u/Routine-Swimmer-9312

Hiie everyone I'm 22F,

I wanted to ask here about some confusion about sexuality....

So,I feel romantically attracted to men. I've had crushes on men, I've dated men, and I can imagine being in a relationship with a man. I also find some men physically attractive and like fantasizing about them.

But when it comes to sex, There are only certain kinds of intimacy with men that I enjoy, but penetration has never been something I've wanted. Basically I don't find male anatomy appealing,only a certain limited things I like with men when it comes to intimacy that also mostly receiving but not myself putting an effort ykwim,but that can also be because I've felt unsafe around men in my life most of the time. So i consider vulnerability in front of men as unsafe.

But I feel a really strong sexual attraction towards women..but it feels like I need both men and women to satisfy me neither only a woman nor an only man can satisfy me.. It's like i can't imagine having sex with only men or women only throughout my life, basically i want both of them.

It also feels like I'd want intimacy with a woman to be more mutual, where we're both equally involved whether with men in comfortable with certain things only.

At the same time, I don't really experience romantic attraction toward women. I don't picture myself dating a woman or falling in love with one the way I do with men..

Looking back, I remember finding women's body really attractive and used to be really sexually curious about women more than men,like rather than watching a man, I used to record myself to masterbate and stuff. Because I'm a woman and i feel aroused while looking women's bodies.

From last year,my desire for having sex with women has increased a lot.

Before i only used to get turned on by looking at them but now I started desiring intimacy with them.

But i don't see anything like romantic attraction with them even kisses because I consider kiss as a form of affection..

Also I don't know if watching lesbian corn has anything to do with it(because many straight women find it appealing) or if it's unrelated.

So, I just want to know whether experiences like this are generally considered to fall somewhere on the bisexual spectrum, or whether it's possible for a straight person to experience this.

I keep having recurring dreams about him even though we broke up in 2022. I've dated two people after him, I've completely moved on, and I don't even think about him anymore.

For context, we got together after I had been crushing on him for almost four years because he liked me back too, and things were really smooth at first. But over time, I found out that he used to constantly comment on my appearance and make me feel small. He would insult me and pass it off as a joke, and he was also a huge attention seeker.

Even after we broke up, he used to blame me for being the arrogant one. He started talking to other women and would call me jealous, and he even made up fake accusations that I was cheating on him. Somehow, he'd find out about every guy I talked to, and I was so sick of it. This continued until 2023, when it finally stopped.

But even now, whenever I'm anxious about something,or sometimes when nothing is happening at all,I get recurring dreams about him judging me, stalking me, bullying me, or ignoring me. It's always like he's the one odd one out in my dreams, stalking me, calling me names, backstabbing me, or finding some way to make me feel judged.

I have pretty vivid dreams, so I wake up annoyed.

And I'm so tired of him showing up in my dreams.

I wanted to ask this here because I’ve noticed this pattern with a lot of guys I’ve met and also noticed it on social media.

Whenever I ask a man what his views are on feminism, I often get something like, “There’s nothing wrong with feminism, I support women’s rights, but some women take advantage of it and call it empowerment.”

And whenever I ask a guy what he thinks about LGBTQIA+ rights, it’s weirdly similar. “I don’t hate LGBTQ people, I support their rights, but some people take use it as an excuse or go too far.”

Like what exactly are they talking about?

Like ,Obviously people can misuse literally anything. But why does this specific disclaimer come up SO often whenever feminism or LGBTQIA+ rights are mentioned?

It almost feels like the same script being repeated by different guys.

I’ve also experienced something that made me question this even more. One day, a guy said the same to me and i gave him every single counterargument that i could with facts and logic like alimony,corn industry,crimes,clothes and usual arguments I hear from men online about feminism.

At the end he was basically like, “Okay, okay sorry, I agree with you. Let’s leave this argument, Don't be so offended”

So I thought, okay, maybe he understood my point. Maybe we just had a productive conversation and he changed his perspective a little.

And then literally the next day, he sent me stereotypical “gold digger” meme about women again😭

So obviously I called him out on it again.

And I’ve noticed that a lot of guys are very quick to say, “I support feminism, but not pseudo feminists” or “I support LGBTQ people, but not those kinds of people.

And when I ask for specific examples, sometimes the answer is extremely vague. It becomes “some women misuse laws,” “some women are gold diggers,” “some LGBTQ people are doing things for attention,” etc

Is this a reasonable distinction that people make? Or is it sometimes just a socially acceptable way of saying “I support women’s rights as long as they don’t challenge my existing beliefs”?

So guys, what exactly do they mean when they say this? And if they hold these views, what are the specific beliefs or behaviours they’re actually objecting to?

Okay so to the people who're saying "They didn't know because they're from S. Korea or "the case was buried years ago why would they care now".

My dad literally knows about the whole Rihanna situation because it was all over every single news channel at that time..and mind you I'm from rural India.

And for everyone making the excuse that "BTS wasn't around back in 2009",let me tell you that even after 2009, this case was trending on Twitter and social media for YEARS and other crimes of CB too,Rihanna's case isn't the only one.

My dad is a huge Twitter guy. He sees whatever is popping up on there. That’s literally how he got to know about BTS in the first place (from Twitter trends of dynamite).

And as far as I know, BTS themselves used to be on Twitter ALL the time.

Even if fans want to claim the news was "buried" after 2009, BTS are literally in the music industry. They are directly inspired by hip-hop and Black artists, and they have literally mentioned Chris Brown multiple times before. How the fuck do they not know about this? Saying they had "no idea" is such a weird take.

I’m from India, and Rihanna is extremely famous here,everyone knows about her and what happened. How are people acting like nobody knows about it in South Korea or internationally?

I don't even listen to Rihanna like that, I'm not in her fandom, and I don't follow her closely. Still, reels about the Rihanna and Chris Brown case have popped up on my Instagram feed multiple times because it literally trends on social media every single year.

Even if an artist isn't a global household name, a scandal of this scale involving huge American celebrities hits EVERY news outlet and social trend. If you have access to the internet or TV, you see it.

And to everyone saying "Oh but 2009 was so long ago and got buried, they were young or didn't know back then"

The Rihanna incident isn't the ONLY violent thing Chris Brown has done!

He literally has a non-stop chain of assault cases, brawls, restraining orders, and violent incidents spanning over 15 years.

He was literally sued for $50 MILLION just recently in 2024 for jumping and brutally beating four men backstage at his own concert in Texas!!

How do you go vibing at a concert for a guy who is literally beating people backstage at his own shows?! And then fans sit here acting like it's just harmless fun🙄🙄

So claiming grown men in the music industry who live on the internet had no clue is like complete nonsense. They knew everything they just chose to not care!!

I'm writing this because I'm so upset and so heartbroken.

If this isn't a wake up call for every K Pop fandom, I don't know what will be!!

Parasocial culture has reached its absolute peak. Please don't become so blinded defending a literal celebrity that a literal human being has to lose their life. No idol is worth losing your humanity over.

You know what this whole thing reminds me of? It's giving A cult mentality, where people become so emotionally attached to defending someone they admire that they stop seeing everyone else as human. That's what extreme celebrity worship has started to look like, people get so consumed with protecting their favourite idols that they completely lose empathy for the real person on the other side of the screen.

Please, please remember there are real human beings behind those profile pictures!

Fandoms were supposed to be about music, having fun, making friends and sharing the same love for an artist. They were supposed to be a safe space. What has it become?

I still can't get those screenshots out of my head, seeing her crying, taking pills and clearly struggling while people were still calling her an attention seeker. How have we reached this point? What has happened to us? This isn't accountability and this isn't humanity.

Mina was someone's daughter, someone's best friend, someone's sister!!!

Most importantly, she was SOMEONE!

We all have lives outside of being fans. We never truly know what someone is going through once they log off and even if someone makes a mistake, absolutely nobody deserves to be bullied to this extent. Online bullying is still bullying, the screen doesn't make it hurt any less.

We also seriously need to stop this weird narrative that you have to love every member equally or you're somehow a fake fan. People are allowed to have favourites, people are allowed to support whoever they connect with as long as they're not hurting anyone else.

She bought flowers for someone.

Literal flowers.

And this is what she got in return.

And please stop hating Ni ki!!The same toxic people who spent days dogpiling someone are now just moving the goalposts because they don't want to face what they've done. Shifting the hate onto someone else isn't accountability either.

And I'm seeing so many posts saying one fandom is the worst but let's be honest, almost every K Pop fandom has a toxic side. Before anyone comes for me, no, I'm not an ENGENE. This isn't about proving which fandom is worse, this is about acknowledging that this entire culture has become deeply messed up..That includes the snark subs too,we seriously need to ask ourselves where the line is.Criticism is one thing, cruelty is another!!

This is a wake up call for every fandom, every fan page, every snark sub. Call people out when they're wrong, speak up, hold people accountable, but don't doxx them, don't dogpile them, don't troll them, don't send hate and don't dehumanize them, because at the end of the day you're hurting a real HUMAN BEING behind that screen.

Let's make fandoms feel like communities instead of battlefields,

BECAUSE MUSIC WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO HEAL,NOT TO K*LL,

ART WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER, NOT TO TEAR THEM APART!!

Sending so much love to anyone who's struggling right now.

Rest in peace, Mina🕊️

You'll be missed.

I hope wherever you are, you know this was never your fault.

We're SO, SO SORRY 😔

I know this topic has been discussed on reddit before, but most of the posts I found are kinda old, so I thought I'd ask again

What are some K-pop dating rumours that you personally think might actually be true?

And yes, I know we should respect idols' privacy, and I completely agree. I'm not asking people to invade anyone's personal life or spread hate. I just think it's fun to discuss public rumours and fan theories as long as we keep it respectful.

Spill the tea y'all

Hey guys, just need to vent to my fellow INFPs because mainstream Reddit is draining the life out of me.

Whenever I try to point out something unfair, toxic, or inauthentic, people get insanely defensive. I literally post for awareness to pull back the curtains on things, and I research everything beforehand. But lately, I’m just getting dogpiled. People call me a "performist," a "moral glazer," or claim I'm just playing the victim or defending victims being too sensitive.

It gets so absurd. I bring up actual data and research to explain a point, and people completely ignore the facts just to lecture me on my vocabulary, calling me uneducated over a small grammar mistake and acting like some elitist "elder" who knows everything. The tone people use here is so insensitive and lacks basic empathy.

Because I have ADHD and OCD too, this hits me SO hard. My brain goes into overdrive, double-checking if I’m actually the one who is wrong, too dramatic, or just reading too deep into things. It’s exhausting putting effort into a thoughtful post just to get hit with "word vomit" or "ain't reading all that."

I thought Reddit was a knowledgeable place, but mostly it's just loud. I know there are good communities (like this one!), but the vibe has been mostly negative for me lately. I feel like stopping with my opinions here or moving to a different platform.

How do you guys manage your peace on here? Also, since I’m a naturally curious person, can you recommend some actually good, chill, or intellectual subreddits where people don't just speak with pure venom? Thanks guys, just felt really discouraged today.

Bro, I was reading about how apps like Bubble and Weverse DM actually work behind the scenes, and it's so dsgusting. I mean it's psychological manipulation y'all, targeting kids who don't know any better.

Like, they literally design these apps to look exactly like WhatsApp or iMessage. When an idol sends a mass text, the app automatically puts YOUR actual name in it so it looks like a personal DM.

And that whole "read receipt" thing where the notification disappears, It’s a total lie to make your brain think they actually opened your specific chat out of millions.

Bubble is the worst bro I mean it literally has a "day counter" at the top of the chat showing how many consecutive days you've been paying for that idol. And they literally punish you if you stop paying! When you first subscribe, Bubble only lets you send super short texts (like 30 characters). The longer you keep paying without breaking the streak, the app rewards you by letting you write longer messages. If you unsubscribe for even a week, the app resets your streak to zero and drops you back to the beginner level.They even make the idols drop random raw voice notes,like a 5-second audio of them coughing, humming in bed, or saying "goodnight" in a tired voice.

I mean That is such a psychological trap😭 It makes people feel so guilty, like if they stop paying the monthly fee, they are "breaking up" with the idol, losing their character-limit rewards, and wiping out their history.

These companies have absolutely zero empathy. They are literally weaponizing loneliness and cloning the way we talk to our real-life friends just to drain pocket money from teenagers. It’s so toxic and we need to stop pretending it’s normal!!

Tell me y'all's opinions and this is the information I've got by researching about these platforms,not really subscribing to them so correct me if I'm wrong..

But I've verified my reasearch and I can 100% stand on it.

Bro, I was reading about how apps like Bubble and Weverse DM actually work behind the scenes, and it's so dsgusting. I mean it's psychological manipulation y'all, targeting kids who don't know any better.

Like, they literally design these apps to look exactly like WhatsApp or iMessage. When an idol sends a mass text, the app automatically puts YOUR actual name in it so it looks like a personal DM.

And that whole "read receipt" thing where the notification disappears, It’s a total lie to make your brain think they actually opened your specific chat out of millions.

Bubble is the worst bro I mean it literally has a "day counter" at the top of the chat showing how many consecutive days you've been paying for that idol. And they literally punish you if you stop paying! When you first subscribe, Bubble only lets you send super short texts (like 30 characters). The longer you keep paying without breaking the streak, the app rewards you by letting you write longer messages. If you unsubscribe for even a week, the app resets your streak to zero and drops you back to the beginner level.They even make the idols drop random raw voice notes,like a 5-second audio of them coughing, humming in bed, or saying "goodnight" in a tired voice.

I mean That is such a psychological trap😭 It makes people feel so guilty, like if they stop paying the monthly fee, they are "breaking up" with the idol, losing their character-limit rewards, and wiping out their history.

These companies have absolutely zero empathy. They are literally weaponizing loneliness and cloning the way we talk to our real-life friends just to drain pocket money from teenagers. It’s so toxic and we need to stop pretending it’s normal!!

Tell me y'all's opinions and this is the information I've got by researching about these platforms,not really subscribing to them so correct me if I'm wrong..

But I've verified my reasearch and I can 100% stand on it.

I really need some perspective from other women. Looking back, I realize I had an issue with oversharing. . I was just a very open kind of person, and I used to talk completely comfortably about sex education, body image, and even my personal struggles with self-pleasuring addictions and urges.

I talked about these things so comfortably with guys I liked or was trying to date, genuinely thinking it was just honest, normal conversation. I was naive and didn't realize that this kind of vulnerability needs to be kept secret until trust is actually built.

Because I shared so openly, guys took advantage of it. Guys deeply uncomfortable, objectifying comments about my body. Another guy, whom I consensually sexted, ended up leaking my screenshots to others. Now, the guys in my college label me as a "playgirl" or a "pick-me," and tell people not to talk to me.

Even though I have never actually hooked up with anyone and was just trying to date and move on normally, I am overwhelmed by a mix of intense guilt, shame, and regret. I feel so weirded out by my own past behaviour,how was I so comfortable talking about my vulnerable stuff?

how do I move past the shame of people judging me based on what I willingly talked about?

I've been focusing on my self-concept before consciously manifesting any specific desires because I realized all of my desires seem to stem from the same assumptions.

Some of my dominant states have been:

I'm not supported.

People don't understand me.

It's not safe to be seen.

I'm not loved.

I'm not a priority.

For the last two nights, I've found it difficult to enter the feeling of being loved, supported, and safe without something to anchor me. So I've been using my sisters and one of my closest friends as an anchor because they genuinely love and support me exactly as I am. I don't have to earn it or prove anything to them. Just dwelling on how loved and accepted I feel by them naturally brings me into the state, and I've been falling asleep from that feeling.

The only thing I've been wondering is whether using specific people as an anchor is the "right" way to enter the state. My concern is that since I'm using them to evoke the feeling, would I only be impressing my subconscious with their love for me, or am I still impressing the deeper assumption that I am loved, supported, chosen, understood, and safe, which then gets reflected in every area of my life?

What's interesting is that after doing this, I had a beautiful dream.

It felt like I was already living in the end. My videos had gone viral, and what stood out the most was that I wasn't trying to be perfect,I was simply being myself and wasn't afraid of being seen anymore.

The kind of intellectual, empathetic people I deeply admire were actually my friends in the dream, and I remember feeling so happy. It felt incredibly natural, like I belonged with them.

I also got an instrument that I've wanted for a long time. The funny part was that it was kind of broken and not really in good condition. I honestly don't remember whether I eventually got a brand-new one or just settled for that one, but I remember feeling very normal that It was mine.

Another interesting part was that someone that I used to consciously manifest texted me. In the dream, I showed the message to my sister and simply said, "Look, he texted me but i don't even care now" There was no desperation or excitement. It felt like I had already outgrown that attachment.

The dream made me realize that all of my desires seemed to arise from one fulfilled state: being loved, supported, accepted, safe, and worthy. It wasn't about one manifestation,it felt like my entire reality had shifted.

Has anyone else used people who already love and support them as an anchor to enter the feeling of the wish fulfilled? Did you find that it changed your overall self-concept and assumptions, or did it mostly affect your relationship with those specific people?

(Used ai to refine the language,all the thoughts and experiences are originally mine)

​

So ye college me hua tha two years ago,

So,My best friend told me to stalk her crush and find out if he had a girlfriend or where he was going. I knew he was on the third floor, so I was coming downstairs from the fourth... and then I suddenly saw him walking up with his friends, right in front of me.

To this day, I have no idea what happened in my brain. 🥲 I just slipped on the stairs and fell so hard... literally right at his feet. My head was practically on the floor, my legs were in the air, and I could see him and his friends getting so awkward that they were just trying to escape the situation😭

Also,There was literally no one else on that floor because all the classes had already started. It was completely silent... so when I fell, the sound echoed through the whole corridor💀

Then I got up in like two seconds as if nothing had happened. Like, nope, didn't just lose my aura in front of everyone😭 😂

And the only thought in my head was, "As long as it's not my crush, I'm fine." 🤣

I was already late because I'm introvert and I couldn't handle walking into a classroom with 120 people and a teacher staring at me so i decided to bunk the class... and somehow I ended up creating an even bigger scene outside. 😭

I randomly remembered this today and started laughing I don't even get embarrassed anymore,I just laugh😂 So I thought you guys deserved a laugh too.

Hiie friends,

Idk if it's the right place to post it but I didn't get any help on other singing subreddits so i hope y'all help your friend!! So I'm very passionate about making music and singing. I'm 21 now and I really want to pursue it as my career. But the problem is I can't afford a vocal coach rn and I'm practicing on and off for about last 6 months and I've improved smth. But I get confused because without any professional coaching,it's really hard to build a routine that suits you and what should I really do specially in singing because that is something I find the trickiest coz I know I can't sing well because maybe I'm using wrong technique. I know it and i improved a lot coz all these months i was singing w my throat,I got to know last month that we're not supposed to sing with our throat! I was so confident that i even gave a singing audition singing by the wrong technique lol.

So my fellow infp musicians and singers,drop some tips for a music artist in making who's doing everything by herself coz her family doesn't support her but guess what that ain't gonna stop her!! So, Pls help me out guys.

Thanks y'all in advance!!:)