u/Odd_Age_4315

Just curious because I don’t know what’s going on in my life, being shy, introverted and socially awkward, the best combo to end up alone? Because being 28 I’ve been single for almost 14 years.

What does it really make me as a man? These days I don’t even have crushes, I stumble upon someone, I find them cute and nice, I move on with life. Because I know the reality that I don’t have it in me start a conversation, and even though if they start the conversation, and even if it goes for weeks, I don’t have the guts to make a move, even simple invitations like “hey, I was thinking if you wanna go for that movie you were talking about the other day, this weekend?” Sometimes I just ask myself what has brought me to this point in life? All the mountains of overthinking, of asking this question to someone for over a week, only to give up and withdraw. It’s like I don’t even stress on it anymore, I’m doing everything else in life, and it used to make me really sad about myself to a point where I couldn’t take it any longer and actually considered that I would end at 35. But I think I have finally accepted my reality, and it keeps me hooked on to experience other things in life, rather than giving up. I’ve come to terms that dating is something I will not get grip off in this life. I’ve already given up mostly on friendships, I just have one friend right now, who is there for me, but she is in another continent.

I’ve lost interest in socializing, for some reason I’ve been gaming through out since May. I haven’t stepped on a weekend to grab a drink with someone or even go for dinner or hangout, like I used to before April, every weekend and sometimes even during the weekdays. I’ve only stepped out for essentials. I don’t even plan on stepping out this weekend. The Spider-Man is out since a week, I was hyped for it, I don’t… feel like going to watch it though. I don’t know why.

I was tired of my loneliness, but now it feels like I can’t live without being lonely. I thought of getting a pet, but after things went back at home, adopting pets can become a bit too complex when planning a future, like maybe your wife does not want to have pets in the initial years of marriage? What do you then do about the pet you adopted? You can’t just leave it right? But I realized, I’m cut out for marriage or starting a family? Why even bother thinking? But I guess hope never leaves you???? Which is why I think by 32, if nothing else happens, I’m adopting. Or maybe hope will get the best of me? I’d rather get one this year instead.

I booked my first session last year, somewhere around this time, I was in a really bad place, out of some friends suggesting me, I did it. The session went awful in my mind. She was asking things about why I am doing this, I had no answer, I froze, I couldn’t talk about anything at all that I wanted to talk. I thought it was a big mistake.

Life got better and then it went south really fast. Suddenly I found myself around people I really struggled to open myself up to. People I trusted before, things happened, and it dawned on me, in all my loneliness, crying on my bed, after loosing that one person I trusted a lot, that I don’t really have an outlet. A part of me, most of me actually, was always waiting to find someone that I can finally trust my emotions with, I thought I found her, but then this year made me feel shit about it. Being an introvert and generally anti social with barely good social skills and social battery, I already ended up in the smallest circle I could call friends in my late 20s, amongst which I had one with whom I could truly open up to, and she made me feel shit about it.

And now when everything goes south, absolute rock bottom, I have no one to reach out to. That’s what got me waking up to nightmares, sleep paralysis, and endlessly crying for an entire evening. I decided that I really can’t put myself through this by putting trust in others that they would be there for me. I am done wanting to be accepted or cared for. Which is why I started scheduling therapy sessions back to back since last month, because at the end of the day, if I bottle up all of this, expecting that if I hold in just a bit longer, someone will show up to help me, that’s not gonna happen, and I am truly done expecting that for myself. When I can put my money into someone who will help me navigate through these emotions and in the process have an outlet to let it out, then why not?

Relationships is something I have failed in life, despite having everything else that life has to offer me. And I won’t be able to get past this feeling anytime soon. So f it anyways. Life is good, enjoy. Life gets bad, go back to your therapist, let it out, feel lighter and then go back to living. Life happy again.

Why is that the abuser always has someone to abuse, the cheater always has someone to cheat on? Meanwhile here I am, trying work on myself since 13 years, constantly thinking I am not good enough for a relationship yet, and that I need to be better, else I’ll end up ruining the next thing that comes up? I’ve finally started therapy since a month, and things have been going good. But it does make me question why am I doing all this for? It’s a very cynical take, despite all of this still want to become the best version of myself for someone, and not let my mental health get in the way in a relationship. I don’t even know what’s the meaning of life. Maybe a constant spiral of self doubt.

As a man, it feels humiliating when people online give me dating advices where the approach for dating for a man sounds more like “how to improve your sales pitch”, rather than addressing real emotions that are in play in someone’s dating life. Manosphere has already made it worse. They make it sound like my solution is to have higher turnover for dates in order to F with women. What?!? Brother is Christ, I am here to looking for a life partner, and not end up in someone’s bed because it feels good. People don’t understand that sleeping is the easiest thing to get. Of all the women who have approached me, I could have said yes to all of them and slept with them, but it didn’t. Why? Because of course I didn’t see a potential partner in them and hence I didn’t entertain. But when I do fall for someone out of friendship it never really works out. Problem is I am not usually aware when I fall for attraction. That has nothing do with going with a sales pitch approach just the sleep around more.

Just saying, it’s a vent.

Genuine question. I lost two people this year due to falling out, one of them is my best friend. Other factors in my life being that me being single since 2014, and having to deal with the worst in life ever since, financial bankruptcy, family falling out, mental abusive dad, I had one outlet once in a while when I couldn’t hold it on anymore, and it was my bestie, but she’s gone now. Being 29, it hard to form connection anyways. But how do you know loneliness has completely consumed you? At this stage, feeling lonely is just a constant default in my life. Having crushes makes me feel guilty and pathetic so I shut myself out on the first instance. I made a mistake pursuing a crush last year and it backfired as well. Back then I thought my friends and best friend was a backup in life. Life was going good when my bestie moved to the same city. But after April, things have been just the worst. I sit in my room all weekend, either gaming or watching something, cry mildly most nights, and when things get heavy, I just feel like I need a hug from someone so that can finally cry and let it out, but I can’t, and it feels like my body itches for me to come out of my own skin. Do you guys go through the same? How do you deal with it for the rest of your life? The only outlet I feel comfortable is writing on Reddit. It used to feel better before when I first started this back in 2021. But now it just feels like a very small momentary relief.

I tried therapy, one session last year, I froze when she asked me what problems do I have in life. Spoke about it a bit. This week I decided it’s finally to get back at it for real. Today I have another session tonight.

At first I thought it was me wanting closure whether the person likes me or not. Maybe it was for the first two. The second one got away very quickly and I was relieved. Maybe it was a healthy crush I guess. The 3rd one… I don’t know what even to say. It’s been going since 2025. You start falling for the flaws. I tried getting rid of it. I got rid of it. Someone else came in my life momentarily, that’s when I realised every time I see her, I forget that someone else. Even worse when they start showing up in your dreams. There were phases when I didn’t think of them at all. Only for my brain to throw a dream of them, for me to wake up and think of it again, it’s as if a guilt weighing on me. I’m tired of these unrequited crushes. Another one in my life is going to be the end of it. At this point I’m even scared of having a crush on someone for my own good and protection. That’s how much I need to close myself off these days. Wonder if life will get any better. I try to keep myself up with other things in life. But the feeling keeps coming back. I wish for once, things work out in my life. Do I not deserve it? Maybe not, and maybe that’s for the best of it. Life just sucks at this point, it has been for years.

My first and only gf was in 2012, I think I was 17 or 18 back then. The post is not about her. I loved her a bit too much for my own good, she cheated on me couple of times. But that’s just for context. What this post is really about is, I’ve never go to experience the physical intimacy couples have at my age right now, at 29. Yes ive kissed, held hands, just made out like a couple of times only with her. But nothing more than that. Yes that means I’m a virgin. People say that makes me a looser, and I’ve accepted it. But I’ve never really been desperate to loose it, rather being helpless to find someone who will accept me for who I am, because going through emotional and mental breakdowns alone, has gotten the best of me. I’m never sad or happy anymore. It’s just numb and somewhere in between. Though no one in my circle knows I’m a virgin. Everyone knew I had that one gf, and they assumed I’m no longer a virgin. A close friend of mine wanted dating advice regarding men, and she said that if a guy is a virgin still in their late 20s, it’s the guys problem. Maybe it is. That’s my accountability to take. But what can I do. I’ve just ended up falling for people who would never see me for myself. And I think I’m okay with it. This pain of feeling alone, is something I have to deal with, never does my virginity ever come in my mind, but my loneliness instead I guess. I read posts about couples at my age having problems performing or engaging in sexual drive, and how regular sex isn’t helping them, all of those feel alien to me at the same time. Just a vent and confession.

Just nothing much to say this morning. Everyone’s got their lives. Connections come and fade. I am absolutely burned out of maintaining human connections. I constantly doubt where I stand in people’s lives. I am tired. Booked a therapy appointment this Friday. Not sure how that’s gonna go. Fortunately I have friend from a different time zone, met online. She keeps company and keeps me motivated as friend to some extent. She really tries. I appreciate it. But even being in such a big city, having friends is like impossible. Even when you know them for long. I guess we are all already dead.

When you can't run to anyone when things get bad, you finally start seeing life for what it truly is. And when you do it for years, all alone, you mistake it for strength. You feel unstoppable. Until one fine day, it comes
crashing to you, when you can't keep up, and dealing it yourself, you finally realize, your coping mechanism isn't working anymore. It is during that moment you realize, you really don't have the strength left to do it all alone anymore. But by then, it becomes too late. You are not used to opening up to anyone anymore.
You finally realize the prison you have built for yourself, unknowingly, in the pursuit of strength. No one will understand this about you. Your heart cries that someone will someday hear you cry from
Behind those walls, but in reality no one really cares about what's behind the wall, because they can't see it. And over the years, your cries grow weaker, and weaker. And we perish in our own tomb. This place will become your tomb. And I say this with love unfortunately.

May anyone reading this, find love, that reaches out, willing enough to help you break those walls. But only you can break it from the inside, but I hope you get the help. ❤️

I need to talk to you about something.. this is a bad time.. but I just have to get it off. I’m a mess and it’s best that we don’t get close, after what’s been happening with me this year I don’t think I have the bandwidth anymore to deal with relationships, being close friends even. I need some time for myself. I hope you understand. It’s not about you, I have a lot to work on. But I also want to talk about what happened in 2025. To this day the guilt still weighs on me. I’m sorry. I really am. I got over my emotions back then, which is why I took some distance as well. But you kept coming back, and this thing with my bestfriend happened as well. Now I don’t know what life has in store for me and I don’t want to know either. Opening up to you about my family, is something I’ve not really done with anyone, and feeling that vulnerable is not my cup of tea at this moment of time. I hope you understand. I try to open up but everytime I feel guilty right after. I’m sorry I can’t be what you might want me to be. We can still be normal friends. But I don’t think I have the capacity of anything more than that.

I wanted to be honest with you, I never really had ability to trust people and bring them close. I guess it’s the fear of my past experiences, my breakup etc, never really trusted anyone after it. I don’t know where I stand in your life, but I don’t want to know as well. That gets me anxious every time I open up to someone. And I really don’t want to be a burden in wanting to get a clarity. I hope this stays between us. But I need some time for myself. I hope you can forgive me. I am a terrible, and I am trying and will be better in the future. The elephant in the room being, there has been an on and off liking towards you that I regulated myself, in hopes it wouldn’t affect you. I don’t expect anything from you, I don’t want to because it’s not right. I’ve tried to maintain my boundaries, both relationship wise and emotionally. And there has been many instances where I wanted to talk to you about it. But in order to truly move forward, I need the strength to send this to you someday. If you are receiving this now, then I probably got the strength I guess. You don’t have to blame yourself for anything. I’m broken and it’s up to me to make things right for myself. I just don’t want to bring you down along with myself. I say this with much love and respect. I assure you things will be normal at office. Like it has always been.

All I request is you understand what this means, because I will always care for you.. which is why I thought you deserve to know this, before I do this for myself now. I will talk more if you want me to about this, you might have a lot of questions, I’m ready to answer.

I’m really sorry that I disappointed you. Hope you can forgive me… in time.

What the fuck is even this. What the fuck. Will I ever feel better. At times it feels like it’s better off if I die. But I haven’t done everything I’d wish for. I want to go places. I’ve started chalking out trips I want to take. All of them will be alone mostly. I don’t think I have anyone who is willing to tag along.

I also had the worse crash out in a while this week. Stayed up on my bed crying, silently. I can’t even cry out loud these days. It doesn’t happen. All I wish that I had someone to wrap my arms around and cry hard, on their shoulder. Being a closed off person has done the best to me. I am lonely. I am very lonely. I don’t know what’s the cure for it. It scares me that I have to live the rest my life in this loneliness. But I want to experience the best of it. My mom has no clue how lonely I am. She assumes I have been dating for a while or all this while. Worst part is:

She does even know I don’t get to have even a good companionship for years, be it friends, best friends, partners are far off the table. Does one go insane? Or does it feel more lonely when people are around? Maybe I should moved to the most isolated place on this planet. Cut myself off from social media. Don’t go to work at all.

Imagine waking up. Not having to talk to anymore through out the week. Probably only conversations with utility workers like mailmen or someone. Not seeing anyone around, through out the week, through out the month. I think I need that. Really. In complete isolation. At least for a month or two, I get a feeling I will enjoy it.

How? I don’t feel sad, nor happy, somewhere just numb. I went on a trip last week. I was happy for moments, but others moments it came crashing down with my emotions. How do others do it?

Hey I want to talk to you about something. I know I said I’ll be seeing a therapist, I think I’m at my worst now, so I just wanna say.. please don’t take this personally, I mean.. I mean it. I have a lot to work on, and I don’t want to pull you down in that process.

That being said, I really don’t talk to anyone about my problems in family, the way I did to you yesterday. Like no one really knows, apart from my bestfriend. This week was very hard for me, so I just couldn’t hold myself, so I let it out to you. But at times like this is when it gets to me afterwards, I dont really feel good after opening up. So…I just wanted to say that.. maybe I’m not that comfortable at being close. It’s not you, and trust me when I say this, I mean it. I overthink a lot, and it gets the best of me. Due to my past, trust has always been a problem, even with friends and partners. If you wanna talk about it can. But I promise, I’ll come back stronger. I’ve always tried my best to make a comfortable space for you to open up, but I don’t know I feel I failed at that.. relationships were never my thing, after all these years with these family problems, I feel there’s something really wrong with me that needs to be fixed.

I’m sorry to disappoint you. But I don’t think I’m in any shape to handle this. Hope you can forgive me..

You lied. Just like everyone else. I’m no longer feeling. I don’t where I’ll go from here. I feel terrible opening up to you. It’s okay. I’ll get used to it. It’s always like this for me. And one day I’ll leave this world. And I doubt any one would ever think of me.

Not here for advice. I don’t know why it’s getting filtered by the bot.

I’m so done. I lose my best friend because she developed feelings for me and things went rough from there. Fell again for a crush, who supported me emotionally momentarily while I was having a fallout with my bestie, the same crush I got over last year and had a crash out internally because I couldn’t control my feelings, now I am back to square one, and she’s seeing someone. I just hate my life absolutely. I am absolutely incapable of controlling my feelings. I don’t want to have another crush in my life. It’s the worst feeling ever. I am absolutely done. I can’t trust anyone anymore. As if last year wasn’t enough. I’m tired of never being chosen. People keep telling me the right person will accept me, but I don’t know why I keep ending up like this. Am I just not worth the effort. My friends told me I never gave her a chance, but the only thing I ever got from her is a no, so what’s even the point. I tried, and times I felt she tried as well, but maybe I was never worth the effort. I am angry and mad, but at myself, this state I am in is completely my own doing. Useless hopes. I am deeply broken. Never someone’s first choice. Never someone’s priority, I am tired of yearning and for once I wished someone yearned for me, but the reality is I’m not a person to put someone in a position to yearn, because I’ll never give her a chance, she will be known that I am completely and only hers. I hope someday. But I am done wanting it anymore. All my battles, emotional or existential, I’ll have to suck it up to myself, neither can I keep a friendship, let alone be someone’s person. High five to this fucking year. At this point just throw everything at me. Make it more miserable. At least that way it will keep me excited for what’s coming. If not happiness then please flourish me with pain and misery that I have to fight with. Goods strongest soldier? You ain’t giving me enough pain.

This is a vent. Really got nowhere to let it out in real life. Couldn’t find a better sub. Posted on another sub and got called looser. Maybe I am after all I don’t know, I’d like to think I am not.

Everyone tells me “everyone’s got a somebody”, I don’t if that’s true or just being told to me to feel optimistic, while I have ran out of reasons to be optimistic. Call it spiritual calling or destiny, but at this point maybe my somebody didn’t make it to this place? Probably aborted? Because this year is going to be the 13th year of going without any romantic connection. I know I have lot of issues, and I try not to settle for less as well, but it all makes me feel like I am the problem. Most people don’t believe me that I have been single for 13years, specially when it comes to my age, being 29 and claiming these facts either make people think I am lying and I’ve never had any relationship, or I am lying about me being single for so long, or just assume I am problematic and probably natures natural selection. It’s does get to me more these years than it has ever before when I was in the 5th year of being single. It feels like I have failed in life in a sort of way, though I know those are pointless judgements, while my life is fulfilling in every other way, above decent job and pay, freedom to do anything with my money, having a space to freely indulge into my arts. But being a man, the desire to feel loved and love, and have someone by my side, to start a family and all, how do I get rid of these feelings?

In these 13years no one has ever liked me enough, maybe I was never worth the risk? Probably that’s why my ex cheated on other men with me? I’ve only had one sided feelings and decided it wasn’t healthy and distanced and moved on. I’ve had something like this since last year as well, and having crushes feels like a crime a now. I’ve tried therapy, felt good for a while, but it keeps coming back. What scares me is the number of years I am single. It only started to scare me in 2023. It feels like I have willingly ignored a part of my life that I should have paid attention to, but at the same time when I did pay attention to, when thought people were giving signals, I tried pursuing them, only to get rejected. If that wasn’t enough, one of my rejections this year confessed to me that she really did have feelings for me and she started feeling for me again, but doesn’t want to act on it. I don’t even know what to feel at this point, I don’t feel for her anymore, but it keeps me wondering what if she said yes all those years back? Maybe I was not worth it back then? But even if she feels it again now, am I still not worth it? Why do I even have these thoughts when I don’t feel anything for her today? I don’t even think she’s a good partner for me today, unlike how I felt earlier, I’m not even attracted to her anymore, but why does my mind keep thinking what was the point of rejecting me today as well, even when she feels something? I was never terrified of rejections earlier. I used to get rejected before as well before my ex. Why is it hitting now in my adult life? Yes I am scared of the no. I absolutely am. And I don’t know what to do about it.