u/Stewpitbrian

Basically the title. I (30F) found so often when meeting someone out in the wild, after chatting a bit and establishing a mutual connection, a lot of times the guy will offer his Instagram instead of offering/asking for a phone number. I don't know if it just as I've gotten older but that's started feeling a little immature. Does anyone else feel the same or do you not have a problem with connecting via socials?

Current situation: Matched with a guy on Hinge, chatted for a few days, then he hits me with the 'I'm never on here, but here's my IG, let's connect there'. It kinda bugs me, but I don't know if I'm just overreacting.

Have you ever been genuinely interested and romantically engaged with a woman and then lose all spark and interest after you have sex? Why? What changed for you? Unless the sex was really bad, which honestly I still don’t think is a dealbreaker because if you like someone, then you learn how to have good sex together and what you both like.

Already posted on advice but I do want to share my experience as far as possible on here.

I'm 20F and have now deleted the app but I've been a hinge user for about 8 months and I went on an average of 3 dates a week. The aim was to get a comprehensive view of the people on hinge to test it against apps my friends use like bumble and tinder. If I was going to do the apps I was going to really commit. Looks became irrelevant and I responded to everyone in my likes and went on a date with anyone who seemed like a decent guy. My vetting wasn't fool proof and I ended up with some CRAZY stories. So here's my weirdest ones:

1 My first ever hinge date. He pissed on the side of the road in the middle of Kings Cross. Turned around mid stream and asked "is this a turn off for you?"

2/10 - public indecency AND we'd just passed a pub. Plus HE ended up ghosting ME. That did a number on my pride cuz how do you piss in front of me and then think I was bad enough to be ghosted

2. Had a lovely date with a guy, went home absolutely giddy. Thought we really hit it off! Later that night I got added to an IG group chat with him and a few other people. All only mutuals with my date. Odd! The person who added me @ me and says "DO YOU KNOW \\\_\\\_\\\_. STAY AWAY HE'S A PERV" I am immediately flooded with videos of this guy jerking his stick in front of his laptop. He fell for a discord scam, and the person used some hacking software to screen record him (I saw the messages between them it was part of the screen record).

4/10 - you were a fun date but being stupid enough to jerk it with a rando on discord is... A red flag. Bless your poor horny soul 🙏

3. Just before our date started, while I was waiting for him, some random middle aged man started harassing me and wouldn't leave me alone. Fearing for my safety, I messaged my date to hurry up and save me. He arrived ten minutes late and when I introduced him as my boyfriend he loudly went "what? Don't make it weird, we just met!"

3/10 - your thick skull and lack of confrontation resulted in us having a middle aged man third wheeling for the first 45 minutes. He tried to feed me biscuits and you said you were annoyed you didn't get to try any because the biscuits looked good. Maybe you should have gone on a date with him.

4. He chose the movie and it was Terrifier. During the scene where the blonde woman is hung upside down naked and sawed in half he turned to me with utmost seriousness and said "that's hot"

5/10 - Things were going well until that point and the direct eye contact you made was concerning. I have a feeling I'm going to be reciting this story on your Netflix true crime but you did buy me fries and ice cream.

5. We were out extremely late (3ish) and he somehow convinced me to go back to his place to catch some sleep before heading back home despite my protests. Turned up and realised this guy doesn't sleep with pillows, or a duvet, or even a cover. It was just plain naked mattress. I had to take out my contacts and because of how impromptu everything was, I didn't have my glasses. Despite knowing how blind I was he still kicked me out at 7 in the morning and said he felt too tired to help me home.

1/10 - I fell into the canal on the way home because I couldn't see. Was it so hard to get me on a bus? I feel tricked fr you coulda just let me go back to my flat where I have THREE PILLOWS ALL COVERED AND A DUVET. You folded MY jacket to use as YOUR pillow and my back ached for days. I would wish for both sides of your pillow to be warm but first I gotta wish for you to buy a pillow.

6. While we were talking outside my flat, my flatmates being incredibly drunk forced him into doing karaoke at the gay club down the street. He was forced into defying gravity. Decent singer actually!

10/10 - ended up having a fun girls night out with an added man! I apologise that this date probably sucked for you, but you were such a good sport for trying. You ghosted me and that was probably valid after my Elvis impersonation I'm sorry.

Because of the word limit I can't add anymore but I have so many wild date stories from Hinge. All to say, these are just a small handful of stories from a long experience. I've had some really really awesome experiences as well. Most of you on Hinge are really decent people and I wish almost all of my dates nothing but the best. To the ladies out there trying, good luck, stay safe and have fun!

Is this common? I’d like to think my previous relationships have ended over fundamental incompatibilities so there’s no reason either of us would ever reach out. However the girl I’m currently seeing, along with many girls in the past, get texted by multiple different ex boyfriends all the time. I don’t get it.

This sounds extremely extremely egotistical I’m aware but I promise you I know I’m not gods gift. I’m 25F, I would say I’m attractive but I’m not anything special, I’m an athlete, go to the gym daily, I’m not even that funny or interesting and I’m by no means rich.

But almost every single man I match with, I’ll exchange numbers or socials have 1 conversation with them then they expect me to have these hours long conversations with them ALL day EVERY DAY.

I have a career, I have friends, I have a family, I’m in university, I have hobbies I’m a busy person and although I’m really good with communication, letting people know when I’m too busy to talk etc, my life doesn’t entirely revolve around dating and every man seems to send me 50 messages a day even when I’m not replying and sometimes even getting AGGRESSIVE. They’ll even tell me they’ve told their friends + family about me, get angry that I’m spending time with my friends (who I won’t see for a few years after this summer which I tell them), text me as if we’re already married, expect me to not see family etc.

THESE ARE ALL MEN IVE NEVER EVER MET.

I can understand talking all day every day if you’ve actually been on dates or you’re getting serious and don’t get me wrong, clear communication is important and you should either message a few times every day OR have deeper conversations every few days if you’re planning on meeting but if you’ve never met someone you are not romantically or sexually involved with that person and they do not owe you 8 hours of conversation 7 days a week and you should not be getting angry that they’re prioritising friends, family or themselves in the little free time they get.

I have an extremely healthy attachment style I’m not avoidant at all and I set boundaries very very clearly but they almost always get ignored so I end up having to block these men meaning I end up never going on dates because these men made me feel unsafe due to their lack of respect for boundaries when I’m by no means a time waster and would like to meet people.

What am I doing to attract such clingy obsessive men?

Went out with one of the most physically beautiful women I’ve ever been in the same room as last night, and it took about 5 minutes of chatting IRL to realize my role in the date was to pay for her drinks and nothing else.

When I first sat down I asked her what are her passions and interests and she said “I just like to get wasted and do cocaine with my friends” and I needed zero further discussion to know this was going to be a disaster. She said she made her money “streaming herself doing nothing on TikTok” and after paying for the first round of drinks I suggested she could cover the next and with a pouty face she said “baby I’m Latina. We don’t do that”. I don’t think she asked me a single thing about myself for the next hour of discussion before I told her I was ready to go and cabbed it out of there.

Honestly, had I more self-assurance I would have just gotten up and left after the cocaine line.

What’s the fastest you’ve left a first date?

I want something serious. I want to settle down, get married, build a life together.

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The bare minimum to get past date one for me is someone who wants the same. This is literally something I talk about on date one.

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Any answer that is close to "no" immediately means there will be no second date.

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But man, the last woman I dated too this WAY too personally. She said she probably didn't want anything serious

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When she asked if I wanted to go out again, I told her no. When she asked why, I told her the truth. She got all defensive. Calling me "possessive" and "desperate"

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Umm... lady. I am literally rejecting a second date with you. That is literally the opposite of desperate and possessive. Do whatever the fuck you want.

Usually if I go on a date I don’t mind paying my half as I don’t like to feel I owe something to someone.

We went to two bars. The first one we had one drink each and I ordered the fries which I asked him he could take if he wanted. Then when he went to the washroom I asked for the bill I paid both my drinks and fries.

Bar #2: I ordered a drink and some chicken appetizer. He ordered a drink, 2 other appetizers. He insisted I try his, after all I don’t like pork neither oysters. I took one of each and that’s it. When the bill came, he asked the 3 appetizers to be split in half. Which I found annoying, because I think everyone pays for what they order. I paid anyways but now he wants a second date and I’m not that interested anymore. Am I overreacting?

Also, a couple days later he sends me this video of a guy asking for the bill, when it comes the guy is painting in this colour book and the woman is paying. Apparently is supposed to be funny?

I honestly don’t get it. Women don’t pursue men nearly as much as men pursue women. I need an explanation because I’m tired of feeling like a jester just trying to get women’s attention.

Ever since I was in middle school I wanted a girlfriend. Back then I was a fat emotionally unstable loser who definitely couldn't attract anyone and so I inevitably turned to pornography as I grew up. Eventually when I was 19 I had a really good job a few months out of highschool because I meticulously built up my resume by working multiple volunteer jobs at the hospital and animal shelter and such, and getting good references.

After a year and a half at this job I was still always miserable from being single and I approached a girl at work. I asked her out, she said yes, then she ghosted me immediately as if she was just afraid to say no and I became especially miserable eventually leading to me being suspended and forced to resign because people were afraid of my depressed state.

After I was forced to resign the pandemic happened and the George Floyd riots, Dating apps became political battlegrounds and for the first time I just completely lost interest in women, thinking that if I couldn't attract anyone before then I certainly couldn't in this kind of anti social climate.

I gave up on women and became completely unashamed of looking at pornography because it was only a tool for me to take care of myself. My life and mental state slowly recovered and I have become totally independent and in a better career now then I was before, I am also in much better shape and much more attractive to women then I was before with women giving me much more attention then ever before, but I owe it all to giving up on dating and becoming a sexual degenerate.

I am not in a relationship and have never been in one still. I have a few female friends who insist that I would do well on dating apps as well as every woman in my family insisting as well. I am just afraid because the only men who are really attractive to women are the kind of guys who don't have any respect for women, and while that isn't like me, it is true that my standards have skyrocketed compared to the days when I was unattractive. It is also true that I am not enthusiastic about the idea of giving up pornography and especially about the prospect of being shamed or looked down on for looking at it in the first place. I am also economically a very Right-Wing Anarcho-Capitalist and I'm not fond of Religion for obvious reasons. The dating pool seems to be made up of Socialist on the Left and Religious Deontologist on the Right, neither of whom I would get along with.

It seems to me that my only options are to either lie to women (which doesn't interest me at all) or to continue being single forever.

Maybe I'll get downvoted into oblivion for having the most unacceptable combination of opinions possible on Reddit, but I have to ask, what is a guy like me supposed to do? How should I go about finding the capitalist gooner chud gamer girl of my dreams?

Honestly, i am so glad I ask if they are dating anyone else. So many people have such complicated situations that I don't want to be a part of.

Like seriously, a year with a dude who refuses to define your relationship? That was one of the biggest red flags I've seen.

Edit: to be clear, she was in a situationship with someone else