u/Stewpitbrian

Hi guys, I am a 29F Asian, turning 30 in October and I made life changing decisions very recently. I studied my masters degree in Europe, discarded my PhD plan and came back to SE Asia after some years. I had 6 years relationship and 2 situationships before I moved. Packed my emotions and left the life I had there, and so currently I feel very broken to be honest. I always want to commit in a relationship but these 2 situationships I had was due to the partners who didn’t want to commit in long-term relationships by giving me the same reasons that I am leaving at the end of the day. and so they want to enjoy the time while i was there. I didn’t learn the lesson in the first one, so I dated another one afterwards who gave me the same reasons, but at the same time I had a hope that maybe he will change his mind after we are together for some time. Unfortunately he didn’t, so I blamed myself that I ignored the signals.
Anyway, I decided to move back to SE Asia, but still it’s not my home country. I feel lost again in who to date because the locals cannot communicate in English very well, and the foreigners are either backpackers or staying in this country temporarily as their career breaks or step stones. I opened some dating apps and went on some dates, but we didn’t align with each other unfortunately. Dating is extremely difficult as I’ve noticed, but I want to love someone genuinely with my whole heart again.
As I mentioned before, I am very scared of turning 30, I feel so late since I am now starting everything all over again while people around me have settled in terms of marriage, family, career, finances and so on. I am well-educated, well-traveled the world, emotionally mature, have good career now, and thanks to Asian genes, I don’t look like I am turning 30. I usually believe that I will find someone who is the same emotional and intellectual level as me. However, I can’t lie the reality and lost the hope now.
Why is it too difficult to date in this era? I am very close to give up on love :(

No apps required. Perfectly safe environment with cameras, easy to politely decline, but are you inviting unwanted attention that could turn nasty? Like, what if they follow you out the shop. What then?

Seems a good idea, but also a bad one. Would you grab a pinky?

I (28, F) went on a second date with a guy over the weekend, and at one point he told me he had pictured me naked. He then said he wondered what color my nipples are and that he was curious to see them.

I honestly found it kind of odd to hear someone say that out loud on a second date. I have really small boobs and have always been pretty self-conscious about them, so it caught me off guard.

Is this just something guys think about but usually don’t say? Do men typically picture women they’re dating naked?

I’m not currently on any dating apps but I keep coming across men saying it’s a bad thing (both in real life and online). I haven’t asked anyone in real life I’ve heard complain about it because they were in a supervisory role and I felt it would be awkward but I’m curious. In just 2026 so far I’ve been to 12 countries and love to travel and do so as much as I can and I’ve been thinking about trying the dating apps and just curious if that’s a bad thing to put. I feel like it’s an important part of myself and my lifestyle and not listing it would seem odd.

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I know this is a hot take among men but hear me out. I’m not talking about wanting a guy cause he has a nice car or the best house. I’m talking about simply wanting a guy who can pay his bills, have employment, save money, invest, and have a good credit score. These are all things that prove you’re a responsible adult who can handle life to some degree.

Do I think it’s good for women to have those qualities too? Absolutely! It’s just annoying when all these men are like “women just want money” like bro most just want you to not blow all your money on bs and be a responsible man. It also probably gives women a psychological feeling of safety like if I live with this guy we won’t have to worry about our power getting cut off or the car getting re possessed.

I've been talking to this girl, we're both 30, we met like 3-4 times but its mostly me that initiates things, outings. Its me who said I liked her first, its me who initiated the kiss, its me who always initiates text messages specially. So yeah Im not trying to be a begger for anyone 😂 I sent her flowers recently, and then she got my birthday wrong days later kkkkkkk. Now its not that this bothers me, but I know behaviour has meaning and I tend to overlook things so Im trying to do that less. Also I feel like in the early stages of dating someone its something you wouldnt really get wrong when you actually like someone, or am I wrong?

We did start to get intimate one time but then she asked to take it slower and said it takes her a while to really get intimate with someone, which I did gladly, I dont mind, we dont need to be ripping each other's clothes off right away because I too need a really strong connection. But there's no effort from her end to me. Its possible she does like me, but as someone who believes in finding her person, who wants to get married and have kids one day, Idk how you'll find that person if you dont put effort in the people you say you like. If its a thing where she's just coasting and got options, well I got options too and they put effort, so cant keep watering a flower thats not growing kkkkkk. Maybe the idea of commitment brings her anxiety, maybe she just enjoys hanging out with her friends more and romantic connectiond are a dime a dozen to her. Who knows, clearly communication has not been consistent in the room, but thats not for a lack of effort from my end.

So I matched with this guy two or three days ago. He leaves for vacation soon so I asked if he was able to meet before then. The vibe on message was good, he leaves for two weeks so I honestly didn’t want to waste time on someone if the vibe in real life isn’t good. He said it was difficult to meet before then. Told me to please don’t be mad. I told him that’s totally fine and we will meet afterwards. Last minute he said he could meet today so I agreed.

From the beginning I noticed he said things like 5 times as if he was embarrassed about them. Also I could tell him something and not even 5 minutes later he would ask a question I literally just told him. I didn’t completely feel the vibe, he came off as pretty insecure and not in a good way but in a ‘I want to overcompensate way’.

He talks about how much fun he had and he wants to meet again. I tell him we will see when he’s back. He wants to set a date right away, I told him I can’t because I don’t know when I need to work then. In my mind I was already thinking about how to gently let him down but I honestly also was okay giving him another chance because he didn’t fundamentally do something wrong you know.

At the end of the date I give him a kiss on the cheek and he turns his head so it’s on the mouth and tells me ‘sorry I just really wanted to do that’. He sees that it made me uncomfortable and we say goodbye and he walks off.

Afterwards I text him I’m home. He says sorry for making me uncomfortable. I tell him I want to take things slow and he tells me it’s better to just call it off. I don’t message back because I think that’s fine and that’s that.

10 minutes later I get a message ‘I mean the first impression is ruined now right.’ Ten minutes after that another message: ‘do you still want to see each other or shall we just quit this’

I don’t immediately answer because I just went to the gym, which he knew. And he messages me again ‘you can answer me you know’. At this point I’m kind of pissed off and message him saying ‘I think it’s better indeed to call it off.’ He immediately responds with ‘was I that bad?’. I tell him the date was okay but his behaviour afterwards shows me we’re not a good match. I don’t immediately answer and you keep messaging me when I don’t. The last message was passive agressive and inappropriate and you literally said you want to call it off and then just change your mind’

He begins messaging me accusing me of wanting to meet up too soon, how he had to redo his whole agenda for this (mind you, I told him it was completely fine to meet up after). And some other things. He quickly deletes them afterwards and I just message hil back: look it’s clear you can’t handle the rejection, I’m sorry for that. I wish you well and hope you have a great vacation’ and god what he messaged afterwards. i’m in shock.

He tells me I didn’t reject him. I wanted to meet up so soon and he wasn’t even attracted to me so I shouldn’t even mention a rejection. I am so glad that I did this through text. Who knows what would have happened if I did it in real life. He sent some more rude words which I won’t repeat but I think the lesson here is: please stay safe and follow your gut.

EDIT: he has since apologised and blamed being tired for it and has asked me some questions which I honestly won’t answer anymore

Basically the title. I (30F) found so often when meeting someone out in the wild, after chatting a bit and establishing a mutual connection, a lot of times the guy will offer his Instagram instead of offering/asking for a phone number. I don't know if it just as I've gotten older but that's started feeling a little immature. Does anyone else feel the same or do you not have a problem with connecting via socials?

Current situation: Matched with a guy on Hinge, chatted for a few days, then he hits me with the 'I'm never on here, but here's my IG, let's connect there'. It kinda bugs me, but I don't know if I'm just overreacting.

Have you ever been genuinely interested and romantically engaged with a woman and then lose all spark and interest after you have sex? Why? What changed for you? Unless the sex was really bad, which honestly I still don’t think is a dealbreaker because if you like someone, then you learn how to have good sex together and what you both like.

Already posted on advice but I do want to share my experience as far as possible on here.

I'm 20F and have now deleted the app but I've been a hinge user for about 8 months and I went on an average of 3 dates a week. The aim was to get a comprehensive view of the people on hinge to test it against apps my friends use like bumble and tinder. If I was going to do the apps I was going to really commit. Looks became irrelevant and I responded to everyone in my likes and went on a date with anyone who seemed like a decent guy. My vetting wasn't fool proof and I ended up with some CRAZY stories. So here's my weirdest ones:

1 My first ever hinge date. He pissed on the side of the road in the middle of Kings Cross. Turned around mid stream and asked "is this a turn off for you?"

2/10 - public indecency AND we'd just passed a pub. Plus HE ended up ghosting ME. That did a number on my pride cuz how do you piss in front of me and then think I was bad enough to be ghosted

2. Had a lovely date with a guy, went home absolutely giddy. Thought we really hit it off! Later that night I got added to an IG group chat with him and a few other people. All only mutuals with my date. Odd! The person who added me @ me and says "DO YOU KNOW \\\_\\\_\\\_. STAY AWAY HE'S A PERV" I am immediately flooded with videos of this guy jerking his stick in front of his laptop. He fell for a discord scam, and the person used some hacking software to screen record him (I saw the messages between them it was part of the screen record).

4/10 - you were a fun date but being stupid enough to jerk it with a rando on discord is... A red flag. Bless your poor horny soul 🙏

3. Just before our date started, while I was waiting for him, some random middle aged man started harassing me and wouldn't leave me alone. Fearing for my safety, I messaged my date to hurry up and save me. He arrived ten minutes late and when I introduced him as my boyfriend he loudly went "what? Don't make it weird, we just met!"

3/10 - your thick skull and lack of confrontation resulted in us having a middle aged man third wheeling for the first 45 minutes. He tried to feed me biscuits and you said you were annoyed you didn't get to try any because the biscuits looked good. Maybe you should have gone on a date with him.

4. He chose the movie and it was Terrifier. During the scene where the blonde woman is hung upside down naked and sawed in half he turned to me with utmost seriousness and said "that's hot"

5/10 - Things were going well until that point and the direct eye contact you made was concerning. I have a feeling I'm going to be reciting this story on your Netflix true crime but you did buy me fries and ice cream.

5. We were out extremely late (3ish) and he somehow convinced me to go back to his place to catch some sleep before heading back home despite my protests. Turned up and realised this guy doesn't sleep with pillows, or a duvet, or even a cover. It was just plain naked mattress. I had to take out my contacts and because of how impromptu everything was, I didn't have my glasses. Despite knowing how blind I was he still kicked me out at 7 in the morning and said he felt too tired to help me home.

1/10 - I fell into the canal on the way home because I couldn't see. Was it so hard to get me on a bus? I feel tricked fr you coulda just let me go back to my flat where I have THREE PILLOWS ALL COVERED AND A DUVET. You folded MY jacket to use as YOUR pillow and my back ached for days. I would wish for both sides of your pillow to be warm but first I gotta wish for you to buy a pillow.

6. While we were talking outside my flat, my flatmates being incredibly drunk forced him into doing karaoke at the gay club down the street. He was forced into defying gravity. Decent singer actually!

10/10 - ended up having a fun girls night out with an added man! I apologise that this date probably sucked for you, but you were such a good sport for trying. You ghosted me and that was probably valid after my Elvis impersonation I'm sorry.

Because of the word limit I can't add anymore but I have so many wild date stories from Hinge. All to say, these are just a small handful of stories from a long experience. I've had some really really awesome experiences as well. Most of you on Hinge are really decent people and I wish almost all of my dates nothing but the best. To the ladies out there trying, good luck, stay safe and have fun!

Is this common? I’d like to think my previous relationships have ended over fundamental incompatibilities so there’s no reason either of us would ever reach out. However the girl I’m currently seeing, along with many girls in the past, get texted by multiple different ex boyfriends all the time. I don’t get it.

This sounds extremely extremely egotistical I’m aware but I promise you I know I’m not gods gift. I’m 25F, I would say I’m attractive but I’m not anything special, I’m an athlete, go to the gym daily, I’m not even that funny or interesting and I’m by no means rich.

But almost every single man I match with, I’ll exchange numbers or socials have 1 conversation with them then they expect me to have these hours long conversations with them ALL day EVERY DAY.

I have a career, I have friends, I have a family, I’m in university, I have hobbies I’m a busy person and although I’m really good with communication, letting people know when I’m too busy to talk etc, my life doesn’t entirely revolve around dating and every man seems to send me 50 messages a day even when I’m not replying and sometimes even getting AGGRESSIVE. They’ll even tell me they’ve told their friends + family about me, get angry that I’m spending time with my friends (who I won’t see for a few years after this summer which I tell them), text me as if we’re already married, expect me to not see family etc.

THESE ARE ALL MEN IVE NEVER EVER MET.

I can understand talking all day every day if you’ve actually been on dates or you’re getting serious and don’t get me wrong, clear communication is important and you should either message a few times every day OR have deeper conversations every few days if you’re planning on meeting but if you’ve never met someone you are not romantically or sexually involved with that person and they do not owe you 8 hours of conversation 7 days a week and you should not be getting angry that they’re prioritising friends, family or themselves in the little free time they get.

I have an extremely healthy attachment style I’m not avoidant at all and I set boundaries very very clearly but they almost always get ignored so I end up having to block these men meaning I end up never going on dates because these men made me feel unsafe due to their lack of respect for boundaries when I’m by no means a time waster and would like to meet people.

What am I doing to attract such clingy obsessive men?

Went out with one of the most physically beautiful women I’ve ever been in the same room as last night, and it took about 5 minutes of chatting IRL to realize my role in the date was to pay for her drinks and nothing else.

When I first sat down I asked her what are her passions and interests and she said “I just like to get wasted and do cocaine with my friends” and I needed zero further discussion to know this was going to be a disaster. She said she made her money “streaming herself doing nothing on TikTok” and after paying for the first round of drinks I suggested she could cover the next and with a pouty face she said “baby I’m Latina. We don’t do that”. I don’t think she asked me a single thing about myself for the next hour of discussion before I told her I was ready to go and cabbed it out of there.

Honestly, had I more self-assurance I would have just gotten up and left after the cocaine line.

What’s the fastest you’ve left a first date?

I want something serious. I want to settle down, get married, build a life together.

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The bare minimum to get past date one for me is someone who wants the same. This is literally something I talk about on date one.

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Any answer that is close to "no" immediately means there will be no second date.

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But man, the last woman I dated too this WAY too personally. She said she probably didn't want anything serious

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When she asked if I wanted to go out again, I told her no. When she asked why, I told her the truth. She got all defensive. Calling me "possessive" and "desperate"

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Umm... lady. I am literally rejecting a second date with you. That is literally the opposite of desperate and possessive. Do whatever the fuck you want.

Usually if I go on a date I don’t mind paying my half as I don’t like to feel I owe something to someone.

We went to two bars. The first one we had one drink each and I ordered the fries which I asked him he could take if he wanted. Then when he went to the washroom I asked for the bill I paid both my drinks and fries.

Bar #2: I ordered a drink and some chicken appetizer. He ordered a drink, 2 other appetizers. He insisted I try his, after all I don’t like pork neither oysters. I took one of each and that’s it. When the bill came, he asked the 3 appetizers to be split in half. Which I found annoying, because I think everyone pays for what they order. I paid anyways but now he wants a second date and I’m not that interested anymore. Am I overreacting?

Also, a couple days later he sends me this video of a guy asking for the bill, when it comes the guy is painting in this colour book and the woman is paying. Apparently is supposed to be funny?

I honestly don’t get it. Women don’t pursue men nearly as much as men pursue women. I need an explanation because I’m tired of feeling like a jester just trying to get women’s attention.

Ever since I was in middle school I wanted a girlfriend. Back then I was a fat emotionally unstable loser who definitely couldn't attract anyone and so I inevitably turned to pornography as I grew up. Eventually when I was 19 I had a really good job a few months out of highschool because I meticulously built up my resume by working multiple volunteer jobs at the hospital and animal shelter and such, and getting good references.

After a year and a half at this job I was still always miserable from being single and I approached a girl at work. I asked her out, she said yes, then she ghosted me immediately as if she was just afraid to say no and I became especially miserable eventually leading to me being suspended and forced to resign because people were afraid of my depressed state.

After I was forced to resign the pandemic happened and the George Floyd riots, Dating apps became political battlegrounds and for the first time I just completely lost interest in women, thinking that if I couldn't attract anyone before then I certainly couldn't in this kind of anti social climate.

I gave up on women and became completely unashamed of looking at pornography because it was only a tool for me to take care of myself. My life and mental state slowly recovered and I have become totally independent and in a better career now then I was before, I am also in much better shape and much more attractive to women then I was before with women giving me much more attention then ever before, but I owe it all to giving up on dating and becoming a sexual degenerate.

I am not in a relationship and have never been in one still. I have a few female friends who insist that I would do well on dating apps as well as every woman in my family insisting as well. I am just afraid because the only men who are really attractive to women are the kind of guys who don't have any respect for women, and while that isn't like me, it is true that my standards have skyrocketed compared to the days when I was unattractive. It is also true that I am not enthusiastic about the idea of giving up pornography and especially about the prospect of being shamed or looked down on for looking at it in the first place. I am also economically a very Right-Wing Anarcho-Capitalist and I'm not fond of Religion for obvious reasons. The dating pool seems to be made up of Socialist on the Left and Religious Deontologist on the Right, neither of whom I would get along with.

It seems to me that my only options are to either lie to women (which doesn't interest me at all) or to continue being single forever.

Maybe I'll get downvoted into oblivion for having the most unacceptable combination of opinions possible on Reddit, but I have to ask, what is a guy like me supposed to do? How should I go about finding the capitalist gooner chud gamer girl of my dreams?

Honestly, i am so glad I ask if they are dating anyone else. So many people have such complicated situations that I don't want to be a part of.

Like seriously, a year with a dude who refuses to define your relationship? That was one of the biggest red flags I've seen.

Edit: to be clear, she was in a situationship with someone else