u/Roadkillgoblin_2

This week, I’ve been working with the archaeological service for my county with a friend. I can’t go into much more detail without doxxing us, however it was genuinely eye opening. There was a decent amount of special treatment, and while we were shown the genuinely fascinating side of archaeology (archives, human remains, genuine treasure according to the Treasure Act of 1996, and all of its recent revisions), we were still in a functioning office, and were working on various tasks while overhearing various parts of the ‘real’ side of archaeology-mainly in the form of disputes with developers who won’t pay, refuse to accept how long the process of excavating and recording a site takes, or even just having to deal with consultants genuinely don’t know what they’re doing. Lots of the work we completed ended up on various databases, or being part of an archive, because we were trained and trusted by people who do this for a living.

The point I’m trying to make here is that I can’t stop thinking about the fact that I thrived in that office. Everything made sense, everything was enjoyable, the archaeological staff were all likeminded, down-to-Earth (sometimes literally) people, and I could genuinely see myself working there or something similar.

Even though I was able to work there, and complete the admittedly slightly simplified work with almost no friction, I still have to suffer through the genuine hell that A Levels are, and will continue to be. From there, I’ll have to do a degree in Archaeology, which I’d love to do, but I honestly hate the idea of ending up with life-consuming debt. To go into Osteoarchaeology I’ll need to do a Masters degree, which will bring more debt. Again, I’d love o do all of this, but have severe, borderline life-ruining ADHD, and can barely function in most academic environments.

I spent multiple hours combing through photographic slides from the 70s and 80s, cataloguing all of the information on them in the correct format and order, and enjoyed it more than pretty much anything else I’ve done in the past month. Despite being able to spend hours, probably days if I could on a slow, arduous task with very little room for error, I still cannot sit down and revise without feeling this deep, crushing sense of psychological discomfort, and a strong aversion to stop doing the genuinely agonising task I’m trying to complete (that’s if I’m even able to start revising in the first place, which I’m rarelu able to do because of pathological demand avoidance, executive dysfunction, and the bullshit I just mentioned.

Additionally I don’t know how to tell said friend how much I enjoyed working with her without sounding like I’m romantically interested (which I’m not, as I’m not looking to be in a relationship at this point, and genuinely don’t know whether I’d be able to manage the burden of one)

TL, DR:

I thrived in a work environment that I will need to work insanely hard to get into, which sucks because I have severe ADHD, and genuinely struggle academically (despite being more than capable of conducting the work assigned)

The title says it all really, and to be honest at this point I’m quite desperate to be able to have a conversation without having to stop and restart after phrasing something incorrectly, or having to apologise for awkwardly stumbling around

The worst part is that I’m capable of speaking with full confidence, but only around animals, my sister, and my brother to a slightly lesser extent.

I’m constantly hyperaware about how I’m speaking, and I’m fairly certain that there’s a good amount of selective mutism, or at the very least partial selective mutism involved in this (it’s mainly when I’m around women, people I’m not acclimatised to being around, or when I’m in a meeting. I’m unlikely to enter a relationship because of this, and will probably struggle to find employment. I’d trade both of my feet for confidence and charisma)

Born to be a functional human, cursed to a life of being an awkward, skull collecting freak who loves stoner metal and will talk about the origins of Black Sabbath and their influences on the scene for hours, or how most modern stoner metal bands are basically just clones of Electric Wizard

Any help/insight would be greatly appreciated :)

(Custom edit flair because I really don’t know how to flair this)

Edit: This might be the one of the worst places to post this lol

I can’t go into detail about what’s happening right now, but it’s really weighing heavily on me, despite being a positive thing.

I’m so desperate to be able to present to the world properly, and to not be locked inside this involuntary mask that makes me seem bored, disinterested, rude or dazed. I stumble through every conversation and get stuck on it for days, knowing that I should have said different things at different times in different ways.

The only person I can talk to with true confidence is my sister, and I am so desperate to be able to confidently communicate with people in the same way I can do with her. I wouldn’t be a socially awkward freak, I’d be able to talk while in meetings, I’d be able to walk into an interview room without knowing that I’m going to make at least one significant mistake, and I’d be able to have small social interactions that feel meaningful

I’m devoid of charisma, I have no confidence, and honestly, I’m tired of it. An incredible opportunity has opened up for me, and every time I do anything related to that opportunity, I feel like I’m squandering part of it. It almost feels like if I could just explain myself, and really just give a reason for why I am the way that I am, and that I’m actually overjoyed at the fact that the opportunity is happening (instead of being disinterested/freaked out), my problems would be solved

If I could increase my confidence, gain some charisma, remove my deep discomfort at most social interactions, and permanently stop involuntary masking and partial selective mutism from happening, I would. This is the least of my worries, but it really feels like autism and ADHD are ruining my chances at being normal

Sorry for vagueposting, I’m just experiencing a lot of psychological torment at the hands of my dysfunctional and defective mind.

The fact that I can’t even talk about it anonymously online really adds to this.

Edit: I’ve eaten very little over the past few days, and I think that this whole situation could be a part of it. I don’t like my mind being the way that it is, and yet I have no solution. We’re all cursed to suffer because our brains can’t handle the fact that they force us to be awkward around people more confident than we are.

Day eight or whatever

Amongus Two

Multiple Final Fantasy games (after like a million others have been shat out by a slopmaker)

Anime goonslop x30

And no Half Life 3

It has become easier with time, I might genuinely be developing a resistance of some sort to horniness lol (These words will probably come (no pun indented) to haunt me at some point)

I don’t really know why I started this, but at this point I’m too deep to question things, and will not give up until the day we meet John Halflife the Third

Forgot to post this yesterday, but I don’t really have much else to say other than I still have not jorked mine penits. This hasn’t been as difficult as I though it would be lol

Also, to make this more Half Life related-do you think that Valve will add some sort of subtle reference to the wait time between games, or possibly a mention of some sort in the credits?

he is unbothered and paid them no mind, he should not be subjected to more h*rse exposure torture

source/link to original: https://www.instagram.com/p/DZDoXngDcsJ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==

As I type, it’s 00:02 on 03/06/2026 (or 06/03/2026 for all of the Americans who insist on writing the date the wrong way round).

Half life 3 has not exited Valve, just as cum has not exited my cylinder. I will not fail. It’s getting more and more difficult, but I will not fail.

Someone at Valve better see this, I have not cummed yet and I don’t know how much longer I can go on for (I will stay strong though)

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