u/OppositeNo624

I’m SMO. Right now I weigh 455 pounds at 5”5. My highest ever weight was during the pandemic where I got up to 515 pounds. I’m 34 and female. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have been taking small steps toward losing weight. It’s been happening slowly but surely. When I went back to work after the pandemic, I went back to my normal ish weight of 470-480. I’m down to 455 because I’ve been more active at work and eating less. And as of the past year or so, I’ve had severe gastrointestinal symptoms, including chronic diarrhea for over a year. I did every non-invasive test my gastroenterologist recommended. Everything came back unremarkable, aside from elevated calprotectin. I also have iron defiance anemia that I’m now getting iron infusions for due to not being able to tolerate oral iron. My doctor told me I needed an endoscopy and colonoscopy with biopsies as a next step. I kept rescheduling the procedure, and even canceled twice before. I finally felt got to a point where I’m like I have to follow through with this procedure. Everybody kept telling me it wasn’t a big deal and that the procedure itself was a breeze, and that prep was the worst part. But what people didn’t understand was that I kept rescheduling because of fear due to my weight. I not only felt embarrassed by it, but I felt like the procedure itself would be far too complicated for someone of my size. I kept imagining the worst. Fast forward to this month, and I decided to keep my appointment after talking through my fears with my therapist. I did a pre-procedure appointment with a nurse practitioner who went over prep instructions for me. I left the appointment a bit confused because she had briefly mentioned intubation. But I wasn’t really sure what that even was. So I get to my appointment yesterday after doing the prep and clear liquid diet (which was surprisingly easy). I met with the anesthesiologist and he told me they were going to do general anesthesia with intubation. I started panicking internally. I knew they had to go that route due to my BMI. Well…I had to have the procedure in a hospital-based setting anyway and not at my gastro office due to my BMI in the first place. But I wasn’t expecting full on general anesthesia. I have cuts and scrapes in my mouth. Really bad jaw pain and ear pain. I had to go to the ER after I got home due to how bad the pain was in my mouth (I was advised to do so by the doctor). Anyway, they said it’s just affects from the intubation and sometimes these things can happen. So now I’ve spent the past few hours researching intubation and how obesity affects certain procedures. And it has me realizing I’ve got to lose this weight. Like I literally couldn’t just get a regular colonoscopy and endoscopy without having to do it at a hospital under full on anesthesia. Feeling very anxious still.

I’m visiting from NYC and really enjoyed my visit. There wasn’t much to do, but the locals were very friendly. Much more friendlier than New Yorkers. People actually sparked up conversations with me. It seems pretty diverse too and not super segregated like NYC.

I’m a super morbidly obese woman in my 30s, and I really want to hear from other plus-size women, especially women who have been at a very high weight and have dealt with dating and feeling like genuine romantic interest just isn’t available to you.

I’ve only ever been in one on-and-off “relationship,” and honestly I would call it more of a situationship. My experiences with men outside of that haven’t exactly helped my self-esteem either.

My ex was emotionally abusive and used me financially. He stole money from me, had me paying for things, and our sex life was incredibly one-sided. I should mention that this situationship lasted over 7 years, and he never once took me out on a date. I never really felt like my pleasure mattered to him.
Once he was finished, that was basically it.

Before him, I was talking to a guy who pretty much only wanted me to give him head. He eventually straight-up told me he wasn’t sexually attracted to me. I should also mention he was married, and he never disclosed that to me. I let this go on for YEARS. I would even fly to come and see him. He never paid for any travel or lodging expenses. No date.

Last year, a guy approached me, told me I was attractive and asked for my number. We exchanged numbers and when he texted me, he immediately wanted to know if I had my own place because he wanted to come over and “chill.” I told him no thanks. Been there, done that. I’m not interested in giving it up for free to some random guy who can’t even ask me on a date. Then suddenly he was saying he wasn’t actually sexually attracted to me anyway. Which confused the hell out of me because…you approached me, asked for my number and literally told me I was attractive?

There was also a guy I was genuinely in love with years ago. We were friends first and I had the biggest crush on him. He initially flirted with me…or so I thought. Maybe I read too much into things, but I still feel like he led me on. We eventually kissed before he moved away, and when I visited him later we cuddled and almost had sex. I didn’t proceed with anything sexual because I was too insecure. Things felt very high stakes for me with him. Eventually even that situation turned into him using me financially. Though it was mostly after he fell on hard times.

After enough experiences like these, I think I’ve developed this belief that attention from men at my size always comes with some kind of catch.

And something happened recently that made me realize just how deeply I believe that. I met a guy while on a road trip who I was actually attracted to who started talking to me and seemed like he was flirting. He complimented my hair, asked me my name, asked me questions about my life, and kept trying to approach me throughout the night. He wasn’t talking sexual or aggressively like some men have done in the past. He was just making conversation with me, asking me questions, complimenting me and seemingly looking for reasons to keep talking to me.
And I basically gave him the cold shoulder. I think it threw him off because eventually he backed off. He was very respectful too. We never exchanged information, and I’ve been kicking myself ever since. I’ve been replaying that scenario over and over because I really found him so cute.

In hindsight, I know part of why this random interaction is sticking with me so much is probably because I don’t have a ton of options. I don’t get approached constantly, especially not by men I’m actually attracted to. So when it finally happened with someone I thought was cute and who seemed genuinely nice, it really affected me. I basically freaked out and panicked. And somehow I thought my disinterest was supposed to read as HELLO don’t you see I’m into you?

But it also made me realize that I don’t think I actually believe someone I’m attracted to could be genuinely attracted to me.
My immediate thought isn’t, “Oh, maybe he thinks I’m cute.”
It’s, “What’s the catch?”
Does he think I’m easy because I’m fat? Does he just want oral sex? Is he looking for someone insecure who will tolerate shitty behavior? Would he sleep with me privately but never actually date me? Is he going to tell me afterward that he wasn’t really attracted to me? Does he want money or something from me?

And I hate admitting this, but sometimes I look at myself and genuinely feel like I’m this ugly, hideous creature who doesn’t have any real options. Which is weird because I’m successful in other areas of my life. I’m educated, I have a career, and I’m independent. In many ways, I’ve built a life for myself that I’m proud of.

But none of that seems to matter when it comes to how I see myself romantically.
I’m currently working on losing weight, primarily because I’m genuinely concerned about my health. And yes, I’m also hoping that losing weight will make me more confident and give me more dating options.
But I have a lot of weight to lose. That’s not happening overnight.

I’m wondering if any other plus-size women have gone through this.

Have you ever been at a point where you genuinely couldn’t believe a man could be attracted to you, even when he was showing you that he was?

Have you had men genuinely pursue you, take you on dates, be affectionate with you, care about your pleasure, introduce you to their friends/family and just…have a normal relationship with you at a very high weight?

And especially for women who have dealt with men trying to use them for sex or treating them like some secret option, how did you learn to tell the difference between genuine interest and someone who saw your insecurity as something they could take advantage of?

I feel like I’ve gotten so used to protecting myself from being used that now my first instinct is to shut down any man who shows interest in me.

I’m a super morbidly obese woman in my 30s, and I’ve only ever been in one on-and-off “relationship.” Honestly, I’d probably call it more of a situationship. I’m posting here because I genuinely want to hear from men, and I don’t want people to sugarcoat things for me.

I know that most men (99.9%) are not inherently attracted to very overweight women. I know that my dating pool is slim to non-existent due to my weight. I am working on losing weight and improving my health and confidence. I’m aware that many men view fat women as just disgusting. But that’s not really my question.

For context: my experiences with men have been pretty terrible, and I think they’ve gotten to the point where I have a hard time believing a normal, decent guy could actually be attracted to someone my size. Physically, emotionally, romantically, any of it.

My ex was emotionally abusive and used me financially. He stole money from me, used me to pay for things, and the sexual side of the relationship was incredibly one-sided. I never felt like he cared much about my pleasure. Once he was finished, that was basically it. I know for a fact I only dated him because I was desperate to lose my virginity, and I wanted to prove to people I could have a boyfriend. Of course, everyone knew he was using me, and our situationship fit the “using a fat girl stereotype” perfectly.

Before him, I was talking to another guy who pretty much only wanted me to give him head. He eventually flat-out told me he wasn’t sexually attracted to me. He was also married, but never disclosed that to me. So I was basically doing what his wife wouldn’t, and I got nothing out of it. It was a super degrading experience that I 100% regret to this day.

Last year, another guy who I was willing to give a chance to approached me, told me I was attractive and asked for my number. I normally just ignore most guys when they ask for my number because I’m just not attracted or they seem like crazies. Me and the guy exchanged numbers and when he texted me, he asked if I had my own place and said he wanted to come over and “chill.” He was really attractive and fit. No mention of a date. He kept coming up with excuses about his work schedule and why he couldn’t take me out. No getting to know each other. Just straight to my place. I told him no thanks. Been there, done that. I’m not interested in giving it up for free to some random guy who can’t even be bothered to ask me on a date. Then suddenly he was telling me he only wanted to “chill” anyway and that he wasn’t actually sexually attracted to me. Which confused the hell out of me because…you approached me. You asked for my number. You literally told me I was attractive. But whatever. I got out of that one quick.

There was also a guy I was completely in love with at one point. This was years and years prior. We started as friends and maybe I was delusional, but I still feel like he led me on. We eventually kissed before he moved away. When I visited him later, we cuddled and almost had sex. I was too ashamed of my body to sleep with him, so I just acted disinterested. Eventually that relationship also turned into him taking advantage of me financially. Prior to, it was a pretty reciprocal friendship, that was until he fell on hard times. That situation really crushed me because it was the first time in my life I had ever been in love with someone before. We no longer talk, but I still think of him to this day.

And well, there are another 100 experiences I can discuss here that have just ended really badly. And after enough experiences like this, I think something in my head just started connecting male attention with being used.

Recently I met a guy I was actually attracted to on a road trip back home. It was totally unexpected. I have been taking greater pride in my appearance and also losing weight, so I’ll say I think I genuinely look and feel better. I still have a lot of weight to lose.

He started making conversation with me and he was flirting. The weird thing was that he wasn’t being overly sexual or aggressive like most guys have been in the past. He was just…talking to me. Asking me questions, complimenting me, making conversation. He seemed genuinely interested in interacting with me.

And I gave him the cold shoulder.

I’m pretty sure I threw him off and eventually he respectfully backed off. We never exchanged information because I walked away from him mid-sentence. We ran into each other a few more times that night, and I still wouldn’t really speak to him. In my head I’m like God, I really like this guy and would even like to hangout as friends. But…I kept thinking about all the negative experiences I’ve had. I’m like yeah, there’s no way in hell anybody would ever want me.

Now I keep replaying the interaction in my head wishing I had been more receptive.
I realize part of the reason this one random encounter has stuck with me so badly is honestly due to scarcity. It’s like I’ve always been aware that people know I’m single because of my weight, and that I don’t have a ton of options. Well, I don’t think I have any options to be honest lol. But it’s like I know the reality. By the way, I’m not judging men for not wanting me because I also wouldn’t want my partner to be unhealthy. Like I don’t agree with promoting obesity or even the fat acceptance movement. I wouldn’t wish being fat on my worst enemy. I just hate feeling like I’m some disgusting, undesirable sub-human.

On paper, I’m successful in other areas of my life. I’m educated, I have a career, I’m independent, etc. And for a long time, I thought this kind of stuff mattered. But I know that when it comes to men, most men want thin and young, and don’t care how successful you are on paper.

I’m interested in hearing from men who maybe have been attracted to someone larger, but because of health reasons or fear of judgment…decided not to take a larger woman seriously.

I’ve been in the DOE for five years now, and I teach 4 hours and 15 minutes a day. I usually have one 50-minute prep, followed by two teaching periods, then lunch, followed by two more teaching periods and a C6 period, which is considered my common planning time.

I was looking back at an old teaching schedule from when I worked at a charter school, and can you believe I only taught for about 3 hours a day? I had two prep periods and a separate period for meetings. My workday was longer, and the demands were definitely higher, but I actually spent less time teaching.

I’ve been severely morbidly obese my entire life. Literally since childhood. My BMI has been 74-76 my entire adulthood. I’m now 34, and I am feeling the effects of my obesity more than ever. I have hypertension, pre-diabetes, joint pain, gastrointestinal issues (suspected IBD), severe iron deficiency anemia, low B12, low vitamin D (even with supplementation), and hidradenitis suppurativa. I am always tired, and I always feel like a lazy piece of sh*t. I’m embarrassed about my weight and I can go on and on about how demoralizing it is to exist in a fat body. I feel like an enormous monster walking around everybody who is of normal weight. Somehow, I still manage to work and take care of myself.

I’m now at a point where I realize I have to lose the weight. I have to get healthier. I have severe health anxiety, and I am afraid of weight loss surgery even though I know the benefits outweigh the risks. I know that my weight will eventually kill me. But I have this insane fear that I’ll die from surgery complications. I’ve seen girls on TikTok with similar BMIs die months to years later due to issues from the bariatric surgery.

I was prescribed Zepbound, but my insurance doesn’t cover it. I’m willing to pay out of pocket for it. I had a good friend lose a substantial amount of weight on Ozempic. He went from the 300s to 170s. He completely changed his diet and works out a ton while on the Ozempic. He recommended I get on GLP1, and he offered to personally train me (he’s working toward becoming a certified personal trainer). I’m also looking to start physical therapy soon for my overall mobility.

I know that regardless of which route I choose, I will have to change my diet and make substantial lifestyle changes. There’s no skirting around it. I’m nervous that at my current BMI, weight loss surgery will be inevitable. Is that true? Can I achieve a healthy BMI with GLP1 and lifestyle changes alone?

I applied to a few schools in the Bronx. One of them being the Bronx School for Continuous Learners, and the other being P723X. Has anyone worked at these schools? If so, any insight would be greatly appreciated.

I’ve been wanting to transfer to quite a while now…but I have been stalling out of fear of change. I’ve completely outgrown my current school, and I feel I need a change ASAP. I applied to a bunch of different schools back in May and in June. I sent my resume over along with a cover letter to the principals. I haven’t heard back as far as any interview invites are concerned. I’m out of town for the summer, and I’m wondering if it’s still too late to apply/get hired via a virtual interview. I have a special education K-12 license.

I haven’t been formally diagnosed. However, my doctors strongly believe I have IBD. I have had chronic diarrhea for over a year. When I say chronic, I mean anywhere from 5-15 times or more a day. Just lava-like diarrhea. I’m so fatigued it’s insane. And I have severe iron deficiency anemia. I don’t have any blood in my stool, but my B12 was extremely low. Vitamin D was extremely low. And now I have panic disorder from the effects of this alleged IBD flare. Every test came back inconclusive or negative, except my stool calprotectin. It was a 298. I have a colonoscopy/endoscopy scheduled for September. I’m 34, and I have no idea how this came out of nowhere. Last May I suddenly had explosive diarrhea and it never went away. Does it get any better? Is my calprotectin indicative of IBD?

I was scheduled to get these procedures months ago. I’ve been suffering with ongoing chronic diarrhea for over a year. I had lots of blood work done and stool tests. My stool test showed elevated calprotectin (299). I also have iron deficiency anemia. I’m 462 pounds and 5”5. I have a humongous apron belly and fat arms. I also have a lot of fat under my chin. I have a huge double chin. I looked at myself sitting down in the mirror today and I’m MORTIFIED. I have literally put off the treatment and procedure because I was on TikTok and Reddit reading what nurses and medical professionals have to say about severely morbidly obese people. They were saying patients of my size are difficult to deal with. That we are mean and miserable. And it’s disgusting that we let ourselves get to this size. I just want to cry and give up. I’m embarrassed to be this size. I don’t blame people for looking at me in a judgemental way. I really don’t. On paper, I’m very successful. I take care of myself, but my anxiety and depression have really caused me to spiral. I have more bay days than good. I’m starting to have knee pain, back pain. I just feel like a nuisance when my friends ask me to go places and I avoid it because I fear I won’t be able to keep up or that I won’t have appropriate accommodations. I am 35 now and thought by now I would have lost the weight. I’ve been this size forever. I’ve always been fat. I feel ugly. I look ugly. And now I’m avoiding medical care because of my weight. This has to be a wake up call. Aside from this, I have accepted that with weight loss comes loose skin and I’ll never be happy or feel pretty in my own skin. This sucks.

I (34F) have been on and off with my ex (36M), and something happened this weekend that has me questioning why I keep allowing this dynamic.

I had about 100+ pounds of laundry (13 bags) that I needed to take to a wash-and-fold laundromat because I physically couldn’t manage doing it all myself. I asked him if he could help me carry the bags. He wasn’t enthusiastic about it, but eventually agreed.

When he got to my apartment, he immediately got on FaceTime with his friend and barely spoke to me. He does this every time he comes to my apartment. We loaded everything into my car, and he insisted on coming with me to the laundromat even though I honestly would’ve preferred to go alone.

During the drive he had his AirPods in, was talking to his friend, and wasn’t really interacting with me. Again, something he does all the time. I’m always driving because I have a license and a car. He doesn’t (born and raised in the city). He also kept talking about how the neighborhood we were going to was gang territory and acting like he knew all the names of the gangs/gang territory. He himself says he’s a “crip” gang member. It honestly just annoyed me because it felt performative. His IG is dedicated to himself and other gang member friends. Specifically, he is fascinated by one of his friends who passed like 6 years back. His entire persona is based on that one guy.

When we got to the laundromat, he started rushing me, telling me to “hurry the f*** up” while I was trying to get one of those rolling carts and explain my laundry preferences to the employee.

After we left, we stopped at a fast food place for lunch. Without asking, he confidently ordered himself a salad and drink and basically assumed I was paying because he had helped me. I paid because I didn’t feel like arguing. He recently lost his job because of a chronic illness and gets unemployment. All his money goes toward marijuana. He also lives with his mom at 36 in the projects in a dilapidated apartment with a roach infestation. He mostly plays video games all day…and talks to his online friends.

So while we were in the drive-thru, my mom called me. We were talking about my dog, and I mentioned that I bought his lunch because he helped me. Apparently he heard me through his AirPods and immediately started screaming and cursing at my mom in the drive-thru. She yelled back, and I was sitting there trying to get both of them to stop while the employees at the window watched the whole thing.

After that, he acted like nothing happened. He opened his food, took pictures of it for Instagram, started watching videos on his phone, and I drove us home.

I felt like sh*t afterward. I realized that if I ever need help, I almost always have to ask multiple times, and I usually end up paying for something or doing something in return. Then later he’ll throw it back in my face that he helped me. He almost never voluntarily offers to make my life easier. I spend hours every day on the phone with him, but when I actually think about it, I leave most interactions feeling worse about myself.
The whole day made me think, “Why am I accepting this?” I’m not really asking whether he was wrong in one specific moment. I think I already know parts of the answer. I just keep going back to him because I get so lonely. I live out of state by myself. No family around. I have some friends, but they have their own lives. I’m also very overweight…so I think part of that plays a part in my self esteem and thinking I can’t do any better.

I feel behind in life and completely emotionally stunted to be 34 and still accepting said behavior.

I work a job that allows me to have the summers off. And lately, with the heat, I’ve just been in the house in the AC. I had to hire a housekeeper to help me deep clean my apartment for the first time in my adult life. I physically and mentally felt like I couldn’t tackle it. I’m having some shame around that because even though my thin friends use housekeepers, I realize that us SMO individuals can’t do certain things without people judging us more harshly. I normally push through these kinds of things, but my anxiety and depression have taken over. I’ve been having gastrointestinal issues for over a year now that I’ve been getting ongoing testing for. My iron is super low. My B12 and vitamin D were dangerously low. I have to take B12 shots every week. I also have severe anxiety and depression that sometimes causes me to disassociate and panic. I’m in therapy (psychotherapy), but that only helps to a certain extent.

I currently weigh 465 pounds and I’m a 5”5 F. I get up and literally only think about what I’m going to eat. Working allows me to focus on other things, so I don’t necessarily eat as much when I am working. But when I’m off…I feel like it’s the only thing I have to look forward today.

This is what I ate just today:
Activia peach yogurt
Petit Pot rice pudding
Trader Joe’s chicken burrito bowl
Trader Joe’s frozen spaghetti meal w/ a Breadstick
Potbelly Skinny Turkey sandwich
Potbelly Skinny Chicken Club sandwich
Bag of Voodoo chips
Half of a sugar cookie
Starbucks ham & cheese croissant
Grande Mango Dragonfruit Refresher
One package of Maruchan chicken ramen

This is such a disgusting amount of food for one woman to eat. I feel shame, but I also wrote it down so I can actually be honest with myself about how much I actually eat in one day.

I have officially survived five years of an extremely toxic school setting. I’m feeling defeated. I got tenure, but I’m honestly looking for a change. I’m seriously not sure if I can do another year at my current school. I have to get out of there. I’m in the open market, but I haven’t heard back from anything yet.

I’ve also been browsing this subreddit and the NYCDOE subreddit for a while, and I hear so many negative things about so many schools. It honestly freaks me out and has deterred me from moving on. I guess you could say I have this mindset of not wanting to put myself in an even worse situation because I believe most schools are toxic workplaces. I am feeling seriously down right now about everything and I guess I’m just looking for some hope.

I’ve seen a lot of unsuspecting soon-to-be transplants inquire about East Harlem in this thread. People always want to know if it’s a “safe area.” As someone not from NYC, but who is a person of color and works as a public servant…I’m here to tell you DON’T DO IT. Don’t move here. I’ve been a longtime resident (8 years) of East Harlem. This area used to be somewhat decent pre-COVID. We used to have a nice Target to shop at until it got closed down due to the crackheads stealing from there. It’s the hood, so obviously it’s not perfect by any means. I’ve never had that expectation. I loved the neighborhood because it felt very community-oriented. There’s a lot of diversity and it felt nice being around other people of color. At one point, “they” tried to gentrify East Harlem, but apparently the gentrification efforts just didn’t work out. As of lately, sh*t has been out of hand. Like real out of hand. I’ve witnessed numerous shootings in broad daylight in my neighborhood. No big deal. I work in the South Bronx, so I’m kind of used to certain things. Crazy to say, but it’s pretty normalized albeit somewhat sporadic. However, just today, a crazed man started stabbing himself in broad daylight and walked into a crowd of people near the park wielding the knife right outside my building. A hundred cops and unmarked cars swarmed the area. I believe they shot the man in the foot to be able to safely arrest him. I don’t even feel safe walking my dog or going out for fresh air. Now at almost 1am there’s a 500+ crowd party right on my block near the projects. The partygoers are pissing on cars and sidewalks, throwing up on people’s cars, throwing trash everywhere, including liquor bottles, and smoking excessive amounts of marijuana. Apparently, someone who lives in the pjs posted a party flyer on Instagram. They were doing some kind of video shoot for a drill rap music video. They advertised that there will be “weed and liquor.” I caught a girl pissing on my car when I looked out my window. I called the cops and they literally said they have already received numerous complaints but that they don’t have enough units to respond because they have too many DOAs to respond to. Aka dead on arrival calls. I pay 2500 for a small one bedroom and I’m looking to move as soon as my lease is up. Do yourself a favor. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Get a roommate if you can’t afford a place on your own in a nice neighborhood.

Hi everyone!

I currently work at an elementary school in Brooklyn and I’m looking to transfer to a new school next year. I have a K-12 special education license, so hoping to get a special education teacher position next year. I have been searching open market for mostly high schools and I came across a few schools in District 79 as well as a school called Pathways to Graduation. I honestly couldn’t find a lot of information about the program online aside from their one curriculum website. Does anyone know about this program? Is it well run? What should I consider when applying? They had an open position in Queens I’m thinking of applying to. I don’t see their program on Insider Schools or any survey results. Thanks everyone :D