u/MarchSwimming8117

The only thing that can get me to consider going back to church even if it's just for a separate event is if there's food there after the service. Whenever my mother invites me to go with her, I ask, "Is there food?" And she just rolls her eyes and leaves without me. Like I'm supposed to sit for hours in one place and not receive a little reward after?

For context, I'm gay aroace, aka I feel tertiary attraction of all sorts towards men.

I don't know why, but I feel so much guilt lately. Like I have been pretty content before, but now I feel lost a bit, so I just wanted to vent.

Basically, I feel guilty about not being attracted to women. Like when people talk about being attracted to women, I've heard that it's understandable because they're so beautiful, and yes, I know that, but I fail to feel any sort of attraction. I don't get aesthetic attraction to them, and if I say to a woman that she looks good, it's more of an observation than a pull, but with men, I feel a pull. I feel guilty for not even having any emotional/platonic pull to want to be friends and even if I made a friend with a woman, it would be because I consciously made a decision to whereas all I want is to also be friends with men or feel drawn to also be friends with them. Of course if I get to know someone regardless I'll feel the need to wanna be friends but this is the general group of people i gear to in a way? This all also applies to the other types of attractions: sensual, alterous, etc...

Like I know men are responsible for a lot of atrocious things in the world but I can't help it. Some people who are attracted to both or more that I watch always express how unlucky it must be to only be attracted to one gender and that always somehow relates to it being unlucky to be attracted to men and not women when talking about 'missing out'. I know women are beautiful, I want women who are friends, but I can't force myself to feel something. I've tried so hard. A lot of people say that sexualilty is fluid but never express that that's not the truth for everyone.

I feel guilty for even having an ounce of physical attraction to someone because what if it's superficial? What if I truly was just attracted to certain looks and I lose that attraction? I've seen it happen when I usually watch adult content(aegosexual), and I get so turned off if it involves a woman or maybe a guy who's supposed to be one but looks so much like a binary woman and for that, I also feel just guilty. Like just because someone also looks like a woman, even if they didn't identify as one, i just get turned off as well no matter how hard I try. Maybe it's an appearance thing, too? I feel like I'm dismissing them, but I just can't force the feeling. I would never wanna invalidate anyone's identity, and I wanna be all inclusive, and if they say they identity as a guy, then why can't I love people outside the binary look of one too. Am I that shallow?

This is really long, but to sum it up, I've tried to shift. I've tried to force an attraction, but all I got was nothing. I wish I was either attracted to everyone or no one, so I'd stop feeling guilty already.

I feel like I've missed out. The world feels like it's heading into a darker place now, and I feel like it won't get better. For example, I wanted to be an artist, but who knows if years from now I'll even make it because I'm not good anyway and with new tech, no one will need an artist anymore.

People always say, "Don't do it. Your family will suffer. "...well, I want them to. They're abusive physically and mentally, and they sexually harrass me. Only a matter of time before they overstep. They're one of my main reasons for being depressed. I hoped that I could get away and live as my true self, but the only way to do that is to get a scholarship and leave my home country, which I'm not attached to. But deep in my heart, I know I won't get that scholarship... I do believe I have undiagnosed disorders like adhd, ocd, etc, but my parents don't believe in that stuff and will all just say it's demonic. I struggle so hard in school. Nothing can make me get up. No matter how hard I study, I'm still not scholarship material because I can never hit in the 90s and up anymore.

I'll probably just barely make it. Be forced to live here another five years and watch as my parents hold them paying for my studies over my head. I feel so guilty, and I think they know this. They guilt trip me every day and get me to do things for them. I barely have any true friends. Everyone has someone, and I have no one. If they truly knew me, they'd be disgusted and hate me and eventually will cut me off. I've seen them do it to others. I've been desperately trying to make online friends, but all of them just ghost me and never talk to me. They probably got bored.

I know I'm young, but I feel thirty. I don't feel alive, and I just feel like I'm here. I hate when people say things will get better because, in reality, they don't truly know that. An accident could happen seconds after they say that, and now what? I wish I lived in a first world country or at least in a more accepting place just so that I could at least have better hope, but I don't. It'd take me years to just save up and leave, but who knows? Maybe the world would be on fire by then, and I would have missed out on a chance of freedom. I wish maybe if I was born just a little bit before, before things went more to shit, I'd become an adult faster and be able to do the things I wanted. Every day, I'm in pain mentally and physically, and I've gotten used to just surviving, not living. What's the point of life if you can't enjoy it at least when you have no one. The only thing keeping me hopeful is my phone, and it's only a matter of time before my phone crashes and breaks, and I know I won't get a new one. I can't live without it. It distracts me from the painful life I live, but distractions only last so long until you have to face reality.

Sorry if this was long, but no one will read this anyway. I hope I can at least make it to the end of the year, but I don't see the point.

For context, they're all Christian(well yeah?)

I just watched one of my friend's social media, and she was talking about an actor being a trump supporter or something and how it 'doesn't matter.' And the band she listens to went to a Chris Brown concert, and now they're getting backlash, and how that's not ok? She said how at the end of the day they have the money and are making it but like isn't that the problem? That people like this are making money and supporting abuse of others and supporting taking away the rights of people?

As a minority, I can't stand this talking point. People say it doesn't matter and everyone has different opinions. My LIFE is not an opinion or a debate. How can they not see voting for certain people can affect their friends' and others' life? They don't actually care about their friends then. Before I deconstructed, I thought like this because I could not form a single damn thought for myself. They all like to talk about politics like they're just nothing and don't matter and they all sound so stupid because they don't know shit and don't know what they're talking about. They all also have this voice where it's so relaxed and non-caring about everything. It drives me mad.

They're all close-minded and live in this bubble that life is all good and sure there's bad things, but they're not so bad...Because it doesn't fully affect them. I've seen this same pattern with so many Christians, and it's ridiculous and so annoying. It's infuriating and insufferable to be around these people and I hope that I can just cut them off in the future for my own mental health.

I remember last year, before I deconstructed, I said to myself that I was gonna read the Bible and become closer to God or something. I had started on the app, and then I got a physical bible. I never made it to the end. Like I tried to push through, but I couldn't make it. I barely got through Genesis after that long circumcision rant, and when I got to exodus, I closed the book and never began again. It was so bloody boring that I would fall asleep while reading. I still remember a lot of verses from other books in the bible, but I just could never pick it up again because it was so boring and weird that it probably traumatised me into never starting again. Guess I can't win an argument against a christian, but I have no interest in arguing with them anyway.

Just for context, I have not been diagnosed with the illness I talk about here, but I have been diagnosed with PCOS.

For years, I felt like my menstrual cycles were abnormal. The pain can only be described as unbearable and excruciating. I can't move, breathe, or think properly, and heat and coldness make it worse, so I can't win. I've tried medication, and it's worked, but I have to wait for hours before it does, and I'm left there lying in bed crunched up in a ball. My legs go numb and burn up, and I've told my mother that I might need a cane to get around but haven't gotten one. I'm still expected to go to school, but it's so hard to make it through the day. If I only move or think too hard, the pain comes right back when I'm on medication.

I've tried to suggest to my parents about endometriosis since all the signs are there and to let us just see if I have it, but no. My father told me I don't know what im talking about and that I should just stop drinking cold things and apply more heat, etc. But I've had my period for YEARS, and I've tried EVERYTHING, and nothing has worked. He's also tried to stop me from using medication because he says it is bad for me, but it's the ONLY thing that works. I tell him to buy certain medications because they're stronger, but he always buys the weaker ones that don't work. My mother, who's a nurse, also ignores me and says i don't know what im talking about. I'm in so much pain that I fear my cycle every month, and no matter how hard I try to mentally prepare, it never works. I also think my PCOS diagnosis was incorrect because i've never seen signs of it at all, and I've heard misdiagnoses can happen. My head goes to a really dark place during my cycle, and I see no way out but one. I've thrown up, cried, and screamed in pain, but all I'm met with is ignorance no matter how hard I try. I'm just so tired, and I can't do this anymore.

For context, my parents are divorced, and I visit them both but live with my father.

I hate the constant fights. They both hate each other, and whatever I do means I'm picking sides. I just went to see a movie with my mother and as soon as I got home I couldn't help but think... my father wanted to see that with me, too. I KNOW he's going to complain how "you obviously want to go live with her, and you obviously like her more." It's always like this. I spend year-round living with my father, but it's a problem when i go visit my mother on holidays or for the summer, and I overstay for a few more weeks because I'm tired of constantly packing and unpacking. He constantly accuses me of secretly wanting to live with my mother and how I must hate him and how I and my siblings are stupid for visiting her because of the horrible things she did. Then, he'll just say how we are free to visit her and that he never told us not to...

My mother, on the other hand, likes to tell me to keep secrets from my father. For example, if I got money from her mother, don't tell him, but immediately she tells me that she never said that and will tell my father that I lied to him on purpose. Everything I do, she suspects that it's my father secretly wanting to harm her or ruin her life. Even though they're divorced, they still like to argue and fight on the phone.

I'm so tired of over calculating the weeks I can spend by one person until I can switch so that both their egos and so-called feelings don't get hurt, but I'm so tired. I'm so tired of overthinking which parent to do things with so that I can still do it with the other, but in a way that won't make them upset. I hate them, and I hate this, and I can not wait to just live alone and just do things without over analysing and staying up all night feeling guilty for "hurting" them. I still end up feeling really guilty because I still mourn the part of my parents that I liked before I fully accepted that they are awful people and that's who I see when I "betray" one of them. It's like standing between two people who constantly pull at each of your arms until they finally tear you apart.

I remember when people would say to give thanks to God and then say something like, "At least we can walk, eat, etc." And I always used to think about the people that couldn't. So like should they not be thankful?

There was a teacher before in my school who came to talk and said that she had a chronic illness and felt othered, but when she went to like an event for people like her she just felt relieved and thankful that "it could've been worse" because she could walk and move around and others couldn't. I thought she would've said something like she felt like she wasn't alone or something, but she completely felt better than others?

I've always felt like Christians have this ego to them? Like they're better than everyone else because they have God and that makes them royalty or something.

I've been feeling this way since I was at least 5. It got worse when I was 7. I live with horrible people who psychologically abuse me and sometimes physical. There's no way out of here. I'm so lonely. I have friends, but I know they're fake. Even if I survive this and leave my house, it would just be too late to make deep connections as an adult. I've been addicted to maladaptive daydreaming, lying in bed for hours just imagining a different world but I'm struggling to just do that. It was my escape and coping mechanism and now I can't do it. I've lost interest in watching media as I habitually form connections with fictional characters. But at the end of the day it's not real and that hurts. I truly am all alone and I don't see an end to this. Maybe I'm just meant to be depressed or melancholic and i can accept that. I wanna just end all this, what's the point of living if I can't enjoy it? I just needed to vent somewhere and idk if I want any advice since nothing works and everything feels fake. God, I hate this...

Holy shit, I love this sub so much. I deconstructed last year or maybe the year before when I realized that I was trying really hard to imagine the best God possible that would love me for being trans. I had a spiral because I couldn't, and since I based God off my parents and what their version of God is, I knew he would've hated me. I was so damn scared of hell, but it's not like I could've changed, and I was willing to accept burning in hell forever. But then a passing thought came to me that I never thought I could do in a million years. "What if Christianity wasn't real?" This is what I thought that day that did it for me. I felt a physical weight come off my shoulders. It was the best thing that happened to me to just be an atheist or agnostic now. I don't really care enough whether there is a God or not, I just live my life. I feel so free, but unfortunately, I still live in a heavily religious and conservative country and home, but coming to this sub makes me feel better. I see like-minded people here, and I get a break from religion as I did develop some religious trauma from my experiences, so it's nice to take a break and not be so on high alert all the time :)

Hey, I'm a gay aroace person who's cupioromantic and just wanted to know if anyone else here is also like me? I sometimes feel bad for wanting to do things with persons that can be perceived as romantic as I feel like I'm not aromantic-enough. I also feel this way about my asexualilty and being sex-neutral instead of adverse or repulsed. I guess I feel bad about not disliking both of these things, and I feel less queer I guess, as I see the majority of people assuming that all there is to being aroace is hating sex and romance. Though I have nothing against people that do. I sometimes find myself frustrated with amatonormativity and hyper-sexualisation of things. But in general it's just all I see

So I've always thought about it. I wanna be in some type of relationship with someone. I would want to do things with them that could be perceived as romantic but wouldn't be completely to us. However, I'd also like to just chill and act as friends sometimes because being only romantic makes me feel exhausted and suffocated. I'd also value our friendship/platonic love more than the romantic one. I'd even consider them my boyfriend or even do other things like make out, etc, etc. I've never seen anyone express this. Is this still considered a qpr?

First, I'm not repulsed by romance, and I would like to partake in certain acts with a partner, but I would hate that it's perceived as ONLY romantic. I think I'm just too tired of seeing it everywhere or it being the conclusion or assumption for every. single. thing. You do something really sweet for a friend? You must have a crush on them! You show a lot of appreciation to someone? You must be secretly in love! You hang out a lot? You must be dating! I'm just tired that that's the only conclusion people come up with. I see it when I'm reading fiction, and yeah, I read a lot of romances, but maybe what I'm looking for is stories about deep friendships or other types of queer relationships. Even if it can be perceived as a typical romantic relationship, no one asks first if it really is. I wouldn't want my own relationship to just be romantic. Like we could do those things but also just act as friends sometimes or something like that. I don't know why the relationship only has to shift to being only romantic as I find that really suffocating.

I'll just get to the point. I'm rlly depressed and in a crappy place rn in which I can't leave yet. Maladaptive daydreaming has been my only escape from my reality but I have to stop. Usually I lie down for hours listening to loud music and my head hurts but I can't stop like it's some addiction. I wanna stop doing this but I'll just feel empty without it and I'll have no way of coping. Everything feels so real in the moment and I so badly wish it was. I wish I had friends and people like the ones in my dreams but the despair I feel when I realise they're not real hurts so badly. I tried to stop listening to music, reading fiction and watching films just so I wouldn't daydream again. I don't know how to stop this, I feel so pathetic for getting so deeply connected to fictional people and worlds that I just wanna end it when I realise it's not my reality

Hey, are there any other teens here who wanna be friends. I don't know any other queer ppl in my area and it's pretty lonely since I have no one to talk to

Hi, I'm a 16 year old pre-T trans guy from the Caribbean. I swear there's no other queer people here in my area, at least those that are trans-friendly, and I'd like to make some friends bc I'm lonely ig 🤷🏽‍♂️

All my life, I've always picked at my skin. My parents just told me to stop and didn't do anything and have ignored me. They bully me for how my arms and legs and face look and blame each other and me for it. I hate to look at my skin. Everywhere is just scars, and they don't fade, and they've been with me since I was a toddler...idk if that has anything to do with darker skin because I've heard they fade slower???? I haven't been able to stop, and I keep going sometimes until there's blood. I've tried for years, but even if I stopped, the scars are still there, and I can feel people staring. I hate it so much, but the feeling I get from picking is euphoric, but I feel so much shame after and try to hide it from my family as they'll just bully me again. They forced me to use multiple skin lighteners, but I get so tired of applying it every night because there's just so many scars, and I just wanna sleep instead of doing that. I also chew the gums inside my mouth, and that hasn't stopped either. I did stop for a whole 2 years but that was due to covid and everyone was busy but as soon as it died down...and everyone started to comment on it again, I started back. My skin hurts, but in reality, it's all my fault, or at least that's what I think sometimes...

I think it's impossible for me to ever find someone who I would consider to be my soulmate or "other half". Ok, basically I know I'd end up all alone. You see eventually I'd have to cut off everyone, friends, family and just survive alone because I know they'd reject me for being trans and other stuff. I'm such an anxious person and I literally feel so sick when I have to talk to someone whether I know them or not. Even online I'm so anxious and writing this now is making me kind of anxious, lol. Anyways, I do dream of having that someone, a best friend, a boyfriend, a qpr partner, Heck they'd all be correct. But my main problem is that I'd never get to know anyone deeply enough to form any kind of bonds anyway, other friends, founded family, etc. I'm so stuck in my head when I have to say a simple hello to someone and eventually I never do. I feel like such a lot cause becasue it's been years and I still can't get over my anxiety.