u/ToughAd7477

Hey y’all, I’m in semester 3 out of 8 for my BSN program. Originally, my dream was to become a dentist, but I decided to go for nursing after I had my child and a few of my priorities changed. I felt that it was better to get through a quicker program which would give me more time back to soak in the moments during my child’s youth, would provide a good income and stability, and wouldn’t get me into any debt.

I’m in California, so with dental school, I was looking at about five years(preqreqs/DAT studying included), and a minimum of 500K debt, but likely even higher than that factoring in interest and cost of living.

I still feel like I made the right decision for my family, but emotionally I struggle every semester feeling like I am spending my time studying for a career im not passionate in. My plan is eventually to somehow rejoin my career in nursing with dentistry, either by becoming a CRNA and assisting in dental sedation procedures, or just going to dental school in a few years once my kid is older. At that point though, I’m not even sure if it would be worth it though because again of the crippling debt.

Lately, I’ve just been going through a lot of transitions, including moving, car troubles resulting in needing to buy a new car, and family issues, and I’m honestly just feeling really depressed right now about my career. Just looking for some encouragement, thanks🥹

Hey y’all, I’m in semester 3 out of 8 for my BSN program. Originally, my dream was to become a dentist, but I decided to go for nursing after I had my child and a few of my priorities changed. I felt that it was better to get through a quicker program which would give me more time back to soak in the moments during my child’s youth, would provide a good income and stability, and wouldn’t get me into any debt.

I’m in California, so with dental school, I was looking at about five years(preqreqs/DAT studying included), and a minimum of 500K debt, but likely even higher than that factoring in interest and cost of living.

I still feel like I made the right decision for my family, but emotionally I struggle every semester feeling like I am spending my time studying for a career im not passionate in. My plan is eventually to somehow rejoin my career in nursing with dentistry, either by becoming a CRNA and assisting in dental sedation procedures, or just going to dental school in a few years once my kid is older. At that point though, I’m not even sure if it would be worth it though because again of the crippling debt.

Lately, I’ve just been going through a lot of transitions, including moving, car troubles resulting in needing to buy a new car, and family issues, and I’m honestly just feeling really depressed right now about my career. Just looking for some encouragement, thanks🥹

TL;DR: Single mom (25F) considering moving out of my family home after a DV situation due to ongoing stress, lack of support, and household tension while working full time and attending nursing school. I found an affordable 2–3 bedroom apartment with mostly included utilities and strong financial stability, and I’m trying to decide if now is the right time to leave and whether the 2 or 3 bedroom makes more sense for me and my daughter.

I (25F) moved back into my parents’ house about a year and a half ago after a domestic violence incident with my child’s father. At the time, I had a newborn and really needed the support and stability. My parents and younger sister all live here as well.

Overall, I know my family loves my child and me, and I’m grateful they opened their home to us. But over time, the environment has become emotionally exhausting and full of tension, mostly surrounding household responsibilities and expectations.

I work full time remotely while raising my daughter and attending nursing school full time. During this same period, my elderly and declining grandmother also moved into the house, and we have two elderly incontinent dogs. Because I work from home, a lot of the day-to-day burden naturally fell onto me like helping with my grandmother, dealing with the dogs/messes, household cleaning, etc.
I tried to be understanding because I was grateful to be here, but I honestly became overwhelmed. I rarely asked for support unless I was truly at my breaking point, and even then, my requests for help were usually ignored. Even my father has felt so overwhelmed and disheartened by the lack of support that he has removed himself from the household and only visits a few times per week.

Recently we had a family discussion where I tried to express how difficult that time was for me and how unsupported I felt for months. Instead of any acknowledgment, accountability, or even basic empathy, everything got flipped back onto me by my mother and sister and I somehow became the problem for bringing it up. The most burdensome dog recently passed away, and my grandmother recently moved back to her own place, however tensions in house are still high, and it’s extremely disheartening to have been dismissed in a conversation where I was just trying to express myself.

There are also other issues contributing to how I feel:
-critical commentary regarding my personal life/relationships,
-feeling like there’s minimal support with my child despite living together while being expected to support them by stretching myself thin
-overall feeling emotionally unsupported and disrespected
-and very hurtful things being said that I’m apparently expected to just overlook.

What makes this harder is that I do want a relationship with my family long term, and I know they love my child. But I’m struggling with the dynamic of people wanting access to your child while simultaneously being dismissive and disrespectful toward you. Plus, the love towards my child and I comes across very conditional and at their convenience. I want to note that I understand that nobody is obligated to help me with my child, but again I feel so stretched thin by the expectations and simultaneous lack of support in all areas.

I recently found an affordable place for my daughter and me. Financially it would be tight, and I’m nervous about being fully on our own for the first time while still balancing work and nursing school. But part of me feels like the emotional peace and independence may outweigh the struggle.

Has anyone else moved out under similar circumstances? Did distance help improve family relationships eventually, or did you regret leaving the support system behind? Really nervous and looking for advice. Thank you.

2 vs 3 bedroom decision:
in the event I decide to move out, I’m also deciding between a 2-bedroom ($1647) and a 3-bedroom ($1970).The 2-bedroom is more affordable, but the 3-bedroom feels more functional for our lifestyle since I work from home and am in school. With the 3-bedroom, I could have a separate space for studying/work, child could have her own room, and we’d have better storage and less clutter in the living room living areas. I’m also concerned about the effects of downsizing from a lively and spacious household to a small apartment on my child and my indoor outdoor cat, so that’s another reason I’m considering the 3 bedroom. The apartment doesn’t come with much storage space or a washer or dryer so considering adding portable one to the 3rd bedroom and also using it as an overflow and storage type room. The 2-bedroom is more budget-friendly, but I worry it may feel cramped long-term given everything we do inside the home.

I make around $3500 and I have a pretty generous emergency fund saved already. I could afford to not work for the next 2 years and get through school if I wanted. However, I recently had car trouble pop up and may need to factor in car payments for a new car. The 3 bedroom + new car sounds like I could risk being really stressed financially. Additionally the cash was not initially intended for paying rent. I saved it to get me through school comfortably/down payment on a house in a few years/investments. Wondering if it would be better to save the funds or spend a more on an apartment I may be a bit more happy in.

So I have evidence of a DV incident/child abuse via a recording I took from a phone conversation while the other party was unaware. The other party was recounting on the incident and I have it on tape very clear. I discussed this with authorities and they said bc California is a 2 party consent state, I actually committed a misdemeanor and they wouldn’t be able to use that evidence in a criminal case.

This is very defeating as it’s my only evidence of the child abuse. I submitted the police report without that video, but wondering how accurate the officers statement was. Should I submit another report with the video? I understand it’s a misdemeanor, but could I just pay the $2500 fine and move on so they have the evidence? Or would that still not make a difference and they wouldn’t be able to use it?

Appreciate all answers, thanks.

Location: California

Situation: Father of child left mother and child to go live out of state when baby was a few months old. Father has not been back to visit child in person since-last time he saw her was a couple months past 1 year ago. We were never married but he is on birth certificate.

He has sent monthly financial support for about a year, using excuses due to disagreements or financial instability a few times. He makes FaceTime calls with her 1-3 times per month, and creating a consistent schedule has been a challenge due to his resistance. He initially demanded a schedule, I agreed, but he failed to provide one to me when I asked him to create one that fits his schedule within the child’s provided awake windows. After asking 3 times he finally provided one, saying I don’t initiate contact enough.

There were also 3 domestic violence related incidents, one involving child abuse, that all went undocumented until over a year after the incidents. I have no proof of injuries but a police report had been made for documentation. I do have evidence of him admitting to one incident over voice message and destroyed property. The reason the incidents went documented so long, particularly the incident involving child abuse, was because I was of afraid retaliation and mainly afraid of him still gaining custody of the child, and he was already of state and out of the picture directly following that incident. Terrible decision I know, and the reports hold no weight being so long ago with no injury evidence- but they’re on paper now.

He’s been very difficult to co parent with, even out of state. Cussing me out multiple times over text, calling me out of my name, changing and cancelling FaceTime schedules, and recently demanding fees for me to obtain his signature on legal documents need for our child. Truthfully I’ve been extremely pleasant and accommodating. Even with his behavior I’ve never stooped to his level or retaliated- I actually feel I’m allowing him to run all over me by accommodating all these schedule changes with his rude behavior.

With this pattern, if I file for sole legal and physical custody how likely would it be that I’m granted that? Thanks.

Situation: father of child left mother and child to go live out of state when baby was a few months old. Father has not been back to visit child in person since-last time he saw her was a couple months past 1 year ago. We were never married but he is on birth certificate.

He has sent monthly financial support for about a year, using excuses due to disagreements or financial instability a few times. He makes FaceTime calls with her 1-3 times per month, and creating a consistent schedule has been a challenge due to his resistance. He initially demanded a schedule, I agreed, but he failed to provide one to me when I asked him to create one that fits his schedule within the child’s provided awake windows. After asking 3 times he finally provided one, saying I don’t initiate contact enough.

There were also 3 domestic violence related incidents, one involving child abuse, that all went undocumented until over a year after the incidents. I have no proof of injuries but a police report had been made for documentation. I do have evidence of him admitting to one incident over voice message and destroyed property. The reason the incidents went documented so long, particularly the incident involving child abuse, was because I was of afraid retaliation and mainly afraid of him still gaining custody of the child, and he was already of state and out of the picture directly following that incident. Terrible decision I know, and the reports hold no weight being so long ago with no injury evidence- but they’re on paper now.

He’s been very difficult to co parent with, even out of state. Cussing me out multiple times over text, calling me out of my name, changing and cancelling FaceTime schedules, and recently demanding fees for me to obtain his signature on legal documents need for our child. Truthfully I’ve been extremely pleasant and accommodating. Even with his behavior I’ve never stooped to his level or retaliated- I actually feel I’m allowing him to run all over me by accommodating all these schedule changes with his rude behavior.

With this pattern, if I file for sole legal and physical custody how likely would it be that I’m granted that? Thanks.

Situation: father of child left mother and child to go live out of state when baby was a few months old. Father has not been back to visit child in person since-last time he saw her was a couple months past 1 year ago. We were never married but he is on birth certificate.

He has sent monthly financial support for about a year, using excuses due to disagreements or financial instability a few times. He makes FaceTime calls with her 1-3 times per month, and creating a consistent schedule has been a challenge due to his resistance. He initially demanded a schedule, I agreed, but he failed to provide one to me when I asked him to create one that fits his schedule within the child’s provided awake windows. After asking 3 times he finally provided one, saying I don’t initiate contact enough.

There were also 3 domestic violence related incidents, one involving child abuse, that all went undocumented until over a year after the incidents. I have no proof of injuries but a police report had been made for documentation. I do have evidence of him admitting to one incident over voice message and destroyed property. The reason the incidents went documented so long, particularly the incident involving child abuse, was because I was of afraid retaliation and mainly afraid of him still gaining custody of the child, and he was already of state and out of the picture directly following that incident. Terrible decision I know, and the reports hold no weight being so long ago with no injury evidence- but they’re on paper now.

He’s been very difficult to co parent with, even out of state. Cussing me out multiple times over text, calling me out of my name, changing and cancelling FaceTime schedules, and recently demanding fees for me to obtain his signature on legal documents need for our child. Truthfully I’ve been extremely pleasant and accommodating. Even with his behavior I’ve never stooped to his level or retaliated- I actually feel I’m allowing him to run all over me by accommodating all these schedule changes with his rude behavior.

With this pattern, if I file for sole legal and physical custody how likely would it be that I’m granted that? Thanks.

I live in California and share a child with the father who is listed on the birth certificate. He currently resides in Florida and is minimally involved in our child's life. Recently, he's refusing to cooperate with signing the paperwork needed for our child's passport, despite my efforts to make the process easy and all expenses covered. He's demanding $50 for his time to get the passport form notarized.

Due to his continued control issues and inconsistent involvement, I'm preparing to pursue sole legal and physical custody. Our child currently lives with me full-time, and there is no existing custody agreement.

A year ago, I experienced domestic violence involving him, during which I was physically beaten while holding my child. I have an audiotape where he admits to the incident, reflecting on the fear in our daughter’s eyes. While there were no direct witnesses, I have evidence of my destroyed phone from that day and family members who saw my injuries afterward. I didn’t file a report at the time due to fear of him possibly gaining custody(knowing California is usually 50/50 even in DV/abuse cases).

In addition to custody, I would like to understand what I can expect after filing these police reports. Given that he is located in Florida, will there be a warrant for his arrest? Will this escalate to a court case or remain as a report initially?

I would appreciate guidance on how to proceed with filing for custody and addressing these past incidents legally.

Location: Sacramento, CA

I put this off for a long time because I was afraid of the legal consequences of starting a custody battle, and the father is out of state(Florida)and mainly out of the picture, but I’ve reached the point where I need to take this seriously.

The father of my child is currently refusing to cooperate with signing the paperwork needed for our child’s passport. He is minimally involved(inconsistently reaches out 1-3 x/month, inconsistently sends money), yet he is demanding that I pay him $50 for his time to get the passport form notarized— even though I agreed to prepare all of the documents, provide stamped envelopes, give step-by-step instructions, schedule the notary appointment, and paid the notary fee myself. This is a control issue that will only continue to escalate. Because of that, I am now preparing to pursue sole legal and physical custody.

I am planning to start by filing a police report for a domestic violence incident that happened about a year ago involving the father of my child. During that incident, I was assaulted, and at one point I was holding our child while it happened. I also have an audio recording of him verbally admitting to it, along with additional threats of future violence that I intend to report. I am also considering filing for a restraining order.

My main questions are:

-What usually happens after filing a domestic violence police report in this type of situation?

-Since he now lives in another state(Florida), could this lead to a warrant for his arrest?

-Does this usually remain a report at first, or can it quickly turn into family court/custody proceedings?

-Should I expect immediate legal action or a court date once these reports are filed?

I am trying to understand what to realistically expect before moving forward. Also, if anyone has recommendations for strong child custody attorneys in the Sacramento area who handle domestic violence cases, geared towards mothers/women I would truly appreciate it.

Looking for recommendations for a family law attorney in the Sacramento area who will strongly advocate for a mother’s rights in a domestic violence-related custody case.

I am seeking full legal custody, sole physical custody, and a no-contact order, so I need someone who is experienced in handling high-conflict cases and has a proven track record of protecting mothers and children. There was no marriage, so divorce proceedings are not a factor.

Cost is a factor, so I am hoping to keep fees as reasonable and predictable as possible, but I am willing to invest in the right attorney if they are truly effective. If anyone knows of attorneys who offer flat-fee arrangements or more controlled billing structures, I would especially appreciate those recommendations.

Thank you.

Hello, I will be filing a form DS-5525 for my child. The father is out of state and is able to be contacted, however, he is demanding absurd “service fees” up to $50 just for him going to get the paper notarized, and that’s with me mailing him envelopes, stamps, the paperwork, direction, scheduling a notary appointment for him, doing all the legwork. I’m deciding not to give in to this because it’s only going to escalate to him demanding a “service fee@ for every legal document that needs to be signed in the future, which will be a lot when it comes to school, medical documents, etc.

I will be sending proof of his responses and demands in with my form DS-5525. What are the chances of this getting approved? Are there any tips that will make this more likely to get approved?

Note: I will be submitting police reports of domestic violence and physical threats, and filing a restraining order against him, so when I have those I can submit that proof with the passport form as well.

It’s my baby’s second week of daycare, her sixth day. She is 19 months and understand that this transition is going to be difficult, but she’s crying hard for 30 minutes plus at times. How long should the daycare let her cry before picking her up? If it’s too difficult for her, I’ll just have to figure something else out, but if she is this much in distress, I don’t know if it’s worth it. It seems like there is no standardization in the amount of time that a child should be let to cry before parents are contacted. What si your recommendation?

It’s my baby’s second week of daycare, her sixth day. She is 19 months and understand that this transition is going to be difficult, but even with comforting she’s crying hard for 30 minutes plus at times. I’ve already had to pick her up twice for crying an hour nonstop, shaking, just doing really poorly.

How long should the daycare let her cry before picking her up? If she is this much in distress, I don’t know if it’s worth it. It seems like there is no standardization in the amount of time that a child should be allowed to cry before parents are contacted. What is your recommendation?

Hi everyone,

This might be a simple question, but I wanted to get some input before I respond to my child’s father.

I’m applying for a U.S. passport for my child and need to have Form DS-3053 completed (Statement of Consent for a Minor). The other parent is willing to sign, but is saying I should pay for the notary fee and a “service fee” for them completing/signing the form. I don’t have an issue with the idea of paying the notary fee since I’m requesting, however, I think adding on the service fee for a normal parental responsibility is ridiculous and he’s just trying to make my life more difficult.

From what I’ve looked up, a notary fee is usually pretty small (around $10–$20 depending on location).

For context:

- I am the parent initiating the passport application for an international trip

- The other parent is not consistently involved day-to-day, located in another state

My questions:

1. Is it typical for the requesting parent (me) to cover the notary fee, or does the signing parent usually handle it since it’s their signature?
2. Has anyone dealt with a situation where the other parent tried to add extra fees beyond the notary itself?
3. What is generally considered standard or reasonable here?

Just trying to get an idea of what is normal before I respond. Thanks in advance.

Edit: I offered to send him the documents, instructions, an envelope, a stamp, and pay the notary fee directly in advance to absorb all costs associated with this. He responded with this message:

Hello,

The mailing address is as follows:

Xxx

For notary services, the area code I typically use is 342xx. If you prefer to handle the research for a notary yourself, you are welcome to do so. Otherwise, I can assist with locating a notary for a research fee of $15.

Additionally, there will be a $35 processing fee to cover my time and travel expenses. These fees will be added to the total cost, along with the notary fee and mailing expenses, once finalized.

Please let me know how you would like to proceed.

Thank you and have a great day.

Warm regards,

Xxx

Wtf 🤣🤣 I am honestly speechless at how minuscule his brain is! How do you even respond to this?