online. If he didn't open the car door, bring you his jacket when you're cold, walk on the traffic side of the sidewalk, surprise you with flowers, he's apparently a terrible partner. Those gestures are sweet when they're genuine, but somewhere along the way they became moral tests rather than preferences.

On the flip side, there's also this casual man-hating humor that's become so normalized that people barely question it. Most of it is obviously jokes, but if the genders were swapped, we'd probably recognize how weird some of it sounds.

I think social media has flattened nuance into algorithms. Healthy relationships are built on communication, reciprocity, and kindness, not on who played harder to get or who remembered every chivalry checklist.

Maybe I'm wrong. I'm open to having my mind changed. I just feel like we're outsourcing our dating expectations to Instagram reels instead of treating the person in front of us like an actual person.

Our brain has a tendency to chase what is not complete. So when someone ghosts you, or a friendship or relationship that you thought was going well suddenly ends, your nervous system reacts to that as a threat. Because what is unknown is considered a threat. We panic, we try to make sense of it, we beg, we chase, we think about it relentlessly. It's pain like nothing else. I guess everybody, at some point in their life, has gone through this at least once.

The less self-aware you are, the more it happens. And it is even worse for people who are already suffering from loneliness, self-image issues, or some sort of trauma. Some people use this to their advantage and manipulate their partners by threatening to leave or creating a cycle of leaving and coming back, which can cause a sort of trauma bond.

This is why we have to learn how to close this loop in our brain without the need for the other person. Closure should always come from within. I know many people who have been stuck in these loops for years because they never learned to break them on their own. So for the people who want to do that, here are some things that personally worked for me:

1. Build a self-worth so strong that no one else's validation is nearly enough to break it. Know your strengths, weaknesses, who you are, what you can and can't be, and who you want to be.

2. Never center your life around one thing. You are not just your trauma, or that person who gives you a shoestring of attention when it's convenient, or the mistakes you made, or the things you never had.

3. Socialize and have at least a few loyal people in your life who are genuine and loyal. It can be friends, family, or siblings. Hold on to them. They'll be your anchor when things get worse.

4. Constantly reinvent yourself. Always question everything you know and don't focus on being right all the time. Focus on growth so that you don't define yourself by who you were yesterday. Be willing to let old identities, beliefs, and habits go. Because it means you don't need someone else or a particular outcome to give you permission to move on. You choose to release what no longer serves you.

5. Don't take things personally.I have said this many times in this sub. IT'S NEVER ABOUT YOU.

For example, if a person initially said they wanted something serious with you and then changed their mind, our immediate thought is that there must be something wrong with us. But the truth is usually much messier than that. Yeah, maybe they didn't like something about you. But that's not because there is something wrong with you. It's because they may have realized you're not for them, which is fine because we all do that too.

Maybe the way they went about it was shitty. But you cannot change another person or how they behave. You can only control how you respond to it.

6. Take everything at face value.When someone hasn't reached out to you for two days, that could be because they're busy. But when they haven't reached out in a week, that's an answer. Also, if someone keeps telling you they like you but their words don't match their actions, that's an answer.

Just think about it. If you genuinely like someone, wouldn't you make the effort? Sure, some people could genuinely be busy, they might be bad texters, or there might be solid reasons. But if that's the case, you'll know. You won't be left confused.

This is where the quote, "If they wanted to, they would," comes into play. So don't excuse other people's behavior just because you want it to be something else.

7. Last but not least, forgive yourself. This one is so important and I cannot stress it enough.

Sometimes you feel like an absolute fool for falling for it in the first place because it makes moving on even harder. Just know that even supermodels and people with higher IQs and EQs get played. It happens, and it's okay.

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you couldn't have known at the time. Forgive yourself for trusting, for hoping, and for being human. That's not weakness. It's part of life. What matters most is what you learn and who you become because of it.

Closure is for yourself, not for the other person. It's not about getting the perfect explanation, the apology you deserve, or the ending you imagined. It's about deciding that your peace is no longer dependent on someone else's actions. The moment you stop waiting for them to close the door is the moment you finally can.

Off Campus was such a cliché and corny in the first two episodes. I was groaning and rolling my eyes every five minutes. Then it definitely surprised me as it went on. Like, wdym Garrett didn't share Hannah's story with anyone, or Allie didn't cheat on her boring-ass bf, or Logan didn't fuck up his best friend's relationship because he had a crush on the girl? What in the healthy therapeutic shit was that?

And the best part is they're gonna go ahead with Allie and Dean's love story for the next season, so they don't have to keep Garrett and Hannah's story dramatic just to keep us interested and invested. I love that for the show.

I genuinely believe that once Season 2 is out, it's gonna be an even bigger deal than TSITP, and that can't come soon enough... ughhh....

I was wondering the other day literally everyone is the victim here. Nobody ever did anything wrong, yet somehow everyone was wronged. The ex or the date is always the villain, and the poster is always the innocent party.

​I always wonder how that is logistically possible all the time. If everyone here is a flawless partner who just got treated terribly, who is actually doing the wronging?

Ik, we're all heros in our story. But just wanted to point out.

Ps. Not saying what you went through isn’t real. Just oru fun observation nnu edtha mathy. Sometimes we mess up, sometimes others and sometimes both. There is no black and white, we're all grey shaded.

Yesterday I tried watching Bhooth Bangla, and saying I was disappointed would be an understatement. I had already read the reviews and went in with rock-bottom expectations, yet somehow the movie still managed to disappoint me.

At some point, it felt less like a Priyadarshan film and more like a Naagin serial. The VFX, colour grading, framing, dialogue delivery, acting, everything felt unbelievably cheap and dated. And the comedy felt painfully cringe. The only saving grace for me was Mithila Palkar.

I genuinely cannot believe this is from the same Priyadarshan who gave us classics like Kilukkam, Vettam, Kakkakuyil, Thenmavin Kombath, and Chandralekha. These were such a huge part of our childhood and are still endlessly rewatchable today.

I just hope we get one final banger with his last film. A proper send off. The kind of movie that reminds us why we fell in love with his cinema in the first place and lets us close that chapter of childhood with a smile.

Yesterday I tried watching Bhooth Bangla, and saying I was disappointed would be an understatement. I had already read the reviews and went in with rock-bottom expectations, yet somehow the movie still managed to disappoint me.

At some point, it felt less like a Priyadarshan film and more like a Naagin serial. The VFX, colour grading, framing, dialogue delivery, acting, everything felt unbelievably cheap and dated. And the comedy felt painfully cringe. The only saving grace for me was Mithila Palkar.

I genuinely cannot believe this is from the same Priyadarshan who gave us classics like Kilukkam, Vettam, Kakkakuyil, Thenmavin Kombath, and Chandralekha. These were such a huge part of our childhood and are still endlessly rewatchable today.

I just hope we get one final banger with his last film. A proper send off. The kind of movie that reminds us why we fell in love with his cinema in the first place and lets us close that chapter of childhood with a smile.

I recently started using matrimony and I am handling my profile myself because I want to choose the person I am going to marry. It has only been a few days and it already feels awkward. I have no idea how to start conversations. It was never this difficult on dating apps. Those feel casual and low pressure, even though they rarely lead to anything meaningful. That is why I finally decided to try matrimony and give it a real shot.

But right now, it feels like a chore. I dread opening the app. The worst part is rejecting someone. I feel guilty every time. I talked to a guys mom today, which felt worse she sounds like a sweetheart. But the guy was simply too old for me. But I felt soo bad saying no to that aunty. I finally understand why so many girls prefer letting parents filter things first before it reaches them.

I do not want to quit so quickly. And I don't want to hand this over to my parents too. I want to give this a proper chance. How do I manage this without feeling drained or overwhelmed? Any suggestions would help.

I recently started using matrimony and I am handling my profile myself because I want to choose the person I am going to marry. It has only been a few days and it already feels awkward. I have no idea how to start conversations. It was never this difficult on dating apps. Those feel casual and low pressure, even though they rarely lead to anything meaningful. That is why I finally decided to try matrimony and give it a real shot.

But right now, it feels like a chore. I dread opening the app. The worst part is rejecting someone. I feel guilty every time. I talked to a guys mom today, which felt worse she sounds like a sweetheart. But the guy was simply too old for me. But I felt soo bad saying no to that aunty. I finally understand why so many girls prefer letting parents filter things first before it reaches them.

I do not want to quit so quickly. And I don't want to hand this over to my parents too. I want to give this a proper chance. How do I manage this without feeling drained or overwhelmed? Any suggestions would help.

I had an argument with a friend about this yesterday. Since I’m politically vocal, a lot of my friends immediately come to me whenever something happens. This guy saw some videos about the KSRTC freebie for women and started arguing with me. He didn’t ask my opinion, he just jumped straight into arguing. Maybe because I’m a woman, he assumed I would automatically support it.

But I’ve been very openly saying that not only is it not beneficial for most women, it might actually harm the economy. KSRTC is already running at a loss. If they start giving free transportation, the losses will increase. Women will depend more on KSRTC than private buses, which will affect private bus profits too. If private buses struggle, that can cause economic instability.

This is the same pattern we see in Tamil Nadu. Instead of addressing long-term structural issues, governments rely on freebies because it creates quick emotional appeal. Most middle-class voters do not have the time or access to understand the deeper policy implications, so these schemes work as short-term political tools rather than real solutions.

Kerala used to be more resistant to this kind of politics because people paid attention to governance and accountability. But now it feels like that clarity is slipping.

He kept saying “why do women get all this, why not men,” which wasn’t even the point. I’m not trying to start a gender war. That’s not my intention at all. I genuinely want to know what others think. Do you believe this policy will actually do any good?

I had an argument with a friend about this yesterday. Since I’m politically vocal, a lot of my friends immediately come to me whenever something happens. This guy saw some videos about the KSRTC freebie for women and started arguing with me. He didn’t ask my opinion, he just jumped straight into arguing. Maybe because I’m a woman, he assumed I would automatically support it.

But I’ve been very openly saying that not only is it not beneficial for most women, it might actually harm the economy. KSRTC is already running at a loss. If they start giving free transportation, the losses will increase. Women will depend more on KSRTC than private buses, which will affect private bus profits too. If private buses struggle, that can cause economic instability.

This is the same pattern we see in Tamil Nadu. Instead of addressing long-term structural issues, governments rely on freebies because it creates quick emotional appeal. Most middle-class voters do not have the time or access to understand the deeper policy implications, so these schemes work as short-term political tools rather than real solutions.

Kerala used to be more resistant to this kind of politics because people paid attention to governance and accountability. But now it feels like that clarity is slipping.

He kept saying “why do women get all this, why not men,” which wasn’t even the point. I’m not trying to start a gender war. That’s not my intention at all. I genuinely want to know what others think. Do you believe this policy will actually do any good?

Yesterday I made a post about three things that never made much sense to me:

1. Arranged marriage
2. Moving into the husband's house
3. The housewife/house husband concept

A quick clarification regarding arranged marriages. I was specifically talking about situations where people jump into marriage based primarily on factors like caste, horoscope, family status, income, etc. without making a serious effort to get to know the other person.

I fully understand that many people use arranged marriage as a way to meet potential partners and then spend time getting to know them. I have no issue with that.

Some people also pointed out that many men and women struggle to find partners because of work, limited social circles, or a lack of friendships with the opposite sex. That's fair. My argument is that, as a society, we should be creating more opportunities for healthy male-female friendships and interactions. That feels like a more sustainable long-term solution than expecting people to marry someone they met over a couple of family-arranged coffee dates.

Here are two more things I struggle to understand:

1. Treating the bride's family as if they are eternally indebted to the groom's family

I come from a small town where this is still very common.

Even when a family claims they don't want dowry, many wedding expenses such as the venue, catering, decorations, gifts, and other costs are still expected to be handled by the bride's side. In many households, the bride's family is expected to continuously give gifts and maintain a certain level of obligation toward the groom's family.

What bothers me most is the attitude behind it. It's as if the groom's family has done the bride's family a favour by accepting their daughter into the family. Traditional marriages have never been perfectly equal, but treating one side as inherently lesser is something I simply cannot understand.

2. Women being expected to do most of the childcare and household work even when they have full-time jobs

There are many families where both partners work full-time, but only one of them gets to truly "clock out" after work.

The wife is often still expected to cook, clean, do laundry, manage the household, care for children, attend PTA meetings, and look after elderly family members. It becomes a second shift that many men never experience.

I recently had a conversation about productivity differences between men and women in the workplace and how that affects pay and career progression. But we rarely talk about the fact that many women are carrying a disproportionate amount of unpaid labour at home.

Whether it's because of children, relocation, or family responsibilities, it is often the woman's career that gets sacrificed first, as though her work matters less.

What's especially frustrating is that women perform extremely well academically. In Kerala, female graduates often outnumber male graduates. If you look at school results, girls are frequently among the highest performers. Yet when you look at the workforce, women are underrepresented and often concentrated in a smaller range of careers that society traditionally labels as "women's work."

Anyway, this post is already long enough, and our collective attention spans are hanging on by a thread.

We'll discuss the rest in the next post. 😌

There are many things normalized in our culture that I struggle to understand. Here are three of them.

1. Arranged marriage

Many countries frown upon Indians because of the arranged marriage system. If you're a grown adult, why are you depending on your parents to find a life partner? A spouse isn't a school supply that someone else can pick out for you.

What surprises me is how often people focus on superficial factors like money, dowry, job, family status, or horoscope, while barely discussing things that actually determine whether a marriage works. Lifestyle, financial responsibility, values, interests, children, and especially sex are all important parts of a relationship, yet many couples never properly discuss them before marriage.

Sometimes I wonder if people truly understand the concept of marriage or if they simply do it because it's what everyone else is doing.

2. Moving into the husband's house

I cannot comprehend the idea of moving into a home that was built for someone else's family and treating it as your own. And why is it almost always the man's house?

Why are women expected to be "vella veetil keri chellan ullathu"? How do you expect someone to leave the comfort of their own space and adapt to an entirely different household overnight?

If you marry because you want to build a family together, shouldn't you be creating a home of your own? How do you build something that is truly yours when one partner is still attached to his mom's hip? (And why do I sound like a tele- serial villathi for saying that, lol?)

3. The housewife/house husband concept

You need money for food, shelter, clothing, and your lifestyle. How do you confidently depend on someone else financially?

I completely understand people who willingly sacrifice their careers to raise children or support their partner. I also understand situations where one partner cannot work due to physical or mental health reasons. In healthy relationships, both partners recognize that unpaid domestic work is real work, and finances, assets, and savings are shared fairly.

What worries me is when people choose this lifestyle without fully understanding the risks.

I have a cousin who was eager to get married because she didn't want to study or work. She was married at 21, never finished college, and everyone was happy because her husband had a high-paying job. Ten years later, she is a mother of two girls and constantly complains about her life. She has to ask her husband for money to buy chocolates for her own children. She has no income, no savings, no degree, no work experience, and has never lived independently a single day in her life. If her husband left tomorrow, she would have no backup plan.

I've also seen many men say they want to become house husbands someday without thinking about the consequences.

I'm not saying nobody should choose that path. I'm saying people should understand the sacrifices involved and make sure their partner genuinely respects and values the work they're doing.

These are just a few things I've thought about. There are many more cultural norms that I disagree with, and I'll probably talk about them in another post.