u/ProfessionStrong6563

I’m a 30-year-old guy and for around 10 years I’ve had an on-and-off pattern of talking to guys, flirting, fantasizing, sometimes exploring a little, then afterward feeling anxious, guilty, confused, or pulling away.

I’ve had a girlfriend before and I still deeply miss having a girlfriend, emotional intimacy, kissing, cuddling, touch, and feeling wanted. I feel physically lonely a lot.

At the same time, I’ve had curiosity about men for years too—making out, oral, touch, attention, maybe exploring more—but I get nervous, anxious, scared of STIs, scared of regret, and sometimes shame hits afterward.

I’ve noticed a cycle:
Lonely → horny → fantasy → talking/flirting → attention feels good → orgasm or time passes → anxiety / guilt / confusion / pulling away.

Sometimes I wonder if this is bisexuality, loneliness, porn, touch deprivation, validation, autism, shame, or some mix of everything.

What makes it harder is I don’t feel like I’m just chasing sex. I miss touch, closeness, cuddling, being wanted, and connection.

Has anyone dealt with something like this?
How did you separate:

• real attraction
• curiosity
• porn/arousal
• loneliness
• wanting validation
• fear/shame

And how do you explore or understand yourself without hurting people, sending mixed signals, or acting only when horny/lonely?

I’m a 30-year-old guy and for around 10 years I’ve had an on-and-off pattern of talking to guys, flirting, fantasizing, sometimes exploring a little, then afterward feeling anxious, guilty, confused, or pulling away.

I’ve had a girlfriend before and I still deeply miss having a girlfriend, emotional intimacy, kissing, cuddling, touch, and feeling wanted. I feel physically lonely a lot.

At the same time, I’ve had curiosity about men for years too—making out, oral, touch, attention, maybe exploring more—but I get nervous, anxious, scared of STIs, scared of regret, and sometimes shame hits afterward.

I’ve noticed a cycle:
Lonely → horny → fantasy → talking/flirting → attention feels good → orgasm or time passes → anxiety / guilt / confusion / pulling away.

Sometimes I wonder if this is bisexuality, loneliness, porn, touch deprivation, validation, autism, shame, or some mix of everything.

What makes it harder is I don’t feel like I’m just chasing sex. I miss touch, closeness, cuddling, being wanted, and connection.

Has anyone dealt with something like this?
How did you separate:

• real attraction
• curiosity
• porn/arousal
• loneliness
• wanting validation
• fear/shame

And how do you explore or understand yourself without hurting people, sending mixed signals, or acting only when horny/lonely?

Adult autisum/ asparagus/neurodivergent
Socializing
Getting out of head
Artist - creative
Thrifting - estate sales
Moving on from a relationship
Relationship help stuff
Anything along those lines

Hey everyone—30M here. My parents are likely moving to the Virginia / Washington, D.C. area soon, and there’s a real chance I may go with them, which honestly feels both exciting and terrifying.

I’m originally from upstate New York, and I’ve always loved New York City. I love big city energy, walking everywhere, meeting people, art, photography, and feeling like anything can happen.

About me:

• Painter
• Photographer
• Vintage photo collector / lover
• Love estate sales, flea markets, old objects, stories, and creative communities
• Trying to build my creative career and my network

Part of what scares me is starting over.

In NYC, I at least know some people. In DC, I do have family, but I don’t really have friends or a social circle yet. Starting over at 30—new area, new people, new connections, new opportunities—feels intimidating.

I’ve also heard mixed things:
Some people say DC is an amazing place for ambitious people, networking, and building a life. Others say it’s too political, career-focused, or lacks the raw creative energy of NYC.

A few people have even suggested Baltimore because of the art scene.

So I’m curious:

For people who chose DC over NYC… why?

Especially if you’re creative, entrepreneurial, dating, trying to build community, or just figuring life out in your 30s.

What does DC do better than NYC?

And for creatives—did you find your people there?

Hey everyone—30M here. My parents are likely moving to the Virginia / Washington, D.C. area soon, and there’s a real chance I may go with them, which honestly feels both exciting and terrifying.

I’m originally from upstate New York, and I’ve always loved New York City. I love big city energy, walking everywhere, meeting people, art, photography, and feeling like anything can happen.

About me:

• Painter
• Photographer
• Vintage photo collector / lover
• Love estate sales, flea markets, old objects, stories, and creative communities
• Trying to build my creative career and my network

Part of what scares me is starting over.

In NYC, I at least know some people. In DC, I do have family, but I don’t really have friends or a social circle yet. Starting over at 30—new area, new people, new connections, new opportunities—feels intimidating.

I’ve also heard mixed things:
Some people say DC is an amazing place for ambitious people, networking, and building a life. Others say it’s too political, career-focused, or lacks the raw creative energy of NYC.

A few people have even suggested Baltimore because of the art scene.

So I’m curious:

For people who chose DC over NYC… why?

Especially if you’re creative, entrepreneurial, dating, trying to build community, or just figuring life out in your 30s.

What does DC do better than NYC?

And for creatives—did you find your people there?

Hey everyone—30M here. My parents are likely moving to the Virginia / Washington, D.C. area soon, and there’s a real chance I may go with them, which honestly feels both exciting and terrifying.

I’m originally from upstate New York, and I’ve always loved New York City. I love big city energy, walking everywhere, meeting people, art, photography, and feeling like anything can happen.

About me:

• Painter
• Photographer
• Vintage photo collector / lover
• Love estate sales, flea markets, old objects, stories, and creative communities
• Trying to build my creative career and my network

Part of what scares me is starting over.

In NYC, I at least know some people. In DC, I do have family, but I don’t really have friends or a social circle yet. Starting over at 30—new area, new people, new connections, new opportunities—feels intimidating.

I’ve also heard mixed things:
Some people say DC is an amazing place for ambitious people, networking, and building a life. Others say it’s too political, career-focused, or lacks the raw creative energy of NYC.

A few people have even suggested Baltimore because of the art scene.

So I’m curious:

For people who chose DC over NYC… why?

Especially if you’re creative, entrepreneurial, dating, trying to build community, or just figuring life out in your 30s.

What does DC do better than NYC?

And for creatives—did you find your people there?

Hey everyone—30M here. My parents are likely moving to the Virginia / Washington, D.C. area soon, and there’s a real chance I may go with them, which honestly feels both exciting and terrifying.

I’m originally from upstate New York, and I’ve always loved New York City. I love big city energy, walking everywhere, meeting people, art, photography, and feeling like anything can happen.

About me:

• Painter
• Photographer
• Vintage photo collector / lover
• Love estate sales, flea markets, old objects, stories, and creative communities
• Trying to build my creative career and my network

Part of what scares me is starting over.

In NYC, I at least know some people. In DC, I do have family, but I don’t really have friends or a social circle yet. Starting over at 30—new area, new people, new connections, new opportunities—feels intimidating.

I’ve also heard mixed things:
Some people say DC is an amazing place for ambitious people, networking, and building a life. Others say it’s too political, career-focused, or lacks the raw creative energy of NYC.

A few people have even suggested Baltimore because of the art scene.

So I’m curious:

For people who chose DC over NYC… why?

Especially if you’re creative, entrepreneurial, dating, trying to build community, or just figuring life out in your 30s.

What does DC do better than NYC?

And for creatives—did you find your people there?

Anyone else ever look up an ex after a long time and feel almost shocked because they don’t even look like the person you remember?

Not even in a “better or worse” way—just… different. Almost like your brain had them frozen in time, and then reality hits and it messes with you.

This was my first real relationship, over a year ago, and I thought I was doing better. Then I saw a recent photo and it brought up a lot—grief, confusion, nostalgia, even guilt.

Did anyone else experience this? Did it fade? What helped?

Anyone else ever look up an ex after a long time and feel almost shocked because they don’t even look like the person you remember?

Not even in a “better or worse” way—just… different. Almost like your brain had them frozen in time, and then reality hits and it messes with you.

This was my first real relationship, over a year ago, and I thought I was doing better. Then I saw a recent photo and it brought up a lot—grief, confusion, nostalgia, even guilt.

Did anyone else experience this? Did it fade? What helped?

I got diagnosed in my late 20s - always known my mind works differently but wanted to see if we share similar experiences/traits. ( level 1)

Touching face while driving near lips
Finger tapping randomly
Hand squeezing
Fingernail biting
TMJ neck pain from waking up- biting down a lot
Run off anxiety
After a long day of work and being more agitated ( mean)
Upper management not understanding you
Taste of Burnt chicken makes you feel sick
Having random obsessions that may or may not last long
Work 1/1 better then a large group
Can live alone longer then a week
Rejection sensitivity
Hate wearing socks
These are just a handful of random things I thought off off my head

I’ve had an idea for years to make a documentary starting with my own story—mental health, identity, creativity, relationships, family, struggles—then expand into others with similar experiences.

Part of me thinks it could connect with people.

Part of me worries it comes off self-centered.

Has anyone made deeply personal work like this? What made it resonate instead of feel self-indulgent?

I’m an artist/photographer/creative hustler type trying to make a living doing multiple things.

Family/friends sometimes push stability or traditional jobs, and part of me gets it.

But another part of me feels like if I stop now, I’ll regret it.

How did you know when to keep betting on your creative life vs pivoting?

I’m 30, have savings, low overhead, and I’m trying to build self-employment.

But I notice I stress about money… while also spending on things I genuinely love (art, vintage photos, collections, experiences).

Sometimes it feels like I’m sabotaging myself. Other times I feel like life is short and passions matter.

How do you know when spending is healthy vs emotional escape?

I’m 30, have savings, low overhead, and I’m trying to build self-employment.

But I notice I stress about money… while also spending on things I genuinely love (art, vintage photos, collections, experiences).

Sometimes it feels like I’m sabotaging myself. Other times I feel like life is short and passions matter.

How do you know when spending is healthy vs emotional escape?

I’m in my 30s and still trying to understand what’s “me,” what’s autism, what’s anxiety, and what’s just lack of discipline.

Some things genuinely feel harder for me socially, with routines, follow-through, overwhelm, etc.

I’m trying to find the balance between self-acceptance and not giving myself an easy out.

How do you personally tell the difference?

I’m in my 30s and still trying to understand what’s “me,” what’s autism, what’s anxiety, and what’s just lack of discipline.

Some things genuinely feel harder for me socially, with routines, follow-through, overwhelm, etc.

I’m trying to find the balance between self-acceptance and not giving myself an easy out.

How do you personally tell the difference?