u/RuddyRaccoon

The soft drink thinks it was his friend who robbed him. The cop says to the soft drink, “Well, I’d like to convict them, but you’ve got no proof.”

1. What are you best known for?
A) Having a quiff
B) Swearing
C) Science
D) Opera

2. Pick a hobby.
A) Solving mysteries
B) Being angry
C) Forgetting your own inventions
D) Being louder than everyone else

3. What’s your biggest flaw?
A) Recklessly investigating international conspiracies
B) Temper
C) Hearing
D) Volume

4. Someone knocks on your door.
A) It’s probably a mystery.
B) BLISTERING BARNACLES!
C) “Come in, Professor Cauliflower!”
D) Starts singing before opening it.

5. Pick a mode of transportation.
A) Plane
B) Ship
C) Rocket
D) Limousine to the opera house

6. What do you value most?
A) Justice
B) Whiskey
C) Progress
D) Applause

7. Your ideal vacation is…
A) Somewhere with smugglers.
B) Somewhere with fewer idiots.
C) The Moon.
D) Anywhere with an audience.

8. Pick a hairstyle.
A) ↑
B) Hat
C) Bald
D) Elaborate

9. Which sentence best describes you?
A) “I have a hunch.”
B) “I’M SURROUNDED BY IMBECILES!”
C) “I invented something.”
D) “Have I mentioned that I’m famous?”

10. Which character do you hope you get?
A) Tintin
B) Captain Haddock
C) Professor Calculus
D) Bianca Castafiore

Results

Mostly A: Tintin.
You have no discernible personality beyond “helpful Belgian,” yet somehow every international criminal organization knows your name.

Mostly B: Captain Haddock.
You communicate primarily through yelling and increasingly creative insults. Somehow, people still trust you with boats.

Mostly C: Professor Calculus.
You’re a certified genius who could invent teleportation and still miss someone asking if you’d like tea because you heard “tree.”

Mostly D: Bianca Castafiore.
You possess limitless confidence and the ability to make every room revolve around you. Whether anyone asked for a performance is a separate matter entirely.