(Comorbid adhd contributing for me here)

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How much are you actually drinking? I know we need more on lithium, but I’m drinking probably 3 times what I used to and a ton all at once without feeling much less thirsty. I am intentional about mixing it w sport drinks.

Getting level checked as requested.

The problem is im a teacher so constantly going to bathroom isn’t really an option …. unless I get an accommodation, which honestly wouldnt be considered “reasonable” to be out of classroom that much

I’m coming up on 9 yrs sobriety in sept (yay!) and for the past few weeks my brain has been making I guess brain noise about maybe I could get m drunk again “just once” to get it out of my system?

I know it makes no sense. Not in AA or anything. I know logically you can never go back to social drinking
The weird thing is I’m doing really well emotionally confirmed by care team — which I think is what brought it on? Like “oh I can handle it now”

Not sure how to navigate except reminding myself it’s not safe to drink on my meds and all the ways my substance used messed up my life previously idk

ETA: feeling ok now, thanks to those who gave some honest perspective. This too shall pass as they say

Just started a children’s group writing meetup in the area— just two of us so far, but it would be great to meet some more people writing a children’s book!

I’ve been out of depression for a little over a month now as well as no hypomania.

What I’m realizing now that I’m stabilized is how on edge I am all the time — I know this is partially my ptsd, but part of it is also being so constantly anxious all the time before, feeling like my nervous system was constantly highly activated.

I think the idea is how can I work on feeling calmer throughout the day and less activated I guess? Idk if that makes sense

For the first time in my adult (And honestly adolescent) life,)

I am 1 month free of ideation

Tysm Abilify

Relevance to bipolar is I’ve been really stable the last month, which for whatever reason is opening the floodgates of my trauma. Things I’ve repressed for nearly 20 years all coming back to me now that I’m finally in a good place.

Anyway— Can anyone recommend a survivor support group — more like looking for social support, resources, coping skills. Just beginning to come to terms with my statutory r*** (don’t know if I have to censor that here) and know it likely needs more than weekly therapy now

ETA— or like a subreddit you find to be most comfortable

I don’t even want to say how many years I have been literally non-stop depressed / mixed without relief. But against all odds I seem to be in my first month of real stability (my psych and therapist have been very closely monitoring and confirm so far).

My psych said at this point my hurdle will be getting over being also “habitually depressed”. I’ve been depressed for most of my developmental milestones (not like late childhood but adolescence) so yes it is very much intertwined with my development and life

So I’ve had to do things like remind myself I can shower every day and not use a timer to do it, not have a collection of floor water bottles in my bedroom and just bring them to the kitchen right away, eat meals instead of weird protein drinks and snacks, initiate plans etc

I guess I’m wondering if anyone else was symptomatic for a long long time and has navigated this. I was considered treatment resistant essentially.

Eta— some of this is def also my adhd but I’m able to navigate that a little easier, just another layer to add

This post was banned in the main nyc sub for unknown reasons so sorry if it’s not allowed here—

Is anyone interested in starting a small, in-person children’s book writing group?

I’m looking for a casual group where we can write together, chat about our own books, talk children’s lit in general, and just hang out with other people working on picture books.

More of a writing/community group than a critique group. Just supportive and low-key!

A few weeks ago I posted about how I’ve been symptomatic since my teens. I’m in my early 30s now and have not once had a period of consistent stability. Bp2 and really the best I could do was mild depression instead of more moderate. That was sort of my baseline
Now there were many years that I was misdiagnosed on SSRIs hypo as hell. Then one day I got put on a different one and I’m sure you can fill in the rest.

All to say that since my hospitalization, I’ve been on everything and I mean everything. Like we tried tegretol even though that is pretty proven not to work for many BP2 (everyone is different) people. It again just left me mildly depressed but ya know going about life.

Anout 2 months ago? ADHD time blindness so I don’t really know for sure but about that, I gave abilify a second try. The side effects at the start were rough the first time. But we were at the point of potentially ECT as an option I’ve tried so many things.

Cut to now; I haven’t had passive ideation for over a month. I’ve been dealing w that since I was a teen. I’m working on writing a book, someyhing I always dreamed of. And not in a hypo way, in a slow steady way. I’m smiling at people? I had fun with a friend?

So I told literally two people. They both said am I sure I’m not hypo. I said my whole care team says I’m not. Expecting someone to say what great news; and I’ve been working towards this for basically two decades with no relief.

Now I don’t even want to tell anyone. Because no one can see how hard I’ve worked and where I’ve come. When literally one friend said I believe you, you know yourself. Trust yourself. I fucking lost it

I am not someone who has ever been med non compliant. I’m in therapy weekly. I mood chart. So to tell multiple people what could be life changing news and to be asked if im sure I’m not hypo.

TRANSCRIPT
Link

Breathe.

Reach out with your feelings.

What do you see?

The island, Life.
Death.
and decay that feeds new life.

Warmth; Cold.
Peace
(image of rough waves crashing into jagged rocks)

And between it all?

Balance.

An energy, a force.

And inside you ?
Inside me, that same force.

Using paper pulp and not paper mache for the first time for longevity

*Can someone who uses it confirm that this is the right way?*

**The Archival Paper Clay Recipe**

**1 Part Prepared Cotton Pulp:**
Buy 100% cotton linter sheet pulp.

Tear it into small squares, soak it in hot water for a few hours, and blend it in a standard kitchen blender with plenty of water until it looks like oatmeal.

Strain the water out using a fine mesh strainer or colander, squeezing it until it is damp but not dripping wet.

**1 Part Archival Binder Mix:**

Mix pure methyl cellulose powder with water according to its packaging until it forms a thick, clear gel. For hand-building structural strength, mix this gel **50/50** with an archival, pH-neutral PVA glue.

**1 Tablespoon Calcium Carbonate (per cup of pulp):**

Add chalk powder to act as your alkaline buffer against future acid damage.

**To mix:** Knead the damp cotton pulp together with your binder mix and calcium carbonate until it reaches a smooth, clay-like consistency. If it is too sticky, squeeze more water out of your raw pulp; if it crumbles, add a touch more binder.

**Rules for Archival Hand-Building**

**Seal the Armature Thoroughly:** Because wet cotton pulp holds water like a sponge and dries very slowly, any hidden iron or steel wire *will* rust and bleed through your white paper. Use aluminum wire or plastic-coated mesh. If you must use wood or cardboard for bulk filler inside, coat it completely in a waterproof acrylic sealer before applying pulp.

**Build in Thin Layers:** Do not pack the pulp on thickly all at once. Build your sculpture in layers about **1/4-inch (approx. 6 mm) thick**. Let each layer dry completely before adding the next. This prevents the core of your sculpture from trapping moisture and creating a breeding ground for mold.

**Score Between Layers:** Damp cotton pulp does not easily stick to dried cotton pulp. When adding a new layer to a dry section, lightly scratch (score) the dry surface with a tool and moisten it with a little bit of your pure liquid binder to help the layers fuse.

Using paper pulp and not paper mache for the first time for longevity

Can someone who uses it confirm that this is the right way?

The Archival Paper Clay Recipe

1 Part Prepared Cotton Pulp:
Buy 100% cotton linter sheet pulp.

Tear it into small squares, soak it in hot water for a few hours, and blend it in a standard kitchen blender with plenty of water until it looks like oatmeal.

Strain the water out using a fine mesh strainer or colander, squeezing it until it is damp but not dripping wet.

1 Part Archival Binder Mix:

Mix pure methyl cellulose powder with water according to its packaging until it forms a thick, clear gel. For hand-building structural strength, mix this gel 50/50 with an archival, pH-neutral PVA glue.

1 Tablespoon Calcium Carbonate (per cup of pulp):

Add chalk powder to act as your alkaline buffer against future acid damage.

To mix: Knead the damp cotton pulp together with your binder mix and calcium carbonate until it reaches a smooth, clay-like consistency. If it is too sticky, squeeze more water out of your raw pulp; if it crumbles, add a touch more binder.

Rules for Archival Hand-Building

Seal the Armature Thoroughly: Because wet cotton pulp holds water like a sponge and dries very slowly, any hidden iron or steel wire will rust and bleed through your white paper. Use aluminum wire or plastic-coated mesh. If you must use wood or cardboard for bulk filler inside, coat it completely in a waterproof acrylic sealer before applying pulp.

Build in Thin Layers: Do not pack the pulp on thickly all at once. Build your sculpture in layers about 1/4-inch (approx. 6 mm) thick. Let each layer dry completely before adding the next. This prevents the core of your sculpture from trapping moisture and creating a breeding ground for mold.

Score Between Layers: Damp cotton pulp does not easily stick to dried cotton pulp. When adding a new layer to a dry section, lightly scratch (score) the dry surface with a tool and moisten it with a little bit of your pure liquid binder to help the layers fuse.

I didn’t want to tell people

Literally I have just been withholding that information. Oh I don’t want to tell them too soon. Questioning my reality despite what medical professionals are telling me.

There have just been too many times that I thought I was good (and by good I mean still mildly depressed) and not just “good enough / coping”…. Told people, we got our hopes up— then having to do the shitty backpedal of “actually I was hypo”, everybody disappointed and frustrated; my mom like “you seemed really great this time”….. and at the end trying to scramble up hope out of nothing again, that cycle endlessly.

AND

I have one friend I told bc they asked (they have a BP friend) how I was feeling

I talked about how I feel I have been euthymic for about 1.5 Mo, my psych agreed I may be. No passive SI for the first time since I was a young teen , steadily and in a slow logical way working towards a lifelong dream, having fucking moments of enjoyment in my day?? Not dissociating, sleeping well, eating, using my coping skills without enormous effort.

Should be good news right??

No I was asked if I’m definitely not hypo.

I know the intention was care and concern. They are a compassionate friend

But LIKE

I told you I’m coordinating w my care team, on a med I have been steadily monitoring my mood on. I am exhibiting so few episodic behaviors (the small ones that do linger I think are largely my adhd and ptsd…..some even just, I really think, not being used to not being depressed)

Anyway that was fucking heartbreaking. Ive been absolutely horribly depressed since I was around 13. So almost two decades

Try every goddamn med under the sun, we talk about ECT and finally!

And I don’t even want to tell my mom after that convo.