u/DJTsUnderboob

Like I really try to write out good natured trans jokes that make me the butt of the joke. Stuff like Anthony Jesslenek did with this joke.

"I'm not trans but I sympathize with trans people because I'm always getting yelled at for going in the wrong bathroom too"

Stuff like that is really funny, isn't just bullying trans people, and makes Anthony the butt of the joke. But every time I try write something like that I just ended making unfunny jokes about girl cock.

Is there something I can take to fix this?

I heard him singing a song saying that Phosphorus will get you Calcium, and that Sulfur will get you Neon. Do any of you know what he means?

What the fuck does this even mean?

fI any fo ouy maange ot rgeiuf uto twah tish sya, I ilwl eb eolnluasstuyim semrisdpe nda a ibt nncerecod.  oD yuo lrlaey have ghtinno berett to od nhat ot yrt to ehdrecip wtha ym itspud jdmelbu pu htsi otsp sha to say?  

losA, fi nya fo uoy ytr to tlle em htta sdeyclix peeopl reat'n laeb ot yflul paeatsre eht rwosd adn htta telsret ofrm chea dculo eb emidx up itwh the ohster I ma ginog to tbas ymsfle ni hte kidc.

I lilw dad ni oclnusinco htat eth salaDl ywsCobo rea xteeleymr yag and yenano htta ortos orf tmhe is aslo meelexryt gya yb onsatiiasco.  The otHnosu ensTxa rae a fra erbtet tame and Dalsla whsies tehy oclud be as cool sa eoDceM aynsR.

“Trap” blocks, especially ones that “pop wide open” like Hank Stram would say.

Scissors concepts, wham blocks, rub routes, referencing a player getting juked as “undressed.”

Players are cheered for getting sacks, even better if it is a “strip” sack, and there is constant discussion about which running backs hit holes the hardest.  Defensive backs that get a lot of interceptions are sometimes referred to as ball hawks or having good ball skills too.

My god there is even a play called the tush push. 

I’m really sad that he died in 1939 and never got to hear all this.

It’s 2026 and I want to make my game more inclusive but I’m having some trouble.  Here’s what I’ve been doing so far.  

Gay and bisexual men are the easiest, I just suck their dicks and they are pretty happy.

Bisexual women are usually a bit turned off by my offering oral, so I tried paying a female prostitute to do it but that made them even more upset.  I need a new idea.

Lesbian woman I tried the prostitute as well with no luck.  I tried growing out my hair and claiming to be a butch lesbian but they saw right through it.

Trans women are very difficult.  I figured they’d be down to have their dicks sucked but they all seem to think I’m “fetishizing” them.  Also, most of them say they are into women (what!?).  I tried offering some food high in trans fats but they never want it.

Trans men are pretty easy as well, sexual favors usually doing the trick.

Genderqueer people I tried to appease by asking their pronouns every time I refer to them but they tend to get quite upset by this, thinking I’m mocking them.  I gave one a non-Newtonian fluid because I thought they’d appreciate it but they just seemed confused.

Intersex.  I’ve only had one intersex player and they didn’t want the different hadiths I offered which was a problem as that was my only idea.  I need a new one.

Asexual I tried giving them some maple syrup and put on some Gordan Lightfoot. They said thanks and stayed to play, but they seemed a bit confused by my actions.

I'm open to any other ideas y'all have, thanks in advance!

I am a cis man, and masculinity is not ever something I’ve had to really think about.  Broader shoulders, facial hair, deep voice, height, easier gains in the gym, all things that are associated with masculinity were handed to me by genetics.  

Not only that, but from my earliest memories i had adult men in my life teaching what it means to be a man.  On top of that, learned experiences teach you how to perform masculinity as well, and how best to handle its pitfalls.  Not a foolproof process by any means, but the seeds are there if you choose to water them.

Transgender men do not have such advantages.  They are born female, and most of them don’t begin to transition into men until adulthood, denying them the advantages I have had.  They don’t even get their testosterone for free, they have to buy and inject it.

Yet through sheer force of will, a person who lived as a woman until the age of twenty can become a man.  Battling against society, family and even nature itself they become men.  It is painful, the man is both the anvil and the hammer in this type of change, but trans men endure and impose their new identity on the world. They are men and they have earned that title!

In conclusion, trans men are the MOST masculine men.  I submit this article for peer review.  

Like, they went to pick up their green lightsaber but accidentally grabbed a red one and that made them commit a genocide or something idk.

They really like his ideas about special relatives.

This stops me from playing the game exactly how I want at all times and totally removes me from the gameplay loop.  There is literally nothing I or the party could do.

I definitely couldn’t do something like say “My muscles burn as a try to break from these magical bonds, but it is to no avail.  My eyes dart around furtively to my party, hoping they can break this spell.”  Roleplaying and combat are two entirely separate things that cannot and should not mix.

My party surely cannot focus on the caster to try to break their concentration to try to get me out of the spell.  That would make the game a team effort, and not every player having their own isolated hero story.  It would also require them to know what concentration is, and who the fuck has time to read the rule books?

Dispel magic and lesser restoration?  What are those?  Casters are there to do BIG DAMAGE not to use stupid utility spells, even if we whine about them constantly in the 10,000th martial caster disparity thread.

Honestly, if an enemy caster hits you with hold person you may as well kill yourself.  It’s over.

I’ve been trying all the usual tricks to stop thinking about the hard problem of consciousness but none of them are working.  My mind is just fixated and I can’t seem to calm it down.  

I took a cold shower to try and numb my thoughts but my desperate thoughts about the hard problem of consciousness continued. I’ve used this technique in the past to great success but it barely phased me this time.

I thought of some of my worst and most disgusting experiences to distract my mind from the hard problem of consciousness to no avail.  Giant bugs, the time I got really sick and threw up for days, the time I got diarrhea and shit my pants, but nothing helped.  I just couldn’t stop thinking about the hard problem of consciousness. 

I even went and rubbed one out, hoping the endorphins would distract me but it was to no avail.

I just can’t seem to get the hard problem of consciousness out of my mind and I don’t know what to do.  Do you all have any advice?  This is getting kinda serious at this point and I’m getting worried.