u/Desperate_Stage_9372

I know this was so stupid to do that now but I was a child navigating a really complex situation. So please don’t be rude.

My question is, if you have any advice of what I could do with this, any questions to ask anything to look into

Based on what I did with tarot, it doesn’t seem like a good idea to do any spell work right now. It could reactivate the spell it seems. It seems like the residue needs to cycle, but I’m not sure.

I have pretty severe OCD and while I was navigating it, I made a wish.

That if I harm the person I care about I’d like to die

It was on a wish subliminal that used chaos magic

And I used a sub that had a servitor

And another sub by them in the far past to help subs manifest which was to manifest what you want

These wishes weren’t together

When I made this wish I had a thought while listening to the servitor subliminal

I had an intrusive thought and panicked

And it changed the color of my vision to an intrusive thought I had a while back that I dismissed

Basically, the thought was about the world being in that color and me harming them

My vision changed to a off green color

That was a year ago now

Then lately the colors started to dance and merge turning into a blue color I’ve been using tarot and looking things up for a while to figure everything out

At the same time of this, I’ve stepped away from a big part of the fear that I had. I stopped trying to figure think my way out of fear.

It seems the two systems are merging or integrating.

These two beings might be communicating or overlapping

When I ask things related to the fear like will this feared thing happen

It starts to move like a jagged wave back and forth

But when I say I allow starts to slow and settle (not the thing specifically)

It’s when I sleep or close my eyes that I see these colors

This subliminal did change my path at the same time because it scared me so badly that I actually got the help I needed and I’m working on these symptoms and stopped overthinking

I noticed an exchange for what I wished, for it took away stability

it was almost like a punishment. the things that it took in exchange for example it took my stability

Ace of Wands reversed points to misdirected or blocked intention from the start—the energy behind the spell wasn’t flowing cleanly or was forced.

Nine of Swords reversed suggests internal anxiety or mental strain that wasn’t fully acknowledged, but still influenced the outcome beneath the surface.

Nine of Pentacles reversed shows a lack of grounded independence or stability—something about reliance, insecurity, or imbalance in self-sufficiency affected the working.

Six of Swords indicates a transition energy, but not a clean one—carrying unresolved energy forward rather than leaving it behind.

Five of Wands reversed points to suppressed conflict—tension avoided rather than addressed, which can distort results instead of resolving them.

Judgment suggests a reckoning or consequence—actions being called into awareness, leading to unavoidable outcomes.

Death indicates a forced ending or transformation—the spell triggered change, but not necessarily in the intended way.

Nine of Wands shows strain and defensiveness—enduring something difficult, possibly from pushing through despite resistance.

Justice reversed reflects imbalance or unintended consequences—something wasn’t aligned fairly or truthfully, leading to a skewed result.

The Hierophant points to going against established structure, tradition, or proper method—either ignoring guidance or misapplying it.

Two of Pentacles reversed shows overwhelm and poor balance—too much being juggled without stability, causing collapse in control.

Seven of Cups reversed suggests clarity after confusion—realizing what was illusion versus reality, but only after things unraveled.

Knight of Pentacles reversed indicates lack of careful follow-through or impatience—details, discipline, or consistency were missing.

Overall, the cards show misaligned intention, emotional and mental interference, imbalance in execution, and a disregard for structure or grounding—leading to consequences that forced clarity and change rather than the desired outcome.

Five of Swords shows lingering tension or internal conflict—the energy is still creating a sense of mental friction, like something unresolved or subtly combative.

King of Pentacles reversed points to instability in grounding—this can show up as feeling off-center, lacking security, or not fully in control of your environment or decisions.

Nine of Wands reversed suggests burnout and lowered defenses—the effect now is more about exhaustion than active resistance, like your energy is worn down.

Eight of Pentacles reversed indicates disrupted focus or lack of productive flow—difficulty concentrating, staying consistent, or feeling motivated.

Five of Wands shows ongoing inner or external conflict—the tension that wasn’t resolved is still active, creating friction rather than harmony.

Death reversed points to stagnation—the situation isn’t fully transforming or ending, so the energy lingers instead of clearing.

Judgment reversed suggests avoidance or delayed resolution—something isn’t being fully acknowledged or integrated, which keeps the cycle going.

Ten of Pentacles reversed reflects instability in long-term security or comfort—feeling disconnected from stability, support, or a sense of foundation.

Five of Pentacles reversed (bottom of the deck) shows that recovery is possible—the situation is moving out of hardship, but not fully there yet.

Overall, the cards show the spell’s effect now as lingering instability, burnout, and unresolved tension—less active “backfire” and more a drawn-out imbalance that hasn’t fully cleared or been processed yet, but is slowly moving toward recovery.

Ten of Pentacles points to wanting stability and a sense of things being “set right” long-term—but it’s more about restoring foundation than taking another risky action.

Five of Wands reversed suggests avoiding further conflict—the energy is leaning away from stirring things up again.

Death indicates that a true ending or transformation is needed, not a repetition of what already caused disruption.

The Hierophant reversed shows going outside of structure or established methods again—repeating the same unconventional approach rather than correcting it.

Justice brings in cause and effect—actions having consequences, and the need for balance and accountability rather than escalation.

Five of Swords reinforces the sense of conflict and potential self-defeat—engaging again in the same way risks creating another cycle of strain rather than resolution.

World reversed shows lack of closure—the situation isn’t complete, and repeating the same method may keep it stuck instead of finishing the cycle.

Overall, the cards lean against using the same spell again. They point toward ending the cycle, restoring balance in a grounded way, and allowing closure—rather than repeating an approach that already led to conflict and imbalance.

Tower reversed points to acknowledging what’s already unstable without trying to avoid or control the fallout—accountability starts with not minimizing what happened or trying to “patch it over.”

The Hermit shows taking a step inward—reflection, being honest with yourself about your motives, your state of mind, and what you were trying to change or escape.

Wheel of Fortune suggests accepting that some consequences are already in motion—accountability includes letting the situation unfold instead of trying to force control again.

Temperance is about restoring balance slowly and intentionally—adjusting, calming extremes, and bringing things back into moderation rather than reacting.

Eight of Cups reversed shows difficulty fully letting go—accountability here includes recognizing where you’re still emotionally attached or resisting moving on.

King of Swords calls for clear, rational truth—being direct with yourself, cutting through emotional distortion, and seeing the situation as it is.

The Moon points to confusion, fear, or illusion—part of accountability is facing what was unclear, what you might have projected, or what you didn’t fully understand.

Ace of Pentacles suggests starting fresh in a grounded, practical way—doing something small and real that stabilizes you rather than something abstract or forceful.

Four of Pentacles is about holding steady—protecting your energy, not overreaching, and creating stability instead of trying to manipulate outcomes.

Ten of Wands reversed shows releasing the burden—letting go of over-responsibility or the urge to “fix everything” at once.

Queen of Pentacles reversed points to reconnecting with self-care and grounding—bringing attention back to your physical, emotional, and practical well-being where things may have been neglected.

Overall, accountability here looks like honest self-reflection, accepting what’s already been set in motion, and choosing grounded, steady actions instead of trying to control or reverse things forcefully. Setting the balance right is quieter—it’s about stabilizing yourself, letting go of what you can’t control, and rebuilding from a place of clarity and care rather than urgency.

This is the exchange and how it was affecting me.