u/Leather-Pass8172

is this normal? today i hit the red probably for the last 3 minutes and i left the workout feeling like nothing happened.

my red is in the 183s+ and i was hitting the 190s, so its not like the red zone is incorrectly placed, but I just am not feeling the workout at ALL. i hit my weights till failure and then any time I even up the pace on the treadmills, I hit the red. Today I was trying to keep it in high oranges bc I didn't want to overdo it, but I literally dont feel like I've worked out.

is there a way to stay in a decent bpm range but still feel like you've worked out? does it happen over time/when you get more in shape?

my parents love each other and thats obviously clear. my brothers are twins and they dont gaf about me either. and none of these people should gaf about me but im the odd one out and it makes me sick knowing that, at the end of the day, they would choose someone over me.

idk why i care but every time i am in an argument in this house bc quite frankly this house is so fucking unfair, i am the one that gets piled on. theres always someone fucking supporting the other person. i am always the problem. i am always the "weird" one. i am always the odd one out.

and i have this awful resentment bc this has lowkey been a thing since i was so fucking young. getting my period, wearing my first bra, everything was a fucking clown show bc no one else experienced it except my mom but my mom wasnt one to be sweet and kind ab it but rather broadcast that "oooo look at her she got her first period" to my younger siblings and dad.

my mom is always trying to suck up to my dad. my dad is always trying to butter up my dad. and ig thats what a healthy relation is meant to be, but fuck why am i the pawn that is being played. especially when my siblings are in the mix.

everything i do is some weird fucking thing to them. every thing i do ends up being something they toss around as something to make fun of. i literally cant exist without feeling ashamed or like im a spectacle bc of how weirdly they gang up on me since i was little.

and i dont really think they notice it (and dont really gaf when i mention it to them). its just sad. i wish i had someone. i wish i could feel like i was normal and not a black fucking sheep forever.

Jen is sooo funny with how she moves in the villa. like ever since she was smiling when asked ab her feelings w gabe getting kicked off the island, i loved her cause LMAO GIRLLLL WHY ARE U CHEESING SO MUCH.

her little comments clocking the boys are always so timely too but her just idgaf attitude mixed with her mini crash out of gal takes the cake. idk i love her LOL

straight up spent 18 minutes in red today (more than any of the other colors). obviously i was pushing hard in cardio, as I typically dont run and chose to do so today which had a lot of run -> rower -> run intervals with no break, but not at the "im gonna die" pace. like i could probably hold a conversation (although a bit huffy and puffy).

anyway, it's not a band issue technically bc my hr is the same on the band as it is in my apple watch, but im confused whether this is actually the red zone or not. i would stay in it the entire time im running, then the moment i stop and walk to the rower, it would drop to orange and then green (literally within a few seconds), and the moment i started rowing for a bit, it would go straight back to high oranges/low red.

anyway, curious if i should take it slower even tho i felt like i still had gas in the tank at the end of class.

(context if it helps, this is my 7th otf class)

impulsively got it for the summer and although i love it so far, i feel like ive also spent too much money to half ass this. so the question is, for those of u who are seasoned OT individuals, whats ur #1 advice for making the most of the subscription? I have unlimited for a month and then 8 classes per month the next 2 months i think.

i am applying for my masters (or was) through my school and had everything submitted months in advance of the deadline. had reached out to my recommenders 3 months in advance and they all said yes. when i submitted all my stuff, only was waiting for 1 of my recommenders, she stopped responding to all my emails.

i understand ur busy, but god damn this makes me feel like shit. the only reason im not even gonna be considered for this degree is bc of this :/. i reached out to someone else but tbf at this point it was busy in the term and i dont fault this second individual from being slow/unable to submit by the deadline. but fuck it just makes me feel so stupid.

i guess i should have had backups but im a fucking shy person irl and it takes so much to even get to class and speak when half the time ive been trying to just stay alive lmfao. maybe im just not fucking cut out for this life and should have just saved my time but i already told my parents i was applying so now theyre gonna ask so many questions and further believe im a useless waste of money.

god im so tired of being so stupid and shy and awkward and unable to think ahead. i wish i could have everything go okay but im not and im just always causing fucking problems and no wonder no one fucking wants to write a letter of recommendation for my boring fucking useless self.

i feel so guilty. i just feel bad for my parents that im cheating them of something i said i would do. AND I DID EVERYTHING ON MY BEHALF. except ig find a third fucking backup person in time :/ im so tired of this. i wish i could just stop existing.

Genuinely curious because this is getting terribly disappointing. how do u allow for a 3:30 pickup time but then make someone wait till almost 3:55 ?? there being a long line of cars shouldn’t be an excuse given that the option for 3:30 pickup was in the app. If the staff can’t handle it then it shouldn’t be an option but idk 🤷‍♀️

maybe this is a college/young adult thing only, but i've seen this SO SO fucking much at my university. there's a specific type of gay man (although a lot of them seem to fall into this category) that will hang around this very specific pretty/bubbly/sorority-esque type of girl and befriend these girls etc. no problem there ofc.

BUT the problem comes where they will literally treat you (an ugly, maybe quieter girl) like something on the bottom of their shoe. like idk what it is but the way some of these individuals will talk bad ab less conventionally attractive girls or more awkward girls behind their backs baffles me. and how they treat them face to face is also so odd.

idek where this comes from tbh. it really irritates me though bc it is so evident every time i come across it. they dont try to hide it and its actually so normalized (at least in my uni). but like idk, u being gay doesnt make u less of a man so stfu commenting on women. but it sometimes feel like they use their marginalized sexuality to excuse their blatant misogyny.

on the other hand, it also gives me corporate ladder climbing energy but within the hierarchies our very straight, white, cis, male centered society. but then again, why tf are u as a man putting down girls to fit in better with "better" girls. its so odd and weird and i hate it

Cause why does an emergency with the 522 mean I’m stranded 😭

Ramble post but curious if anyone has had similar experiences w orange theory / advice how to optimize it!

Started Orangetheory as someone who used to go to the gym solely for cardio and is a very big all or nothing person. My goal was that Orangetheory would a) keep me more consistent bc of the fee and group classes and b) actually get me in the 50-80% zone rather than all or nothing.

ive taken a few classes already and I do have to say this is the first time im not incredibly dripping w sweat after cardio or having my avg bpm in the 190s which is SO amazing. Like it’s still a workout, but ironically, unlike what everyone else seems to say ab the heart trackers/splat points, they kind of force me to “chill out” rather than go in red zone for 60 min.

that being said, a second goal of mine was to become more familiar w weights/strength training . I never have touched a weight before orange theory but I’m still not sure whether I’m getting enough of a foundation for that yk.

curious if I should just take it slow rn, and do orange theory for the first few months and then quit it and get a gym membership and try to replicate orange theory vibes + strenght training or if extra strength work isn’t needed for someone who just generally wants to ”tone out“ and be more consistent w my movement.

im thinking about whether i should suck it up and live at home (central valley) or basically spend my entire paycheck on rent somewhere up in the bay area. i'm taking the train to work so it's not that exhausting, although i worry it will hinder my networking abilities bc i literally have to be out of the office by a specific time.

i like living at home and since the rest of the time i will be working remote, i dont know if its really worth spending my entire paycheck and some (bc i am getting like $27/hr) on a random place in the bay.

does anyone else do the commute from the central valley to the bay area? how do u tell ur work that u are not trying to "leave early" or "show up late" to work but literally just need to catch the train that shows up infrequently? thanks!

I have an EU passport, so to save myself some hassle I want to limit myself to those countries, but I dont really have any preference for where to go as long as its cheap haha. I need to get out of the US for a bit and just explore somewhere new for a quick bit. would love any advice/recommendations! i dont mind (actually i kind of really like) layovers, so that doesn't bother me either.

notes:

1. one weekend trip (friday evening -> sunday night or monday morning)
2. travel to: EU regions only
3. travel from: California, USA
4. solo female

thanks!

edit: Ik the travel is insane and will give me basically a day max in the country but that’s all I have time for and I miss Europe (specifically Central Europe). haven’t been back in ages and now have some spare $ to be able to go even if for a day

https://preview.redd.it/076nv51xve5h1.png?width=803&format=png&auto=webp&s=b64bf2a94504ab26e70da534dba575da869ca8f0

idk where the past 3 months went but the entire past 3 years of college have just been miserable and just me surviving. so now, seeing everyone graduating (soon me too), just makes me have this awful feeling that i cant even properly describe. its just so sickening to think these years have passed me by all because i couldnt screw my head on straight. its so sad to think about the freshman year me who came in with so much hope and was met with such a depressing experience. and all the what ifs now spiral in my brain, and they used to as well, but now they are directed to a grave because no what ifs will actually happen. there's no chance. when its all ending soon.

i did this all to myself too. my mental health entirely controlled me freshman and sophomore year, and by junior yr, it was too late to recover. the friend groups, social lives, etc, at my school are so controlled by in group out group dynamics that if u are a loser u stay that way. and in a weird way, im more sad now at the end of junior yr bc i tasted what life can be if u live it without ur mh controlling u. except because of the in group out group dynamics at my uni, i wasnt even able to fully live it.

anyway my head hurts and i just want to cry

I'm going to add as little text as possible since the more I write, the more embarrassing this gets to admit tbh but I actually need advice regarding this and since it started off (imo) as a spirtual-ish based thing, I need advice to end it also in the same manner.

Anyway, for context, I am a graduating senior and this is about another graduating senior who I have never spoken to before (outside of a brief hi and thank you). However, I have crossed paths with him consistently since freshman year (ex. me crying on a walk, me crying coming back from therapy, me coming back from a run, sitting in the same row in a lecture class in multiple different classes, me doing laundry, etc). Idk why I care since I'm sure I cross paths with people like this outside of him but I feel like it has been the most frequent (and consistent over four years) with him, and almost always at my worst points in college.

Early in freshman year, my friend and I were doing some random manifesting things and I didn't really have anyone in mind to do the love spell thing she was doing, so I had chosen someone at random from our college yearbook (him). Soon after, I lost the journal that we did this in, and ever since then, I kind of cant escape him in my brain. Not exactly a romantic/crush sort of thing but more so like I see him and then spiral in my own head ab my problems.

We're both graduating so obviously I wont see him ever again, and im relatively relieved since I get this weird flight or fight response whenever I cross paths w him. But i feel like I need some closure since this whole thing in my head has, weirdly, become slightly a bigger part of my college life than I had imagined it to be. Obviously i wont get that closure from him bc i dont talk to him nor actually know him, so I was wondering if anyone here had advice.

I overheard someone say I'm male centered bc I treat guys differently. i honestly dont know why I do it, bc tbh i do feel more "comfortable" around them bc I don't have that pressure/stress to be perfect as I do around girls. I feel like w girls, they matter and what they think stresses me tf out, while w men ik they dgaf about me no matter how much I'd even try so I don't think twice ab what i do etc.

i have a few guy acquaintances but no real girl acquaintances/distant friends, but on the other hand, i have 0 guy friends and 3 close girl friends (all super long term). im just not a people person i think lmao but i wouldnt say im male centered? idk like i guess i probably come off like that but its not like i put them on a pedestal or cater to them, its just that im less stressed around them cause its not relevant to me ig?

i feel like that was the biggest difference i got from the show vs books. in the books at the very least they were a bit more realistic in terms of portraying college athletes who were/are players. like in season1, logan was literally hanging around his sibling the entire time doing nothing even tho he's supposedly hooking up w everyone. even the contrast between dean in the books vs in the show is so interesting. not to mention garrett etc etc

i dont mind it, but some of the show convos cringe me out bc its just so visibly not them?

i lost count and am unsure if i drank 3 or 4 and im craving another LMAO. 100mg is so unserious compared to 200 but it adds up SO SO fast

except, unfortunately prof, i have 3 jobs and only can do my homework on thursdays + friday mornings. and now while the lecture and additional material is locked behind canvas (and the prof dgaf ab emailing THAT to us), our assignment submissions are still being accepted through email. except oh wait. the assignment instruction pdf is also trapped in canvas w the prof not emailing that to us.

fml

sorry ab the dramatic title but im highkey peeved rn. bought yogurts, fruits, and some ingredients for meals and literally everything but like 3 things have been eaten. this was meant to last me at least the next 5 days what the fuck yall

i always struggle w feeling guilty that im not financially responsible, bc i typically eat out / buy food at the shops like per meal, but then i decide to shop for the week and basically eat $70-150 worth of food in the following 3 hours...

so so so frustrating.