u/Fermented_chaos

Here are some...FEEL FREE TO ADD!

Chipotle’s deconstructed gluten free burrito bowl in 5-2oz cups 

Sugarfish’s micro dosing sushi roll. 

Tocaya Organica's taco making kit, that makes exactly one taco. 

Genghis Cohen Basic B Steamed Chicken protein bowl featuring .25oz of low sodium soy sauce and 10 specks of sea salt. 

Layla Bagel already scooped deconstructed bagel making kit.  

Bay Cities Deli- slimmed down deconstructed Godmother sandwich making kit. JK JK JK, they throw the actual sandwich at you and to tell you to go f*ck yourself. 

What was this episode? Are they content stretching? It was 100% filler. Mind you they stretched the whole Mexico trip.

We get the same three storylines going on and Jesse + Danny are so cringe.

Not one cast member is fully carrying this show. Zach's one liners get stale quickly. Kristen is becoming so energy sucking.

At this point bring in Scheana Shay and Katie Maloney.

Oh my gawd you guys! Get ready for this unboxing!!!

https://preview.redd.it/mzjjzc0m78eh1.png?width=2770&format=png&auto=webp&s=faba17f426ce0893e0cf19daaacbf5730f0d4e47

Alicia Carmody- after revealing her non-interests in finances,, she’s basically a 1950’s housewife in 2026. In fact, if there’s ever a Goodfellas reboot, slot her in for naive wife #1. She’ll be back for season 2, harmless content.  

Rosie DiMare- she’s coming back to push her DJ career and new house. Giving Whitney Rose vibes, could easily find herself being a brand ambassador for an MLM company. 

Ashley Iaconetti- Our sane sweetheart. She has a journalism degree from Syracuse, media and on-camera ready. She’ll avoid any real drama situations because of her stock value outside of the show.  

Liz McGraw- already threw in the towel. For sure, Liz helped make season one memorable but it’s obvious she has SKELETONS and is super calculated. You can tell the reunion wasn’t her thing, she couldn’t control the narrative. I’m sure she’ll make appearances next season.  

Rulla Nehme Pontarelli- being the main storyline throughout the whole season without having to appear in many episodes is rather fascinating. Her whole personality, vibe, and intentions are just too perplexing at times. Like you can't figure out Rulla’s way forward on this show other than always being a hot mess.  

Kelsey Swanson- was the friend in high school that never studied yet somehow managed a 3.0 GPA and scored high on the SAT. Post-college Kelsey’s actions have led her to a full on identity crisis where gossip/drama helps avoid dealing with personal/professional issues. 

Her whole vibe/personality works within the bubble of Rhode Island, but she couldn’t make it on her own outside of it. The Rosie feud is simply fueled by jealousy and the fact that besides painting and hairstyling, she’s got nothing to fall back on.  

Jo-Ellen Tiberi- she’s a certified Grade A YENTA!!! She could teach a course in strategic gossip. “Knows everyone” in her bubble to get all the dirt with a CVS receipt paper trail of proof. Jo-Ellen is also insecure and her childhood truly affected her ability to mature as an adult. To her credit, helped elevated RHORI after one season. 

Tom Sandy is naturally a hot mess, but being under LVP guidance for 10+ years doesn’t help. 

The Lisa Vanderpump mindset: I have to be more powerful or skilled than everyone around me. 

I am currently watching the early seasons of RHOBH (specifically S4-5) and watched all of Vanderpump Rules last year.

You see why she pivoted to VPR, because Lisa needed to have full control and more cast members below her. She needs wounded birds around her. 

With the original VPR cast, the only person who had a strong skillset and intelligence was Ariana. Everyone else was basically a struggling actor or model working in the service industry, who’s never going to reach the level of wealth and success of LVP. And yes, Lisa prefers it that way. 

Tom Tom was a great storyline, but it’s calculated. The Tom’s took the opportunity, while Lisa knew what the outcome was going to be. And when they started Schwartz and Sandys, she knew that outcome as well. 

Sure maybe Stassi has had some success post-VPR, mostly from LVP! 

The receipts are there, with the exception of Ariana, almost all of the cast members of Vanderpump Rules are not meant to grow and have successful careers. They are meant to be C or D list bravoleberties, hoping to cash in on shows like The Valley, Traitors, or House Of Villians. Go on a podcast, start a t-shirt line, or make a public appearance somewhere. 

Remember when Schwartz, Lala, Brittany, Kirsten, etc, wrap another season on The Valley. It’s LVP and Ken Todd getting the executive producer credits. The cast members are happy to make a check and pay bills. While Lisa and Ken can buy more swans & ponies.  

We come here to snark on NYC influencer culture and its absurdities.

And through deep analytical thought and the triggering “REALLY” moments with these so called content creators. I've realized…..

It’s BGKE! Basic Girls Know Everything! 

Cause when you break it all down, that is what makes us shake our heads. 

When you got Audrey Peters, Carly Weinstein, Eli Rallo, Hallie, etc telling you how to eat, shop, and live your best life. It’s cringe because they are basic girls with a platform with the confidence that they know everything. 

And all they really know is how to make FOMO for your YOLO. Cringe on the wedding and boyfriend updates, while complaining all the time.

So when some UES nepo baby or privilege TriBeCa transplant pilates gal, gives you a breakdown of their keto friendly caesar wrap + deconstructed iced coffee. 

Just think BGKE! Basic Girls Know Everything!   

It’s rare these days to find legitimate gatekeepers in the pop-culture ecosystem and apparently Paige and Hannah (Giggly Squad) have done that to their audience aka gigglers. 

The gigglers are constantly going onto Reddit to get advice, tips, and recommendations from past Giggly Squad episodes. 

It’s gone from simply what documentaries to watch that Hannah has mentioned. To someone saying I’m “yearning” to hear what Paige and Hannah have to say about the Real Housewives of RI. 

Last time I checked, Paige and Hannah are not pop culture experts nor have the strong personality background of let’s say Trixie and Katya or Bob The Drag Queen.  I just think they are given more credit for a duo that really is just being propped up from their agents and publicists. Ciara MIller is already surpassing them on many talent levels.

All credit to Paige and Hannah for building a hardcore fan base, but it’s rather peculiar.

Last time I checked, you want people to be experienced in certain professions. Pratt probably wouldn’t have a random doctor operate on him or have an unqualified contractor work on his new house? 

So what made him think that he could become mayor of a major city with little experience in public office or activism? Oh yeah, sleepy orange face. 

If he was serious about going into politics he would have ran for city council or formed a non-profit for wildfire prevention. He could literally campaign to form Brentwood/Palisades into its own city and run for mayor there.  

But no, he’s a grifter and wanted to put his name back out there. Make a cool hat with the L.A. Laker design. Get “celebrities” to endorse him and think only affluent areas of West LA and the San Fernando Valley would punch his ticket for November.

Is Karen Bass doing the best job right now, no. And her reelection campaign is about to get harder.

Okay cast members, listen up this will be an all Los Angeles proper shoot. So Danny and Nia, we are not going to Santa Clarita, deal with it. Get down here and pack your patience and diapers.  

Storylines:

We got the perfect heartwarming story of Brittany's surgery and her feeling better about herself, while pointing out that her new boyfriend won’t be bringing any sparkle. 

For filler, we got Jason’s knee surgery and how Janet has to play nurse. Since no one likes Janet, have her go with Brittany for the plastic surgeon scene. Why did we bring back Jason and Janet for season 3?

Highlight Jasmine’s wedding updates, she’s always fun.

Zack’s roommate moving out but taking everything, including THE MONSTER ENERGY FRIDGE! How could you!!!

Okay, now for the TEA TARGETS!

-Danny’s water drinking scheme and the “double standard” complex. The narrative of “Hey, I like to kick back a few, what's the big deal??? I got 4 under 4!” 

-Make Jasmine a detective when visiting Brittany’s house and discovering a white claw in one of her bathrooms. 

-Have Jesse start attacking other people to distract from his $300k loan as he finalizes the divorce from Michelle. 

MAIN SCENE: Zack’s Warming Party. 

Let’s bring back some early VPR vibes and have a party that feels like someone's senior year college apartment, except everyone attending is in their mid to late 30s or older. 

Serve drinks in red solo cups, have a charcuterie board, but then get Domino’s delivered (Lacey’s reaction was hilarious).  

But here’s the deal, everyone is showing up minus Jason and Janet. So we’ll get some truly awkward moments.

And while Zack gets sentimental about his struggles from 9 years in LA and paying Kristen back when he was low on money. The BIG SCENE, is Danny drinking cups of h2o followed by some brown cough syrup. 

The classic response of, “I don’t have a problem”, but when no one is looking I’ll take a quick swig! 

Mix in some Lala one liners, and we are good cast and crew!!!!

Till the next episode when Janet has to open her mouth AGAIN!

At what point during Olviia’s studio sessions with Dan Nigro, does he or some other team member point out that maybe an “interpolation” sounds too familiar to a popular song? 

I think Olivia Rodrigo is talented, but also a well curated industry plant.

And it’s moments like the intro to Olivia Rodrigo’s The Cure where you have to scratch your head and say no one was hearing the opening palm muted riff to Everlong? And they could have easily made adjustments. 

Or is it FAFO? Like we got the lawyers to work this out when Team Foo Fighters makes the call. Or Dave Grohl won’t care, just like Elvis Costello didn't care. Only Taylor Swift will make a big deal out of it.

All I know is Olivia is turning into the Bruno Mars with her blatant interpolations.

Sorry not sorry, if you want a solid example of Gen-z and how confused they are, go watch this.

It's as if they watched every Boman Martinez-Reid (bomanizer) post on social media and decided this is how they will talk throughout each episode.

Conversations just circle never landing anywhere, while making provocative comments to keeps thing somewhat interesting. Not to mention Brandi Glanville's cameo, lolz.

Every shot looks like a promo video to how "awesome" their life is, when in reality they have no idea what they want.

Seems like all they really want is iced matcha or coffee with cold foam on top.

Maybe it's the geri millennial in me, but you watch Calabasas Confidential and are generally worried about Gen-Z/Alpha.

Hoping folks like Olivia Rodrigo will give them hope, purpose, and a reason to head to the voting booth.

Thoughts?

So who wants to be married or in business with Jesse Lally?????

From Bravo: Jesse had taken out a $300,000 Small Business Administration (SBA) loan, unbeknownst to Michelle, during the COVID-19 pandemic. She said that he deposited all the funds into his checking account, spent all the money, and never paid back a dime.

Now that Michelle is hanging with Dr. Dre, let's imagine how this could turn into a scene from Goodfellas or Jacob Elordi's exit from Euphoria.

Choose from the following:

1. Jesse gets a call from the mother**cking D. R.E. , who politely says I think you need to settle that $300k ASAP! Followed by Dre posting up in front of his house in a '64 candy paint Impala.

OR

2. Dre's covers the $150k she owed from being married to Jesse, while sending a document to Jesse showing how he made a $150k in royalties in one month just from The Chronic.

If you have any creative storylines, please indulge.

Bottom line, Jesse taking out $300k without Michelle knowing is unethical or immoral, that's some Jax Taylor nonsense.