u/OppositeNo624

I (34F) have been on and off with my ex (36M), and something happened this weekend that has me questioning why I keep allowing this dynamic.

I had about 100+ pounds of laundry (13 bags) that I needed to take to a wash-and-fold laundromat because I physically couldn’t manage doing it all myself. I asked him if he could help me carry the bags. He wasn’t enthusiastic about it, but eventually agreed.

When he got to my apartment, he immediately got on FaceTime with his friend and barely spoke to me. He does this every time he comes to my apartment. We loaded everything into my car, and he insisted on coming with me to the laundromat even though I honestly would’ve preferred to go alone.

During the drive he had his AirPods in, was talking to his friend, and wasn’t really interacting with me. Again, something he does all the time. I’m always driving because I have a license and a car. He doesn’t (born and raised in the city). He also kept talking about how the neighborhood we were going to was gang territory and acting like he knew all the names of the gangs/gang territory. He himself says he’s a “crip” gang member. It honestly just annoyed me because it felt performative. His IG is dedicated to himself and other gang member friends. Specifically, he is fascinated by one of his friends who passed like 6 years back. His entire persona is based on that one guy.

When we got to the laundromat, he started rushing me, telling me to “hurry the f*** up” while I was trying to get one of those rolling carts and explain my laundry preferences to the employee.

After we left, we stopped at a fast food place for lunch. Without asking, he confidently ordered himself a salad and drink and basically assumed I was paying because he had helped me. I paid because I didn’t feel like arguing. He recently lost his job because of a chronic illness and gets unemployment. All his money goes toward marijuana. He also lives with his mom at 36 in the projects in a dilapidated apartment with a roach infestation. He mostly plays video games all day…and talks to his online friends.

So while we were in the drive-thru, my mom called me. We were talking about my dog, and I mentioned that I bought his lunch because he helped me. Apparently he heard me through his AirPods and immediately started screaming and cursing at my mom in the drive-thru. She yelled back, and I was sitting there trying to get both of them to stop while the employees at the window watched the whole thing.

After that, he acted like nothing happened. He opened his food, took pictures of it for Instagram, started watching videos on his phone, and I drove us home.

I felt like sh*t afterward. I realized that if I ever need help, I almost always have to ask multiple times, and I usually end up paying for something or doing something in return. Then later he’ll throw it back in my face that he helped me. He almost never voluntarily offers to make my life easier. I spend hours every day on the phone with him, but when I actually think about it, I leave most interactions feeling worse about myself.
The whole day made me think, “Why am I accepting this?” I’m not really asking whether he was wrong in one specific moment. I think I already know parts of the answer. I just keep going back to him because I get so lonely. I live out of state by myself. No family around. I have some friends, but they have their own lives. I’m also very overweight…so I think part of that plays a part in my self esteem and thinking I can’t do any better.

I feel behind in life and completely emotionally stunted to be 34 and still accepting said behavior.

I work a job that allows me to have the summers off. And lately, with the heat, I’ve just been in the house in the AC. I had to hire a housekeeper to help me deep clean my apartment for the first time in my adult life. I physically and mentally felt like I couldn’t tackle it. I’m having some shame around that because even though my thin friends use housekeepers, I realize that us SMO individuals can’t do certain things without people judging us more harshly. I normally push through these kinds of things, but my anxiety and depression have taken over. I’ve been having gastrointestinal issues for over a year now that I’ve been getting ongoing testing for. My iron is super low. My B12 and vitamin D were dangerously low. I have to take B12 shots every week. I also have severe anxiety and depression that sometimes causes me to disassociate and panic. I’m in therapy (psychotherapy), but that only helps to a certain extent.

I currently weigh 465 pounds and I’m a 5”5 F. I get up and literally only think about what I’m going to eat. Working allows me to focus on other things, so I don’t necessarily eat as much when I am working. But when I’m off…I feel like it’s the only thing I have to look forward today.

This is what I ate just today:
Activia peach yogurt
Petit Pot rice pudding
Trader Joe’s chicken burrito bowl
Trader Joe’s frozen spaghetti meal w/ a Breadstick
Potbelly Skinny Turkey sandwich
Potbelly Skinny Chicken Club sandwich
Bag of Voodoo chips
Half of a sugar cookie
Starbucks ham & cheese croissant
Grande Mango Dragonfruit Refresher
One package of Maruchan chicken ramen

This is such a disgusting amount of food for one woman to eat. I feel shame, but I also wrote it down so I can actually be honest with myself about how much I actually eat in one day.

I have officially survived five years of an extremely toxic school setting. I’m feeling defeated. I got tenure, but I’m honestly looking for a change. I’m seriously not sure if I can do another year at my current school. I have to get out of there. I’m in the open market, but I haven’t heard back from anything yet.

I’ve also been browsing this subreddit and the NYCDOE subreddit for a while, and I hear so many negative things about so many schools. It honestly freaks me out and has deterred me from moving on. I guess you could say I have this mindset of not wanting to put myself in an even worse situation because I believe most schools are toxic workplaces. I am feeling seriously down right now about everything and I guess I’m just looking for some hope.

I’ve seen a lot of unsuspecting soon-to-be transplants inquire about East Harlem in this thread. People always want to know if it’s a “safe area.” As someone not from NYC, but who is a person of color and works as a public servant…I’m here to tell you DON’T DO IT. Don’t move here. I’ve been a longtime resident (8 years) of East Harlem. This area used to be somewhat decent pre-COVID. We used to have a nice Target to shop at until it got closed down due to the crackheads stealing from there. It’s the hood, so obviously it’s not perfect by any means. I’ve never had that expectation. I loved the neighborhood because it felt very community-oriented. There’s a lot of diversity and it felt nice being around other people of color. At one point, “they” tried to gentrify East Harlem, but apparently the gentrification efforts just didn’t work out. As of lately, sh*t has been out of hand. Like real out of hand. I’ve witnessed numerous shootings in broad daylight in my neighborhood. No big deal. I work in the South Bronx, so I’m kind of used to certain things. Crazy to say, but it’s pretty normalized albeit somewhat sporadic. However, just today, a crazed man started stabbing himself in broad daylight and walked into a crowd of people near the park wielding the knife right outside my building. A hundred cops and unmarked cars swarmed the area. I believe they shot the man in the foot to be able to safely arrest him. I don’t even feel safe walking my dog or going out for fresh air. Now at almost 1am there’s a 500+ crowd party right on my block near the projects. The partygoers are pissing on cars and sidewalks, throwing up on people’s cars, throwing trash everywhere, including liquor bottles, and smoking excessive amounts of marijuana. Apparently, someone who lives in the pjs posted a party flyer on Instagram. They were doing some kind of video shoot for a drill rap music video. They advertised that there will be “weed and liquor.” I caught a girl pissing on my car when I looked out my window. I called the cops and they literally said they have already received numerous complaints but that they don’t have enough units to respond because they have too many DOAs to respond to. Aka dead on arrival calls. I pay 2500 for a small one bedroom and I’m looking to move as soon as my lease is up. Do yourself a favor. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Get a roommate if you can’t afford a place on your own in a nice neighborhood.

Hi everyone!

I currently work at an elementary school in Brooklyn and I’m looking to transfer to a new school next year. I have a K-12 special education license, so hoping to get a special education teacher position next year. I have been searching open market for mostly high schools and I came across a few schools in District 79 as well as a school called Pathways to Graduation. I honestly couldn’t find a lot of information about the program online aside from their one curriculum website. Does anyone know about this program? Is it well run? What should I consider when applying? They had an open position in Queens I’m thinking of applying to. I don’t see their program on Insider Schools or any survey results. Thanks everyone :D