u/Superb-Avocado-8131

My meds make me tired but I otherwise like them so don't really want to change them. Is there anything that can be prescribed in this scenario?

I've just gone for walkers cheese and onion

I'd like to study radiography, but I've dropped out of uni twice now due to depression, so chances are I won't make it this time either.

I only work part time these days because I'm no good with stress, it causes bad episodes for me, so I don't think that I'd realistically be able to study full time and find another job to work around my uni hours. The new job hours would probably be nights too which I'm historically not very good with either.

Also, as much as I'd love the radiography job, I'm not sure I would always be able to handle the emotional side - there will be pleasant patients that you scan, and then you see that they have a brain tumour or something else sinister, and as they walk by you to leave and thank you, you know their fate, you know their life is changed or over before they do or the consultant even does. I think that could be heavy at times. It'd be hard not to take those emotions home with you at the end of the day.

Plus the career would probably mean shift work and messing with my sleep schedule like that probably isn't a good idea.

I don't think I'm self-imposing limitations? I think I'm being realistic with myself? Idk.

I don't want to be stuck in a dead end job forever. The job I have is great for my mental health, but I have no pride in what I do when people ask me what my job is. I want a career I can be proud of, I just don't see how it's viable.

I have 1-3 episodes every year despite meds and a low stress lifestyle, so I'm not the most stable person going, despite my psychiatrist saying I am, and 2 psychiatrists saying this is as good as it's going to get for me. So I don't think different meds would necessarily help me out atp.

I just don't think it's doable. I think I'm going to have to accept that I can't just do any job I want, which sucks.

Idk, I think I just needed a space to vent.

I had one of my worst manic episodes from July to October in 2024 and I get horrible flashbacks of the things I did, particularly at this time of year. I don't know how to get over it. It was so embarrassing.

My social media memories also haunt me at this time of year because I practically live streamed the whole thing, which really doesn't help, but that aside my real memory tortures me too. It's so fucking humbling.

What do you do to get over it?

I feel really unsettled lately, I've had a lot of breakthrough symptoms (both mania and depression) this month, and I used to cope with difficult times by smoking weed. Last time I smoked I had hypomania with hallucinations though, so I had to quit. It sucks not being able to have a vice like everyone else.

I've been drinking a fair bit instead lately but I know that's not good either, plus I used to have a legitimate drinking problem about 10 years ago, and on top of that I don't want to gain weight from all the additional calories, aripiprazole has already made me gain 2 stone.

I had got into running over the past 2 years but now I need foot surgery and so it hurts too much to run, I had to quit about 6 weeks ago. I think it was helping keep my mental health more stable than I realised, and now I'm struggling without it.

Idrk what to do. I just feel trapped somewhere between happy and desperately sad all at once, all the time. I miss just feeling normal, not happy or sad, just content. Tbh even being in an episode so I could understand my feelings atp doesn't sound too bad. This sucks. Idk what to do. I can't speak to my psychiatrist until August and I don't have a therapist. I feel just stuck with no way of getting through it. I just want to be intoxicated until it passes. I hate feeling off.

Tbh pretty much all of my favourite lyrics are lowkey depressing, like the bridge in Can You Feel My Heart, a lot of the lyrics from Drown, especially "what doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead" etc. (They're not the happiest band lyrically hahaa)

However, I do have a favourite happier lyric than those above, which is "don't try to fight the storm, you'll tumble overboard". I think it's very apt.

What's yours, and why?

I was told it might just be the akin bit but now they're doing the lapidus too and I'm worried about the pain. How bad is it and how long does it last? What does it feel like?

I had an episode in July 2024 (manic, lasted 4 months) and in July 2025 (depression, lasted 2 weeks).

Currently I've been having a lot of breakthrough hypo/manic symptoms (for the last 3 weeks. Definitely not an episode, just differing symptoms here and there). I keep tracking my mood as being "good" (not yet hypo/manic but not neutral either) but with fleeting moments of sadness half of the time too.

Do you think it's likely I'll be in an episode by July again? I don't know if it's that predictable. I've never noticed a pattern before but I've only recently (since January 1st 2025) started tracking my mood and taking things more seriously, despite being diagnosed 13 years ago (I'm 31F now, so was young and dumb for a long time).

I can't speak to my psychiatrist until August. I'm just wondering whether I need to be careful of these breakthrough symptoms becoming an actual episode. Is it likely to happen again, or probably just a coincidence that it's nearly July and I'm having breakthrough symptoms and have had an episode in July for the last 2 years? (Like one was depression and one was mania so maybe it being July was just coincidence and so it's not necessarily going to happen again and the breakthrough symptoms will pass and aren't really anything to worry about).

I don't have a therapist but I am on, and taking, meds (400mg lamotrigine, 25mg aripiprazole, and 100mg trazodone).

I only have euphoric mania so I can't imagine it. Is it actually a mixed episode or is it still truly mania? What was your thought process that lead you to it? I've only ever had SI while depressed so idk. Does it even come from SI or did it happen because you were trying to see if you could fly or something but then it's still considered an attempt even though you weren't suicidal? The concept confuses me but I know it's very much a real risk nonetheless, I'm just not sure how it happens. Would love to know more if you're happy to share

I don't know what's going on with me lately but I feel unsettled or something. I'm not depressed but there's a level of sadness always in me (I think that's just because I need therapy though). I feel like I miss the excitment of summertime hypomania too (even though deep down I know it's not all good).

I've been drinking fairly frequently now that it's sunny, but I used to have a drink problem so I probably shouldn't. I really want to be drinking 24/7 at the moment and I'm not entirely sure why, but I am fighting the urge. Similarly I want to come off my meds because I hate taking them, plus I hate that they keep hypomania at bay, and I hate the side effects. I'm not going to stop them but I really want to.

Idk why my brain really wants to self-sabotage at the minute. It's tough to fight

I'm medicated for bipolar disorder and I fucking hate it. I hate basically everything about this illness and having to take the meds is a stark reminder of the fact that I have this condition, and that I can't simply "go it alone", or "snap out of it", or "work through it", or whatever.

Meds also prevent hypomania. Hypomania feels so fucking good, like take your best day and times it by 1000. And so it feels like I'm being robbed of joy (granted it can then turn into full mania at which point you're fucked so I know it's not good, but the euphoria of hypomania is unmatched up until that point).

Idk man I should probably be grateful that I have access to meds in the first place but I can't help but resent taking them.

I don't want this illness, it sucks, and meds constantly remind me of it. And before you say "if you don't want the illness, take the meds", the meds don't even get rid of it, they just make it more manageable, so I still have it whether I'm on or off meds, I just also have side effects to deal with now.

Idk man I just hate that I'm reminded twice a day, everyday, that I have this bullshit illness.

This wasn't as well articulated as I wanted it to be but I'm tired and you get the point. Fuck bipolar. Fuck meds.

I had a bad manic episode in 2024 that lasted 4 months and basically documented the whole thing on my snapchat story and now Snapchat Memories keeps showing me posts from it. It's so fucking humbling. I couldn't cringe about it more and there's nothing I can do about it now. At least with Facebook I was able to go back and delete it all.

Mania is so embarrassing

Last night I could hear some music in the distance but I have no idea if it was real or not. It was playing too quietly for me to record it to see if it really was there. I'm not in an episode and I'm not sleep deprived, nor was I tired. I'm on meds, including a high dose of antipsychotic. Not diagnosed schizoaffective either. Does this happen to you ever when stable? It could have been real ig but I also don't know why a neighbor would be playing music from a few doors down loud enough for me to hear at 22:40 on a Sunday night. Not sure if it's a breakthrough symptom as I was previously being really impulsive and overspending last week although that has stopped now, I wonder if I'd have been hypo/manic if I wasn't medicated. Idk. Does this happen sometimes or was it likely real or should I be worried?

I have 1-3 episodes a year and haven't had one yet this year so it's bound to happen soon. I don't want it to but I know it will. It feels like I'm just waiting for it to happen at the moment, it's kind of torturous.

Do you ever take a sleeping pill and then have the urge to fight it so you can feel high off of it instead of sleeping, despite having been desperate to get to sleep just moments before taking the pill? It's so counterintuitive idgi

After your surgery were you in a plaster cast (and how high up did it go)? Or were you in one of those plastic shoes/boots? If so, was it a shoe covering only your foot, or a boot that also covered your ankle/some shin?