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We were young when things started, I wasn’t even in high school yet. We were dating (?) for a few years. I still go back and forth on whether we were ever officially bf & gf. I guess that’s my fault. I was broken in so many ways and had no idea.

By some divine intervention we ended up in the same university. At that point I had yet to do the inner work I needed to recognize the wonderful and special human being standing in front of me. You were there the whole time… Me? I was lost in life, struggling to find myself, finding distractions and unhealthy ways to cope with my childhood trauma and what I thought was my first real heartbreak….little did I know…

By this time, I knew I had feelings for you, I knew I found you so incredibly handsome…despite these knowings I struggled to understand why I felt this heavy feeling inside me that made me want to run as far away as possible. It was a mix of suffocation and unease. I couldn’t understand why l felt that way, constantly finding little things to pick on and reasons why I didn’t want you. You loved me deeply and I was horrible…the worst…

Years have passed since then and I have endured an avoidant discard. The first time my heart shattered into pieces. Why? I didn’t understand, I didn’t even know if I was in love with this person. Somewhere in my spiral of trying to make sense of the what and the why, I learned about attachment theory. Reading and learning made me reflect on my time with you, as far back as little me in middle school. I always thought that my behavior was just me setting standards, after all, you may remember how my mom was lol

Come to find out the trauma I thought I tucked away neatly in the back corner of my mind had seeped its way into my every being. Avoidant attachment they call it apparently. Sounds like an excuse for shitty behavior. That’s what I thought about the person who discarded me. Then I began to reflect. That brought me to you and our time together.

Was I also a shitty person who discarded someone deserving of so much more? That realization hit me hard. I wanted to reach out and apologize more than anything, not for my peace of mind but because you deserved that. I’m sure you wouldn’t care to hear it at this point though so I’ll just pretend I’m telling you as I type these words that could never be good enough to fix or undo the past hurt you endured because of me.

All I could say is that I’m so deeply sorry for the heartache and pain you experienced because of my cruel actions. You knew I wasn’t a bad person, you knew some of the trauma I endured and maybe that’s why you stuck around longer than you should have. There are no words I could use to express how terrible I feel and how I now know you deserved better.

It’s been over a decade now, you’re married & your parter looks so incredibly perfect. May you go on to create a beautiful family and enjoy the rest of your days with one another smiling, laughing and at peace.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness, even though I never deserved it. You don’t know this but you saved my life many times over.

I have no regrets that we didn’t end up together to form that perfect little family we could have had. Truly, even years later people remind me “I thought you and H would end up together.” That makes me smile because despite my actions everyone could recognize that love that existed even at such a young age. Anyway…I think that things happened exactly as they should have.

I wish you the best things in life & may that big suave smile stay on your face for the rest of your life

Your Dance Partner

I know you haven’t been honest with me. I know you’re ashamed to admit to all your lies. Each lie makes me lose a bit more respect. I’m the person who has accepted every single part of you. I know the darkest parts you try your best to hide. I’ve told you, I am you, rather was…I try so hard every day to be better, to work on myself.

I’m the one you’ve been able to open up to most. The trust we built for you to get to that point should tell you everything you need to know about who I am. I stuck around breaking down your walls brick by brick through the last few years. I wouldn’t hate you or judge you, but each lie, each time you don’t give me the whole story I feel my heart pulling further away.

Call it intuition but I know you’re seeing other people, fucking other people. I’m not stupid, I’m not naive, but I’m not going to start a fight. After all, you can’t even admit to the depth of your feelings much less take the next steps. I want to talk about these things, I just want to approach it the right way.

Maybe you tell yourself you don’t want to hurt me…the truth is you don’t want to take accountability. You don’t want to be locked down and you do want to explore other options despite the words that come out of your mouth. I guess maybe you just feel a different level of emotional depth in our connection. That scares the fuck out of you…
Maybe that’s why you lie? Because you think youd lose the person that’s made you feel things you’ve never felt before.

You think I don’t know? when you said your ex was the closest you came to love but you weren’t sure, you think I don’t know why you started to question it?

The fact that I can read your mind even though you’re a person of few words…that terrifies you, doesn’t it?

I know it does, but I’m equally as terrified if not more. Im the one who was left broken and shattered last time. Trust doesn’t come twice for people in my life and yet here I am trying to trust you. I’m struggling…maybe it’s just because I am you..rather like I said was. I’m trying so hard to be better to be more open like I promised but you’re not making it easy.

Same time I have similar worries as you: Am I good enough for you? Can I show up perfect enough not to disappoint you? Am I going to lose my independence? Why do I feel like I’m suffocating after some of our closest moments?

Did I read your mind? We are the same, only difference is that I’ve worked on myself a lot over the years. I wish you could look into attachment theory. I think a lot of things would start to make more sense to you

Each time you drop your guard I feel it. It’s like we’re two people falling in deeper and deeper. Then suddenly, it’s the sudden flip of a switch. Your glance changes, your body language gets defensive. I get it…it’s scary.

You know what’s scarier? Living with the painful reality that we never tried. If we don’t try we still get hurt…

I know you haven’t been honest with me. I know you’re ashamed to admit to all your lies. Each lie makes me lose a bit more respect. I’m the person who has accepted every single part of you. I know the darkest parts you try your best to hide. I’ve told you, I am you, rather was…I try so hard every day to be better, to work on myself.

I’m the one you’ve been able to open up to most. The trust we built for you to get to that point should tell you everything you need to know about who I am. I stuck around breaking down your walls brick by brick through the last few years. I wouldn’t hate you or judge you, but each lie, each time you don’t give me the whole story I feel my heart pulling further away.

Call it intuition but I know you’re seeing other people, fucking other people. I’m not stupid, I’m not naive, but I’m not going to start a fight. After all, you can’t even admit to the depth of your feelings much less take the next steps. I want to talk about these things, I just want to approach it the right way.

Maybe you tell yourself you don’t want to hurt me…the truth is you don’t want to take accountability. You don’t want to be locked down and you do want to explore other options despite the words that come out of your mouth. I guess maybe you just feel a different level of emotional depth in our connection. That scares the fuck out of you…
Maybe that’s why you lie? Because you think youd lose the person that’s made you feel things you’ve never felt before.

You think I don’t know? when you said your ex was the closest you came to love but you weren’t sure, you think I don’t know why you started to question it?

The fact that I can read your mind even though you’re a person of few words…that terrifies you, doesn’t it?

I know it does, but I’m equally as terrified if not more. Im the one who was left broken and shattered last time. Trust doesn’t come twice for people in my life and yet here I am trying to trust you. I’m struggling…maybe it’s just because I am you..rather like I said was. I’m trying so hard to be better to be more open like I promised but you’re not making it easy.

Same time I have similar worries as you: Am I good enough for you? Can I show up perfect enough not to disappoint you? Am I going to lose my independence? Why do I feel like I’m suffocating after some of our closest moments?

Did I read your mind? We are the same, only difference is that I’ve worked on myself a lot over the years. I wish you could look into attachment theory. I think a lot of things would start to make more sense to you

Each time you drop your guard I feel it. It’s like we’re two people falling in deeper and deeper. Then suddenly, it’s the sudden flip of a switch. Your glance changes, your body language gets defensive. I get it…it’s scary.

You know what’s scarier? Living with the painful reality that we never tried. If we don’t try we still get hurt…

I know you haven’t been honest with me. I know you’re ashamed to admit to all your lies. Each lie makes me lose a bit more respect. I’m the person who has accepted every single part of you. I know the darkest parts you try your best to hide. I’ve told you, I am you, rather was…I try so hard every day to be better, to work on myself.

I’m the one you’ve been able to open up to most. The trust we built for you to get to that point should tell you everything you need to know about who I am. I stuck around breaking down your walls brick by brick through the last few years. I wouldn’t hate you or judge you, but each lie, each time you don’t give me the whole story I feel my heart pulling further away.

Call it intuition but I know you’re seeing other people, fucking other people. I’m not stupid, I’m not naive, but I’m not going to start a fight. After all, you can’t even admit to the depth of your feelings much less take the next steps. I want to talk about these things, I just want to approach it the right way.

Maybe you tell yourself you don’t want to hurt me…the truth is you don’t want to take accountability. You don’t want to be locked down and you do want to explore other options despite the words that come out of your mouth. I guess maybe you just feel a different level of emotional depth in our connection. That scares the fuck out of you…
Maybe that’s why you lie? Because you think youd lose the person that’s made you feel things you’ve never felt before.

You think I don’t know? when you said your ex was the closest you came to love but you weren’t sure, you think I don’t know why you started to question it?

The fact that I can read your mind even though you’re a person of few words…that terrifies you, doesn’t it?

I know it does, but I’m equally as terrified if not more. Im the one who was left broken and shattered last time. Trust doesn’t come twice for people in my life and yet here I am trying to trust you. I’m struggling…maybe it’s just because I am you..rather like I said was. I’m trying so hard to be better to be more open like I promised but you’re not making it easy.

Same time I have similar worries as you: Am I good enough for you? Can I show up perfect enough not to disappoint you? Am I going to lose my independence? Why do I feel like I’m suffocating after some of our closest moments?

Did I read your mind? We are the same, only difference is that I’ve worked on myself a lot over the years. I wish you could look into attachment theory. I think a lot of things would start to make more sense to you

Each time you drop your guard I feel it. It’s like we’re two people falling in deeper and deeper. Then suddenly, it’s the sudden flip of a switch. Your glance changes, your body language gets defensive. I get it…it’s scary.

You know what’s scarier? Living with the painful reality that we never tried. If we don’t try we still get hurt…

Any FA’s here that don’t initiate plans much even when they really like someone? Why? Are you more DA or anxious? My FA (may lean DA?) rarely initiates but almost always makes time when I ask. I feel like 1-2 times a week is his max. He never said that but just the vibe I get.

I’m also a healing FA who used to lean DA but became more anxious in this connection. I get a bit worried that he’s going to feel pressured any time I ask but I also want the effort to be reciprocated a bit more. I told him I need him to take initiative but I don’t think anything has changed…Thoughts?

Im a healing FA who recently reconnected with an old flame(FA who leans DA). We have an intense connection and they’ve told me multiple times I’m the one who they’ve opened up to the most. At this for almost 3 years now with some breaks…granted some periods of break were out of our control (ex: 6 month period in different countries). Regardless, they’ve never explicitly flat out told me their feelings except when they deactivated fully last time and said they lost feelings. Now after months and months they’re back and have put a lot more into this than ever before. We’re 2 months into reconnecting.

I know not all FAs are the same. Some are more afraid of overwhelm and loss of independence, some fear rejection, and some are somewhere in between.

Back in my peak avoidance, I consistently told myself I didn’t like someone, even when I did up until they admitted their feelings first. I guess a self protective method. I wonder if other FAs are like this? What about ones who lean more dismissive than anxious?

Im a healing FA who recently reconnected with an old flame(FA who leans DA). We have an intense connection and they’ve told me multiple times I’m the one who they’ve opened up to the most. At this for almost 3 years now with some breaks…granted some periods of break were out of our control (ex: 6 month period in different countries). Regardless, they’ve never explicitly flat out told me their feelings except when they deactivated fully last time and said they lost feelings. Now after months and months they’re back and have put a lot more into this than ever before. We’re 2 months into reconnecting.

I know not all FAs are the same. Some are more afraid of overwhelm and loss of independence, some fear rejection, and some are somewhere in between.

Back in my peak avoidance, I consistently told myself I didn’t like someone, even when I did up until they admitted their feelings first. I guess a self protective method. I wonder if other FAs are like this? What about ones who lean more dismissive than anxious?

I’ve (28F) known this guy (26M) for about 3 years. We had a romantic/sexual connection in the past that ended badly. About 9 months ago, after a period where he had been fading, we had what felt like an amazing, intimate date, about a week later he ended things. We didn’t talk for roughly 9 months after that. Well just a few messages. I was broken…

About 2 months ago, he reached out, gave me his phone number for the first time, started texting me every day, initiated conversations constantly, made plans, and seemed very interested. Before a recent trip, he would text me throughout the day in every small opening he had. He wanted to see me, stayed up very late with me, was affectionate and was emotionally vulnerable. We had several intense conversations and eventually became physically intimate again.

The connection in person feels extremely intense. There’s prolonged eye contact, a lot of touching and affection, sexual chemistry, and a level of emotional closeness that does not feel casual. He’s also shared very personal things with me. Because of how he behaves when we’re together, I have a hard time reconciling that version of him with how distant he can become after.

Right before he left for the trip, there were small signs of him pulling back. One night he almost bailed on plans, but when I set a boundary, he immediately stepped up. After we spent that night together, I noticed little things that felt different, such as him not asking me to text when I got home. At first he was still texting normally while traveling. But after he met up with his friend, his communication changed. Replies became slower and low effort.

While he was away, I brought up feeling disconnected. He apologized and said he was barely using his phone etc. I later told him I missed him, which was vulnerable for me, and he responded quickly that he “missed seeing (me) too.” When he landed back home, he texted me literally as he landed.

After he returned, though, the pre-trip level of pursuit never came back. He was still contacting me, initiating good mornings, sending voice notes, and being warm, but the frequency, curiosity, planning, and intensity were significantly lower.

Around this same time, he told me his mom was dealing with a serious medical situation. He said it had been going on for several weeks and that she had been hospitalized. I believe that situation is real and genuinely stressful. The timing overlaps almost exactly with when his behavior started changing, so I think it is part of what is happening but I don’t think it explains everything

I directly asked him where he was emotionally because I felt confused. He said he sometimes gets confused about his own feelings, that his head is dealing with a lot, and that he needs time to process. I explicitly gave him an out and said that if he wanted to explore other people or needed space, I would respect it. He responded specifically that he did not want to explore anyone or anything like that and that he just needed time to process everything happening. He has continued talking to me since then.

My working theory has been that he may have a fearful-avoidant attachment pattern rather than simply losing interest. I’m not diagnosing him, but the pattern seems to be: he strongly pursues closeness, becomes very emotionally and physically connected, and then seems overwhelmed/confused and pulls back afterward. He also has some dismissive traits when he withdraws. I’m trying to figure out whether his “confusion” is genuinely about his feelings for me, or more about the pressure/responsibility/vulnerability of what those feelings would require from him

A couple days ago I finally told him more directly what I have been noticing. I told him that almost a month without seeing him sucked; that I wasn’t asking him to justify himself; that I felt something between us had shifted; and that every time we get very close and things feel really good, he seems to pull back afterward. I told him I didn’t know whether that was fear, overwhelm, confusion, or something else. I acknowledged his mom’s situation and said I wasn’t minimizing it. I told him that from my perspective it was disorienting because when we’re together the connection feels extremely real, and then he leaves and it feels like a wall goes up. I said I didn’t need an immediate answer but hoped he would actually reflect on what happens internally for him. I said I felt like I was almost imaging it.

The next morning he said he wasn’t sure what to say yet, apologized for making things confusing me, thanked me for being honest, and said he would try to explain and figure things out when he could.

Last night I spontaneously asked him to get ice cream. He came, and we ended up at his house. We were physically affectionate and almost had sex, but we didn’t.

Something happened there that has now seriously damaged my trust. He has black sheets, and I saw conspicuous white-looking stains that looked exactly like dried semen to me. I jokingly mentioned it and eventually told him what it looked like. He immediately explained that it was from. At first I thought the explanation was completely ridiculous and assumed he was lying.

After leaving, I started researching it obsessively and his explanation is no longer impossible to me. I also asked Reddit and got totally mixed answers: some people said his explanation was plausible and others said they thought it was semen. So the this did not give me certainty.

I left his house before we had sex. Before I left, I said I needed to get home so my dad could sleep and that maybe I’d come back. He said there was no way he was going to fall asleep and told me to text when I got home. I texted him after getting home and he didn’t respond. That made me even more suspicious because he had just said he wasn’t going to sleep.

I eventually sent him a message saying, essentially: I want to believe what you said tonight, but I’m having a hard time. I feel like you’re hooking up with people, and if that’s the case, okay. I just wanted honesty, and now I’m questioning things.

He later responded early morning: he fell asleep & “Fair enough, you have the right of thinking in what made sense for you. Hope you sleep well!” I was confused he clarified that he wasn’t but if I didn’t believe him he didn’t know what to say.

There is also a social-media layer that has been making me suspicious. He reactivated Instagram after previously deactivating it, has followed some new people. He also seems to toggle his Instagram activity status on and off. I know none of this proves he is seeing someone, but combined with the reduced communication it has made me hyperaware. At the same time, he still continues texting me daily, has initiated conversations, came to see me last night, and previously explicitly denied wanting to explore other people.

What I am trying to understand is:

Does this look more like someone who has significant feelings but deactivates/gets overwhelmed, or someone whose interest has simply declined?

Does his behavior fit fearful-avoidant more than dismissive-avoidant, or am I using attachment theory to explain behavior that is really just disinterest? If it’s disinterest why didn’t he take the 3-4 outs I gave?

How should I interpret his response to my accusation about hooking up with other people?

Does the lack of an explicit denial seem meaningful, or could it reasonably be defensiveness because he already explained himself?

Based on the overall pattern, is there meaningful evidence that another woman is involved, or am I filling in uncertainty with the worst-case explanation?

If his mom’s medical situation is genuinely serious, how much weight should I give that when interpreting the dramatic change in his communication?

Most importantly, does this look like a connection that has some realistic chance of stabilizing if I give him time, or am I prolonging something that is fundamentally going to repeat the same cycle?

I’m not looking for “you deserve better” or generic advice to just leave. I’m specifically trying to understand the psychology and behavior as objectively as possible so I can make my own decision.

I also think it’s relevant that I’m probably a healing fearful-avoidant myself, but with him I tend to lean more anxious. I’ve done a lot of work on my own attachment patterns over the years, so I recognize a lot of the push-pull dynamics from the inside rather than only from theory. That’s part of why I feel like I understand him in some ways: I know what it’s like to want closeness and then feel overwhelmed by it, to have fear distort what you’re feeling, or to create distance when something suddenly feels too vulnerable or high-stakes. At the same time, because I’m more anxious with him, his withdrawal activates me hard and makes me seek clarity, reassurance, and explanations. So I’m aware that I may be both accurately recognizing some avoidant dynamics in him and becoming more hypervigilant because his distancing hits my own attachment system.

I’ve (28F) known this guy (26M) for about 3 years. We had a romantic/sexual connection in the past that ended badly. About 9 months ago, after a period where he had been fading, we had what felt like an amazing, intimate date, about a week later he ended things. We didn’t talk for roughly 9 months after that. Well just a few messages. I was broken…

About 2 months ago, he reached out, gave me his phone number for the first time, started texting me every day, initiated conversations constantly, made plans, and seemed very interested. Before a recent trip, he would text me throughout the day in every small opening he had. He wanted to see me, stayed up very late with me, was affectionate and was emotionally vulnerable. We had several intense conversations and eventually became physically intimate again.

The connection in person feels extremely intense. There’s prolonged eye contact, a lot of touching and affection, sexual chemistry, and a level of emotional closeness that does not feel casual. He’s also shared very personal things with me. Because of how he behaves when we’re together, I have a hard time reconciling that version of him with how distant he can become after.

Right before he left for the trip, there were small signs of him pulling back. One night he almost bailed on plans, but when I set a boundary, he immediately stepped up. After we spent that night together, I noticed little things that felt different, such as him not asking me to text when I got home. At first he was still texting normally while traveling. But after he met up with his friend, his communication changed. Replies became slower and low effort.

While he was away, I brought up feeling disconnected. He apologized and said he was barely using his phone etc. I later told him I missed him, which was vulnerable for me, and he responded quickly that he “missed seeing (me) too.” When he landed back home, he texted me literally as he landed.

After he returned, though, the pre-trip level of pursuit never came back. He was still contacting me, initiating good mornings, sending voice notes, and being warm, but the frequency, curiosity, planning, and intensity were significantly lower.

Around this same time, he told me his mom was dealing with a serious medical situation. He said it had been going on for several weeks and that she had been hospitalized. I believe that situation is real and genuinely stressful. The timing overlaps almost exactly with when his behavior started changing, so I think it is part of what is happening but I don’t think it explains everything

I directly asked him where he was emotionally because I felt confused. He said he sometimes gets confused about his own feelings, that his head is dealing with a lot, and that he needs time to process. I explicitly gave him an out and said that if he wanted to explore other people or needed space, I would respect it. He responded specifically that he did not want to explore anyone or anything like that and that he just needed time to process everything happening. He has continued talking to me since then.

My working theory has been that he may have a fearful-avoidant attachment pattern rather than simply losing interest. I’m not diagnosing him, but the pattern seems to be: he strongly pursues closeness, becomes very emotionally and physically connected, and then seems overwhelmed/confused and pulls back afterward. He also has some dismissive traits when he withdraws. I’m trying to figure out whether his “confusion” is genuinely about his feelings for me, or more about the pressure/responsibility/vulnerability of what those feelings would require from him

A couple days ago I finally told him more directly what I have been noticing. I told him that almost a month without seeing him sucked; that I wasn’t asking him to justify himself; that I felt something between us had shifted; and that every time we get very close and things feel really good, he seems to pull back afterward. I told him I didn’t know whether that was fear, overwhelm, confusion, or something else. I acknowledged his mom’s situation and said I wasn’t minimizing it. I told him that from my perspective it was disorienting because when we’re together the connection feels extremely real, and then he leaves and it feels like a wall goes up. I said I didn’t need an immediate answer but hoped he would actually reflect on what happens internally for him. I said I felt like I was almost imaging it.

The next morning he said he wasn’t sure what to say yet, apologized for making things confusing me, thanked me for being honest, and said he would try to explain and figure things out when he could.

Last night I spontaneously asked him to get ice cream. He came, and we ended up at his house. We were physically affectionate and almost had sex, but we didn’t.

Something happened there that has now seriously damaged my trust. He has black sheets, and I saw conspicuous white-looking stains that looked exactly like dried semen to me. I jokingly mentioned it and eventually told him what it looked like. He immediately explained that it was from. At first I thought the explanation was completely ridiculous and assumed he was lying.

After leaving, I started researching it obsessively and his explanation is no longer impossible to me. I also asked Reddit and got totally mixed answers: some people said his explanation was plausible and others said they thought it was semen. So the this did not give me certainty.

I left his house before we had sex. Before I left, I said I needed to get home so my dad could sleep and that maybe I’d come back. He said there was no way he was going to fall asleep and told me to text when I got home. I texted him after getting home and he didn’t respond. That made me even more suspicious because he had just said he wasn’t going to sleep.

I eventually sent him a message saying, essentially: I want to believe what you said tonight, but I’m having a hard time. I feel like you’re hooking up with people, and if that’s the case, okay. I just wanted honesty, and now I’m questioning things.

He later responded early morning: he fell asleep & “Fair enough, you have the right of thinking in what made sense for you. Hope you sleep well!” I was confused and he later clarified he’s not hooking up with others but if I didn’t believe him he didn’t know what to say. I’m not naive but I truly with my whole heart want to believe him but I’m struggling.

There is also a social-media layer that has been making me suspicious. He reactivated Instagram after previously deactivating it, has followed some new people. He also seems to toggle his Instagram activity status on and off. I know none of this proves he is seeing someone, but combined with the reduced communication it has made me hyperaware. At the same time, he still continues texting me daily, has initiated conversations, came to see me last night, and previously explicitly denied wanting to explore other people.

What I am trying to understand is:

Does this look more like someone who has significant feelings but deactivates/gets overwhelmed, or someone whose interest has simply declined?

Does his behavior fit fearful-avoidant more than dismissive-avoidant, or am I using attachment theory to explain behavior that is really just disinterest? If it’s disinterest why didn’t he take the 3-4 outs I gave?

How should I interpret his response to my accusation about hooking up with other people?

Does the lack of an explicit denial seem meaningful, or could it reasonably be defensiveness because he already explained himself?

Based on the overall pattern, is there meaningful evidence that another woman is involved, or am I filling in uncertainty with the worst-case explanation?

If his mom’s medical situation is genuinely serious, how much weight should I give that when interpreting the dramatic change in his communication?

Most importantly, does this look like a connection that has some realistic chance of stabilizing if I give him time, or am I prolonging something that is fundamentally going to repeat the same cycle?

I’m not looking for “you deserve better” or generic advice to just leave. I’m specifically trying to understand the psychology and behavior as objectively as possible so I can make my own decision

I also think it’s relevant that I’m probably a healing fearful-avoidant myself, but with him I tend to lean more anxious. I’ve done a lot of work on my own attachment patterns over the years, so I recognize a lot of the push-pull dynamics from the inside rather than only from theory. That’s part of why I feel like I understand him in some ways: I know what it’s like to want closeness and then feel overwhelmed by it, to have fear distort what you’re feeling, or to create distance when something suddenly feels too vulnerable or high-stakes. At the same time, because I’m more anxious with him, his withdrawal activates me hard and makes me seek clarity, reassurance, and explanations. So I’m aware that I may be both accurately recognizing some avoidant dynamics in him and becoming more hypervigilant because his distancing hits my own attachment system.

This is a very random question because I don’t have a cat but my boyfriend (25M) of 2 months does. I (27F) was out of town for a week and when I came back 3 days ago I went to hang out at his place. I noticed there was were some white stains on the sheets. I don’t want to think he cheated and I didn’t feel like he was lying but he said that the cat was playing with a toy on his bed that had some liquid. I didn’t want to question him too much and make him think I don’t trust him, after all we’ve only been together a short while. I did some research and found that there are some catnip sprays that have a milky residue rather than just an oily clear/yellowish color…. but not sure if there are toys with liquids like that whether it’s catnip sprays or something else…any people with cat that can provide some insight to someone who knows nothing about cats?

If you’re gonna just say he’s lying please don’t comment. I know full well that people try their best to protect themselves and that he could very well have cheated. I’m just looking to see if there’s any chance he was being honest.

This is a very random question because I don’t have a cat but my boyfriend of 2 months does. I was out of town for a week and when I came back 3 days ago I went to hang out at his place. I noticed there was were some white stains on the sheets. I don’t want to think he cheated and I didn’t feel like he was lying but he said that the cat was playing with a toy on his bed that had some liquid. I didn’t want to question him too much and make him think I don’t trust him, after all we’ve only been together a short while. I did some research and found that there are some catnip sprays that have a milky residue rather than just an oily clear/yellowish color…. but not sure if there are toys with liquids like that whether it’s catnip sprays or something else…

If you’re gonna just say he’s lying please don’t comment. I know full well that people try their best to protect themselves and that he could very well have cheated. I’m just looking to see if there’s any chance he was being honest.