u/No_Lemon_9327

The human experience is very surreal to me
I am also sure many people feel this way too just because there’s nothing new under the sun
It has always been a challenge for me to come in terms with my humanness. I find myself looking at myself in the mirror for hours in awe of what I’m seeing.
I also find it extremely hard to view myself as a woman, nor a man obviously. I feel like I just have a female body and that’s that.
As a child I used to think that my family were just spirits and not real humans and that they were all lying to me to protect me from knowing the truth
My memories seem foggy and hearing alot of things I’ve heard before feel like it’s the first time hearing them.
I am told by people close to me that I am shocked and amazed by simple and basic things like having an idea or having a basic skill
I am amazed by the human body and I can’t seem to comprehend that I have a life with a past present and future.
In group settings I am usually the life of the group and I can tell people are drawn to my presence but I can’t help but also feel like I am actually pretending all the time
Even though I’ve also been told that I’m “the realest person I know” by multiple people and that never fully made sense to me because I feel so unreal

For context I’m currently in a relationship & I’ve been overthinking if my partner is actually the one for me or if I’m just settling because I tend to see the good in people and he specifically told me I do that and that he worries I see only the good in people
I genuinely love him but I also thought I loved my two previous partners but after I broke up with them 1) I was sad but I heard from friends and family that he was bad for me and manipulative af 2)I felt completely fine
I feel like I can love almost anyone to a certain extent but I don’t know if I’m able to love beyond that level with anyone besides family.
That kind of worries me because how will I be able to know when I’m settling for something that’s not necessarily the best for me and/or if my partner can find someone genuinely better suited with them and they’re settling for me without them knowing they are

I have intense period mood swings and I asked him a couple of times to pay me extra attention the week before my period and I never seem satisfied with whatever he gives during that time. Besides that I’m very happy with how he treats me.
So the period before last I got I told him I will not bring it up again and that i will not expect it from him and he said all the right things as usual (he’s a salesman)
After that we agreed that we don’t need to consistently text and have expectations because I told him I think that would help me
He agreed and said he trusts me
We still text even daily just not as regularly considering the time difference
And it did help but it only helped ME, kinda did the opposite to our relationship

I got my period mood swings again (during our “space”) and I got mad at him and he said “I thought we were on the same page that we would be there for each other if really needed”
Which I found unassuming because despite our agreement, I expected he would know that it shouldn’t apply during my PMS days because it should be on his mind) which he then explained he was having a busy day and blah blah

He thinks or is pretending everything is fine because I am obviously texting in a much more detached tone which seems to be oddly making him more attached and lovey with me
Now I am finding myself kind of detached from him where I don’t even share some big news or information that have been happening with me
But he also doesn’t ask which kinda further enforces me detaching
I feel like while he took this space thing at face value and is acting exactly as we agreed upon, I am complicating the space that I literally asked for by analyzing his behaviour as him being detached therefore I must detach as well.
I feel like i subconsciously created this dynamic knowing this is what it would cause or hoping he would “fight harder” by showing up in specific ways that I want that he might not be able to deliver / or are unattainable

I also genuinely love this man so should I address things with him and see if we can reconnect or should I just thug it out til we meet each other in real life again and not overthink this phase?

People are fucking irritating
Oops
The contradiction that people inhabit is so obvious to me yet they’re completely oblivious to it
The oblivion they possess is not true, because deep down one always knows.
So when confronted with a situation that directly challenges this contradiction, they try to manipulate it at the present moment to alter reality
If you’re unaware and unfocused, this would usually work on you
People are constantly projecting their inner problems on you and if you’re not protected, you will be energetically harassed which will lead to you not being able to differentiate between your intuition and the anxiety.
I recognize I am a mirror in peoples lives
They either see their dark side and project it on me thinking I am what they hate about themselves
Or their reflection makes them see all the beauty they possess despite their dark side
So it is my duty to train on not reacting when confronted with these projections, to stay grounded and protected.
Still sometimes, I can’t help but feel very irritated like right now

I’m a woman like many other women.
What I’ve noticed as I matured and became a young lady is I find myself extremely attractive. I mean, I feel like my beauty is timeless. But I’m also an observant woman
And I’ve noticed society doesn’t view me the same way
I would say according to societal beauty standards, I’m quite average.
I don’t get approached a lot in real life and when I do it’s usually something intense like someone saying they see a light in me or that they want to marry me right now. Mostly just crazy people.
When I walk down the street, if my eyes fall on a man’s eyes, they either: IMMEDIATELY look away or stare deep into my soul.
I realized my perception of myself and how society views me are so different and it kinda shocks me sometimes.
But then again I find alooot of people attractive in their own way because there’s something about a human just being a human and having skin and a face and scars and what not that is attractive to me

The way people speak is heavily shaped by their childhood environment, if the person did not grow up with gays who speak in that voice/tone, then the person is either code-switching as a way to have the “full gay persona” or they just naturally adapted it as they got closer to people who speak that way.
But with the amount of gays who have this voice that I’m referring to, I am almost certain a lot of them are simply faking it.

There’s something about how a guy walks sometimes or how he moves his arms that just makes them so sexy to me. It could be a stranger man but it’s something so specific yet abstract that you can’t find in any woman (naturally) and that thing really triggers something primal in me
But it’s just something I enjoy to observe because for some reason the quality of men in general is declining
(And women tbh) but anyway

I’ve been to quite a few countries and one thing I’ve noticed is the west continues to smell like piss and liquor.
I don’t get how a “civilized” state still didn’t incorporate bidets in their day to day lives.
It’s baffling to me how it’s hard to find a washroom that has a bidet, and people just casually smell like piss and perfume.

Before I got with my partner I was disconnected from my sexuality for a long time and I’m not the type that can see a man and register that they are hot or attractive. Most I can think is that he is handsome. Anyway when I first got with my partner, that fact about me came up. That I don’t really find men attractive like that and that in terms of eye candy looking at pretty women was always more appealing because men kind of looked boring to me (strictly physically speaking) and he didn’t really react negatively or positively he just said something like that’s good for him
Time moved on and we quickly realized that our sexual chemistry is amazing and that lit something inside me
Now I find myself actually registering hot guys and I’m even discovering what type of guy bodies I like more etc
I know it’s a huge change but it is personal
I also have this compulsive urge to tell him this change so I don’t feel like I’m hiding it?
But I know there’s no need for that so I probably won’t tell him
Anyway it’s kind of funny and sad that he lit something inside me and now I see some men attractive whereas I never would before.

I watch a lot of revert videos and although not all of them, a lot of them were usually people who seriously hated Islam and stumbled upon reverting to Islam by initially trying to find more reasons to hate it or debate with other Muslims about how it’s not the true religion.
It also makes sense because if Islam inflicts such large feelings in you then it touched something in you. It could be also conditioning, and western propaganda but still, actually hating Islam feels like an indicator that those big feelings are coming out because something inside you recognizes it as the truth and that angers you for many different reasons.
If you hate all religions then this probably doesn’t apply to you lol

Anyone who says “it’s not that deep” in regards to sex is either lying to you or themselves.
It’s basic common sense
Sex is and always will be deep
It’s why sex sells
Everything is sex, we literally exist right now because of sex. If everything in the world is not that deep, sex will still be the deepest thing there is (no pun intended)
And since sex IS that deep then OBVIOUSLY who you have sex with matters just as much

I haven’t really fully explored my sexuality, but I am kind of scared to do so because I don’t know what kind of deviant sexual monster is repressed inside me.
I can go from no sexual drive to extreme sexual drive in an instant and then I can shut down again for a while.
When I do sexual stuff , I either get realllyyy into it and cry after or I am completely zoned out
I also know that I have low self worth issues but I would never be okay with having a partner who knows that and uses it sexually, so I’m not into that at all either. I have Alot of fantasies and idk if I will ever have the courage to try them.

For the record, I’m no girls girl and I find the term foolish and is often actually entitlement disguised under “being there for each other”
& for some reason, every girl I’ve met that calls herself a girls girl is always the first one to gossip, slander other women, try to seduce men in committed relationships, etc.

I think it’s stupid to support a girl just because she’s a girl, some people are terrible despite their genitalia. Nevertheless, I would most likely help a girl in a situation that another “girls girl” wouldn’t even bat an eye towards.
It’s like they know they secretly compete with other women and instead of facing that and fixing it they stick this girls girl bullshit on top of it to make it look pretty

Random but I realized how irritated I get everytime I’m talking about a topic, and I make a statement about said topic that would include the majority or would be the general rule/stereotype and someone haaaaaass to say “not all _______”
For example: “the quality of meat in this city is poor”
“Not all meat”
Like shutup, OBVIOUSLY it’s not all inclusive
Jeez

I don’t know what it is but throughout my past relationships, I would always try to find my partner a better match. I wouldn’t tell them or anything but I’d think oh hes probably more compatible with this and that. I find myself going down rabbit holes as to why he would suit someone else better.
Now I’m engaged to a wonderful man who truly loves me and shows me everyday. His love for me is changing Alot of anxieties I had in my previous relationships. I find myself more relaxed and calm with him because he is very reassuring and emotionally intelligent.
Still I find myself sometimes thinking how he could be a better match with my sister. They’re practically the same person and they have a really good relationship. He sees her as an older sister and she loves him because he’s genuinely a good person. I don’t know why I keep having this thought and it’s really disturbing as I truly feel like we are the ideal match and I never loved someone the way I love him. Any help?

TL;DR I’m having paranoid thoughts about how my fiancé is a better fit with my sister. I know he loves me and the thought is a pattern I experienced in my past relationships. Why is it happening and how can I stop it?

I was raised in a predominantly religious household, where modesty and chastity are highly encouraged. We would dress fairly modestly even inside the house and there is a limit to revealing skin.
I have friends that are were raised in a more liberal way, both Muslim and non Muslim, what I’ve always wondered about my more “open” friends family’s is, do they sexualize each other when they’re at the beach for example or when they wear small clothes at home? I mean, when a family is vacationing together with their cousins and what not, do they at some subconscious level, look at their cousins or sister and get a bad thought?
I recognize that this could be a projection due to my own understanding of modesty and what it entails, nevertheless, I’d really like to know if their brains are genuinely wired differently and they don’t think or feel anything “bad” when they’re around family members showing skin.

Innerstanding myself and others to a certain degree can cause a lot of emotional distress. I find myself not being able to feel my own feelings freely because I am constantly bombarded with reasons and explanations as to why the other person or situation might’ve upset me. Consistently being hijacked with reason while feeling emotions that might be Old or new keeps me away from expressing my emotions adequately. Most of the emotions are suppressed and intertwined with reason. They try to come out in private & when they do, I just cry while still having thoughts that are full of reason.
I feel like I don’t know how to give myself permission to be angry or mad at someone without caring for why they did what they did / said what they said.
Anyone else struggle with this and do you know why?